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    This Troll Should Have Stuck At Home

    | Ohio, USA | Bigotry, Bizarre, Hotels & Lodging, Top

    (There is a large anime convention at our hotel. During these conventions, many guests dress up as their favorite characters. Some even go all-out and will wear body paint or mascot suits, carry fake weapons, etc. Even during these conventions, non-convention goers stay in the hotel. I am working the front desk and am approached by a very angry guest.)

    Me: “How may I help you today?”

    Guest: “Kick these d***ed freaks out of this hotel! They’re disturbing my children!”

    Me: “I’m very sorry, ma’am. The event is already going on, and all of these people have paid to attend.”

    Guest: “They’re disturbing my children! They have weapons! They’re dangerous freaks!”

    Me: “We wouldn’t allow real weapons on the convention floor. All weapons have been checked, and all of them are props. I can assure you that no one here will harm your children with their weapons.”

    Guest: “You’re lying! You’re just covering up for this… cult! It’s a cult of dangerous freaks with weapons!”

    Me: “Ma’am, there is no cult activity.”

    Guest: “If it’s not a cult, then why are they painted grey? And why are they wearing devil horns? They’re the headmasters of the cult!” *motions to a nearby group in costume*

    Me: “They’re in costumes. This is an anime convention. Many people dress up in costumes. That group is dressed up as characters from [popular webcomic]. They’re not a cult.”

    Guest: “You’re lying! They’re a devil-worshipping cult! They’re going to wait until midnight, then sacrifice all the virgins to Satan!”

    Me: “Actually, the only thing happening at midnight tonight is the convention’s dance.”

    Guest: “A dance with the devil! You even admitted it! They’re a cult of devil-worshippers!”

    Me: “I never said that.”

    Guest: “And them, over there! In the animal costumes!” *motions to a group of people in mascot suits* “They’re going to perform strange sex acts on innocent people at the cult meeting tonight! How dare you let this happen?!”

    Me: “Ma’am, if you would listen to me—”

    (There is now a long line of people waiting to be helped behind her, most of whom look upset with the way this guest is talking.)

    Guest: *turns around to the people in line* “Don’t check into this hotel! They let crazy cults of devil-worshippers bring weapons in to sacrifice virgins and then have sex!” *runs off*

    Next Guest in line: “…Heh. Normal people are funny. Can I please have some extra towels?”

    A Good Ol’ Fashioned A** Whoopin’, Part 2

    | Turin, Italy | Awesome Customers, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (I’m a customer at a local restaurant. It’s 7:30 pm, so most of the customers haven’t arrived yet and the place is pretty quiet. All of a sudden, a middle-aged customer starts shouting randomly and making obscene gestures to people. A waitress tries to calm him down, but he just doesn’t listen. This goes on for a while, until the same waitress approaches an elderly couple with their dinner.)

    Elderly Wife: “Thank you, dear. Is there any way to make that horrible man stop yelling?”

    Waitress: “I am sorry, ma’am. He keeps ignoring us.”

    Elderly Husband: “He’s just a little kid hoping for attention. Kick him out.”

    Waitress: “I am terribly sorry, but it is our policy not to kick customers unless they are posing a threat to someone. We can not even touch him.”

    Elderly Husband: “Well, that doesn’t apply to me, does it?”

    (With that, the elderly husband stands up, reaches the middle-aged customer and grabs him by an ear. He then drags him on the floor and out of the restaurant, eventually kicking him in the butt. When he comes back to his table, he hands the waitress 40 euros.)

    Elderly Husband: “For the glass he broke on his way out. Bad kids always need a good kick in the butt!”

    Related:
    A Good Ol’ Fashioned A** Whoopin’

    Just Plain Nuts

    | Panama City Beach, FL, USA | Food & Drink, Health & Body, Top

    Customer: “So, does the Rocky Road have peanuts in it? I’m allergic to peanuts.”

    Me: “I’m afraid it does, sir. I’d recommend the Cookie Dough; it’s very good.”

    Customer: “No, no, I’ve had that before. Thanks for telling me about the Rocky Road though. Allergies, you know?”

    Me: “Yes, sir, my friend is very allergic to peanuts, too.”

    Customer: “You’re such a nice girl. All right, I think I’ll have vanilla with the peanut butter candy on top.”

    Me: “Sir? Um… the candy has p—”

    Customer: “Look, kiddo, you were a big help but gimme my darn ice cream, okay? I’m in a bit of a hurry!”

    Me: “Sir, you just told me you had a peanut allergy. I can’t in good conscience give you that topping.”

    Customer: “You’re a teenager. You don’t have a conscience! You’re probably waiting for your boyfriend to show up so you can have sex and do drugs!”

    Me: *dumbstruck*

    Other Customer: “Hey, jerkface, she’s trying to tell you that the candy has peanuts in it! For not having a conscience, she’s being pretty nice about keeping you out of the hospital!”

    Customer: *leaves in a huff*

    Other Customer: “I’m not allergic to peanuts or delusional. One Rocky Road!”

    Your Bigotry Is Kilting Me

    | Portland, OR, USA | Bigotry, Top

    (I’m working at the entrance of a local heritage fair when a white pickup truck pulls up. The driver, a large middle-aged man, gets out and stomps towards my desk.)

    Customer: *slams his hands on the table* “What the f*** do you Mexicans think you’re doing?”

    Me: *confused* “Sir, we—”

    Customer: “Look, I don’t want you d*** w******* here in the first place. I want you all back over the border where you belong!”

    Me: “Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to leave. You’re being very offensive, and this is—”

    Customer: “But if you’re going to come to my godd*** country, you’re going to act like real Americans and not fly those f***ing Mexican flags and speak that s***-eating language, and you aren’t gonna celebrate being a bunch of f***ing foreigners!”

    Me: “Security to entrance!”

    Customer: *jumps back into his car and starts driving off* “Go back to Mexico!”

    (The racist driver never returned. The heritage event in question, by the way, was the Scottish Highland Games.)

    We’ll Make You As Right As Rain

    | Florida, USA | Food & Drink, Top

    (It’s a Friday night after the evening rush. It’s pouring rain, and generally people are more irritable if they have to be in the rain after a long day at work. Such is the case with this customer.)

    Customer: *walks in* “Evenin’.”

    Me: “Hi, welcome to [shop name]. Did you already have an order with us?”

    Customer: “No. Do you have a menu I can look at?”

    Me: “Yes, I have one right here.”

    (I hand her a take-home menu, but there is a large board menu above me that’s pretty obvious.)

    Customer: “Oh, I guess I could’ve just looked up there, huh.”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

    Customer: *frowning* “Agreeing with me makes you sound like you’re making fun of me.”

    Me: “I would never. I value your service with us.”

    Customer: “As you should.”

    (15 minutes later…)

    Customer: “Is my pizza done yet?”

    Me: “It should be done any second now.”

    Customer: “Why does it take so long? I could’ve just gone to [competitor shop name] and been home with a pizza by now.”

    Me: “Well, we cook everything to order to ensure your food is always fresh.”

    Customer: “Well, you haven’t done anything except fold pizza boxes. I could’ve done that for you, and you could’ve gone to make my pizza and have it to me quicker.”

    Me: “There’s already a staff on the food line right now. Adding me back there wouldn’t help at all.”

    (She picks up an unfolded pizza box and examines it.)

    Customer: “Well, this is certainly too easy of a job. I could do it blindfolded!”

    (The customer struggles with folding box, and finally gets the box folded after five minutes of toying with it. In that same time, I’ve already made a stack and am working on another set.)

    Customer: “See? Too easy.”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, let’s have us a challenge. I get an employee discount to use every week, and I haven’t used it yet. If you can fold an 18-set stack faster than me, I’ll add that discount to your order.”

    Customer: “You’re on!”

    (The customer’s food comes out. She finishes her stack, but long after I’ve completed mine. She picks up her food and begins walking to the door.)

    Customer: “So much for my discount, but thank you for entertaining me. I had a pretty s***y day today, and you cheered me up, AND the rain has stopped. You’ve earned the shop a regular customer!”

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