November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Category: Top

50 Clichés Of Grey

| Darlington, UK | Crazy Requests, Top

Customer: “I want this book banned! It’s offensive and crude!” *slams a copy of 50 Shades of Grey onto the counter*

Employee: “I’m sorry you find it smutty sir, but—”

Customer: “Oh, I don’t have a problem with that. It’s just poorly written.”

Employee: “Fair enough, I suppose. You do realise that we can’t just ban books for that?”

Customer: *grins sheepishly* “I know, but it was worth a try.”

Some People Just Need To Stay Silent

| Phoenix, AZ, USA | Bigotry, Top

(I am participating in the Day Of Silence and my boss, being understanding because her brother is gay and was assaulted for it a year ago, has let me wear my DOS pin while on my shift. He’s put me on restock and check-in duty so I don’t have to handle customers. A few customers have noticed my pin and were understanding and even supportive, but not this next customer…)

Customer: *walks over to me, passing up three other employees*” Excuse me, I have a question.”

(I shrug in apology and show her my pin.)

Coworker: “Ma’am, she’s not on register duty today for personal reasons, but I can help you.”

Customer: “No! I asked her to help me, so she has to do what I say!” *to me* “Why the h*** aren’t you doing your job? Sitting back here all day, twiddling your thumbs while your coworkers do all the work… you’re a lazy b****! You should be fired!”

Me: *completely shocked*

Boss: “Excuse ME, ma’am, but she is doing her job. You’re going to stop harassing my employees now or I will have to ask you to leave.”

Customer: “But she’s not even answering questions! She’s just sitting there not helping anyone!”

Boss: “I have her on non-interactive duty today because she’s taking part in the Day of Silence in support of the LGBT community.”

Customer: *aghast* “You let your employees support f*****s?! What the h*** is wrong with you?! People like that are evil sinners that should be shot in the street! They don’t even have rights anyway!”

Boss: “And that’s what the Day of Silence commemorates: gays that have been bullied and killed by hateful and ignorant people like you. You can leave my store now and don’t come back.”

Customer: “Oh my God! You’re all soulless queers! I’m getting out of here before I catch your gay curse and burn in H***!” *practically runs out of the store*

Papering Things Into Perspective

| Oklahoma, USA | Top

Customer #1: “I need a receipt for Pump 5.”

My Coworker: “Sure, here you go, sir. Is there anything else I can get for you?”

Customer #1: “Yeah, you need to keep your pumps full of paper! The whole reason I use my credit card is so I don’t have to walk inside for a receipt!”

Coworker: “Sorry, sir. I’ll get another roll of paper out there as soon as I can.”

Customer #1: “Well, you need to just make sure the roll doesn’t run out!”

(Suddenly, another customer speaks up.)

Customer #2: “Yeah, I bet he intentionally let that pump run out of paper just to ruin your day. That’s what I’d do if I had to put up with idiots all day.”

(Customer #1 grabs his receipt and leaves angrily. A cop who has also been waiting in line also chimes in.)

Cop: “Man, I wish the worst thing I had to worry about was a gas pump running out of receipt paper…”

Your Argument Doesn’t Hold Water, Part 2

| Orlando, FL, USA | Family & Kids, Top

(I work in the gift shop of one of the most popular rides in the park. This ride has a height requirement as part of its safety regulations. It’s a water ride, not a roller coaster, so there is some wiggle room. NOTE: Merchandise/Gift Shops and Ride Operations are two completely separate areas; Merchandise people have no way to influence how Operations people do their stuff, and vice versa. A guest comes in and starts complaining to me about the height-checker.)

Guest: “Hey, so that guy at the ride entrance won’t let my kids on. He said they were too short. We have annual passes and they’ve ridden this ride dozens of times. You need to fix this.”

Me: “I am very sorry, ma’am, but unfortunately Merchandise can not influence Ride Operations. Sometimes, if they wear thicker shoes and look taller they get let on, so maybe that was what got your kids on before.”

(She has actually been pretty calm up until this point. Mad, but calm. Not anymore…)

Guest: “This is BULLS***! It’s because my kids are mixed, right? He let these two little white girls on, and they were shorter than my boys!”

Me: *stunned* “Um, I don’t know anything about that, ma’am. I can get my supervisor for you if you’d like?”

Guest: “Yes, please do that! Maybe s*** will get done in this place!”

(I quickly run to the back of the store and find my supervisor.)

Me: “Hey, uh… you need to come out here.”

Supervisor: “What’s wrong?”

Me: “There’s this lady complaining the height-checker won’t let her kids on the ride, and she says she thinks its because her kids are mixed.”

Supervisor: “Okay, I’ll see if I can deal with what’s going on. Good job.”

(My supervisor heads out to deal with the guest, and I follow.)

Supervisor: “Hello, ma’am, I am the supervisor for this store. How can I help you?”

Guest: “Yeah! That racist dumba** at the front of the ride won’t let my kids on! He say’s they’re too short, but he let these little white girls and they were shorter than my kids!”

Supervisor: “Okay, ma’am… unfortunately, Merchandise doesn’t have any say in how Ride Operations works. What I can do is try to get a hold of the manager for the ride, and then we can work this out with the employee in question. Is that alright?”

Guest: “Fine, I guess. I’ll take that bastard to court if I have to!”

Supervisor: “Hopefully it won’t come to that. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I will be right back with the ride manager.”

(My supervisor leaves to go find the ride’s manager. He’s gone for about ten minutes before these two boys come running up, soaking wet, and start yelling excitedly at the guest. An African-American guy also shows up, also soaking wet. They have obviously just just gotten off the ride. From what they’re saying to each other, it’s clear this is her family.)

Guest: “What the h***? Why are you all so wet?”

Guest’s Husband: “We got splashed by the cannons at the end of the ride.”

Guest: “What?! That racist bastard at the front wouldn’t let the boys get on! Said they were too short! But he let those white girls on, and they were shorter!”

Guest’s Son: “No, mom, he said we were too little to go on alone. Since you didn’t want to go with us, we went and found dad by the roller coaster.”

(By now, my supervisor has returned with the ride manager.)

Ride Manager: “Hello, ma’am, I am the manager of this ride. I heard that you were having a problem with one of my employees. Can you elaborate?”

Guest: *turns bright red, stays completely silent, and leaves with her family*

Your Argument Doesn’t Hold Water

A Beautiful Soul

| NH, USA | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Top

(There’s a photo up on the wall of the studio that has a coworker, a former coworker, and myself in it. People unfortunately usually comment on the former coworker’s appearance. A family comes in with four girls; the second oldest is about 15 and looks at the photo.)

15-year-old Girl: “Oh, she’s really ugly. Look at this ugly girl!”

Mother: “Don’t say things like that out loud.”

15-year-old Girl: “But she’s so ugly!” *turns to her five-year-old sister* “She’s ugly, isn’t she? See how ugly she is!”

Little Sister: “Um, I think ALL these girls are pretty!” *smiles and walks away*

(She made my day!)