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    That Almost Became A Four-Finger Discount

    | Florida, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (I’m working the checkout during one of our biggest sales events. Despite the long line of customers, everyone seems to be happy and everything is going well. Then, a woman with a rather sour look on her face flings her items onto my counter.)

    Customer: “I can’t believe how rude you are. How DARE they hire you for a customer service position!”

    Me: *startled* “I’m sorry, ma’am, but what exactly is it that I did?”

    Customer: “The man you just checked out cut the entire line! I’ve been waiting patiently in your f***ing for over five minutes and you decide to help the a**hole who doesn’t want to wait like the rest of us!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I agree that it was rude of him, but I didn’t realize that he cut in front of you as well as everyone else.”

    (Despite my apologies, she continues to scold me loud enough that my manager hears, walks over, and stands behind her. I’m placing her cash in the register when suddenly she lunges over the counter and reaches for the cash drawer. I quickly slam the door shut, accidentally pinching her fingers in the process. She yelps as she’s holding onto her hand, screaming for a manager.)

    Manager: “Yes, I’m the manager. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, you can fire that b**** of an employee you have there. She has been nothing but rude to me since I got here, and she just now assaulted me! I also demand that she apologize to me!”

    Manager: “Well, yes, I do agree that an apology is in order. Ma’am, I am sorry that you hurt yourself while attempting to steal the money from her cash drawer. ”

    Customer: “Excuse me?!”

    Manager: “With all due respect, ma’am, not only was I standing behind you when it happened, I also have you on camera reaching over and trying to steal money from the cash register, so there is no use denying it. So, before I escort you to my office and call the police, I’d honestly like to know why you tried to take money out of the cash register.”

    Customer: “Well, with everything that’s happened here today, I felt that I should be compensated. I figured I should get my stuff for free, as well as a little extra back for my troubles!”

    He’s A Hair Too Sensitive

    | USA | Family & Kids, Top

    (I am picking up my 4-year-old cousin from daycare. I see a man dragging his daughter behind him; he walks straight to an employee.)

    Father: “I demand to know who was with my daughter earlier!”

    Employee: “Sir, what is the problem?”

    Daughter: “Daddy, nothing was wrong. She just didn’t know.”

    Father: “No! That lady was rude.”

    Employee: “Sir? What lady?”

    Father: “My daughter drew a picture of her family, wrote ‘dad’ above a long haired figure and ‘mom’ above a short haired figure. And that rude lady said she must have it backwards.”

    Employee: “Oh, that. It was just a plain misunderstanding. Pamela saw it and went, ‘Did you write mom and dad on the wrong people?’ Your daughter explained that you did have long hair and mom had short hair. And she was like, ‘Oh,’ but she wasn’t in any way rude.”

    Father: “That’s IT! Your employee assumed that was an error. What is the matter with long haired men and short haired women?”

    Employee: “Sir, nothing is wrong. It was simply a misunderstanding and Pamela meant no harm by it. I can ask her to come out here right now.”

    Father: “Forget it! We’re leaving and not ever coming back. Let’s go!”

    Daughter: “Daddy, you’re being rude!” *to employee* “Sorry!”

    Lightening In A Bottle

    | Maryland, USA | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Top

    (The wine store I work at has a fully functional bar. On this particular night, the store is very busy as we are having a wine tasting that is open to the public. This day also happens to be the one before my birthday. I am mixing a drink for a well-to-do regular customer).

    Customer: “So, how have you been lately?”

    Me: “Pretty good.”

    Customer: “What time will you be in tomorrow?”

    Me: “I actually have the day off. It is my birthday.”

    Customer: “Oh, is it? Did [owner] get you anything nice?”

    Me: “I doubt it.”

    Customer: “Well, that is too bad. Hey, could you help me find a good Portuguese wine?”

    (For the next ten minutes, I show him red blends, Riojas, and other wonderful Portuguese wines.)

    Customer: “If you could get any of these, which would you get?”

    Me: “Well, that depends. Most of these are out of my price range, but this $10.99 bottle would be great.”

    Customer: “But I want the best one that is over here, regardless of price.”

    (I show him a really good one that is $60 a bottle.)

    Customer: “I want this one. Can I buy it, set it on the counter, and enjoy some more drinks at the bar?”

    Me: “Absolutely!”

    (The customer stays for a few more hours talking to me about the college I had went to, and jobs I am interested in. About an hour before closing, he says it is time to go, and heads to the counter where his purchases are still sitting. I proceed to clean up the bar as he approaches me.)

    Customer: “I thought it a shame that a person as friendly and knowledgable as you didn’t get a birthday gift after working here for years. This is yours.”

    (He hands me a wrapped bag, and when I unwrap it, it is the expensive wine I had recommended. As I look up to thank him, he is already out the door, but he gives me a wave and a large smile. It is people like that who make working a minimum wage job worth it!)

    That’s The Way He Bypassed The Brady Punch

    | Brampton, ON, Canada | Rude & Risque, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (I’m out for the evening with my younger sister. We’re just having a few drinks at a bar that’s close by. I’m 6’2″, 275 lbs, and my sister is 5’9, 180 lbs.)

    Drunk Guy: *to my sister* “You know you’ve got really nice tits. You know that, right?”

    Me: “Excuse you?”

    Drunk Guy: “No, really! She’s got a fantastic rack!”

    Me: “Buddy, back off. Go bother someone else.”

    Drunk Guy: “What’re you going to do about it? What are you, her boyfriend or some s*** like that?”

    (At this point, a bouncer walks up behind him. He knows our family as patrons of this bar.)

    Bouncer: *to the drunk guy* “First of all, I’m going to eject you from this place, by your will or otherwise. Secondly, I’m going to let this big guy here beat the snot out of you and that’s AFTER his sister kicks your A**, and I’m more scared of her than I am of him. Thirdly, that big guy right there is one of the most scary people that I’ve ever met, especially when protecting family.”

    Drunk Guy: *nods very quickly and shuffles out of the bar*

    Me: “Thanks.”

    Bouncer: “Nobody messes with this MOTHERF***ING family!” *walks off*

    From The Odd Couple To The Applauded Couple

    | Canberra, Australia | Bigotry, Top

    (I am working the day shift at our grocery store. I’m almost always working with the same two coworkers: Coworker #2 is a great, if manically excitable actor, while Coworker #1 is a very flamboyant gay who usually styles up his uniform. The customers love them, since they’re best friends and spend most of their time bantering back and forth like an odd couple. On this day, a man and a woman, both clearly tourists, walk over to the counter.)

    Man: *to Coworker #1* “Hey there! We were just wondering if you keep any good brandy in stock?”

    Coworker #1: “You are in luck, sir! What takes your fancy?”

    (From the moment he speaks, the man’s face goes from a friendly smile, to a grimace, to a particularly vicious glare.)

    Man: “OH. MY. GOD!”

    Coworker #1: *concerned* “What’s the matter, sir?”

    Man: “Are you a f**?! Oh my God, they’ve got a f** working the counter!”

    Woman: “You should be ashamed of yourself! There are children here!”

    (I won’t write out in full what they said, but the man and woman start screaming expletives at him, and accuse him of everything from raising the prices to poisoning the cigars. It’s all very bigoted and disgusting, and the other customers present are horrified while Coworker #1 is almost in tears. Suddenly, Coworker #2, who has just come out of the back, hears this and pushes through the crowd.)

    Coworker #2: “Excuse me, folks?”

    Woman: “Oh finally, a God-fearing man! Can you please get that f** out of our sight?!”

    (Coworker #2 is straight, but he pushes the man aside and grabs Coworker #1 in a tender embrace.)

    Coworker #2: “Actually, I was going to ask you to get out. But when in Canberra…”

    (In front of the whole store, Coworker #2 sweeps Coworker #1 into an overly dramatic, passionate kiss right on the lips. In abject terror, the couple flees the store. The other customers in the store break out in applause.)

    Man: “This is DISGUSTING!” *flees out of the store with his wife*

    Coworker #1: *breaks out into a huge grin* “Speak for yourself!”

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