Tech Support | Tel Aviv, Israel
Me: “Internet helpdesk, how can I help you?”
Customer: “I can’t connect to the internet.”
Me: “How long has it been since you last connected?”
Customer: “I was connected until a few minutes ago.”
Me: “Have you changed anything in your network?”
Customer: “Well, I was downloading some movies over the net, but the download got too slow. I called a friend of mine and he told me that some movies could’ve gotten stuck in the cable. So I cut the cable to see if I could yank it out of there. I didn’t find anything, so I taped the cable back together. Now, can you get it back to work?”
Me: *grimace*
Ice Cream Shop | Florida, USA
Customer: “Oh, and could I also get a glass of milk?”
Me: “I’m sorry, but we don’t sell milk.”
Customer: “Why not?”
Me: “Well, let’s see, I could make up a reason involving the phrase ‘health codes,’ I could act dumb and just get the manager, or I could just be a total jerk about it, but at the end of the day, you’re still not gonna get a glass of milk, so how about we just skip that whole thing?”
Customer: “…okay.”
Sandwich Shop | Edmonton, Alberta, Canada
Customer: “I’d like pineapple on my sub.”
Me: “I’m sorry, we don’t have pineapple. Only Mr. Sub has pineapple.”
Customer: “Yes you do! I always get pineapple here!”
Me: “I’ve worked here for quite a while, and we’ve never had it. Sorry!”
Customer: “Excuse me, the customer is always right! You can’t argue with me!”
Me: “Um…”
Customer speaks to my manager: “Excuse me, your employee is arguing with me! What are you going to do about it?”
Manager: “Don’t be so stupid! Get out of my store!”
Construction | USA
(While installing a street light pole)
Lady: “Is this going to take long?”
Me: “Ma’am, I need to you step back.”
Lady: “But is this going to take long? I need to get to my car.”
Me: “Ma’am… I need to you step back.”
Lady: “Is there someone else I can talk to?”
Me: “Ma’am… you have a 1 ton concrete pole directly over your head. If it drops, you are going to die. I need you to please step back.”
Lady: “Ok… but can I get to my car?”
Me: (I yell to my job foreman) “…Hillbilly!”
Hillbilly: “GET THE F*** OUT!”
Lady: “I never met anyone so rude.”
Source
Movie Theater Concessions | UK
Customer: “So you’re sure you don’t have any small hot dogs?”
Employee: “Yes.”
Customer: (Points to hot dog grill further down the counter) “Well what about those ones over there then??”
Employee: “No, they’re just further away.”
Computer Lab | USA
Woman 1: “What is that little trash can on the screen?”
Woman 2: “My son says that is called the ‘recycle bin’. He tells me when I don’t want a Word document anymore and I delete it, it really goes in there.”
Woman 1: “Why in the recycle thingy? Can’t you just erase it?”
Woman 2: “Oh no, Word wouldn’t work for very long if I did that, I would run out of blank pages.”
Woman 1: “Why?”
Woman 2: “Because it cleans the words off the pages, then sends the blank sheets back to Word so they can be used again. That’s why it’s called the recycle bin.”
Source
Sandwich Shop | Milwaukee, WI, USA
Me: “Hello, welcome to ***, what kind of sandwich can I get for you?”
Customer: “Uhh… I’ll get a Club.”
Me: “Would you like a 6 inch or a footlong?”
Customer: “I don’t know, how long is a footlong?”
Me: “It’s a FOOT LONG.”
Call Center | Washington, USA
Customer: “Hi, I have a Mercedes. How do I adjust my rear view mirror?”
Me: (Wasn’t sure if she was serious) “Well, you must manually adjust your rear view mirror.”
Customer: “What do you mean?”
Me: “Umm…take your hand and move the mirror so you can see.”
Computer Lab | Texas, USA
Customer 1: “… ah, okay. Thanks for your help.”
Me: “That’s what I’m here for.”
Customer 2: “I need help…”
Me: “… and that is how it’s done.”
Customer 2: “That was simple. You made me feel dumb.”
Me: “That’s what I’m here… I mean…” (I didn’t know what to say from there)
Retail | San Francisco, CA, USA
(We close at 7:00 PM every Sunday; a couple was still shopping in my department at 7:13pm and we already gotten a call from security to tell them pretty much to get out)
Me: “Ma’am, just to let you know we’re already closed. If you need to buy something please bring it to the counter now.”
Customer: “Closed? what time do you guys close? It’s only 7:13!”
Me: “We closed at 7:00.”
Customer: “Honey, hurry up. They’re about to close. Who’s ever heard of a store that closes at 7:13pm, thats just so weird!”
Me: “Ma’am, we closed 13 minutes ago; we’ve been closing at 7:00 for at least the past 6 years I’ve been here, and there’s nothing weird about that.”
Customer: “Well I just thought that it would make more sense if you guys closed on an hour. Or at least least have an announcement if you guys are closing at some queer hour.”
Me: “Ma’am, there were 4 announcements loud and clear before we closed.”
Customer: “But why would you close a store at 7:13? That’s just queer, are you sure the store is even closed?”
Me: “Again ma’am, we closed 13 minutes ago at 7:00, and yes I’m sure the store is closed–why would I be lying?”
Customer: “I don’t know. *her boyfriend comes out of the fitting room* “Honey c’mon, let’s buy this stuff and get out of here. Can you believe they close the store at 7:20? Isn’t that just so weird?”
Me: “7!! We CLOSED at 7 o’clock!!”
(447 Thumbs Up!)
