Short Order Restaurant | Houston, TX, USA
Me: “So, what can I get you?”
Hobo: “I’m pretty hungry so I guess I’ll have…” *stares at menu*
Me, 3 minutes later: “I’ll come ba-”
Hobo: “I want some toast!”
Me: “Okay, toast is all, I’ll be right back.”
Hobo: “Yeah, thats what I want, french toast.”
Me: “Excuse me?”
Hobo: “I want some french toast, how much does that cost?”
Me: “Sorry sir, we don’t have french toast.”
Hobo: “Then what do you have?”
Me: “Um…. toast?”
Hobo: “Toast? Whats that?”
*long pause*
Me: “Warm crunchy bread, sir.”
Hobo: “Yeah, bring me some white, warm crunchy bread!”
Retail | West Virginia, USA
(A woman gets frustrated after I switch out for a co-worker to go on break on Black Friday)
Woman Customer: “Ugh! That is so frustrating! Why didn’t she wait to leave until I was finished?”
Me: “Ma’am, she’s been here since 3:45 this morning, and she needed a break. Plus, we’re not robots.”
Woman Customer: “Good. I hate robots.”
Video Editor | Upstate New York, USA
(Teleconferencing with a client about a commercial I edited for him)
Client: “I don’t like the music you picked. Do you have anything else?”
Me: “The order said you wanted your jingle in the spot. It’s the one you had the radio stations send us…”
Client: *interrupts* “Yeah, yeah. We gotta have the jingle. I just don’t like the music that goes with it.”
Me: “So you want the jingle without the music?”
Client: “Yeah. Like, and can you take the singing out of there? Like, the music too, can you just edit it out?”
Me: “I don’t think I understand. You want me to edit the jingle so there’s no music or singing?”
Client: “Yeah. I mean you guys can do stuff like that can’t you? Like, with the computers you got?”
Me: “We can’t really, um, do it like that. If you don’t want the jingle sung, we could have the [jingle’s hook] read in the voiceover.”
Client: “No, that won’t work. You can’t just read it. We gotta have the melody in there with it.”
Me: *loathes his career choice*
Video Rental Store | Michigan, USA
Customer: “I’m looking for that movie.”
Me: “We have lots of movies, can I help narrow it down?”
Customer: “No, I want it full sized.”
Me: “I meant, what can you tell me about the movie?”
Customer: “Isn’t it YOUR job to tell ME about the movie?”
Me: “Well, I’ll tell you everything I know about the movie as soon as you tell me which movie you’re looking for.”
Customer: “If I knew which movie I was looking for, wouldn’t I have found it by now? Jeez, the people they hire these days.”
(Customer storms out)
Travel Agent | Tampa, FL, USA
Customer: “Do other places besides Disney sell Disney tickets?”
Me: “I believe so, but I only have information about the tickets we sell.”
Customer: “How much do other places charge?”
Me: “I don’t have any information on other ticket resellers.”
Customer: “Is it cheaper if I buy tickets somewhere else?”
Me: “Sir, I don’t know anything about other places, only Disney.”
Customer: “Will they add the no expiration option for me?”
Me: “I don’t know.”
Customer: “Can you give me names and contact information for other ticket places?”
Me: “Sir, I can only help you if you wish to purchase tickets directly from Disney.”
Customer: “I don’t understand why you’re being unhelpful!”
Tech Support | USA
(Ten years ago, I was working for a company selling computerized cash registers. A customer called in to help me with a cash register that didn’t connect to the back office computer)
Me: “So, can you tell me the settings of the DIP switches on the cash register?”
Customer: “DIP switch?”
Me: “Oh, sorry, the small switches located on the backside.”
Customer: “Eeeerrr…there are no switches there.”
Me: “Oh, yes, there are. Right next to the power cord.”
Customer: “No. There are no switches. Not any more!”
Me: *puzzled* “Huh? Not any more? What do you mean?”
Customer: “Well, you know, my colleague told me that these switches might actually be what caused the problem, so I removed them.”
Me: “REMOVED THEM??”
Customer: “Yeah, you know, removed them. With a chisel.”
Source
Video Rental | Pennsylvania, USA
Customer: “What movie just came out on video that’s like Lord of the Rings?”
Me: “I’m not sure, we haven’t gotten any big titles this week and definitely nothing that’s like Lord of the Rings…”
Customer: “Well, I saw a commercial that said, ‘Now available at your local *** Video’…and this is my local *** video.”
Me: “Hmmm, let me check with another manager.” (I call up to the office)
Me (to manager): “What came out this week besides Jeepers Creeper?”
Customer: “JEEPERS CREEPERS! That’s it!”
Me: “We have that, but it’s nothing like Lord of the Rings.”
Customer: “Yeah it has monsters in it, it’s like Lord of the Rings.” *customer walks away*
Another employee: “You should tell him to rent The English Patient too. It has talking in it, so it’s like Lord of the Rings.”
Music Store | California, USA
(Two middle-aged women walk into the store)
Woman 1: “I need a guitar stand for my son.”
Me: “Let me go grab one for you.”
(I go into the back for a minute and return with the stand)
Me: “They’re $18.95 plus tax.”
Woman 2: “You’re an animal.”
Me: “Excuse me?”
Woman 2: “You’re an animal. It’s a good thing.”
Me: “Alright then.”
Woman 2 (to Woman 1): “I don’t know why people always get confused when I tell them that…”
Home Improvement Store | USA
(I have a friend that works at a home improvement store; one day, a woman comes in looking for a generator)
Customer: “What does it mean when it says seven gallon tank?”
Employee: “Uh, it means it can hold seven gallons of gas.”
Customer: “Gas? Why would it need gas?”
Employee: “It’s a generator. How else would it produce electricity?”
Customer: “I thought you just plugged it in.”
Source
Ice Cream Shop | Florida, USA
Customer in an ice cream shop: “What’s in the Chocolate Caramel Cashew?”
Me: “There’s really no way for me to answer that without sounding like a smarta**.”
Customer: “Why? What’s in it?”
Me: “It’s chocolate ice cream … with caramel … and cashews.”
Related:
Captain Obvious To The Rescue
Belaboring The Obvious
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