November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Category: Top

The Situation Has All Gone Pear-Shaped

| Basingstoke, England, UK | Funny Names, Health & Body, Top

(I’m assisting an older customer trying to find some nice shrugs to cover her arms when she wears strappy dresses. I have found her a few and, for some reason, we have changed topic to women’s shapes.)

Me: “So, there are five general different shapes.”

Customer: “Five?”

Me: “Yup! Straight: where you’re equal measurements across the board, strawberry or top heavy: where your shoulders (or breasts) are the largest part of you, apple: where your waist is the biggest part, pear: where your hips are the widest and the hourglass: where your top is in proportion to your hips.”

Customer: “Oh, I’m a small hourglass as my shoulders are in line with my hips. You must be too!”

Me: “Oh no, I’m pear-shaped. My hips are easily the widest part of me; my top half is a lot narrower.”

Customer: “Oh… you look in proportion though. Oh! Probably because you have big boobs!”

Me: “Er… thanks. Anyway, was there anything else you were looking for?”

(I help the customer and check her out.)

Customer: “Thanks for your help, Big Boobs!”

Me: “You’re welcome. Bye!”

(There’s a small pause.)

Manager: “Good job, Big Boobs.”

Disabled But Not Disarmed

| UK | Bigotry, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Top

(An early morning regular customer is a disabled woman in her 30s who dresses very gothic and always orders a coffee and then reads a book. A new customer I’ve never seen before comes to the serving counter.)

Customer: “I have a complaint!”

Me: “I’m very sorry to hear that. What have we done wrong?”

Customer: “You let that [disabled slur] not only sit here but she takes up two seats!”

Me: “Please don’t use words like that. She’s a very good and quiet customer who uses the second chair to prop her walking stick against. Besides, this early in the morning there are plenty of seats.”

Customer: “She’s offending us! She’s being abusive!”

(I’m confused, because I’ve not seen the lady even move from her chair.)

Me: “Er, what has she said?”

Customer: “Nothing! She didn’t even apologise!”

Me: “What on earth for?”

Customer: “For reading one of those e-book things, and being lazy, and fat, and—”

(I can see our regular struggling to her feet and limping over.)

Me: “Please just stop. She’s not affecting you.”

Customer: “She’s a lazy f****** bum. I bet she’s on f****** benefits!”

(Our regular makes it to the counter.)

Regular Customer:  “Could I please have another coffee as I’ve finished the first one and haven’t finished the chapter I’m reading.”

(She hands me a £10 note.)

Regular Customer: “Please keep the change as a tip.” *turns to the complaining customer* “Darlin’, I work as a software engineer and you need to work on your d*** manners. Us disabled have a right to get coffee as well.”

(The new customer stomped back to her table and sat there eating her breakfast and glowering at our regular, who paid no attention at all to it. We found she’d left another £5 behind as an additional tip for ‘dealing with that.’)

A Spoonful Of Violence Helps The Medicine Go Down

| OH, USA | At The Checkout, Health & Body, Money, Top

(I am on quite a few prescription medicines, one of which costs $170. I am picking up four refills.)

Pharmacy Clerk: “This one is $1.17. The second is $7.79. And the third is…”

(He trails off and takes a few steps back from the counter separating us.)

Pharmacy Clerk: “Uh… do you know how much this costs?”

Me: “If it’s the [Brand Name Medicine], then it will be about $170.”

(He looks relieved and returns to the register.)

Pharmacy Clerk: “Sorry. On my first week on the job, a customer assaulted me after hearing the price of his medicine.”

A Bark As Bad As The Bite

| France | Bad Behavior, Top

(It’s a very busy week in our shop. My colleague and I are running to keep up. A customer enters the shop, and we both salute him politely. The customer mumbles something and snaps his fingers at my colleague. She manages to smile at him as she answers:)

Colleague: “I will be with your shortly, sir. Just a minute, please!”

(The customer huffs again and turns to me. This time, he doesn’t just snap his fingers, he whistles as you would call a dog before pointing at the ground in front of him. My answer? I bark at him before smiling sweetly.)

Me: “Sir, if you treat us like dogs, be ready to be answered by b****es. Please leave.”

(All the other customers applauded when he left!)

That Snobby Attitude Isn’t Working For You

, | Toronto, ON, Canada | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Top

(I work at a high-end gourmet grocery store as a cashier. Most of our customers are well-off. I work within walking distance from the store. I often cut through the parking lot of another grocery store to cross the street to my place of employment. One day after my shift I am crossing the parking lot of the other grocery store towards home. I DO NOT work at the other store. I hear my name being called and see a snobby lady I recognize as one of my regular customers gesturing for me to come to her. Not wanting to be rude, I walk over to her and to see what she wants.)

Customer: *snaps her fingers* “Finish loading my groceries into my car!”

(She then gets into the drivers seat to wait. I stand there stunned for a moment then go to the driver’s side window.)

Me: *politely* “I am off duty and I do not work actually for this particular grocery store.”

Customer: *annoyed* “I am not stupid! I know you do not work here but I am a regular customer of your store and you should help me!”

(I just look at her open mouthed and walk away. She flips out and starts yelling after me.)

Customer: “Your manager will hear about this!”

(The next day I am called to the office and my manager told me that the lady called and said I refused to help her pack her car. When I explained to my manager that this happened after my shift and at the grocery store across the street, he called the lady back right in front of me and sternly told her that if she ever harassed one of his employees or made a false complaint again he would ban her from the store. I never saw her face in the store again!)