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    Please Be Civil To Partnerships

    | Bury St. Edmunds, England, UK | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Bigotry, Top

    (I’m male. I’m chatting away to Customer #1 whilst scanning her items. We are talking about cakes.)

    Customer #1: “My husband doesn’t like the walnut one.”

    Me: *laughing* “Nor does my boyfriend. It means I can eat as much as I want in front of him and not have to sha—”

    Customer #1: “Your boyfriend? That’s disgusting. I didn’t realise [Company] hired your type!”

    (At this point, Customer #2, a sweet little old lady who has been waiting in the queue, speaks up.)

    Customer #2: “You leave him alone! He’s been nothing but helpful and you were happy to chat to him when you thought he was straight. Besides, I’ve seen him and his boyfriend in town, and he’s bloody gorgeous!”

    Customer #1: “Well! I never!”

    (She pays and flounces away.)

    Customer #2: *to me* “You tell that boyfriend of yours that I think you two look very happy together and may you be together a long time.”

    Me: “Thank you! I will!”

    (Months later, when my boyfriend and I decided to get a civil partnership, Customer #2 screamed with joy when I told her!)

    Doesn’t Drink, Period

    | Scotland, UK | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Top

    (I’m second in a queue to pay and the customer in front of me is an older lady wanting a bottle of whiskey. They are kept behind the counter. The owner of the store is a very polite Muslim gentleman in traditional dress. I love this store; it has a little bit of everything and the owner has a great sense of humour. The woman is asking lots of questions about the strength of the whiskey and the prices.)

    Customer: “But what about the Glen Moray? What percentage is that?”

    Owner: “Its 40.”

    Customer: “And the price?”

    Owner: “£20.”

    Customer: “And the Jameson?”

    Owner: “It’s also 40% and £20.”

    Customer: “And how much is the Teachers?”

    Owner: “£20.”

    Customer: “But is it stronger?”

    Owner: “No, it’s 40% as well.”

    (Each time she asks about a whiskey the owner has to climb up a little ladder to check and he’s not a young gentleman. But he does it smiling all the time.)

    Customer: “What’s that there? Canadian Club?”

    Owner: “Yes it is also £20 and 40% proof.”

    Customer: “I just don’t know. What do they taste like? Which one’s the nicest?”

    (I should point out at this point that it became obvious that this lady was not a connoisseur. But was looking for the strongest whiskey to add to the 4 bottles of cheap strong wine she had in her basket.)

    Owner: “I’m sorry. I do not drink so I don’t know the taste.”

    Customer: *looking disgusted* “How on earth can you sell alcohol when you don’t even drink?”

    Me: *taps lady on shoulder* “Well, he sells tampons, too. I hope you don’t expect him to use them!”

    (The customer quietly pays and leaves.)

    In The Place Of No Return

    | TX, USA | Crazy Requests, Technology, Top

    (An older person walks into the store with their gaming laptop.)

    Employee: “How can I help you?”

    Customer: “I have a virus on my computer. I had antivirus software, so I want to return it.”

    Employee: “Did you update your antivirus software?”

    Customer: “I shouldn’t have to. They should include every virus!”

    Employee: “New viruses come out every day. Can I see your receipt?”

    Customer: *hands over receipt*

    Employee: “This is from [Competitor].”

    Customer: “So? You sell computers. You should take it back. And you have pay me $100 for every hour I spend downloading my games again. I have DIALUP!”

    Employee: “You will need to return this to [Competitor].”

    Customer: “They said no.”

    Employee: “Would you like a new computer?”

    Customer: “I’d like to speak to your manager.”

    Employee: “I’m the manager.”

    Customer: “You have horrible customer service.”

    Employee: “That’s because I reserve it for CUSTOMERS.”

    The Argument Has No Legs To Stand On

    , | Indianapolis, IN, USA | At The Checkout, Health & Body, Top

    (The marathon was earlier this morning. I am in line behind a customer who ran in it. The cashier is sitting down, while serving patrons.)

    Customer: “I don’t have time for this. My legs are killing me. I ran the marathon this morning, and you can’t even bother standing at a cash register for one day!”

    (The cashier wheels himself out from behind the register. It becomes clear he has no legs.)

    Cashier: “P***y.”

    Two Sides Of The Same Very Reasonable Coin

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Top

    (Two different customers approach me at the same time to ask for help.)

    Customers #1 & #2: “Excuse me!”

    Me: “Yes, how may I help you?”

    (I soon realize that the customers have no relation to each other, as they ask me for help in two completely different departments.)

    Me: “Hmm, how should I do this? Who do I help first?”

    (Judging by their body language, neither customer wants to back down. So I reach into my pocket and pull out a coin.)

    Me: “All right, we’ll do it this way. Heads or tails?”

    Customer #1: “Heads!”

    Customer #2: “Guess that makes me tails, then.”

    (I flip the coin, and it lands tails.)

    Customer #2: “Yes!”

    Me: “Okay, ma’am, let’s go. And sir, I’ll be with you as soon as I’m done with her.”

    Customer #1: “Fair enough.”

    (I wish more customers were that easy to deal with!)

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