Featured Story:
  • Thou Shalt Not Pick And Choose
    (2,043 thumbs up)
  • January Theme Of The Month: Prank Calls!
    Submit your story today!

    Category: Top

    Has No Meat Between Their Ears

    | Milwaukee, WI, USA | Extra Stupid, Health & Body, Pets & Animals, Top

    (I wear a leather duster, leather hat, and leather boots. I am working a booth for my employer and am approached by a customer.)

    Customer: “Leather is murder.”

    Me: “Well, the animal died for its meat. Might as well use its skin.”

    Customer: “Meat is murder.”

    Me: “Okay, so is eating anything else.”

    Customer: “I am a vegan. Nothing I eat or wear is alive.”

    Me: “Plants are alive.”

    Customer: “But they do not feel and are not really alive.”

    (I spot her leather boots.)

    Me: “What about your boots?”

    Customer: “They are made from vegan-friendly leather.”

    (I look again at the obvious cowhide name-brand boots.)

    Me: “They look like cowhide to me.”

    Customer: “But they are VEGAN friendly. The salesperson told me. I think they come from a leather tree. You know like a rubber tree.”

    Me: “There are no leather trees. They came from a cow.”

    (The customer is getting really mad and shouting at me.)

    Customer: “This isn’t about me wearing vegan leather! This is about you wearing non-vegan leather!”

    Me: “I am sorry, but there is no such thing as vegan leather.”

    Customer: “The salesperson told me it was vegan friendly. I bought them from [Major Boot Chain] and they wouldn’t lie.”

    Me: “Sorry, but the only place you get leather is the skin of an animal.”

    Customer: “Well, then cows must shed their skin like a snake and they used that. But this IS vegan leather.”

    Me: “If a cow sheds its skin it dies. That is how you get the meat out.”

    Customer: “LEATHER IS MURDER!”

    (The customer walks off pointing at me and yelling ‘murderer!’)

    Me: “Next?”

    Following Customer: “Did that just happen?”

    Me: “I would love to know what happened at the leather store that sold her the boots.”

    The Gay Card Is Double Sided

    | San Diego, CA, USA | Bad Behavior, Bigotry, Top

    (I’m a volunteer at a small convention. Instead of badges, attendees are given blue wristbands. My job is to check for wristbands as people enter the convention. I don’t want to stop the guests, so I just look at their wrists as they pass and only stop them if I can’t see the wristband. Two young women come in holding hands. As usual, I look to see if they have wristbands as they pass.)

    Woman #1: “Excuse me? Didn’t your mother tell you that it’s rude to stare?”

    Me: “What?”

    Woman #2: “So we’re holding hands, big deal! We’re not going to hide our love just to accommodate bigots like you.”

    Me: “I was just checking to see if you have wristbands. Which you do, and now you’re blocking the door, so can you please move?”

    (They both turn pink and hurry away.)

    Related:
    The Race Card Is Double Sided

    A Healing Cup Of Coffee

    | SC, USA | Awesome Workers, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Top

    (It’s the week before finals, and my sister and I are both feeling the stress. We end up driving out to the nearest coffee chain with an armload of homework. I’ve only been there twice, but my sister frequently refers to it as probably the nicest branch of this coffee chain ever, by which she always means the people there. We order our drinks and sit down on a little couch in the corner. We end up waiting for a really long time, and people who have ordered after us are getting their drinks before us. My sister looks up from her computer.)

    Sister: “This is very unusual for them.”

    (About 20 minutes later, the woman who took our orders hurries over with our drinks and gift cards, apologizing profusely. Evidently, the ticket had gotten lost or something like that.)

    Cashier: “I am so sorry about this! Just take these to any [Coffee Chain], and you’ll get a drink for free.”

    Me: “Oh, it’s all right; we weren’t waiting THAT long!”

    (My sister and I try to reassure her that we’re not upset. She starts to walk away, then stops. She looks at my sister and I quizzically.)

    Cashier: “Sorry, but… are you two twins?”

    Sister: “Yes, we are!”

    Cashier: “My husband is a twin. Was a twin. His sister died really recently and…” *she stops for a moment to compose herself* “And yesterday was the first time he’s had to celebrate his birthday without her.”

    (My sister and I both express our sympathy and condolences, and she kind of laughs.)

    Cashier: “I don’t even know why I’m telling you this.”

    Me: “Maybe that’s why the drinks were delayed; because you needed someone to talk to.”

    (Maybe it was an odd statement, but I really felt that if the drinks were on time, she wouldn’t have been able to talk to us about being a twin and losing a twin. Ma’am, I hope you and your husband are doing better now, wherever you are. Thank you for the gift cards!)

    An Extra Toast To All The Idiots

    | Round Rock, TX, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Top

    (I work at a restaurant making sandwiches. My coworker asked me to talk to a customer over the phone who wanted to voice a complaint about food he ordered several days ago.)

    Me: “Hello. Thank you for calling [Restaurant]. What can I help you with today?”

    Customer: “Yes, hi. Uh, I ordered a sandwich from y’all a while ago, and the bread was too hard for me. I’d like the names of the employees working so I can leave a complaint.”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that ,sir. Please tell me about the order so I can rectify the problem.”

    Customer: “Well, I ordered the steak and cheese foot long, and when I tried eating it the bread was too crunchy.”

    Me: “Uh, sure… Did you have this sandwich toasted, by any chance?”

    Customer: “Yes, I did. Why?”

    Me: “Well, usually when you toast a sandwich, the bread tends to get kind of crunchy, ’cause, you know, It’s toasted…”

    Customer: “Well, it was too toasted!”

    Me: “Okay… Did you tell the employee that you didn’t want it as toasted?”

    Customer: “Well, I wanted it extra toasted, but that was too much!”

    Me: “So, let me understand this: your complaint is that the sandwich you wanted extra toasted, more than recommended, was in fact too toasted?”

    Customer: “Are you being smart with me here?!”

    Me: “Someone in this conversation has to be.”

    Someone Will Scream For The Wrong Ice Cream

    | London, England, UK | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Spouses & Partners, Top

    (A customer comes in, looking a little tired. I’m stacking shelves.)

    Customer: “Hi, I need some vanilla Häagen-Dazs. Where are your freezers?”

    Me: “They’re over here, but I’m afraid I think we’re out of Häagen-Dazs. We have our own brand vanilla.”

    (He gives me a look like he’s going to cry.)

    Customer: “I’m really sorry. It has to be Häagen-Dazs. It has to be vanilla.” *voice cracking* “Do you know where I could get some?”

    (I promised to go and check the store room as he genuinely looked like he was about to burst into tears and I thought maybe he wasn’t very well. Luckily, we had a couple left that hadn’t been brought out. I brought it back and handed it to him. He looks at it like it’s magical, breathes a huge sigh of relief, and heads to the check out. He picks up a mini chocolate cake on the way and I see him talk to my colleague behind the counter. After he’s gone, she comes over to me and hands me the cake.)

    Coworker: “That guy just said this is for you. He said he’s going home to his eight-month pregnant monster wife and because of you he’s not going to be murdered tonight.”

    Page 10/359First...89101112...Last