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    Category: Top

    Rebirth And Return

    | Seattle, WA, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Top

    (I am working behind the counter at a high end department store when a customer comes up with a bundled up wad of faded fabric under her arm.)

    Customer: “Excuse me. I need to return this dress I just bought. It doesn’t fit right.”

    Me: “No problem. Do have the tags or receipt?”

    Customer: “Of course! Here.”

    (She hands me what I’ve asked for. They’re both incredibly old; the paper is actually yellow with age. The brand of the dress is one we haven’t carried in years.)

    Me: “I’m sorry. I can’t return this.”

    Customer: “What are you talking about? This store always takes returns!”

    Me: “This dress is too old for me to return.”

    Customer: “Impossible! I only bought it a few months ago. I live far away so I haven’t had a chance to return it until now. Here, I even have the business card of the woman who sold it to me.”

    (She hands me the business card, which, while legitimate, has the company’s old logo which was switched out in 2000. It is now 2012.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but the sale is too old for the computer to recognize. I can’t return it.”

    Customer: “This is unbelievable! I just bought this dress and it looks awful on me so I want to return it.”

    Me: “This receipt is from 1985. You bought this dress before I was born.”

    Keeping Borders Secure And Identity Insecure

    | CO, USA | At The Checkout, Bigotry, Extra Stupid, Top

    (I am waiting in line, the next to be up, when I hear this a customer start shouting about how she refuses to show ‘some Mexican’ her ID in order to purchase something.)

    Customer: “I don’t know where you get off asking to see MY ID! I don’t ask to see your green card!”

    Employee: “Your credit card doesn’t have a signature on it, so I have to get an ID or I can’t let you use it.”

    Customer: “This is so rude! I cannot believe you people are even allowed to ask for it, for ANY REASON!”

    (Having had enough, and just wanting to buy my videogame, I start walking towards the customer.)

    Me: “Ma’am, what’s the problem here?!”

    Customer: “This illegal wants to see my ID!”

    Me: “She’s obviously not illegal, but if you don’t want her to see your ID, then maybe you can just let me see both cards and I’ll verify it to her?”

    Customer: “That’s fine. A nice American boy doing the right thing. Thank you.”

    (The clerk hands me the credit card, and the woman hands me her ID. I look at them and nod to the clerk. I don’t hand the lady back her ID, though.)

    Me: “So… your name’s [Name].”

    Customer: “Yes, that’s right.”

    Me: “You live at [Address]?”

    Customer: “That’s what the ID says.”

    Me: “Do you know my name?”

    Customer: “Uh, huh? No, I don’t. Of course not. Don’t be silly. We just met.”

    Me: “Do you know my address?”

    Customer: “Well, obviously I wouldn’t. What’s your point?”

    Me: “[Full Name] who lives at [Address], why would you give me your ID without knowing who I am, what I want, or what I would do with it? I know who you are and where you live now.”

    (The customer just stares at me, speechless as I hand her back the card and the clerk gives her the items she came in to buy.)

    Me: “Oh, and by the way – I’m Italian, so think about how badly you just screwed up as you walk back to your car. I’m not saying I would change my locks. I’m just saying I’d be smarter about things!”

    Oh, Boy!

    | New Zealand | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Top

    (I’m working the checkout on a fairly light day. The next person in queue has a young girl with her, about six or seven years old. The girl pulls out a hat from her pocket and puts it on, then reaches for an energy drink on display.)

    Mum: “Sweetie, you can’t have that. They’re not good for you.”

    (The girl’s face and shoulders drop as she is visibly and suddenly deflated. She takes off her hat and puts the can back.)

    Girl: “But mum… I was Mikey! He has them all the time! How did you know it was me? Mikey told me when I wear his hat you would think I was him and would let me buy it, and wouldn’t know it was me.”

    Mum: “Oh, sweetie, I’m your mummy. I would recognize you anywhere, no matter whose hat you were wearing.”

    (The girl calms down, but is still upset. As her mother and I exchange pleasantries, the girl puts the hat back on and pulls it down low over her face, but I can still see her lips trembling.)

    Me: “What a lovely boy you have there, ma’am. He looks really big and strong.”

    (The girl cranes her neck up to look at me under the low visor, her eyes huge and shining.)

    Me: “Hi, young man. What’s your name?”

    Girl: *smiling and trying to fake a deeper voice* “Mikey! Mikey! Michael.”

    Me: “That’s a great name, son. You take good care of your mum there, okay?”

    (She nods gravely, completely happy and satisfied. As they walk out, I hear the girl’s tiny voice.)

    Girl: “Mummy, mummy, I knew it! I knew it would work! Mikey said it would! Do you think daddy would know it’s me, too?”

    (The mother turns and gives me a thankful smile and a wink before leaving.)

    Suddenly, Parenting Goes Out The Window

    , | Australia | Family & Kids, Top, Transportation

    (I work in a call centre for a company that does roadside assistance for cars that have either broken down or need a tow. We also provide a free service to get babies out of locked cars as this is classed as an emergency situation. It is one of the hottest days of summer.)

    Me: “Could I please start with your registration or membership card number.”

    Caller: “I’VE LOCKED MY BABY IN THE CAR! SHE’S ONLY A MONTH OLD! PLEASE, HELP!”

    Me: “Okay. First of all, I need your location and the make and model of your car.”

    Caller: “I’m at [popular shopping centre] and my car is [Expensive Brand] [newest model sedan].”

    Me: “Due to these cars being so new our patrols cannot open them from the outside and will have to smash a window. The windscreen would be the safest, as it is the cheapest to replace and also the furthest away from the baby.”

    Caller: “NO! THIS IS A BRAND NEW CAR! YOU HAVE TO UNLOCK THE DOOR!”

    Me: “I’m sorry but I have sent two patrols to your location. They will smash the window to get the baby out as it is a hot day and the temperature in the car could kill the baby!”

    Caller: “I DON’T CARE! YOU ARE NOT SMASHING THE WINDOW!”

    Me: “Okay. Well, the patrols should be there within five minutes. Please wait by the car and stay calm.” *hangs up*

    (I immediately call the police and ambulance so they can attend the scene as well. I later hear that the lady attacked the patrol officer when he tried to smash the window, all while screaming and swearing about her new car. The police promptly arrested her for assault and endangering a child, and the windscreen was broken to get the baby out.)

    Outside Voice, Waiting Outside

    | Canada | Bad Behavior, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (I have just transferred down the road to another shop in our coffee chain, after the one I used to work at cut down on its employees. It is very busy. A man walks up to the drink counter, takes a drink, and walks away. All of a sudden, a customer who had been sitting at a table runs up towards one of my coworkers and starts yelling.)

    Customer: “I’ve been waiting and waiting and waiting and you f****** haven’t made my drink! This is f****** horrible service! I have a f****** meeting in a few minutes, and I need my f****** coffee!”

    Coworker: “Sorry, but the order list says that we did make your drink. Are you sure it’s not up there?” *gestures to the table full of drinks*

    Customer: “OF COURSE I’M SURE! I think that you’re f****** ignoring me! That or you drank my drink. B****, make me another drink or I’ll sue! This is s***** customer service. You should be f****** fired!”

    (At this point my coworker is at the verge of tears. She is new, and just old enough to get a job.)

    Me: “Excuse me, ma’am, but didn’t you do this at the other [Coffee Shop] down the street? I distinctly remember you yelling at us for not making your drink while your boyfriend waited outside with the exact same drink in his hand.”

    (Sure enough, when we looked out the window the same man was out there, holding the drink.)

    Customer: *turns beet red, stammers something, and runs off*


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