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    Category: Time

    Santa Vs Jason

    , | Campbellton, NB, Canada | Extra Stupid, Holidays, Theme Of The Month, Time

    (Our restaurant is promoting several new products for the holidays, and the lobby and seating area are festively decorated. Two young women walk in with bags of Christmas wrap and the like. My manager and I overhear them having a brief conversation.)

    Customer #1: “So, I guess Christmas falls on a Friday this year.”

    Customer #2: “Oh my God. I really hope it’s not on the 13th!”

    Customer #1: “Really, right? That would suck. Let me check the calendar on my phone to make sure.”

    Customer #2: “Good idea! I’m celebrating the night before if it is!”

    He’ll Be Back In The Future

    | Ireland | Movies & TV, Time

    (A regular customer comes up to me. He’s notorious for being rude, ignoring what we say to him and just generally wasting our time.)

    Regular: “Can you look up a music DVD for me?”

    Me: “Sure, what are you looking for?”

    Regular: I’m wondering if [band] released a DVD of their 45th anniversary concert. I saw it on TV a while back.”

    Me: “Okay, sir. I can see here that they don’t have a 45th anniversary concert DVD, but they do have a 35th anniversary concert DVD. Is that the one you’re looking for perhaps?”

    Regular: “Of course it’s not. Do I look like I’m stupid? I know what one I’m looking for and I’m looking for their 45th anniversary not the 35th anniversary!”

    Me: “Sorry, sir, it’s just that it says here that their 35th anniversary only happened 6 years ago. It would be impossible for them to have released a 45th anniversary DVD yet.”

    Regular: “What do you mean?”

    Me: “Well, there’s 10 years between a 35th anniversary and a 45th anniversary.”

    Regular: “Yeah, so?”

    Me: “So if their 35th anniversary happened in 2006 and there’s 10 years between 35 and 45…”

    Regular: *stares blankly*

    Me: “…their 45th anniversary won’t be out until 2016.”

    Regular: “But I saw it on TV!”

    Me: “Are you sure it wasn’t their 35th anniversary?”

    Regular: “Of course I’m bloody well sure!”

    Me: “Well then, I’m sorry sir the DVD you’re looking for is not available and won’t be for some time.”

    Regular: “Fine. Will you just give me a ring when you can get it for me?”

    Me: “Well, no, sir. The DVD doesn’t come out for another four years. I can’t even promise I’ll be here in four years when this DVD comes out.”

    Regular: “You insolent little b****! I’ll be back in next month and you better be able to get it for me by then! You’re useless!” *leaves the store in a huff*

    Don’t Feed It Rock, Paper, Scissors Or Spock

    | OR, USA | Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals, Time

    (A customer comes in and explains that her daughter caught a lizard. People frequently come in for advice on their wild-caught animals, so I start explaining what proper care would be. Before this, she expressed general shock at several things, including having to provide heat and light for the lizard she wanted to shut in the dark of her garage.)

    Me: “And so you’ll want to primarily give them crickets and mealworms, occasionally waxworms.”

    Customer: “I see… And are green crickets okay too?”

    Me: “Er, that sounds like a grasshopper. I’m sure it would be fine; I’m not entirely sure how they compare with crickets.”

    Customer: “But if I catch them outside, I can use them?”

    Me: “I wouldn’t recommend it, you’re taking a risk that they could have sprays and toxins on them. Ours are only 10 cents each. I think it—”

    Customer: “So, how do I catch crickets?”

    Me: *pause* “I’m not entirely sure. I don’t know anyone who catches their own crickets from the wild. It would be much easier to just buy them.”

    Customer: “Well, how about if I just feed it dog food?”

    Me: “No. I would definitely not recommend you feed dog food to a lizard. They really should be eating crickets, at least, and mealworms.”

    Customer: “So, how long do they live without food?”

    Me: “Um. I would guess no longer than a week or so.”

    Customer: “So, when should I let it go if I can’t feed it?”

    Me: “If you can’t feed it, I would let it go immediately.”

    Customer: “But I want to try and catch crickets. How long should I wait? Like, when is the lizard’s expiration date?”

    Me: “I wouldn’t go for more than a couple of days without feeding it.”

    Customer: “But when should I let it go?”

    Me: “A couple of days.”

    Customer: “But what date is that?”

    Me: “The 15th.”

    Customer: “So, you’re telling me I can only wait a day, then I have to let it go?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “Okay, thank you!”

    No Wait To Her Argument

    | Columbus, OH, USA | Extra Stupid, Health & Body, Time

    (I’m running slightly late to meet a patient. I arrive about five minutes after the appointment time to find no one there. I wait around, wondering if she was perhaps caught up in traffic. After half an hour goes by, I call her.)

    Patient: *rudely* “Hello!?”

    Me: “Hello, this is [name] of [clinic name]. We had a 4 pm appointment today, but I didn’t see you.”

    Patient: “Oh, I was waiting forever, and you never showed!”

    Me: “I’m so sorry I missed you. How long were you waiting?”

    Patient: “45 minutes.”

    Me: “Huh? But it’s 4:30 now and there’s no one here.”

    Patient: “Yeah, I know! I left at 4pm!”

    Me: “But, that’s when our appointment was.”

    Patient: “Right! I can’t believe you were so late!”

    Me: “Please correct me if I’m wrong, but [clinic] is by-appointment-only, which means I am not in the office unless there’s a patient. I’ve told you this, haven’t I?”

    Patient: “That’s right.”

    Me: “So you’re upset because I wasn’t here 45 minutes before I was actually supposed to be here?”

    Patient: “Yes!”

    (The weirdest thing is that I had actually treated her before, and she’d shown up fifteen minutes late without calling!)

    Delivered In A Dog Day Afternoon

    | Burbank, CA, USA | Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals, Time

    (A customer comes up to my register in the morning, a little bit after opening. The guy who does the ordering is standing next to me.)

    Customer: “I got a call that my dog food was here.”

    Me: “Sure thing. Did you know which food you ordered?”

    Customer: “It’s dog food.”

    Me: “Okay, can you describe the package?

    Customer: “It’s in a can.”

    Me: “Okay, about how long ago did you place the order?”

    Customer: “Two days ago. I was told it would be in seven days from now, but it came in yesterday. Why did it come in yesterday?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. We really have no control when the orders come in. It’s up to the distributor.

    (At this poin,t my coworker has found his food and I ring him up.)

    Customer: “I really don’t understand why it would be here so soon when I was told seven days. It’s too soon for this to come in. Why would you say seven days? Oh, and can I get a discount for it being here so soon?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. We can’t do that.”

    Customer: “Well, it shouldn’t have been here this soon!”


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