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    Category: Time

    Delivered In A Dog Day Afternoon

    | Burbank, CA, USA | Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals, Time

    (A customer comes up to my register in the morning, a little bit after opening. The guy who does the ordering is standing next to me.)

    Customer: “I got a call that my dog food was here.”

    Me: “Sure thing. Did you know which food you ordered?”

    Customer: “It’s dog food.”

    Me: “Okay, can you describe the package?

    Customer: “It’s in a can.”

    Me: “Okay, about how long ago did you place the order?”

    Customer: “Two days ago. I was told it would be in seven days from now, but it came in yesterday. Why did it come in yesterday?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. We really have no control when the orders come in. It’s up to the distributor.

    (At this poin,t my coworker has found his food and I ring him up.)

    Customer: “I really don’t understand why it would be here so soon when I was told seven days. It’s too soon for this to come in. Why would you say seven days? Oh, and can I get a discount for it being here so soon?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. We can’t do that.”

    Customer: “Well, it shouldn’t have been here this soon!”

    Beauty Is In The Eye Of The Bequeather

    | Sydney, Australia | Awesome Customers, Time, Top

    (Most customers at the café where I work are regulars, including an older couple who comes in every Saturday. The wife is slightly disabled and has a mild facial disfigurement. She has previously complimented me on a certain necklace I wear. Today, I’m not exactly in a good place. While I am washing up, she comes to the side of the shop and calls me.)

    Wife: “I want to see you when you get a moment!”

    (When I go to clean the tables, I walk over to her table.)

    Me: “You wanted to show me something?”

    (The wife hands me a small bag. Inside is an assortment of beautiful gold jewellery with sparkling stones.)

    Me: “Oh, they’re so beautiful! Thank you for showing me these!”

    Wife: “Keep them.”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Wife: “I bought them for you.”

    Me: “For me? Are you sure?”

    Wife: “Yes, I ordered them for you. Do you like them?”

    Me: “Of course I do… thank you. I’m very touched.”

    Wife: “It’s alright, darling. You’re a beautiful girl, and I want to help you if you need it!”

    (It’s moments like these that remind me there’s still good in the world.)

    Time To Sign Up For Delivery By Delorean

    | USA | Extra Stupid, Time, Top

    (I’m answering the main line at a busy newspaper on a Saturday.)

    Me: “[Newspaper], this is [name].”

    Caller: “Yeah, it’s dark out.”

    Me: “…Okay?”

    Caller: “Yeah, it’s… what time is it?”

    Me: “It’s 10:12 p.m., sir.”

    Caller: “Yeah, it’s 10:12 p.m. and I still haven’t gotten my Sunday paper.”

    Me: “Sir, it’s 10:12 p.m. on Saturday. We’re still making the Sunday paper.”

    Caller: “But I haven’t gotten my Sunday paper!”

    Me: “Yes, sir, I understand. That’s because it’s Saturday. Your Sunday paper will be delivered as usual in the morning.”

    Caller: “But it hasn’t arrived yet!”

    Me: “It’s still Saturday night. The Sunday edition will arrive Sunday morning.”

    Caller: “I haven’t gotten… oh, wait. It’s Saturday?”

    Me: “Yes, sir.”

    Caller: “Oh. Well, then… I’ve been working nights. I’m very confused about things now. I just knew it was dark.”

    Me: “Not a problem, sir.”

    Caller: “This never happened.”

    Me: “Deal.”

    FYI Your ETA Is TBA, So TTYL

    | AZ, USA | Crazy Requests, Time

    (I am dealing with a pushy customer; he’s submitted a trouble ticket but called in less than two minutes asking for an update.)

    Me: “Sir, I am unable to give an ETA at this time. I am still looking into this issue.”

    Customer: “So, you cannot give me an ETA?”

    Me: “No, I am unable to give an ETA at this time.”

    Customer: “When can I get an ETA?”

    Me: “Sir, are you asking for an ETA on the ETA?”

    Customer: “Yes!”

    Me: “I will let you know when there are any further updates…”

    Viva La Revelation

    | Florida, USA | Time

    (It’s the 4th of July, and I’m 9.5 hours into my 10-hour shift. For the umpteenth time today, a customer asks why I’m working on the 4th of July.)

    Me: “Welcome to [credit card] customer service. My name is [name]. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “Why the h*** are you at work on Independence Day?! Are you even American?”

    Me: “Yes, sir, I was born and raised in Florida. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “If you’re really an American, you wouldn’t be working today. You’d be celebrating our nation’s freedom!”

    Me: “You know, I’d love to be with the rest of my family enjoying the festivities and fireworks, not to mention the food, but I’m here working to support my family. And, I wouldn’t be working if YOU weren’t calling.”

    Customer: “Oh… I never thought of it that way.”

    Me: “No one ever does. How can I help you?”


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