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    Category: Themed Giveaway

    Stuck In A Vicious Triangle

    | Dusseldorf, Germany | Bizarre, Extra Stupid, Technology, Themed Giveaway

    (I work as IT support for a law firm. Usually I am very understanding when someone asks me a question with an obvious answer, since most lawyers don’t know PCs very well.)

    Lawyer: “HELP! My PC is going crazy! Triangles EVERYWHERE!”

    Me: “Triangles? What kind of triangles? Do you mean error messages with a warning sign?”

    Lawyer: “No, triangles! And a lot of them! I can’t finish my email. Please help me!”

    Me: “One moment please, I will connect to your PC to see what’s going on.”

    (I start the software and connect to his PC, and see Outlook doing ‘^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^’ without pause.)

    Me: “Mr. [Name], is it possible that something is lying on the keyboard?”

    Lawyer: *silence*

    Me: “Maybe on the upper left corner?”

    (At this moment, the ‘triangles’ stop.)

    Lawyer: “I guess it wasn’t a good idea to place the book on the keyboard. Please wait a second.”

    (He deletes the symbols and tries to write a normal sentence. Without the book pressing a different button, it obviously works.)

    Lawyer: “I think I could have figured that out myself. Usually I’m very good with the computer. Thank you. Bye.”

    (The lawyer hangs up and my coworker turns to me.)

    Coworker: “Hey, Mr. [Name] again? How many times did he call us this week?”

    Me: “I had him eight times on the line. I don’t know about the others.”

    He Is Inn-Experienced

    | VA, USA | Bad Behavior, Bizarre, Hotels & Lodging, Themed Giveaway

    (We have recently just hired a new person, who I am working with today. I’m making friendly conversation.)

    Me: “So, how do you like working in a hotel so far?”

    New Hire: “It’s great! I’ve been working for about two days already and everything seems to be going well. Learning lots of stuff.”

    Me: “That’s great! We really needed someone to work the day shifts. So, what do you like about the job so far?”

    New Hire: “Well—”

    (Just then, a customer comes up to the front desk and we both look at him.)

    Me: “Hi! Can I—”

    Customer: *to new hire* “F*** YOU!”

    (The customer flips both middle fingers at both of us and cackles at our dumbfounded expressions, and then leaves.)

    New Hire: “Well, um… as I was saying, uh…”

    Me: “Yeah, you’re going to meet lots of those crazy people here. They’ll make you want to run out of here, screaming!”

    (Fortunately, the hew hire didn’t run away screaming, and he’s been a great addition for two years now!)

    Philan-stroppy

    | Wales, UK | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Themed Giveaway

    (My manager and I are approached by a regular customer who is notorious for being just downright nasty and mean-spirited. She doesn’t believe in donating to charity and always thinks we’re barmy for wanting to help others.)

    Customer: “I can’t believe you served that man!”

    Manager: “What?”

    Customer: “I gave him money in the car park! He said it was for food or a bus or something, and he bought beer! You do know he’s a homeless alcoholic, don’t you?”

    Me: “Well, what do you want us to do?”

    Customer: “I can’t believe you served him! You shouldn’t have let him buy alcohol! I feel violated!”

    (The manager realizes she may be angling for a refund of the gentleman’s beer money.)

    Manager: “Unfortunately, ma’am, we are not in control of what happens away from our premises. If he asked you for money and you gave it to him, then that is only your fault. Now, if there’s nothing we can help you with, please have a pleasant Halloween.”

    Customer: “I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU LET HIM ABUSE MY MONEY!”

    (The customer storms out. The manager turns to me.)

    Manager: “I don’t believe for a minute that she gave him money; she’s just trying to cause trouble. She’s probably got a problem with us for being in fancy dress for charity, too!”

    Young Boys Display Monstrous Behavior

    | TX, USA | Bizarre, Family & Kids, Holidays, Themed Giveaway

    (I work in a costume shop, and I see a six- or seven-year-old boy looking through the aisle.)

    Me: “Hey there, little guy! Are you looking for a costume?”

    Boy: “Yeah! I’m gonna be a clown, zombie, vampire, werewolf, monster!”

    (The mother of the boy comes around the corner.)

    Mother: “Sweetie, you can only be one, so just choose one.”

    Boy:” Okay, can I be a clown monster werewolf vampire?”

    Me: “But not a zombie?”

    Boy: “Oh yeah, and zombie!”

    Me: “How about we stick two of them together? You can be a werewolf zombie, or a clown monster, or a vampire clown, even.”

    Boy: “Ooh! I want to be a vampire clown. Can I be a vampire clown, please? I want lots of blood.”

    Mother: “Do you even have a vampire clown costume?”

    Me: “We have clown and vampire costumes separately. I’d say a clown outfit, some vampire teeth, and some blood should make the costume right.”

    Boy: “Do you have lots of blood?”

    (I point to the rack with small tubes of fake blood.)

    Me: “We only have these.”

    Boy: “No, I want lots of blood.”

    Me: “Well, I’m sure it’ll have enough—”

    Boy: *serious face* “No. I want lots of blood. I’ll just have to take yours…”

    The Height Of Unreason, Part 2

    | UK | Bizarre, Health & Body, Themed Giveaway

    (I am sitting in front of my computer trying to get on with work whilst my colleague is dealing with a patient. Another patient approaches the desk.)

    Me: “Hi there! How can I help today?”

    Patient: “You know, you really should grow taller. I could hardly see you over the desk.”

    (I go on to sign the patient in, and continue with my work. 10 minutes later, the patient comes back to the desk.)

    Patient: “You know, you’re still no taller; you really need to grow.”

    (I take the patient’s money, and she leaves.)

    Me: *to my colleague* “Did I just get told off for not growing any taller in the space of 10 minutes?”

    Colleague: “Erm, yes, I think you did.”

    Related:
    The Height of Unreason


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