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    Category: Theme Of The Month

    Is That A Tumor In Your Pocket…

    | NC, USA | Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals, Theme Of The Month

    Like A Dog With A Bone About Your Dog

    | USA | Bad Behavior, Pets & Animals, Theme Of The Month, Wild & Unruly

    (My dog and I are at a popular pet store where we are regular customers. I am pushing around a cart with my dog in it. He is very friendly and greets anybody who walks by.)

    Customer: “Aw, what cute dog!”

    (The customer pets him. She stops and looks into my cart to see a leash.)

    Customer: “What the h***?!” *picks up and waves it on my face* “You are a animal abuser! Dogs should be running free!”

    Me: “What? No! I am doing this for his safety. He gets out of my yard and chases after cars!”

    Customer: *grabs my dog* “I am calling the police!”

    Me: “No! Give me my dog back!”

    (An employee runs over.)

    Employee: “Miss! I am going to have to ask you to give the dog back.”

    Customer: *holding my dog tightly, while he is fighting to get out of her arms* “No! He is being abused!”

    Employee: “I assure you, that dog is not abused. I am going to call the police if you don’t let go of him.”

    Customer: “Fine!” *throws my dog on the ground and runs out of the store*

    (Luckily my dog was okay!)

    This Family Business Is A Joke

    , | Calgary, AB, Canada | Bad Behavior, Funny Names, Theme Of The Month

    (I work at a well known shoe store. We wear tags bearing the name of the store, but not our names. A customer comes in and looks at my tag.)

    Customer: “So… your name’s Rockport?”

    Me: “Yep, it’s a family name. My dad started the business, and he wants me to learn it from the ground up.”

    Customer: “Really? That’s so admirable!”

    (I gesture to a few coworkers wearing the same name tag.)

    Me: “Yup, all the Rockport kids learn the business this way.”

    Customer: “All of you? Wow!”

    (I can’t quite believe she hasn’t caught on by this point, so I take pity.)

    Me: “What can I help you find…?”

    There Is Mulch To Joke About

    | MN, USA | Bizarre, Home Improvement, Theme Of The Month

    (I work as a cashier at a store that sells home improvement merchandise. I am working in the garden center. If the customer needs a large quantity of something they will pay for it first and pick it up in the parking lot where we keep a huge supply of mulch, soil, etc.)

    Customer: “Can I get 20 bags of mulch?”

    Me: *completely straight face* “No.”

    Customer: *dumbfounded look on his face* “Umm…”

    Coworker: “[My Name]!”

    Me: *with a huge smile on my face* “Of course you can!”

    (I ring the customer up and my coworker speaks to him.)

    Coworker: “Sorry about that, sir. She is mean to every 25th customer. Looks like you were the 25th.”

    (The customer paid and was chuckling and smiling as he walked out to his vehicle.)

    The Joke Is Invisible To Him

    | Adelaide, SA, Australia | Extra Stupid, Theme Of The Month

    (After seeing a funny image online, I decided to replicate it in our store. I hung up an empty clothes hanger from our art smocks behind the counter with a large sign reading ‘Invisible Cloaks, half price!’ Two teenage customers come up to the counter.)

    Customer #1: *excitedly* “Hey! Is that a real invisibility cloak?”

    Customer #2: *sarcastic* “Yes, it is.”

    Me: *grinning ear to ear* “Sure is!”

    Customer #1: “Why’s it half price?”

    Customer #2: *incredulously looks at [Customer #1]*

    Me: “Well, it’s slightly damaged on the hem.” *holds up imaginary edge* “See?”

    Customer #1: “No? Where?”

    Customer #2: “Are you for real?!”

    Me: *bursts out laughing*

    Customer #1: “What?”

    (We stand looking at him for a good 10 seconds as the cogs turn.)

    Customer #1: “OH!”


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