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    Category: Theme Of The Month

    Just Called To Say I Called

    | NJ, USA | Bizarre, Theme Of The Month

    (My coworker has been on the phone for about five minutes before handing it to me.)

    Coworker: *on the phone* “Can you hold on just one second?” *to me* “Hey, can you deal with this?”

    Me: “Hi, this is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Hello!”

    Me: “…hello.”

    Customer: “How are you doing?”

    Me: “I’m doing well. How are you?”

    Customer: “Good, thanks for asking. So what are you up to?”

    Me: “You know, just working.”

    Customer: “Good, good.”

    Me: “Yeah, it’s kind of busy right now, so I better get back to it.”

    Customer: “Oh, don’t let me keep you. Have a good day!”

    Me: “Thanks, you too.”

    Coworker: “So was it just me or was that weird?”

    Me: “No, no, that was very weird.”

    Doesn’t Prank Very Highly With Him

    | GA, USA | Bad Behavior, Bizarre, Rude & Risque, Theme Of The Month

    (I am working the graveyard security shift when the phone rings.)

    Me: “[Company] guard shack. This is [My Name].”

    Caller: “Hey, I just wanted to make sure your refrigerator was running.”

    Me: “Already caught it running down Oregon Road. Is there something I can help you with?”

    (He apparently places his hand badly over the speaker because I can still hear him.)

    Caller: *to someone else* “Dude, it didn’t work. Got another?”

    Other Person: “Try the Prince Albert one!”

    Me: “I’ll stop you two right there; I’ve got Prince Albert in a can, Queen Elizabeth in a box, and the Duke of Earl in a bar with Tom, Dick, and Harry. Unless you have actual business with me, you can just hang up now before I trace this call and put your a** in the grass.”

    (*click*)

    Naked And Unafraid

    | Enschede, The Netherlands | Bad Behavior, Rude & Risque, Theme Of The Month

    (We get a lot of ‘dirty’ calls because it is a toll-free number. This one guy is a ‘regular.’)

    Me: “Good morning, this is [Company]. [My Name] speaking.”

    Customer: *heavy breathing* “So… what colour undies are you wearing?”

    Me: “Sir, it’s Monday. On Monday we don’t wear clothes. It’s policy.”

    (I disconnect the call, smiling at the man’s stunned silence. One minute late my coworker gets a call. All I hear is:)

    Coworker: “Oh, naked sir. It’s Monday after all!”

    (He hung up and we had a good laugh about it.)

    Was Dying The First Time

    | Hampton, VA, USA | Bizarre, Pets & Animals, Theme Of The Month

    (I am working in a call center that takes calls for 800 numbers people see on psychic hotline commercials. The deal is we tell you the cost and then give the actual 900 number.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Psychic Line].”

    Caller: “Help! I spilled my fish bowl on the bed and my fish is dying! He’s just flopping around! What do I do?”

    Me: “Umm… what?”

    Caller: “My fish is dying! What do I do?”

    Me: “Put him in another bowl?”

    Caller: “Thank you! This will save him!” *laughs* “Sorry, man, just thought you might be able to use a laugh tonight.”

    Me: “Yeah, always appreciate that. Have a good one.”

    (Two calls later:)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Psychic Line].”

    Caller: “Help! I spilled my fish bowl and my fish is dying!”

    Me: “Dude, it’s me again.”

    Caller: “Oh, hey, isn’t that funny.”

    Can’t Stretch To Accommodate This Call

    | Southaven, MS, USA | Bad Behavior, Rude & Risque, Theme Of The Month

    Customer: “Hi, I needed to ask you some questions about condoms.”

    Me: “Okay, go ahead.”

    Customer: “Well, you see I have a problem. All the condoms seem to be too small and are very tight.”

    Me: “Okay, well they do make larger condoms such as Trojan Magnums.”

    Customer: “Well, I’ve tried those and even those are too small for me.”

    Me: “Well, I’ve never really heard of that, since condoms are designed to be very stretchy.”

    Customer: “I’ve just tried all sorts of condoms. What I really need is for you to help me try on the condom.”

    Me: *click*

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