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    Category: Technology

    The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

    Like A Snake Eating Its Own Email

    | Ann Arbor, MI, USA | Technology

    (A customer has ordered an SSL certificate to enable https on their website.)

    Me: “You should receive a confirmation email with a link.”

    Customer: “Is this the email?”

    (The customer sends me a copy of the email, including the link he needs.)

    Me: “Yes. If you follow the instructions in the email, your certificate will be installed automatically.”

    Customer: “I didn’t receive the email. Resend, please!”

    Time For A New Brain

    , | Buffalo, NY, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I work for a cable company in a call center. This is the end of a conversation I have with a customer.)

    Me: “Anything else I can help you with today?”

    Caller: “Oh, yes! I do have a question. There are these numbers on my cable box that keep changing. What are they? Like, right now, it says 5-4-7.”

    Me: “Ma’am, that’s the time.”

    Threaten Differently

    | USA | Technology, Top

    (A customer is calling because iTunes can’t detect her new iPad. I pick up the phone and she speaks immediately.)

    Customer: “I swear that if, at any point in this conversation, you tell me to buy a Mac, I will find you and kill you.”

    Me: “Okay, well, I’m not telling you to buy a Mac, but you should know that they cut back on compatibility issues and-”

    Customer: “Don’t do it. Just stop now. Make the PC work. I believe in you.”

    Takes One To Call One

    | Manhattan, NY, USA | Technology

    (I am taking calls on Thanksgiving day.)

    Customer: “Wow! A real person!”

    Me: “Yes, sir! We’re staffed 24/7/365!”

    Customer: “They make you guys work holidays. That’s terrible! Why would they do that?”

    Me: *smiling to myself* “In case someone calls in for help.”

    Customer: “What kind of work-a-holic would call in on a holiday?”

    Just Turn Left At The Series Of Tubes

    , | Hilo, HI, USA | Technology

    (I am sweeping the dining room floor when I am waved over by an elderly couple.)

    Me: “Hi, anything I can help you with?”

    Customer: “Yes, we are heading around the island tomorrow and want to know if this rain will have stopped by then.”

    Me: “It will probably still be raining here. However, they only get about 8 inches of rain a year on the other side of the island, so chances are it’ll be sunny.”

    Customer: “Can you check the weather tomorrow for me?”

    Me: “Um, I don’t have a newspaper or anything, but I could ask the manager to turn the radio on. They give the weather at the top of every hour.”

    (Note that it is 9:57 PM.)

    Customer: “That will take too long. How about internets?”

    Me: “Sorry, we don’t have Wi-Fi here, but [coffee shop] does.”

    Customer: *irate* “No! Where are the Internets!?”

    Me: “Like an internet cafe? The only here is downtown, but it’s already closed.”

    Customer: “No! The INTERNETS!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

    Customer: “Fine!” *storms off with his wife in tow*

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