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    Category: Technology

    The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

    A Real Idio-IT

    | BC, Canada | Technology

    (I work as the technical specialist for a shoe store my family owns. I’m currently in a storage room off the front entrance on the computer.)

    Customer: “Hi, excuse me? What’s your return policy?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I’m not entirely sure. Someone at the front desk could help you better.” *points to front desk*

    Customer: “Oh, I thought this was the front desk.” *looks around* “You don’t really have much in here.”

    Me: “Not really. Sorry, I’m just the IT person.”

    Customer: *angry* “You just said that so you don’t have to help me!”

    Me: *speechless*

    Customer: “You just made that up so you didn’t have to get up and help me! Yeah, right…’I-T’. Like that’s a real job!” *leaves*

    WEP Behind The Ears

    | Dronten, The Netherlands | Technology

    Me: “Good morning, [ISP]. This is [name] speaking.”

    Caller: “Yes, good morning sir. I’m trying to connect my internet, but it’s asking me for a ‘wireless key’.”

    Me: “Alright, sir, that’s the password you can find on the back of your router.”

    Caller: “You misunderstand me, sir. It’s asking for a key, not a password.”

    Me: “Yes, the key is a password. It’s on your—”

    Caller: *angry* “It’s asking for a key! I have the key here. I’m just looking for the keyhole!”

    Me: *surprised* “May I ask where you got that key?”

    Caller: “It’s the key on the door where the modem is in! The modem key! I just need to know where to put it in!”

    Spyware Is Strength

    | South Carolina, USA | Technology

    (I run my own computer repair business out of my home. A customer has just arrived to pick up their computer, and I am explaining what I have done.)

    Customer: “That didn’t take long. I expected you to have my computer for a few more days.”

    Me: “I didn’t have to do much. You had two nasty viruses and some spyware to remove, but everything is good as new now.”

    Customer: “What? You removed my spyware? No!”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “But my computer can’t run without spyware! It keeps Big Brother from watching!”

    (She storms out without paying, and I decide to them her go. Not surprisingly, they come back a few weeks later after gunking up their computer again!)

    Big Power Is Watching You

    | Phoenix, AZ, USA | Technology

    (Some electric utility residents in Arizona have the option to sign up for pre-paid electricity, which places a user display terminal in their home. Commonly referred to as “the box,” most customers place the box somewhere in their kitchen or dining room.)

    Me: “Good morning, this is [name]. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “Hi! I really hope you can. My box isn’t working. I keep pushing the buttons, but the display isn’t showing me anything, and I’m worried I’m going to run out of power.”

    Me: “Alright, I’d be happy to look into that for you. First, we’ll need to go through a few quick steps. Could you please verify that the display unit is plugged in?”

    Customer: “Yes, it is.”

    Me: “Okay! Could you check for me and ensure that the battery is also inserted into the back of the display unit?”

    Customer: “Yes, it’s there.”

    Me: “Okay, great! Do you currently have your display unit plugged into one of your kitchen outlets?”

    Customer: *very long pause* “Yes…why? Can you see me?!”

    Me: “Um, no…not at all, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Then how come you knew I was standing in the kitchen, huh?! Explain THAT!”

    Me: “Well, many of our customers like to plug their display units into their kitchen or dining room outlets, so I just took a lucky guess.”

    Customer: “Oh.” *pauses* “So, you CAN’T see me, right?”

    Me: “Not at all, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Okay, good!”

    Open Says-A-Me

    | San Diego, CA, USA | Technology

    (I remote into computers so I can fix our company’s software. I only fix our company’s software, not general computer problems.)

    Me: “Ma’am, it looks like I’m having problems saving this file in your Windows directory. I’m going to need administrative rights. Can you log in as an administrator?”

    Customer: “Okay, you have my permission.”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “You have my permission. I give you rights!”

    Me: “No, I mean, I need access to an administrative account.”

    Customer: “You have permission! I told you!”

    Me: “Uhh…sorry, ma’am, I don’t have your password. I need you to actually log off of this account and log in as someone else with administrative rights.”

    Customer: “Ooohhh…”

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