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  • Had It Up To Their Neck With Bad Customers
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    Category: Technology

    The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

    Intelligence Goes Into The Trash Can

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Technology

    Customer: “I had something typed up that I was going to send you. Tell me, how do you find a file that you’ve lost on your computer? I know it’s on here somewhere, but I can’t find it.”

    Me: “Oh, well, go to the upper right hand corner–”

    Customer: “I’ve tried that! I couldn’t find the file!”

    Me: “Hmm. Do you remember what the file name was?”

    Customer: “I don’t think it had a file name!”

    Me: “Well, did you save it as ‘Untitled’, then?”

    Customer: “I don’t think I saved it…”

    (Screen) Save My Internet

    | Oshawa, ON, Canada | Technology

    Me: “Hi my name is [name] from [company] internet tech support how can I help you today?”

    Customer: “My internet is down.”

    Me: “Alright what happens when you try to browse?”

    Customer: “Nothing, the screen goes black every time I leave the computer for a few minutes. And I have to hold down the power button for it to come back but that restarts everything!”

    Me: “Okay can you move the mouse?”

    Customer: “I tried that it doesn’t work!”

    Me: “Try pressing any key on the keyboard.”

    Customer: “Okay, the screen isn’t black anymore, but my internet is still down.”

    Me: “What does it say?”

    Customer: “Owner logged in.”

    Me: “Click on owner.”

    Customer: “Okay internet is working now.”

    Me: “Sir, that was your screen saver.”

    Customer: “I don’t know what that is, but thanks for fixing the internet. Bye!”

    No Aptitude For Latitude, Part 2

    | Anchorage, AK, USA | Technology, Tourists/Travel

    (I am talking to a woman on the phone who needs to call back the next day. She is in Texas).

    Caller: “What time is it there?”

    Me: “Three thirty.”

    Caller: “In the morning?”

    Me: “No, in the afternoon.”

    Caller: “Oh. Of what day?”

    Me: “Saturday. We’re only three hours different from you.”

    Caller: “Really?” *pause* “Is it snowing?”

    Me: “No ma’am, its August. Its nice and sunny out.”

    Caller: “Oh wow!”

    Related:
    Yukon Freeze It
    No Vocation For Location
    No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 4
    No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 3
    No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 2
    No Fortitude For Longitude
    No Aptitude For Latitude

    Not So Smart-Phone

    | Merrimack, NH, USA | Liars & Scammers, Technology

    Customer: “I’m looking for a cable to hook my [brand] cell phone up to the computer. The plug looks like this.” *the customer shows me the broken end of a cable*

    Me: “This doesn’t look like the plug for any [brand] phone I’ve ever seen. May I see the phone?”

    (The customer hands me his phone, which is a bulky, inelegant phone/camera/portable TV and very obviously not a [brand].)

    Me: “Sir, who told you this phone was a [brand]?”

    Customer: “Some guy in Boston I bought it from. See, right there is the logo.”

    (The customer points to a logo on the phone that looks exactly like the logo for one of [brand]‘s famous product lines, but it is slightly modified so that one of the letters is different.)

    Me: “Well, I think I see the problem. This is definitely not a [brand]; it’s a cheap Chinese knock-off, and that logo has one of the letters changed. See?”

    Customer: “Let’s look at the manual. I’ve got it here.”

    (The customer begins thumbing through what looks like a photocopied manual full of tiny text written in bad English.)

    Customer: “You’d think the guys at [brand] would be able to write clearer instructions.”

    Me: “Sir, I really recommend that you bring that item back if you can.”

    Customer: “No way, I bought this because it’s a phone that doesn’t need the web. All they have these days are smart phones that go on the web. But I’m not smart.”

    Me: “Did the guy in Boston tell you that?”

    Related:
    Not So Smart-Card

    Constant New Viruses Are Such A Strain

    | Maryland, USA | Technology

    Customer: “Can you recommend a perfect anti-virus to use on my computer?”

    Me: “At the rate viruses are coming out sir, there isn’t really any that protect your computer perfectly.”

    Customer: “So they don’t really work?”

    Me: “No, not really sir.”

    Customer: “Oh. Well, which one doesn’t work the least?”


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