Category: Technology

The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

About To Get Charged For No Charge

| Minneapolis, MN, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(My boss is helping a customer who is looking for a battery for his digital camera.)

Boss: “That will be $59.99 plus tax.”

Customer: “What! That’s crazy! I’ve only had this camera for a week, and the battery is already dead. Are you telling me I’m going to have to spend $60 every time it dies?”

Boss: “Only a week? The battery might be defective. How long did you leave it on the charger?”

Customer: “Charger? Um…”

(The customer grabs his ‘dead’ battery, and heads for the door.)

Customer: “I was never here.”

(My boss manages to wait until the customer is out of the store before cracking up.)

Losing His Hold On Reality

| Midlands, England, UK | Bizarre, Musical Mayhem, Technology

Me: “Hello, [company name] support; how may I help you?”

Customer: “You c****! I heard what you did; how dare you!”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “You changed the f****** music!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir; I don’t understand the—”

Customer: “The hold music!”

Me: “I’m terribly sorry if it wasn’t to your liking, but you are through now. I’d like to help you fix your problem if we can just—”

Customer: “I won’t stand for you insulting me like this! And you let everyone else hear it; that’s slander!

Me: “Hear what?”

Customer: “The insults about me you put in your hold music!”

(The customer had been on hold for so long, he had come to believe the hold music was actually insulting him, and that someone at the company had slipped in taunts and abuse directed at him personally.)

No Port For The Harbor

| Port Charlotte, FL, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Technology

Customer: “I dropped my phone in the water while I was on the boat this weekend, and I want to retrieve my pictures off of it. Can you do that?”

Me: “Sure we can.”

(I wait to see phone.)

Me: “Where is it?”

Customer: “At the bottom of the harbor; you can still get my pictures, right?”

Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 13

| Elk Grove, CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(A customer comes up to me holding two controllers.)

Customer: “Hi. I’d like to know what the differences are between these controllers.”

Me: “Well, this controller is wireless, and this one is wired.”

Customer: “What does that mean?”

Me: “It means one of the controllers has a wire, and the other one does not.”

Customer: “What does that mean?”

Me: “Uh, one of the controllers has a physical cord that comes out of it.”

Customer: “But what does that mean?”

Me: “This controller has a cord to connect to the console. This other controller does not have a cord.”

Customer: “Ooh, so it’s like it’s wired!”

Related:
Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 12
Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 11

H2Slow, Part 4

| Blacksburg, VA, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(A customer walks into store with a phone that’s not working. It’s raining outside.)

Customer: “Hey man, my phone stopped working. Can you get me a new one?”

Coworker: “Do you have insurance? The watermarks show that the phone has gotten wet.”

Customer: “No, I don’t, but I’ve never gotten my phone wet!”

Coworker: “Well, it clearly did at some point. Were you by any chance using it while it was raining?”

Customer: “Yeah, I was earlier, but that wouldn’t have done it, would it? Would rain get my phone wet?”

Coworker: “Is rain made out of water?”

Customer: “Ohh… right…”

Related:
H2Slow, Part 3
H2Slow, Part 2
H2Slow

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