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    Category: Technology

    The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

    Just Turn Left At The Series Of Tubes

    , | Hilo, HI, USA | Technology

    (I am sweeping the dining room floor when I am waved over by an elderly couple.)

    Me: “Hi, anything I can help you with?”

    Customer: “Yes, we are heading around the island tomorrow and want to know if this rain will have stopped by then.”

    Me: “It will probably still be raining here. However, they only get about 8 inches of rain a year on the other side of the island, so chances are it’ll be sunny.”

    Customer: “Can you check the weather tomorrow for me?”

    Me: “Um, I don’t have a newspaper or anything, but I could ask the manager to turn the radio on. They give the weather at the top of every hour.”

    (Note that it is 9:57 PM.)

    Customer: “That will take too long. How about internets?”

    Me: “Sorry, we don’t have Wi-Fi here, but [coffee shop] does.”

    Customer: *irate* “No! Where are the Internets!?”

    Me: “Like an internet cafe? The only here is downtown, but it’s already closed.”

    Customer: “No! The INTERNETS!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

    Customer: “Fine!” *storms off with his wife in tow*

    May Cause Belief In Humanity To Melt Away, Part 3

    | Milwaukee, WI, USA | Technology

    (A customer brings in a phone that is still covered in the snow she just dropped it in.)

    Me: “I am sorry, but we do not service liquid damaged phones.”

    Customer: “How is that liquid damaged?”

    Me: “Well, you brought it in covered in snow.”

    Customer: “Snow is not water.”

    Me: “It’s frozen water. See how the counter is getting wet?”

    Customer: “Well, now it is! You need to replace my phone since you let it get wet!”

    Related:
    May Cause Belief In Humanity To Melt Away, Part 2
    May Cause Belief In Humanity To Melt Away

    As Easy As !-@-#

    | Colorado, USA | Technology

    (I’m the IT manager at my work. I’ve just created a user account for our HR manager.)

    Me: “So, the username is [username] and the password is just 1234.”

    Caller: “1234? That’s it?”

    Me: “We try to keep it simple.”

    Caller: “Okay, thanks.” *hangs up*

    (About a minute later, he calls back.)

    Caller: “It that capitalized?”

    The Sticky Details

    | Huntington, WV, USA | Technology

    Me: “Thank you for calling [company]. This is [name] speaking. How may I help you?”

    Caller: “Hi, [name]. Look, my TV controller won’t work. Can you help me?”

    (I try troubleshooting, but nothing I suggest seems to work. After almost 20 minutes, he hangs up, saying he’ll call back. A few hours later…)

    Coworker: “Thank you for calling [company]. How may I help you?”

    Caller: “Can I speak to [my name]? I talked to him a few hours ago.”

    Coworker: “Oh, I’m sorry. He clocked out half an hour ago.”

    Caller: “Oh, okay. Well, when you see him again, tell him I found out why my controller wouldn’t work. I probably should’ve told him I had spilled soda all over it.”

    Less Is More Dumb

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada | At The Checkout, Technology

    (A manufacturer is running a promotion for the first batch of their smartphones, so some come with an 8GB SD card instead of a 2GB one. The box still says “Comes with 2GB SD Card”, but actually contains an 8GB SD card.)

    Me: “So, here is your new phone, and here is the box. Inside you’ll find the USB Cable, wall adaptor, and an SD Card.”

    Customer: *inspecting box contents* “Um, there is a mistake. I got an 8GB SD card when it should have been a 2GB card.”

    Me: “Oh! Well that’s excellent! That saves you some money!”

    Customer: “No, it doesn’t! I’m being ripped off! [Company] thinks that we customers are so stupid and we don’t check to make sure we are getting everything that’s supposed to be included. Well, I’m not stupid. I always check the box to make sure they aren’t trying to trick me!”

    Me: “Would you like me to give you a 2GB SD card instead of the 8GB card?”

    Customer: “Obviously! Fool me once!”


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