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    Category: Technology

    The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

    My Head Megahertz

    , | Henderson, NV, USA | Technology, Top

    Customer: “I need a new laptop. I want one better than the one I have. I want to spend no more than 600 dollars.”

    (After finding out that he has a machine running Windows 98 with 512 MB of RAM and 60 GB of hard drive space, I provide him several different laptop choices within his price range. They have either 3 GB or 4 GB of RAM, running Windows 7.)

    Customer: “No, no, no! I said better! I have 512 memory, but you keep recommending only 3 and 4! Also, 7 is way lower than 98! Get me someone who knows what I mean by better!”

    Identifiers Are For Life

    | Des Moines, IA, USA | Rude & Risque, Technology

    (Customers can come into the store to buy books, or they can create an account with an e-mail address and purchase books online. The account is your email address and whatever password they choose. A customer and his girlfriend come up the service desk.)

    Me: “How may I help you today?”

    Customer: “I can’t access my online account.”

    Me: “Okay, I can help. What is your e-mail address?”

    Customer: “Um…” *stares at the floor*

    Me: “Sir? Your email address?”

    Customer: *quietly says something*

    Me: “I’m sorry, I couldn’t hear you. Could you repeat that please?”

    (By now, other customers are waiting for assistance. Suddenly, the customer shouts his email address, loud enough for everyone to hear.)

    Customer: “Im-a-whore@[ISP].com!”

    And The Picture Becomes Clear

    , | Paris, France | Technology

    (The customer arrives very angry at my desk. He nervously holds a memory card in his hand.)

    Customer: “I want a new memory card. This one is really bad!”

    Me: “What troubles do you have with this one?”

    Customer: “It only makes blurry pictures!”

    Me: “Well, I guess the problem might be the camera, not the memory card.”

    Customer: “Oh, and do you have memory cards in black & white?”

    Me: “Or it could be the photographer…”

    Four, Five, And Whatever Comes After Six

    | West Byfleet, UK | Technology

    (I’ve been hired by a software company to phone up their customers and get feedback on their help desk service.)

    Me: “On a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being ‘poor’ and 10 being ‘excellent’, how would you rate the overall service of the help desk?”

    Customer: “Phew…I’m not sure. I mean, it’s really good.”

    Me: “I understand it’s a tricky question, but if you had to put a number to it?”

    Customer: “Well, I mean, it’s sort of in between a 8 and a 10, really.”

    Me: “So, a 9?”

    Customer: “Well, I suppose so.”

    The Beginning Of The End

    | Illinois, USA | Technology

    (I’ve been helping a caller with programming their phone. We are nearing the end of this lengthy, multi-step process.)

    Me: “Now, you’re going to enter your number with the area code.”

    Customer: “Okay.”

    Me:“After you enter your number, select OK.”

    Customer: “Okay.”

    Me: “At this point, you can keep selecting OK until you see EXIT.”

    Customer: “Okay.”

    Me: “After you press EXIT, the phone is going to power off by itself.”

    Customer: “But it’s been off the whole time.”

    Me: *speechless*


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