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    Category: Technology

    The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

    You’re Really Pushing My Buttons Today

    | Oregon, USA | Technology

    (I am an administrator at a computer lab.)

    User: “Hey, can I use one of your computers?”

    Me: “Sure, station #3 is free.”

    User: “But the screen is dark.”

    Me: “It’s just the screen saver. Press a button, and it’ll go away.”

    (She presses the power button, effectively turning the computer off.)

    User: “But it’s still dark!”

    Fax Me Up, Scotty

    | California, USA | Technology

    Facsimile, Not Facsteleporty

    (A middle aged woman rushes in and hands me a sheet of paper.)

    Customer: “Can you fax this page to [number] for me?”

    Me: “No problem!”

    Customer: “I’m just going to run next door for a coffee and be right back.”

    Me: “Sure.”

    (The customer returns after 10 minutes.)

    Customer: “You didn’t fax it yet?!”

    Me: “Yes, I did actually. It went through fine.”

    Customer: “No, you didn’t! I can see my paper laying right there!”

    PDF: Please Don’t Fuss

    | Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Technology

    Me: “Do you have a PDF file?”

    Customer: “That’s redundant!”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “PDF stands for ‘printable document file.’”

    Me: “Sir, I’m sorry but PDF stands for ‘portable document format.’”

    Customer: “No, it doesn’t! It’s ‘printable document file!’”

    Me: “One moment please.”

    (I open up a browser, look up “PDF”, and turn the computer monitor around for him to see.)

    Me: “Sir?”

    Customer: *leaves without saying another word*

    Ph.Duh

    | Nebraska, USA | Technology

    (Note: I’m doing tech support for a college professor.)

    Me: “Can I have you look at the lights on the modem?”

    Professor: “Yep, looking now.”

    (There’s a lengthy pause while I wait for him to look. After he doesn’t say anything for awhile, I decide to ask.)

    Me: “So, what are they doing?”

    Professor: “Oh! Let me go look…”

    (This goes on for another 15 minutes, where he doesn’t answer a single question I ask. I eventually manage to get him to plug a ethernet cable in, but it is still saying a cable is unplugged. He still will not not listen to me and goes on doing his own thing. Five minutes later…)

    Me: “What port is the ethernet cable plugged into?”

    Professor: “The only one it goes into.”

    Me: “And what is the other end plugged into?”

    Professor: “The computer…”

    Me: “And the other end?”

    Professor: “Well, it’s not plugged into anything.”

    (I try to keep my calm, despite being exasperated.)

    Me: “Can you plug that into the modem please?”

    Professor: “Well, now it works. So what did we do?”

    Me: “We plugged it in…”

    Weekend Roundup: Tech Support Classics

    | Not Always Right Archives | Roundups, Technology

    Introducing Weekend Roundups: each week, we’ll be featuring some of our favorite stories from the Not Always Right archives.

    Tech Support Classics! This week, we share five stories that reveal the trials, tribulations, and terrors that technical support employees endure daily.

    1. DE TING, DE TING!!!:
      Problem: Video is blue and blue on “the thing.” You know…DE TING!!!
    2. Accountants And Their Blue Tape:
      That’s right, kids! You too can click “Next” to discover the not-so-savory nether regions of your hard drive!
    3. Quantity Does Not Equal Quality:
      When in doubt, just keep inserting.
    4. Guardian Of The Tubes And Protector Of The Google:
      I CAN HAZ LORD LOLCATS NAO!
    5. His Repair Method Doesn’t Hold Water:
      For this customer, DIY stands for “Drown It Yourself.”

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