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  • Had It Up To Their Neck With Bad Customers
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    Category: Technology

    The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

    When It Is Best To Step Down

    | New York, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (An infuriated customer comes into my department with a bag that has a camcorder, DVD burner and CD’s.)

    Customer: “The person who sold this told me that it only takes three easy steps to make my DVDs, but it doesn’t even work.”

    (After fumbling with the burner for awhile, I realize that there is a CD inside.)

    Me: “That’s a CD, not a DVD; those won’t work. It says, ‘Please insert a blank DVD disc’.”

    Customer: “Those are DVDs!”

    Me: “No, those are CDs. They’re different.”

    Customer: “Well, the guy told me that they would work anyway.”

    Me: “It’s odd that the guy sold you CDs with a DVD burner. Do you remember what he looked like? Maybe I can talk to him?”

    Customer: “It’s that guy over there.”

    Me: “He doesn’t work in this department. He couldn’t have sold you a DVD burner and the CDs. Well, anyway, you need DVDs to get it to work. That’s what your problem was.”

    Customer: “Show me how to work this! I don’t have the instruction manual anymore.”

    Me: “Well, it’s easy. Plug it into the wall, open the lid, insert the disc, turn it on, pick your scene and press this red button here.”

    Customer: “It said three easy steps. That’s way more than three steps!”

    Me: “I don’t think that they consider plugging it in and putting the disc in steps.”

    An Open And Shut Case

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    Me: “Hello, [Tech Support]. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “I just got your wireless internet thingy, but I’m not sure I like it.”

    Me: “What’s wrong with it?”

    Caller: “Oh, nothing’s wrong with it. It’s much faster than my old internet; but do I always have to open my windows? I hate opening up the windows.”

    Me: “What computer do you have?”

    Caller: “I have a Mac.”

    Me: “Then how do you–”

    Caller: “Oh! No. Not that computer windows thing! I don’t have that! I mean my actual windows around my house!”

    Me: “You’re… opening up you’re windows around your house?”

    Caller: “Yes! And it’s really chilly today!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I hate to interrupt, but why is this relevant to your internet problem?”

    Caller: “Well, it’s wireless! It comes through the air, right? How else am I going to get it if the windows are closed?”

    Customers Should Watch Their Language

    | Buenos Aires, Argentina | Language & Words, Technology, Top

    (I work in tech support for a major US cable company, and sometimes we have to deal with people who just don’t want to talk to you because you’re foreign.)

    Customer: “You know what? I can’t understand a word you’re saying. You have an accent. Can I be transferred to someone who speaks English?”

    Me: “I’m pretty sure I’m speaking English right now, sir.”

    Customer: “Yeah, but I can’t understand you because of your accent.”

    Me: “So, basically you’re saying you want me to transfer you to someone else.”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “Because I have an accent.”

    Customer: “That’s right.”

    Me: “And you can’t understand what I’m saying.”

    Customer: “Exactly.”

    Me: “So how come you were able to understand what I just said?”

    *a few seconds of silence*

    Customer: “Don’t be an a**-hole and just transfer me!”

    Can’t Handle The Screening Process, Part 2

    | Illinois, USA | School, Technology

    (I teach college computer courses part time. I am introducing my students, who are 18-60 or so, to Windows and a GUI for the first time.)

    Me: “Okay, everyone use your mouse to point at the icon and double-click on it. Once in the program, go ahead with the exercise.”

    (A student raises a hand.)

    Me: “Something not working?”

    Student: “The mouse doesn’t seem to work. I point at the icon and double-click and nothing happens.”

    Me: “That’s strange. Try it right now and let’s see what happens.”

    (The student grabs the mouse, picks it up off the desk and points it at the icon like a gun and double clicks.)

    Student: “See? Isn’t that little arrow supposed to follow too? Anyway, it’s broken, doesn’t work.”

    Me: “Ah, well, see you actually use the mouse here on the mouse-pad like this.” *I demonstrate*

    Student: “Oh my, I get it now!” *grabs the mouse and successfully launches the program*

    (A few minutes go by as the students are working on the exercise, the same student raises a hand.)

    Me: “Getting along with the exercise okay?”

    Student: “I was, but now I need a bigger mouse pad.”

    Me: “Why would that be?”

    Student: “Well look at it. I have the mouse all the way to the right side of the mouse-pad, but I need to make the arrow go even further to the right on the screen. I need a bigger mouse-pad.”

    Me: “Well, you can pick the mouse up–”

    Student: “You told me not to do that.”

    Me: “Right, but in this case–”

    Student: “You’re confusing me.”

    Me: “Let me see if we have a bigger mouse-pad…”

    That’s One Supportive Mother

    | Maidstone, UK | Family & Kids, Language & Words, Technology

    Me: “Hi, can I help you at all?”

    Customer: “Yes. I’m looking for a present for my son. It’s called a ‘gay boy advanced’?”

    Me: “I’m hoping you meant a Game Boy Advanced?”

    Customer: “Oh? What did I say?”


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