Category: Technology

The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

Does Not Pass With Flying Colors

| Augusta, GA, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(Working with a brand of wireless router and walking a customer through power cycling it, I am waiting to see if the status light comes on either green or red to determine its status.)

Me: “All right, ma’am, could you please tell me what color the status light is?”

Customer: “Orange.”

Me: “Orange?”

Customer: “Or blue. I can’t tell; I’m not computer literate!”

Playstation Four-Ever

| Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Crazy Requests, Technology, Wild & Unruly

(It is late 2012, and rumors are flying about exactly what the new Playstation and Xbox would be like. A customer walks up to the counter. He looks about 20-25, with his cap on backwards and his pants low with a singlet.)

Me: “Hi, what can I do for you today mate?”

Customer: “I’d like to pre-order the new Playstation.”

Me: “I’m sorry; they haven’t actually announced it yet.”

Customer: “So? I just want to make sure I get one. How much do I need to put down?”

Me: “I’m really sorry mate, but I can’t take your money. We can’t do any pre-orders until the console is at least announced by the company.”

Customer: “Really? Well do you know when it will be released?”

Me: “Nope, but all the rumors are saying not until the end of next year.”

Customer: “That’s bull-s***! I don’t want to wait that long! They should just hurry up.”

Me: “Yeah, there’s a lot of people looking forward to it. Was there anything else I could help you with?”

Customer: “Well since I can’t get the Playstation, can I put a pre-order down for the new Xbox?”

Me: “Sorry again mate, but that hasn’t been announce yet either. But I’d say it will probably be released around the same time as the Playstation.”

Customer: “F*** off! This is bull-s***! Why can’t the f****** company just release the new consoles when I want them?! Stupid a**-holes! They should be doing what I want; I’m the paying customer! They’ll never have my money again!”

(The customer wanders around the store swearing and muttering to himself before he walks out the front and starts yelling.)

Customer: “DON’T BOTHER GOING IN THERE! THERE’S NOTHING NEW, AND THERE NEVER WILL BE! THE WHOLE PLACE IS A LIE!”

Not-So-Smart-Phone, Part 9

| Chicago, IL, USA | At The Checkout, Money, Technology

(I’m at a coffee shop that has a clear ‘We do not accept $50s or $100s” on the cash register. Customer #1 is in line with Customer #2, a teenager, behind him.)

Cashier: “I’m sorry, sir; we can’t accept $100s.”

Customer #1: “You have to! You’re breaking the law!”

(The customer starts ranting about it for a while. Meanwhile, the teenage customer behind him fiddles with her phone for a few moments before speaking up.)

Customer #2: “Excuse me? But, no, that simply isn’t true. There is no law requiring businesses accept payment in $100 bills.”

Customer #1: “What do you know about it? You’re just a kid!”

Customer #2: “Well, for one, I can use Google. Here’s what the Treasury says…”

(Customer #2 starts reading out the webpage on her phone which confirms what she says. Customer #1 shuts up and pays with normal bills.)

Related:
Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 8
Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 7
Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 6
Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 5
Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 4

Magic-Touch-Phone

| Australia | Health & Body, Religion, Technology

Customer: “I want to return this phone; it won’t turn on.”

(I turn on the phone, and it works perfectly.)

Me: “Hmm, seems to be turning on just fine.”

Customer: “I’ve been doing that all yesterday, and it didn’t work! You must have magic hands or something.”

Me: “That’s the only explanation I can think of. I should use my powers for good and go out and use my magic touch to heal things like leprosy.”

Lady: *in all seriousness* “Oh no, I don’t have that.”

Blank And Blind Judgement

| QLD, Australia | Criminal/Illegal, Technology

(It’s Saturday, our busiest day of the week. A customer comes up to me with her two children to ask for something.)

Customer: “I’m looking for an… ‘SDS card’ for my DS?”

Me: “Oh, you mean a blank SD card?”

Customer: “For storing things on?”

Me: “Yep, that’s the one.”

(I find all the SD cards we have in stock and put them out on the counter for her.)

Me: “So we have 16GB on sale for [price], and 8GB on sale for [price]. It’s probably better to go for the 16GB as it’s only $10 more and holds twice as much—”

Customer: “No, that’s not the one. I was looking for the blank game cards that you can put games on illegally.”

Me: “Um… I’m afraid we don’t sell those, because they’re illegal.”

Customer: “But my friend said she bought one at a shop in [town where we are]!”

Me: “Unfortunately a retail outlet wouldn’t be able to sell someone that product because unlike blank CDs or tapes, they don’t have a legal use, so she must have got it from the markets or a garage sale.”

Customer: “She’s not that type of person!”

Me: “I’m not judging anyone, I’m just saying it’s illegal. If I sold you one, we would get into trouble, and you could be charged with copyright infringement and piracy.”

Customer: “I’M NOT THAT SORT OF PERSON!”

Me: “…sorry?”

Customer: “YOU’RE JUDGING ME!”

(She runs out of the store with her two embarrassed kids in tow.)

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