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    Category: Technology

    The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

    Additional Charge For Unlimited Sexism Plan

    | Arkansas, USA | Bigotry, Technology

    Me: “Good afternoon! Welcome to [store name]. How may I assist you?”

    Customer: “My phone’s not working, and your service is crap.”

    Me: “Well, I’d be more than happy to help you. Sorry for your inconvenience.”

    Customer: “Just fix the d*** thing and stop talking!”

    Me: *shocked* “Yes, sir.”

    (After a few minutes of testing his device, I figure out the problem is that the phone simply has not been charged.)

    Me: “Sir, your phone is dead. It needs to be charged. That’s why you weren’t able to place a call or turn the device on.”

    Customer: “That’s bulls***. I want to talk to your manager!”

    Me: “I am the manager, sir.”

    Customer: “But you’re a woman!”

    Me: “Yes, sir, last time I checked, I was.”

    Customer: *very condescendingly* “Your place is in the kitchen. I want to speak with a male!”

    Me: *speechless*

    It Never Hurts To Ask…And Ask…And Ask

    , | Ontario, Canada | Technology

    Customer: “I need help finding a cord to plug my printer into my computer. It’s a [printer] and a Mac computer.”

    Me: “Well, all printer cables are universal these days, so I’ll show you where they are.”

    (We go to the cable aisle.)

    Me: “This is the cable you’ll need. It comes in two different lengths.”

    Customer: “This is the one I need?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “Just like that?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “You just know this is the cable I need?”

    Me: “Yes, they are all the same.”

    Customer: “How do you know?”

    Me: “Because all the cables are made the same. This square part goes in the printer, and this part goes in your computer.”

    Customer: “And you just know this is the right one?”

    Me: “Yes, there is only one kind.”

    Customer: “And you’re sure?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “How?”

    Me: “Because they are all universal.”

    Customer: “But how do you know that?”

    Me: “I don’t know. Maybe because I work here?”

    Customer: “Well, if this isn’t the right one, I’ll be bringing it back!”

    Robbing Peter To Connect Paul

    | Milwaukee, WI, USA | Technology, Top

    (While working for a customer service department, I get this call.)

    Caller: “How do I hook up my cable box to the VCR, and the VCR to the TV?”

    (I walk her through the process, TV out from the back of the cable box, to TV in on the VCR, TV out on the VCR, to antenna in on the television.)

    Caller: “No, not getting anything.”

    (I explain it to her again.)

    Caller: “Still nothing.”

    (I walk her through the process: “A” to “B”, “C” to “D”. I do this for the next half hour with no result. Finally, I give up.)

    Me: “Ma’am, how many cables do you have?”

    Caller: “One.”

    Me: “So, when I ask you to attach the cable to each point, where do you get the cable from?”

    Caller: “Oh, I just disconnect it from the previous spot!”

    Introducing The iMoney

    , | Kingston, Ontario, Canada | Technology

    (I work in a call center for a phone company. We often get customers who will say anything to get a credit. This customer is saying that her phone drops calls.)

    Me: “According to my troubleshooting flow, your phone appears to be defective. I can offer to replace your phone for free.”

    Customer: “No, I’ll take a credit.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but I cannot offer you a credit. I can only offer to replace your phone.”

    Customer: “Just give me a credit.”

    Me: “I cannot give you a credit.”

    Customer: “Why not?”

    Me: “Because that’s the resolution to your issue. Applying a monetary credit to your account will not cause your phone to stop dropping calls.”

    Customer: “Yes, it will!”

    Doctor, We’ve Got A Serious Case Of Self Loathing

    | Missouri, USA | Technology

    (This occurs at the end of a tech support call. I’ve taken the customer through troubleshooting steps that worked, resulting in the customer being back online. He’s followed instructions better than a lot of people I talk to.)

    Customer: *dejectedly* “Thanks for helping me. I’m just so stupid.”

    Me: “No, no, you did great! You got it working!”

    Customer: *incredibly sadly* “Yeah, but you had to tell me everything!”

    Me: *trying hard to cheer him up* “Well, this is my job; I was trained for this. I’m sure you know things about your job that I wouldn’t know!”

    Customer: “No, I’m stupid at my job, too…”


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