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    Category: Technology

    The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

    Weekend Roundup: Tech Support Classics, Part 2

    , , | Not Always Right | Roundups, Technology

    Tech Support Classics, Part 2: This week, we feature another five stories that reveal the trials, tribulations, and terrors that technical support employees endure daily! PS–also check out Tech Support Classics, Part 1!

    1. Scareware Makes Us Aware:
      TMI: getting an STD from an FLV!
    2. Workin’ That Tech Support Magic:
      A clever tech support employee gets some magical help!
    3. Get A Life:
      A “real”-ly demanding customer gets a “reality” check.
    4. What She Needs Is A Skynet:
      Artificial intelligence meets zero intelligence.
    5. How To Make Them As Silent As A Mouse, Part 2:
      A user points and clicks their way into the Tech Support Hall Of Shame!

    PS #1: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news galore!

    PS #2: Read more roundups here!

    Ph.Duh, Part 3

    | New York, NY, USA | Technology, Top

    (An older professor calls for help with his campus webmail. He is trying to open an email by checking the box. I show him how to click the subject instead. Lo and behold, the email opens.)

    Professor: “Well, that worked. But that’s extremely poor design, you know. How was I supposed to know to click the words?”

    Me: “Well, I’m glad we could help you figure it out.”

    Professor: “This is ridiculous. Not a single other email works like that! This is the only one I’ve ever seen where you have to click the words, not the checkbox.”

    Me: “Actually sir, that’s standard design for webmail. But now that you’re able to open your email—”

    Professor: “I use [email provider] at home and it doesn’t work like this! How come yours is different from [email provider]?”

    Me: “I’m not familiar with [email provider]‘s webmail, so I’m afraid I can’t answer your question.”

    Professor: “You’re trying to tell me that EVERY other email is just like yours, and I’m telling you it’s NOT TRUE.”

    Me: “I’m sorry that I can’t explain the differences between our webmail and [email provider]‘s. Is there anything else I can help you with?”

    Professor: “Yes, you can GO DIE!”

    (He hangs up on me, and my boss, who overheard the conversation, is livid. She contacts the professor’s department chair to report him for harassing me, and the chair sent back his deepest apologies and assured us he would reprimand the professor. Justice!)

    Related:
    Ph.Duh, Part 2
    Ph.Duh

    How About We Ring Your Neck

    | Miami, FL, USA | Technology

    (A customer walks in with his girlfriend. He’s having an issue with his cellphone.)

    Customer: “I can’t hear my phone ring! This is an outrage! I paid so much money for this thing! I should just return this piece of s*** right now!”

    (Without saying a word, I take the phone and move the “silence” switch to “off”.)

    Me: “Now try it.”

    (The girlfriend calls customer’s phone, and sure enough, it rings loud and clear. The customer sheepishly walks out and his girlfriend follows.)

    Customer’s Girlfriend: *to her boyfriend* “I told you, you f***ing idiot! We could’ve saved the trip over here!”

    Sudo-Religious

    | New Zealand | Religion, Technology

    (An older customer with a very old laptop approaches me.)

    Customer: “Can you help me? I upgraded to the new Windows 7 thing and it’s going really really slow. Do I have a virus?”

    Me: “I’ll take a look, but have you considered running Linux or moving back to Windows XP if you still have it? Your computer’s probably slow because it’s not new enough to handle the more intensive new operating systems.”

    Customer: “But Linux is made by atheists!”

    The Boss-tomer Is Always Right

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada | Technology, Top

    (I am overhearing a heated argument between a very rude customer and my manager.)

    Customer: “This game isn’t working like it’s supposed to. I demand a full refund!”

    Manager: “Once again, sir, the packaging’s already been opened. I’m afraid there’s not much I can do. If you had read the packaging before opening it, you would have known that this game would not be compatible with your system.”

    Customer: “That’s a lie! You are lying to me! This game is d*** well compatible. This one is just defective!”

    (I walk over to where my manager and the customer is. Much to my horror, I am met with a very unpleasant surprise: the customer is actually my boss at my second job.)

    Customer: “Hey! [my name]! Help me out here! This guy clearly doesn’t know what he’s talking about.”

    Me: “Well, [boss], why don’t you explain to me your side of the story, since I just joined in?”

    Customer: “I tried to run this game on my girlfriend’s laptop and it won’t work. Now this guy over here is trying to tell me that it isn’t supposed to work!”

    Me: “Um, well, he’s right. That game isn’t compatible with computers. This is an Xbox 360 game.”

    Customer: “Aww, for Christ’s sake, not you too! My girlfriend’s laptop runs Windows. Windows is Microsoft. Xbox is also Microsoft.”

    Me: “No, I’m afraid it doesn’t work that way. If it did, that would defeat the purpose of having two separate products.”

    Customer: “Don’t give me that bulls***! I want my money back now!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but you really should’ve asked an employee before you bought that game, or at least read the back of the box. We can’t take back opened products.”

    Customer: “You really gonna talk to me like that? Well, fine! You better start working here full-time now, because as of now, your a** is fired from MY shop!”

    (My now ex-boss takes his game and angrily leaves the store. What does he do for a living? He’s the owner of a retail shop and his return policy is much more strict than ours.)

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