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    Category: Technology

    The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

    Copy That, Not, Part 2

    | Ontario, Canada | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (At our copy shop, we have prepaid cards to use in the self serve area. Sometimes, the cards don’t activate right after purchasing them. Any time this happens, simply inserting into the receipt printer will activate it. We’re not sure why, but it works.)

    Customer: “My card won’t work!”

    Me: “Oh, is it saying there’s no money on it?”

    Customer: “Ya! And I gave you $3! It ate my money!”

    Me: “No, it didn’t. Sometimes, the cards take a while to activate. All you have to do it is put it in the receipt printer, and then it will work. As soon as the card pops back out, it’ll be good to go.”

    (The customer storms off. I watch her insert her card into the printer, and then stare are it for almost a minute after it pops back out. She then huffs and makes her way back over to me.)

    Customer: “It’s still not working!”

    Me: “Yep, it should be fixed now.”

    Customer: “But it didn’t work!”

    Me: “You haven’t tried to copy with it yet, though. Put it in the copier, and it will work for you.”

    Customer: “Just put $3 on my card!”

    Me: “I did already. It wasn’t working before, but I assure you, it will work now.”

    Customer: “Look, I just want to make copies, and you’re making this difficult for me! I told you already the darn card isn’t working! I put it in the machine like you told me, and then it gave my card back!”

    Me: “Yep, so it should work now.”

    Customer: “But it didn’t print a receipt!”

    Me: “Oh, that’s okay, it will still work. The only reason it didn’t print a receipt is because you haven’t made copies on it yet. But it will work now.”

    Customer: “You’re not listening to me! It won’t work! I put it in that machine like you said and it’s still broken!”

    Me: “Have you tried putting it into a copier yet?”

    Customer: “No!”

    Me: “So, go try. It’ll work.”

    Customer: *huffs and walks off to put it into a copier*

    (It worked.)

    Related:
    Copy That, Not

    How To Count On Feeling Like A 8008

    | Prescott, AZ, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I am working in the electronics section of a store. A customer approaches me to get a calculator for doing taxes. I ensure she has a decently priced calculator, two rolls of paper and extra batteries since she doesn’t have a power adapter. She leaves happily. A few hours later, she returns.)

    Customer: *holds the calculator like a hurt puppy* “Something is wrong with the calculator.”

    Me: “Oh, I am sorry to hear that. What seems to be wrong?”

    Customer: “The display doesn’t seem to be working. I wanted to see about a refund, if possible.”

    Me: “Sure, let me take a look at it.”

    (I begin to take a look over the calculator, checking things like ensuring the batteries are inserted properly, that there’s no visible damage to the casing, and that the calculator had been switched to the “on” position. My eyes wander to the display, and then I look back at her.)

    Me: “I can see why the display isn’t working.”

    Customer: “Oh, good! Could you fix it?”

    (I remove the demo sticker that goes over the display, and hold out the now-working calculator to the customer.)

    Customer: “Um…thank you…” *leaves, embarassed*

    Obviously Infected With Selective Hearingitis

    | Arizona, USA | Language & Words, Technology

    (On an unusually busy day during the slow summer sales period, a customer comes into our department and begins talking to a coworker of mine.)

    Customer: “Hey there! I’m looking for this anti-virus program that my friend told me about. I don’t remember the name, but I know it starts with a ‘k’. Oh, and it sounds Russian! I know I would remember it if I heard i or saw the box!”

    Coworker: “Oh! You must mean Kaspersky! I know it quite well, because it is the only anti-virus that I have used for the last three years.”

    Customer: “No! No, that is definitely not it! You must not know what you’re talking about. I’ll just go find it myself.”

    (I happen to be standing right next to a section nearby that houses only Kaspersky products. The customer looked around a little, and then came up to me.)

    Customer: “Hey there, I talked to one of your friends over there before, and she obviously didn’t know what she was talking about. Ha!”

    (He then repeats the same thing he said to my coworker.)

    Me: “Oh, do you mean Kaspersky?”

    Customer: “Yes! That’s the one! That other girl obviously didn’t have a clue!”

    Related:
    A Nasty Case Of Selective Hearingitis

    Don’t Get Short With This Customer

    | New York, NY, USA | Awesome Customers, Love/Romance, Technology, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (I am a cashier at a small phone shop in a large mall. At one point, a very tall, very very large man with a scowl on his face steps into line. I can tell that the longer he waits, the shorter his temper gets, so by the time he gets up to the counter about ten minutes later, he’s practically livid.)

    Me: “Hi, how can I help you today?”

    Customer: “Y’all sold me a broken device. How could you sell me broken s***?! Don’t you have any kind of quality control?”

    Me: “Um, what seems to be the problem?”

    Customer: “It don’t work! The f*** you think is the problem?!”

    Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, sir, but—”

    Customer: “I’ve already been waiting here for thirty minutes! Fix it already!”

    (Upon cursory examination of his device, it becomes apparent to me that it has suffered extensive water damage.)

    Me: “Has this device been in contact with water recently?”

    Customer: “No, of course not. I’m not stupid.”

    Me: “Well, sir, I’m afraid that given the nature of the damage to this device, we cannot repair it and it is no longer under warranty.”

    Customer: “Now hold up just a minute, you little b****. I will not have you blaming me for your problems. How dare you?!”

    (Suddenly, he SLAPS me across the face. Caught completely off guard, I take a step back and shut my eyes. But when I look back up, the man is nowhere to be seen. I notice that everyone is looking down at the floor, so I peer over the counter to see him attempting to crawl away, unable to stand up, and clutching a bleeding ear. The next customer in line is an unassuming, bespectacled man that stands no taller than 5’5″.)

    Next Customer: “Hey, are you okay?”

    Me: “Uh, yeah, I’m fine… what just happened?”

    Next Customer: “Oh, I wasn’t just gonna let him do that to you, so I slapped him back.” *his face breaks into a grin*

    Me: “Wait, you… what did you do?”

    (As it turned out, the guy with glasses was trained extensively in multiple forms or martial arts, and had leapt up and performed a cup-handed ear slap on the customer that had assaulted me. My manager has seen what has just happened and walks over.)

    Manager: *to the next customer* “Wow. That was the coolest thing I have ever seen. Thanks for that. You’re welcome to shop here anytime.”

    (Incidentally, I have been dating this short bada** for almost a year now!)

    Let Me Google That For You

    | Missouri, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    Me: “Thanks for calling [store]! How may I direct your call?”

    Customer: “Hi, I was wondering when the new season of this TV show is supposed to come out.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but our system doesn’t allow us to research release dates. I could only tell you if it was being released this month.”

    Customer: “Well, could I find out on your website?”

    Me: “Well, your best bet would just be to Google it.”

    Customer: “Umm… so what should I Google?”

    Me: “The name of the TV show, the season, and the words ‘release date.’”

    Customer: “Oh my God, thank you! I never would have thought of doing that! I’ll go look it up now. Bye!”

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