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    Category: Technology

    The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

    In Plain Site

    | Montreal, QC, Canada | Technology

    Caller: “Your website sucks. I can’t even get last month’s statement!”

    Me: “I’d be more than happy to help, sir. You can definitely obtain last month’s statement.”

    Caller: “No, I can’t! I looked everywhere. Your website is the worst bank website I’ve ever seen!”

    Me: “I’ll show you exactly where you need to go, sir. You can obtain last month’s statement by—”

    Caller: “Even [other bank] and [another bank] have better websites than you! This is absolutely ridiculous!”

    Me: “Like I said, sir, we do have last month’s statement on our website. You can even see your statement from years ago.”

    Caller: “No, you can’t! Your website sucks! You should have last month’s statement!”

    Me: “If you can humour me, sir, please log in.”

    Caller: “Fine, I’ve logged in. You see?! I don’t see last month’s statement anywhere!”

    Me: “So you’re currently on the home page, sir?”

    Caller: “Yes!”

    Me: “Okay, now please click on “Last Statement”, which is right in the middle of the page.”

    Caller: *clicks the link and stays totally silent*

    Me: “Did you need help looking up anything else?”

    Caller: “Your website still sucks!”

    Kernel Panic

    | Illinois, USA | Technology, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (I’m working at my local electronics store as a technician. A customer in her mid-30s walks up with a laptop.)

    Customer: “There’s something wrong with my laptop screen. It’s all screwed up!”

    Me: “Screwed up like how? Can you please be more specific, ma’am?”

    Customer: “I don’t know how to describe it. The picture’s all warped, and there are these funny multicolored lines on it.”

    Me: “Well, let me take a look at it…”

    (The customer sets the laptop on the counter and I turn it on. As soon as it turns on, it is obvious that the laptop screen is cracked.)

    Me: “Wow! It looks like the screen has an internal crack in it. What happened? Did the laptop fall? Was it struck with something?”

    (The customer looks at me sheepishly for a few moments, and then she responds.)

    Customer: “Last night, I was online and I was eating pistachios. One of them had a really hard shell. So, I took the nut, set it on the laptop, and closed the lid on it so the shell would crack.”

    Me: “You tried to crack open a nut with your laptop?!”

    Customer: “Well, yeah. I didn’t think a pistachio would break my laptop!”

    Take Your Time, And Ours Too

    | Ohio, USA | Food & Drink, Technology, Time

    (Note: I have been trying to help a caller get logged into our website for 20 minutes, but she keeps mistyping her username.)

    Me: “Alright, let’s try this again. Remember that your username is ******. So, try it again and I’ll wait for you to type.”

    Caller: “Okay, I’ll try it again. Just give me a minute to type.”

    (For a few minutes, there is silence. Then, I hear her get up, walk away from the phone, and begin to punch what sounds like microwave buttons. Soon afterwards, I hear popcorn popping.)

    Me: *confused* “Are you still trying to enter your username?”

    Caller: “Oh! Are we still trying to get me logged in? I thought we were just chatting now, and I thought I would make myself a snack!”

    My Head Megahertz, Part 2

    | Kansas, USA | Technology

    Customer: “Hi, I would like to buy one of your trigabit hard drives.”

    Me: “Did you mean terabyte? We have a few right over here.”

    Customer: “No! I want a trigabit hard drive. Don’t tell me you don’t have one!”

    Me: “How much are you trying to store on this drive?”

    Customer: “Some family photos.”

    Me: “Around how many?”

    Customer: “Probably around 100. My son is very smart with computers and he said I would need at least a trigabyte!”

    Me: “Well, this 500 gigabyte hard drive will have more than enough space.”

    Customer: “You are frauds! I am never shopping here again!” *storms out*

    Related:
    My Head Megahertz

    Weekend Roundup: Tech Support Classics, Part 2

    , , | Not Always Right | Roundups, Technology

    Tech Support Classics, Part 2: This week, we feature another five stories that reveal the trials, tribulations, and terrors that technical support employees endure daily! PS–also check out Tech Support Classics, Part 1!

    1. Scareware Makes Us Aware:
      TMI: getting an STD from an FLV!
    2. Workin’ That Tech Support Magic:
      A clever tech support employee gets some magical help!
    3. Get A Life:
      A “real”-ly demanding customer gets a “reality” check.
    4. What She Needs Is A Skynet:
      Artificial intelligence meets zero intelligence.
    5. How To Make Them As Silent As A Mouse, Part 2:
      A user points and clicks their way into the Tech Support Hall Of Shame!

    PS #1: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news galore!

    PS #2: Read more roundups here!

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