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  • Had It Up To Their Neck With Bad Customers
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    Category: Technology

    The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

    This Domain Is Not In Your Dominion

    | Boston, MA, USA | Technology

    (The company I work for is in the business of hosting websites. I receive a call from a customer who is having trouble logging into his control panel.)

    Customer: “I can’t login to my website.”

    Me: “What’s your domain name?”

    Customer: “[username]@yahoo.com.”

    Me: “That sounds like an email address to me, not a domain.”

    Customer: “That’s my dominion.”

    Me: “Your domain name should be something like www.[sitename].com.”

    Customer: “Right, it’s [username]@yahoo.com.”

    Me: “Sir, that’s not a domain name.”

    Customer: “Yes, that’s my dominion!”

    Related:
    Dubya Dubya Dubya Dot Duh

    For The FBI, The M.O. On This PDF Is TBD

    | Baltimore, MD, USA | Rude & Risque, Technology

    Customer: “My pedophile won’t print.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “I sent my pedophile to print but it won’t come out the printer.”

    Me: “Oh, you mean PDF file? As in Adobe PDF?”

    Customer: “Yeah, that.”

    But The Energizer Bunny Never Dies

    | Burlington, VT, USA | Technology

    (I have been troubleshooting this customer’s cable for a while now. Finally, after getting his TV on the proper input, this happens.)

    Me: “Sir, does the little red light on the remote blink when you press a button on the remote?”

    Customer: “Err…no?”

    Me: “Okay, sir, that means the batteries in the remote are dead.”

    Customer: “What? That’s terrible! They can die?”

    I’m Falling (And Calling) To Pieces

    | Saskatoon, Canada | Technology

    Me: “Thanks for calling. How can I help you?”

    (I hear a loud banging noise over the phone.)

    Caller: “Sorry, I dropped my phone.”

    (More banging.)

    Caller: “Oh, no! I dropped my remote. Hold on.”

    (A few minutes later…)

    Caller: “I got my remote now.”

    (More banging.)

    Caller: “My batteries just fell out.”

    (More banging.)

    Caller: “Are you still there? I dropped my phone.” *call drops*

    Right-Click, Wrong-Click, Part 3

    | Phoenix, AZ, USA | Technology

    Me: “Thank you for calling [company]. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “Hi, I am trying to find out how much RAM I have on my computer.”

    Me: “Okay. An easy way to find this is to right-click on the my computer icon, and left-click on properties.”

    Caller: “Oh, okay. Now what?”

    Me: “You should see a box pop up with information about the computer on it.”

    Caller: “Okay, but nothing happened.”

    Me: “Nothing at all? What do you see on your screen?”

    Caller: “My desktop.”

    Me: “Alright. Well let’s try this again. What happens when you right-click on the my computer icon?”

    Caller: “Nothing.”

    Me: “Is the computer on?”

    Caller: “Yes.”

    Me: “Can you tell me, step by step, what you did?”

    Caller: “Sure. You asked me to write click on my computer, and I didn’t want to write on my brand new computer, so I got a sticky note and wrote ‘click’ on the note. I stuck it to the screen, over the my computer icon.”

    Me: *pause* “Oh. Okay. Well, by saying right-click, I meant pushing the button on the right side of the mouse. When you do this, it makes a clicking noise, so we techies call it ‘right-click’.”

    Caller: “Oh, wow. That makes sense!”

    Related:
    Right-Click, Wrong-Click, Part 2
    Right-Click, Wrong-Click


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