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  • Customer Service Is Over(reaction)
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    Category: Technology

    The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

    Ph.Duh, Part 2

    , | Grand Rapids, MI, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology, Top

    (I work at the college IT department. One day, I get a phone call from a professor.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling the help desk. How may we help you?”

    Professor: “My computer is making a beeping sound. I can’t get it to stop. Can you send someone to fix it?”

    Me: “Sure, I’ll be right over.”

    (I arrive at the professor’s office.)

    Professor: “I don’t understand why it is doing this. It has never done this before.”

    (I notice a rather large book on top of his keyboard.)

    Me: “Sir, you can’t leave objects on top of your keyboard. That is what causes the beeping.”

    (I remove the book.)

    Professor: *embarrassed* “Oh.”

    (This professor is the department chair of the Computer Science division of the college. He has a Ph.D in Computer Science.)

    Related:
    Ph.Duh

    Some People Aren’t Backward Compatible

    | Ohio, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I work at a public library. Patrons often ask us how to print from the computers.)

    Patron: “I need to pay for my printing.”

    Me: “Okay. When you hit the print button, how much did it say it was going to cost?”

    Patron: “I did not hit the print button.”

    Me: “What computer were you sitting at?”

    Patron: *impatient* “I was not sitting at a computer. I am trying to print from the typewriter!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I am confused. You were not sitting at a computer, but at the typewriter? And you want to print what you typed?”

    Patron: “This is ridiculous! I cannot believe you won’t help me!” *leaves*

    No Recognition Or Cognition

    | Canada | Language & Words, Technology

    (A customer comes in asking for dictation software. I showed him a very popular dictation package.)

    Customer: “Does that use voice recognition?”

    Me: “Yes, it does.”

    Customer: “Oh, I don’t want that! Voice recognition doesn’t work. Do you have any dictation software that doesn’t use voice recognition?”

    Me: “No, we do not.”

    Customer: *looks annoyed and leaves*

    Try Adobe HeathenShop

    | Baltimore, MD, USA | Religion, Technology, Top

    Customer: “Excuse me, can you tell me how this converter works?”

    Me: “Let me see. It looks like you put your old photo negatives into it and it converts them to digital images.”

    Customer: “So, it doesn’t make them Christians?”

    Me: “Uh…what? Who?”

    Customer: “It says it’s a “converter”. So, does it make the people in the pictures turn from devil worshippers into Christians?”

    Me: *stunned* “No…No, it doesn’t do anything like that. It takes old negative strips from film cameras and converts them into digital images.”

    Customer: “So, it won’t make them Christian?”

    Me: “Nope.”

    Customer: “What a useless piece of crap that is, then!”

    Forget-PC-Not

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Technology

    (I’m working as operator for a computer repair shop.)

    Customer: “I’d like to check on the status of my repair, please.”

    (I look her up in our system and her computer has been ready for 48 days.)

    Me: “Ma’am, your computer has been ready for 48 days.”

    Customer: “I know! I forgot all about it. Today, my daughter asked about the computer. I was all, ‘What computer?’”

    Me: “Well, if you could pick it up before the 21st, that would be great. Otherwise, we have to recycle it.”

    Customer: “Don’t do that! I need my computer!”

    Me: “Don’t worry, ma’am. Today’s the 8th. You have some time.”

    Customer: “But what if I forget?”

    Me: “Please don’t!”


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