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    Category: Technology

    The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

    Listening Is Believing

    | Michigan, USA | Technology

    (At the store where I work, we have a rewards program. If customers spend a certain amount of money, they get to go online and print off a coupon that takes money off of their order. One day, I am working the register and this happens.)

    Caller: “I can’t print off this coupon. It won’t let me log on to my account!”

    Me: “Do you have the right email/password?”

    Caller: “I do. This is the password to my email address!”

    Me: “It’s different than your email’s password. This is a completely different site, and is different than checking your email.”

    Caller: “It won’t work! Make it work! This is so stupid! Fix it!”

    Me: “Does it give you an option to change your password?”

    Caller: “No! Make it work!”

    Me: “Try changing your password—”

    Caller: “That won’t work! I know the password to my email address!”

    Me: “If you change it, you should be able to get in.”

    Caller: “This is ridiculous!”

    (She finally agrees to try and change password, and clicks the link.)

    Caller: “Oh! That worked…”

    Don’t Forget To Stock Up On Salmon Cartridges

    | Hagerstown, MD, USA | Technology

    (A customer is sent back to my department to find ink for her printer.)

    Me: “Hello, ma’am. Do you need black or color?”

    Customer: “I need cayenne.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t know which color you mean. We have cyan; that’s a light blue.”

    Customer: “No, I need cayenne. You know, like a peppery red.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I don’t believe we have that color.”

    (The customer bends over to get a closer look at the ink.)

    Customer: “Hmmm, margarine.” *looking at the magenta* “Yellow…I don’t see cayenne.”

    Me: “Are you sure you don’t mean cyan? It kinda sounds like cayenne.”

    Customer: “No, I need red. My printer is out of red. Why wouldn’t you carry red ink?!” *walks out of the store before I can explain further*

    Microsoft Tours Are Megahard

    | Sacramento, CA, USA | Technology

    (A customer approaches me on the sales floor.)

    Customer: “Hi…um…where are your Mi-cro-softs?”

    Me: “Sorry, my Microsofts? Microsoft is a company.”

    Customer: “Yeah. It’s on my list here, but I can’t find it in your store.”

    Me: “Actually, they make a lot of stuff.”

    Customer: “Yeah. Show me everything…”

    (I proceed to go through everything Microsoft I can think of, including keyboards, mice, Word, Publisher, Excel, Powerpoint, operating systems, some basic card games, and clip art collections. We go back and forth, and eventually I show her Windows 7 and Office disks. In the end, she left the store without purchasing anything.)

    Square Plug Into A Round Hole

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Technology

    Me: “Hello, sir, how can I help you?”

    Caller: “Hi, I’d like to take this plug and put it into that socket.”

    Me: “Okay, sir. What is the shape and color of the plug and socket?”

    Caller: “The plug is blue and square-shaped and the socket is a blue circle.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but it doesn’t look like those plugs are compatible.”

    Caller: “That’s not right. They’re both blue.”

    Me: “Yes, but the plug is square and the socket is a circle. Square plugs usually won’t fit into a circle-shaped socket.”

    Caller: “But they’re both blue and conduct electricity from this local area. That doesn’t make sense!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I can’t help you do what you want to do. You need a square-shaped socket for it to happen.”

    Caller: “Really? I’m not so sure you’re right. You sound rather confused, actually…”

    Problem Exists Between Chair, Coffee, Radiator, Dishwasher, Dryer, And Keyboard

    | Oklahoma City, OK, USA | Technology

    Me: “Thank you for calling [company]. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “So, like, I poured coffee on my keyboard, then put it on my radiator to dry it out, then ran it through the dishwasher, then through the dryer, but now when I type it does funny things. Do you think the coffee could have ruined it?”

    (I have to place customer on mute to laugh for almost a minute while he elaborates on his story.)

    Me: “Yes, sir, it does sound like your keyboard has physical damage and will need to be replaced.”


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