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    Category: Technology

    The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

    Dealing With A Magic Bean Counter

    | MN, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (One of my tech staff gets off the phone with a loud client. He is visibly frustrated.)

    Me: “Next time he calls, put him through to me.”

    Tech Staff: “Okay!”

    (Minutes later, the call is escalated to me.)

    Caller: “This is unacceptable! I demand you fix my issue!”

    Me: “Well, unfortunately, you are using an unsupported email client. When you called us to set it up, we explained to you what would happen if you used this client. It appears that you did it anyway. We cannot fix it for you.”

    Caller: “That’s unacceptable! We pay you good money to host this for us! I expect you to resolve this for me!”

    Me: “Okay, sir. You are a financial advisor to your clients, right?”

    Caller: “Yes.”

    Me: “So, imagine a customer came to you, and told you they wanted to move all of their investments into magic beans. What would you tell them?”

    Caller: “Well, that’s just stupid. I—”

    Me: “EXACTLY! So, imagine they did it anyway, and came back to you a few weeks later complaining that they’d lost all of their money. Would you accept liability?”

    Caller: “No, but—”

    Me: “Well, that’s where I am right now.”

    (We never heard from the caller again.)

    Her Credit Didn’t Quite Make The Cut

    | Ottawa, ON, Canada | Extra Stupid, Technology

    Me: “Thank you for calling, how can I help you?”

    Caller: “My card isn’t working, and I think I know why.”

    Me: “Okay, ma’am. Why do you think your card isn’t working?”

    Caller: “Well, I cut the end off. I accidentally cut through the chip, and after that it wouldn’t work in the cash register. I think that’s what did it.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. Did you say that you cut a piece of the card off?”

    Caller: “Well, yes. It wouldn’t fit in the pocket in my wallet, so I cut it so that it would fit.”

    Me: “Okay. Well, yes. That would most likely be the reason why it isn’t working. We’ll replace the card for you. It should arrive in seven to ten working days. Did you have any other questions or concerns today?”

    Caller: “Yes, actually. Do you think if I cut the other side of the card without the chip on it, it would work fine?”

    The Signal Is Strong With This One

    | UK | Geeks Rule, Movies & TV, Technology, Top

    Customer: “I’m looking for a Motorola Android phone.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. We don’t sell Motorola in this store. We do, however, have several different Android handsets you could take a look at.”

    (The customer dutifully looks over several Android phones, before turning to the me. He looks serious.)

    Customer: “These are not the ‘droids I’m looking for.”

    Tai-Want It Now

    | Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Geography, Technology

    (I am a customer waiting in line when I hear this exchange between the repair person and a customer.)

    Repair Person: “Alright, ma’am, we’re going to have to order some parts from the factory to get this fixed. They should be here in about 10 days.”

    Customer: *very angry* “10 days?! Are you serious? Why the h*** is it so long? What is wrong with you people?! In Taiwan, they could get parts the same day!”

    Repair Person: “Ma’am, in Taiwan, the factory is right next door.”

    Customer: *leaves, defeated*

    How To Make Them As Silent As A Mouse, Part 4

    | Wales, UK | Extra Stupid, Technology

    Customer: “I’m trying to get on to the computer, but the mouse cursor is just jumping all over the screen erratically. Can I swap to a different one?”

    Me: “Of course, if there’s another one free.”

    Customer: “But how do I log off this one if I can’t get the mouse cursor to press the button?”

    Me: “I’ll come over and sort it in a second.”

    (I walk over. Instantly, I see the problem.)

    Customer: “Maybe there’s a loose wire or something?”

    Me: “Well, if you turn the mouse back the right way round, it should work.”

    Related:
    How To Make Them As Silent As A Mouse, Part 3

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