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    Category: Technology

    The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

    Just Point And Spook

    | Michigan, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    Customer: *hands me a photo* “Hello there. Can you help me scan and make duplicates of a photo?”

    Me: “Sure thing! We just use this scanner here—”

    (At that moment, I look at photo and notice a white camera strap taking up half the photo. I can see the camera’s brand name on the strap, blurred but readable.)

    Me: “Uh, excuse me? Are you sure you want to scan this photo? It seems the camera strap got caught in the lens.”

    Customer: “Really? I didn’t notice that. Where is it?”

    Me: “Right here, ma’am.” *points at the camera strap*

    Customer: “HOW DARE YOU! That’s the spirit of my grandfather! How can you even claim it is a camera strap!?! You are just a terrible employee!” *storms off*

    At Least She Brought Windows Cleaner

    | Oslo, Norway | Bizarre, Health & Body, Technology

    (A customer has just bought a cellphone. She wants me to show her how to insert the SIM card. I open the cover on the phone and reach for the SIM card when she shouts, startling me.)

    Customer: “No! Don’t touch it!”

    Me: “But I have to put the SIM card in—”

    Customer: “No! You can’t touch it!”

    Me: “I have to touch it to insert the SIM Card into the cellphone.”

    Customer: “But I don’t want you to touch it! It will get viruses on it! I’ve heard it can happen! Just show me how to do it, and I’ll do it myself!”

    Me: “Ma’am, the viruses you’ve heard about are digital programs, and can not be transmitted from a person touching the SIM card. But if you absolutely don’t want me touching it, you may insert the SIM card yourself.”

    Customer: “I don’t want viruses in my cellphone! I’ll do it myself, thank you.”

    (At this point the customer takes out a bottle of window cleaner spray and towel, sprays it on her hands, and dries them off. Then, she very carefully grabs the SIM card on the edges and slides it inside the cellphone.)

    Customer: “See?! No viruses!”

    Me: “Well done, ma’am. Have a nice day.”

    Technically, He Set It To Vibrate

    | New York, USA | Technology, Wild & Unruly

    (Two customers enter the electronics department.)

    Me: “Can I help you two with anything?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I dropped my phone in the toilet.”

    Customer’s Friend: “No, you dropped it in the sink.”

    Me: “Well, did you try putting it in a bag of rice?”

    Customer: “No, I put it in the microwave.”

    Me: “Sir, you aren’t supposed to put electronic devices in the microwave.”

    Customer: “I realize that now…it exploded after ten seconds in the thing!”

    This Apple Falls Far From The IP

    | Manchester, UK | Awesome Customers, Technology, Top

    (I have been trying to help a caller connect her new router up to accept all the wireless devices in her house, as she’s recently changed her internet supplier to us. It’s been almost 40 minutes and not going well, until this happens.)

    Caller: “Well, you’re obviously not getting this! I’ll let my son explain because he’s been working on this for hours.”

    Me: “Okay, ma’am, no problem.”

    (The caller’s son gets on the phone.)

    Caller’s Son: “Right…what’s happening is that my DS isn’t connecting due to our wireless having too high security, so I’ve been trying to drop it from whatever WPA it’s on down to WEP. However, to do this I need to log into the router settings using my IP address. I used the static IP address, but to actually log in I need a username and password. I checked on the internet and it says to use admin and password, but whenever I tried it just cleared both fields.”

    Me: *slightly stunned* “Uh, well, what you could try is the router password that’s specific to you. It should be on the help sheet that came with the router itself.”

    (Around twenty seconds later…)

    Caller’s Son: “Ah, thanks very much. Cheers!

    Me: “No problem. If you have any other queries, feel free to call us again.”

    Caller’s Son: *hangs up*

    Me: *to coworker* “I f***ing love tech savvy kids.”

    Man Up And Let A Woman Fix It

    | Naples, FL, USA | Bigotry, Technology, Top

    (One of the new girls is trying to take care of an older gentleman who is having a problem with his phone. I actually discovered a temporary fix for the issue and have taught it to the new girl while we wait for a permanent one from corporate. I’m at the station right next to hers, and she’s done a good job at determining the issue, but she’s just having a hard time remembering the instructions for the fix. Note that I am also female.)

    Customer: “You have no idea what you’re doing do you? Get me a tech guy now!”

    New Girl: “Sir, we don’t have techs here, but I know exactly what the problem is and I can fix it. Give me a minute to—”

    Customer: “I SAID get me a tech guy! Geez, women can’t do anything right!”

    (Frustrated, the new girl turns to me.)

    New Girl: “Hey, that fix you showed me…how—”

    Customer: “Did you not hear me?! I said tech GUY! As in, get me a MAN!”

    New Girl: “Sir, I can assure you, she’s the closest thing to a tech that we have here at the store.”

    Customer: “Ugh! She’s not going to know anything either!”

    Me: “Actually, sir, your problem is an easy fix. I know exactly—”

    Customer: “This is outrageous! I want to speak to your manager now!”

    Me: “Sure thing.”

    (I go to the back room and proceed to get both our assistant manager and our district manager, whose office is in our building. Neither one of them has a clue on how to fix the memory issue, so they both ask me why the customer doesn’t just let me fix it. They agree to speak to the customer.)

    Customer: “Oh, thank God! Men!”

    Assistant Manager: *takes phone and looks at it* “So, it’s the memory, huh?”

    New Girl: “Yep.”

    District Manager: *to assistant manager* “Okay, then…you know what to do.”

    Assistant Manager: “Yes, sir!” *hands phone to me* “Fix this thing since you’re the only one here who knows how to!”

    Me: “Sure!” *takes phone*

    Customer: *shocked* “I don’t want her touching it! She’s a woman! How the h***—”

    District Manager: “Yes, she is, and a great one at that. If it wasn’t for this young lady figuring out this issue, our company would be losing tens of thousands of dollars in replacement phones right now.”

    Customer: “But women can’t—”

    Assistant Manager: “I’m VERY happy to have her here in my store and I will do anything to protect all of my employees. If I hear one more biased comment out of your mouth, I will have her hand you back the phone RIGHT NOW and you can leave here with your phone still messed up.”

    Customer: *face turns beet red and shuts up*

    (I proceed to go though the phone, showing the new girl step-by-step how to fix the issue in the future. When we’re done, I hand her the phone to give back to the customer.)

    New Girl: “So, there you go, it’s fixed! Was there anything else we could help you with today?”

    Customer: *silently walks out the door with his phone, defeated*

    Me: *to the new girl* “Good job. Don’t worry, it happens a lot.” *to my managers* “Thanks for the support, guys. I appreciate it.”

    District Manager: “Oh, don’t worry, we know better. And you’ll be rewarded, trust me!”

    (I was rewarded. I won MVP of our store for that quarter and got a bonus!)

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