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  • May Theme Of The Month: Movie Mayhem!

    Category: Technology

    The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

    Not-So-Smart-Phone, Part 9

    | Chicago, IL, USA | At The Checkout, Money, Technology

    (I’m at a coffee shop that has a clear ‘We do not accept $50s or $100s” on the cash register. Customer #1 is in line with Customer #2, a teenager, behind him.)

    Cashier: “I’m sorry, sir; we can’t accept $100s.”

    Customer #1: “You have to! You’re breaking the law!”

    (The customer starts ranting about it for a while. Meanwhile, the teenage customer behind him fiddles with her phone for a few moments before speaking up.)

    Customer #2: “Excuse me? But, no, that simply isn’t true. There is no law requiring businesses accept payment in $100 bills.”

    Customer #1: “What do you know about it? You’re just a kid!”

    Customer #2: “Well, for one, I can use Google. Here’s what the Treasury says…”

    (Customer #2 starts reading out the webpage on her phone which confirms what she says. Customer #1 shuts up and pays with normal bills.)

    Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 8
    Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 7
    Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 6
    Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 5
    Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 4


    | Australia | Health & Body, Religion, Technology

    Customer: “I want to return this phone; it won’t turn on.”

    (I turn on the phone, and it works perfectly.)

    Me: “Hmm, seems to be turning on just fine.”

    Customer: “I’ve been doing that all yesterday, and it didn’t work! You must have magic hands or something.”

    Me: “That’s the only explanation I can think of. I should use my powers for good and go out and use my magic touch to heal things like leprosy.”

    Lady: *in all seriousness* “Oh no, I don’t have that.”

    Blank And Blind Judgement

    | QLD, Australia | Criminal/Illegal, Technology

    (It’s Saturday, our busiest day of the week. A customer comes up to me with her two children to ask for something.)

    Customer: “I’m looking for an… ‘SDS card’ for my DS?”

    Me: “Oh, you mean a blank SD card?”

    Customer: “For storing things on?”

    Me: “Yep, that’s the one.”

    (I find all the SD cards we have in stock and put them out on the counter for her.)

    Me: “So we have 16GB on sale for [price], and 8GB on sale for [price]. It’s probably better to go for the 16GB as it’s only $10 more and holds twice as much—”

    Customer: “No, that’s not the one. I was looking for the blank game cards that you can put games on illegally.”

    Me: “Um… I’m afraid we don’t sell those, because they’re illegal.”

    Customer: “But my friend said she bought one at a shop in [town where we are]!”

    Me: “Unfortunately a retail outlet wouldn’t be able to sell someone that product because unlike blank CDs or tapes, they don’t have a legal use, so she must have got it from the markets or a garage sale.”

    Customer: “She’s not that type of person!”

    Me: “I’m not judging anyone, I’m just saying it’s illegal. If I sold you one, we would get into trouble, and you could be charged with copyright infringement and piracy.”

    Customer: “I’M NOT THAT SORT OF PERSON!”

    Me: “…sorry?”

    Customer: “YOU’RE JUDGING ME!”

    (She runs out of the store with her two embarrassed kids in tow.)

    Making You Feel Washed Out

    | Maple Ridge, BC, Canada | Extra Stupid, Technology, Transportation

    (A customer has purchased a car wash.)

    Customer: “I’ve never done this here before. What do I do now?”

    Me: “Oh, it’s very simple. Just pull around to the entrance over there, and punch this code here into the keypad there. Then the red light will go green. Just drive in slowly until it turns red. It’ll wash your car, and when it goes green again you can go. Make sure you’ve rolled all the windows up before you go in.”

    Customer: “Wait, I go in on the… red?

    Me: “No, it’s just like a traffic light. Stop on the red, go on the green.”

    Customer: “So, I go in when it goes…?”

    Me: “When it turns green, yes. Just like a traffic light. Red means stop, green means go.”

    Customer: “What do I do when it’s red?”

    Me: “You stop. The brushes move around you, and when it’s done, the light will go green again, and you can go.”

    Customer: “So I stop on the red, and go on the green? No, wait, that’s not right…”

    Me: “No, that’s right. It’s JUST like a traffic light. When it turns green you drive in; when it turns red you stop.”

    Customer: “So, I… go in when it’s green?”

    Me: “Yup! Green means go. They both start with G’s, so it’s easy to remember.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay! So green means go. Okay! But then red means…?”

    Me: “Red means stop. Just like a traffic light.”

    (The customer goes, clutching her code and repeating ‘Green means go, red means stop’ under her breath. Sure enough, she runs into trouble, and we have to go out and help her. The worst part is that SHE DROVE HERE.)

    Price-Rise Of The Machines

    | OH, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Technology

    (We recently had a coupon printer installed that gives out coupons to customers. It says “Please take your coupon” whenever it prints.)

    Coupon printer: “Please take your coupon.”


    Me: “But… don’t you want your coupon? It’s good for 50 cents off a granola bar.”

    Customer: “I would rather pay full price than do anything a robot tell me to!”

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