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    Category: Technology

    The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

    A Mother’s Gift

    | Provo, UT, USA | Technology

    Me: “Okay, before I reset your password, I just need you to verify your identity for me. Please respond to the security question that you set up when you made your account.”

    User: “Okay, what is it?”

    Me: “It looks like your security question is…’Show me what yo’ mamma gave you!’”

    User: *raucous laughter*

    (We laugh about it together for a good minute. The sound is so loud it draws the attention of my coworkers. He then admits that he remembers entering that security question, but has no idea what he put as the answer — which was simply his name.)

    Log On To The Clueless Wide Web

    | Utah, USA | Technology

    Caller: “My Outlook isn’t working anymore. When I put my password in, it doesn’t log me in.”

    Me: “Are you able to access your email using web-access for our email system?”

    Caller: “What’s that?”

    (This is forgivable. Oftentimes, professors don’t know that they can access their work email using a website as well.)

    Me: “Okay, well, if you just go to [site.domain.edu] and enter your credentials–”

    Caller: “What’s that?”

    Me: “It’s the URL of the web access client. Just open your internet browser and type it in–”

    Caller: “What’s an internet browser?”

    Me: “It’s the program you use to access the internet.”

    Caller: “What’s the internet?”

    Me: *speechless*

    Dumb&Dumberest

    | Alabama, USA | Technology

    (I work at an IT helpdesk that supports store managers. A manager calls in about problems with their telephone system.)

    Me: “Can you tell me what model equipment are you guys are using?”

    Customer: “I don’t know what kind it is.”

    Me: “Can you read me what the label says on unit?”

    Customer: “It says A…T…something in Chinese…and another T.”

    Me: “Chinese?”

    Customer: “I’m gonna unplug it.”

    Me: “No, wait. Don’t–” *call disconnects*

    (Since he disconnected his entire telephone system, we couldn’t contact the store and had to drive down to talk to them personally. We ended up having to hire a 3rd party tech to go out and plug that device back in and reconfigure the entire system. Apparently, they don’t have the ampersand in Alabama.)

    Useless By Proxy

    | Detroit, MI, USA | Technology

    (A customer calls for a replacement MP3 player due to a manufacturer defect.)

    Me: “I’d be happy to set up a replacement for you. May I have the email address that the device is registered to?”

    Customer: “It’s my boyfriend’s. I don’t know the email address.”

    Me: “Okay, what’s wrong with the MP3 player?”

    Customer: “I don’t know. It just needs to be replaced.”

    Me: “Sure. What address do you want it shipped to?”

    Customer: “I don’t know.”

    Me: “Would you like to have your boyfriend give us a call when he is ready to set up the replacement?”

    Customer: “Oh, no. He doesn’t know what he’s doing!”

    He Who Giveth

    | UK | Technology, Top

    (I work as a security manager and share an office with the tech support teams in a hospital. One day, the client walks into the office.)

    Client: “My windows login says it’s disabled.”

    IT Support member: “Yes, I disabled it because when I came to service your printer last night, I noticed your password was written down next to your keyboard.”

    Client: “I write it down because I always forget it.”

    IT Support member: “I disabled it because you are not supposed to do that.”

    Client: “Well, can I have a new password and my account enabled?”

    Me: “I hope you are not going to write it down again. It’s a serious offence, especially given you have access to patient details.”

    Client: *angrily* “Well, I’m writing it down anyway. What are you going to do about it?!”

    Me: “We can disable your account permanently and recommend disciplinary action against you.”

    Client: “Ha! Well, go ahead. I don’t care. You can’t do anything to me. I’ve been here for years and I retire in two years anyway, so there!”

    (The next day, the same client comes back to my office.)

    Client: “My computer is not in my office.”

    Me: “That’s correct, it’s currently being rebuilt.”

    Client: “When can I get it back?”

    Me: “I’ve spoken to your manager. He said you can do your job without a computer for the next two years.”


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