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  • A Caffeinated Christmas Miracle
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  • Category: Technology

    The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

    Customer Service Is Its Own Reward

    | TX, USA | Family & Kids, Technology, Top

    (I have been talking to a father and son for roughly an hour about many different headsets, so that they can weigh all the pros and cons and decide on the best pair for them.)

    Father: “Okay, we’ll take two of the [headsets].”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we actually don’t have those in stock. We sold our last one today. I can check to see if somewhere nearby does if you’d like?”

    Father: “Oh yes, absolutely!”

    (I check in the system, and let him know the nearest store that has two of the headsets he wants.)

    Father: “Thank you so much. Do I mention your name when I get there?”

    Me: “No, sir, just ask for the headsets. They’ll pull them right out for you.”

    Father: “But don’t you get credit somehow? You told me everything, and I’m not even buying from you.”

    Me: “No, sir, we don’t. I really appreciate that you notice this, but I’m very happy to have directed you to a product you enjoy. It really makes my day just for you to want us to be credited with the sale.”

    (The son pulls the father to the side and begins talking, then the two exit the store after waving and expressing their thanks. Around two hours later, I notice them come back in the store.)

    Me: “Welcome back! Did something happen?”

    Father: “Oh no. We got everything just fine. They had just what we wanted, but we felt so bad that you don’t get anything out of the deal, so we got this for you.”

    (The son hands me a gift card.)

    Me: “Wow, thank you! I can’t believe you did this. This is so nice!”

    Son: “It’s not fair that you helped us, and we didn’t help you. I had extra allowance money.”

    (I shake the father’s hand and give the son a big hug. I have the biggest smile on my face, and I praise them for being such wonderful people. It’s gestures like these that make me so happy to provide customer service where it’s needed.)

    O Dear

    | Anchorage, AK, USA | At The Checkout, Technology

    (I’m working at the self-checkout area. I watch over the customers, and help them if they seem lost. One customer has a bunch of green onions, and is looking for them in the ‘No Barcode’ area, under ‘G’. This is a common mistake, so I go to help.)

    Me: “‘O’, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Oh, what?”

    Me: “No, ‘O’. It’s under ‘O’.”

    Customer: “It’s under oh what? What’s it under?”

    Me: “‘O’.”

    Customer: “Oh, what? What’s it under?”

    (I walk over to her and tap the ‘O’ button.)

    Me: “No, it’s under ‘O’. ‘O’ for onion.”

    Customer: “Oh. Oh, ‘O’!”

    Me: “Yeah, ‘O’.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay!”

    Acting Like A Print-cess

    | USA | Bad Behavior, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    (A customer comes in pulling a suitcase on wheels.)

    Customer: “My daughter told me that if I bring in my old computer and my printer, I can trade my computer for an iPad, and you’ll set it up with my printer.”

    Me: “Well, we don’t do trade-ins here, but I can show you how to get the paperwork started online.”

    Customer: “No, no, no, never mind. Just let me buy the iPad, and set up this f****** printer.”

    Me: “Alright, so, just to let you know, we don’t sell this printer here. None of us are going to be trained on it, but I’ll be happy to take a look, and see if we can get it up and running for you.”

    Customer: “No! F*** that, I have lost my patience! I am a member of Mensa! Get me someone intelligent to talk to!”

    Me: “I can get you someone else, but I can tell you, no one else is going to be trained on that printer either. Like I said, I can definitely give it a shot; we may be able to figure it out.”

    Customer: “My daughter is an engineer. She told me you would take this piece of s*** laptop, and help me set the printer up.”

    Me: “And I’m definitely going to do my best to set up the printer, but we don’t have the proper equipment here to recycle your old machine; I’m sorry.”

    (The customer finally agrees. After half an hour, we have the printer up and running with her new iPad. She calms considerably. As she is leaving, she is on the phone to her daughter.)

    Customer: “They got my printer working! And I only used the f-word once!”

    A Customer To Send You Up In (Broken) Arms

    | Berlin, Germany | Technology, Theme Of The Month, Top

    (I have a broken hand, and have my arm in a plaster.)

    Me: “Hello this is [name] from IT support. What can I do for you?”

    Customer: “Hello, I have a problem.”

    Me: “Okay, what is your concern?”

    Customer: “As I said, I have a problem.”

    Me: “Okay, I should be more specific. What is your problem about?”

    Customer: “My computer doesn’t work as it should.”

    Me: “What is it your computer is supposed to do? I mean what program do you want to start, or what you want to do with your computer?”

    Customer: “Are you a moron? I told you my computer doesn’t work. I want you to fix it right now!”

    Me: “I need more inf—”

    Customer: “You’re just being stupid and lazy! You’re a bunch of f****** morons! I will get your a** fired, and I will get it done today!”

    Me: “Please calm down and—”

    Customer: “Don’t tell me what I have to do! I want to talk to your manager!”

    (My manager sits in the same office and has heard everything.)

    Manager: “Give her to me.”

    (She takes the call and leaves the room. Some moments pass as my manager talks to her. She comes back crying. I get the customer back on my phone; I’m really mad, as my manager is a friendly person.)

    Customer: “WILL YOU NOW HELP ME, MORON? I NEED MY COMPUTER TOD—”

    Me: “Shut up.”

    Customer: “What!”

    Me: “I’ll give it a last try. If you yell at me, I’ll quit the call, and you will have to fix your computer by yourself, understand?”

    Customer: “Erm… well yes, but—”

    Me: “No ‘buts’. So, what program do you want to use?”

    (From this point on, it’s easy. I get the information I need to take her case, and give it to a team of specialists. After the call my coworker gets my attention.)

    Coworker: “What the h*** did you just do?”

    Me:*looking down* “Oh, yeah. I broke my plaster.”

    Coworker: “You just yelled at a customer, defended our manager, and risked your job, and the only thing you care for is your plaster?”

    Me: “I thought it was a really nice plaster.”

    (This makes my manager smile again, and all my other coworkers laugh. I still work for the company, but now all the angry and rude customers are sent directly to me.)

    From USB Port To Teleport

    | MI, USA | Crazy Requests, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    (I am chatting online with a potential customer.)

    Customer: “Hey, I really like this necklace. Can I pay by Paypal?”

    Me: “Absolutely, if you follow the instructions on check out, you can pay and leave your shipping address there. I’ll get it shipped in the morning.”

    Customer: “Do I have to leave an address? Can’t you just email it to me?”

    Me: “Email you for your address?”

    Customer: “No, email me the necklace. I don’t want to give you my address.”

    Me: “You want me to email you the necklace?”

    Customer: “Never mind, cancel it. You’re too much work!”

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