Featured Story:
  • Never Too Late (Or Early) To Apologize
    (2,099 thumbs up)
  • January Theme Of The Month: Prank Calls!
    Submit your story today!

    Category: Technology

    The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

    Reach Out And Touch Someone

    | Canada | Technology, Theme Of The Month

    Customer: “Hi, I want to get business cards, and I heard you had a sale.”

    Me: “Yes, the color business cards are on sale, and they start at 250 for only $10!”

    Customer: “Oh, I don’t need color cards.”

    Me: “Um, well it’s only the color ones that are on sale.”

    Customer: “I just want black and white cards.”

    Me: “Well, you can get black and white cards if you want, but they’re not on sale, and are more expensive than the color ones right now. It would make more sense to get color ones.”

    Customer: “I don’t want color!”

    Me: “Well, that’s okay; you can get black and white cards. They are just more expensive.”

    Customer: “Okay.”

    Me: “Okay, so do you have them designed already then?”

    Customer: “No, I want you to do that for me.”

    Me: “Great, we actually have a live video agent over here. It’s a computer with a webcam, and you talk to the designer through the webcam and they can set up a card for you.”

    Customer: “How am I supposed to show a computer what I want my cards to look like?”

    Me: “Well, it’s a person. And you can explain it to them, show them a picture on the camera, or you can scan images.”

    Customer: “I don’t like this. I don’t know how to scan things.”

    Me: “Oh, that’s okay. I’ll come show you before you get started. And then I’ll introduce you to the video agent, okay?”

    Customer: “Okay, I guess.”

    (I show her how to scan.)

    Customer: “But I have more than one page!”

    Me: “That’s okay; you just do the same thing with the next page. Okay, so let’s get a video agent on the webcam, shall we?”

    Customer: “No! I don’t want to talk to a computer!”

    Me: “Oh, it’s not a computer; it’s a real person. They’re just on a webcam.”

    Customer: “No, I think I’ll go to a different copy shop.”

    Me: “Oh, how come?”

    Customer: “Because I don’t like talking to computers!”

    Me: “It isn’t a computer; it’s a person.”

    Customer: “But. I. Want. To. Touch. Them.”

    Me: “Excuse me? It’s like Skype.”

    Customer: “I don’t like Skype! I’m going somewhere else!”

    Magic Eye Camera

    | Boston, MA, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    (I speak with a woman about her lost cell-phone, which she left in the store. She is very worried that her identity will be stolen. I take her information in case the phone shows up. She has come back two nights in a row, looking for her phone.)

    Me: “Hi, the phone still hasn’t turned up?”

    Customer: “No, I called loss prevention, and he told me he saw some…” *she does air quotes* “‘activity’ on the security video, but no phone being left or picked up. That is just not good enough for me; I need to know what kind of activity he saw.”

    Me: “Well, sometimes it is hard to focus on exactly what you want because we are only looking at a recording.”

    Customer: “Well, can’t he just move the cameras around and see where I left my phone?”

    Me: “Well, as I said, it is only a recording. We can only see footage of where the camera was focused at the time.”

    Customer: “I know, but why didn’t he just move the camera and tell me where I left my phone?”

    Me: “It occurred in the past; he can’t go back in time and move what the cameras were looking at.”

    Customer: “I don’t think you understand what I am saying.”

    Me: “Okay.”

    Customer: “Well I am going to be filing a police report; maybe they can see more than your loss prevention person!”

    Mostly Crazy, Not So Good

    | FL, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    Me: “Thank you for calling [store] tech support. This is [my name]. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “Uh, yeah. My stopped working. Can I get it replaced free?”

    Me: “When did you purchase it?”

    Caller: “[Date].”

    (I collect his information and locate his purchase and warranty in our database.)

    Me: “You’re still within the 90 day warranty. What seems to be the problem with it?”

    Caller: “We can’t put the game discs in.”

    Me: “You mean some piece of the internal hardware is blocking the disc slot?”

    Caller: “No. Last night we were having a party. My roommate got pretty drunk and thought the [game console] was the toaster, and he shoved a Pop-Tart in the slot. We can’t get it out.”

    Me: “…You have a Pop-Tart stuck in the slot.”

    Caller: “Yeah.”

    Me: “I’m afraid that isn’t covered under the warranty, sir.”

    Caller: “It isn’t?”

    Me: “No. Only manufacturer defects are covered. Damage caused by the customer is not covered.”

    Caller: “S***. I guess I don’t need to ask about the Blu-Ray player, then?”

    Not Just The Computer Making A Loud Noise

    | Mooresville, IN, USA | Bad Behavior, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    (A very angry customer walks into our office.)

    Me: “Hi! What can I help you with today?”

    Customer: “My computer’s broken! Fix it!”

    Me: “I see you didn’t bring it in with you today. What seems to be the problem?”

    Customer: “It doesn’t work!”

    Me: “How is it not working? Can you turn it on, or does nothing happen when you hit the power button? Does it power up, but it might just be slow from a virus?”

    Customer: “You should know this! My monitor doesn’t work! I bought a new monitor, but it doesn’t work! Oh, and my computer is making a loud noise!”

    Me: “I’m thinking it sounds like there may be one of three things wrong with your computer. If you could bring it in, I’ll take a look at it.”

    (From this point on, she screams at me every time she speaks to me.)


    Me: “Ma’am, I honestly don’t know what’s wrong until you bring it in and let me look at it. Until then, I’m not going to be able to give you the answers you need.”

    Customer: “TELL ME WHAT’S WRONG!”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, I think the most likely case is that your motherboard has failed. If that’s true, you’ll need to buy a new computer. It also sounds like your power supply may have failed or you might need a new video card. If either of those two are the case, they’re fixable problems.”


    Me: “How old is your computer?”

    Customer: “IT’S AN ACER!”

    Me: “Ma’am, first things first. I’m going to have to ask you to keep this conversation at a reasonable volume. Secondly, you yelling at me the brand of your computer when I ask for the age doesn’t help me. If you could just bring it in to me—”


    (The woman storms out of the office. I yell back before the door closes.)

    Me: “You never did business with us in the first place!”

    Not A Sound Reason For Calling

    | Spokane, WA, USA | Technology, Theme Of The Month

    Me: “Hello! You’ve reached [company] tech support. What can I help you with today?”

    Caller: “Yeah, my phone doesn’t make any sounds. It vibrates when someone calls, but it doesn’t ring or anything.”

    Me: “Hmm… that is kind of strange. I know this is going to sound really obvious, and I apologize for that, but have you tried pressing the volume buttons on the side of the phone?”

    Caller: “Yeah, I’ve done that but it doesn’t do anything. Here, I’ll show you…”

    (I hear the sound of his phone beeping.)

    Caller: “SON OF A B****!”

    Page 81/146First...7980818283...Last