November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Category: Technology

The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

Does Not Compute

| The Netherlands | Extra Stupid, Technology

(An old couple walks up to me:)

Couple: “Hello, where can we find modems?”

Me: “Modems? We don’t sell those; you need to get one from an ISP.”

Couple: “Yes, you do. We bought one over ten years ago in a store like this.”

Me: “Well, yes, we may have sold them back then, but you can’t just buy modems these days.”

Couple: “Yes, you can. My neighbours just bought a new one here last week!”

Me: *thinking they’re looking for a new router* “What would you like to use it for?”

Couple: “For going on the Internet! What do you think we mean?”

Me: “Well, we have many routers here, like this one with 802.11ac and this one—”

Couple: “—How the h*** are those things so small? Where do you need to plug your keyboard in? Where does your screen go? How does that work, sonny boy? Tell me, HOW DOES THAT WORK?!”

Me: “Oh. I think you’re looking for a desktop. One of those big boxy COMPUTERS?”

Couple: “Yes, yes, that!”

(In the end, they bought a laptop – “All that stuff in such a small box? Wow!”)

Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 19

| Baton Rouge, LA, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(My company issues computers to all of its field employees. I work in the corporate office, troubleshooting various issues. All users have one of several model laptops and all have the same operating system.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company] IT support. How may I help you?”

User: “Yes, I can’t get my emails. The Internet just says it can’t display the webpage.”

Me: “Okay, well, let’s see what we can do about that. Are you connected to the Internet?”

User: “How would I know?”

(I walk her through finding the list of connections next to the date and time.)

User: “It says no connections.”

Me: “Oh, okay, well, we need to get on one before the Internet will work. Do you have service bars showing on your broadband card to connect there?”

User: “No, I live in the country and can’t get a signal.”

Me: “Okay, do you have home wifi?”

User: “Yes.”

Me: “Can you connect to that?”

User: “I don’t know; what is my home wifi?”

Me: “It’ll show up on that list of possible connections.”

User: “There are [names off the three networks showing]. Which one is mine?”

Me: “I don’t know, ma’am… You or your Internet provider would have set it up.”

(She manages to find it written down on some papers nearby.)

User: “Okay, it wants a password. What’s my password?”

Me: “Ma’am, that is something you set up with your Internet provider. You don’t have it written down?”

User: “No, can you reset it for me?”

Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 18
Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 17
Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 16

The Tale Ends With A Twist

| GA, USA | Technology

(I’m working customer service. Two older ladies approach my desk with a tension rod, for curtains, which adjusts to the width of the window.)

Customer #1: “I need to return this. It doesn’t work.”

Me: “All right, do you have your receipt?”

(Customer #1 hands me the receipt, then answers a call on her cell, so her friend steps in.)

Customer #2: “She really just wants to exchange it for one that works. It just doesn’t extend, see?”

(Customer #2 pulls on the end of the rod in an attempt to make it extend. Nothing happens.)

Me: “Hmm, that’s odd. Let me take a look.”

(I take the rod and gently tug on it. Nothing happens, so I twist it… Lo and behold, it starts extending. In the meantime, Customer #2 has turned around to talk to Customer #1, who is still on the phone.)

Me: *with rod several feet longer than original length* “So how long did you need it to be?”

(Both ladies turn around and stare in wonder.)

Both: “How did you DO that?”

Me: “You just have to twist it. Did you still need to exchange it, or will this one be fine?”

Customer #1: “I didn’t think to TWIST it! Thank you! Yes, this one will be fine!”

(They were both super nice, and gave me a good laugh, especially the look on their faces when I got it to work.)

This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 44

, | SC, USA | Extra Stupid, Money, Technology

Customer: “I have your mobile app… I know I can take a picture of a check and make a deposit that way. But I want to know how to make a mobile withdrawal…”

Me: “You want to know if you can make a mobile withdrawal?”

Customer: “Yes. I can’t figure out any way to do that.”

Me: “Well, sir, there is no way to do that because you would have to go to an ATM or into a branch to get actual cash.”

Customer: “But I’m not at an ATM and your branch is closed. I want to deposit this check through the app and get cash right now.”

Me: “Well sir, frankly, technology hasn’t gotten to the point where mobile phones can print – and even at that, printing money, unless done by the government, is illegal.”

Customer: “So I can’t make a mobile withdrawal?”

Me: “No, sir.”

Customer: “That’s stupid.” *click*

This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 43
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 42
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 41

Credited With Having No Children

| Canberra, ACT, Australia | At The Checkout, Rude & Risque, Technology

Me: “Enter your PIN, sir.”

(He does, and then removes card straight away, not waiting for the machine.)

Me: “Sir, it looks like you pulled out early—”

Customer: “Story of my life! It’s why I don’t have kids.”

(The next customer and I burst out laughing.)