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    Category: Technology

    The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

    Email Fail

    | IN, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (The customer is the CEO of a graphics design company that has hosted email with us. He calls in late one night to report that he is unable to get any email, and that he has important business to attend to and must have his email. I’ve almost exhausted all troubleshooting with this customer. I verified settings on his email client, verified settings on our server and mail flow to his inbox. In a last resort, I have the customer attempt to set up the email account again as a new account.)

    Customer: “It says it can’t connect to the server. Are you having server issues?”

    Me: “No, sir. If we were, we’d have a lot more callers about this issue. Try [alternative incoming server address and port] and see if you get a different response.”

    (Typing and a pause…)

    Customer: “Nope, still says can’t connect to server.”

    Me: “Hmm…” *thinking there’s no way this can be possible* “Are you having any Internet issues? Are you able to load any web pages?”

    Customer: “No, our ISP is having an outage right now.”

    Me: “… Well, there’s your problem. Unfortunately without Internet you won’t be able to get email.”

    Customer: “Why? What does Internet have to do with email?”

    Wireless, Clueless And Hopeless, Part 15

    | Sweden | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (The ISP I work for recently made a drive about their new modem. It is marketed as being the easiest wireless system on the market. Unfortunately, the system isn’t that great and I have received 27 calls that day alone about malfunctioning modems.)

    Me: “Hi, and welcome to [Company]. My name is [My Name]. How may I be of service?”

    Caller: “The s*** you guys sold to me a while back isn’t working.”

    Me: “That is very unfortunate, but thankfully I am here to help you. Name and address, please?

    (She tells me her name and address and I check her history.)

    Me: “It seems you have had our system for at least a month. Did it stop working just now?”

    Caller: “That’s right. I’ve had it for a month, but I only started using it this morning and it doesn’t work at all.”

    Me: “Then could you please tell me which lights are shining on the front of your modem?”

    (The most common mistake is that the customer hasn’t switched on the wifi on the modem.)

    Caller: “None, of course.”

    Me: “Not even the power light at the top?”

    Caller: “Should it?”

    Me: “Yes. Please verify that the power cable is plugged into the modem.”

    Caller: “What cable? Isn’t this supposed to be wireless?”

    Me: *awkward silence* “Well…”

    Caller: “What the f***? Are you telling me that your ads are straight-up lying to me?”

    Me: “What is meant by wireless is that you don’t need to connect your computer to the modem. Can you please attach your modem to the wall socket by the cable provided?”

    Caller: “Are you a f****** idiot? I threw away all cables! I mean, I thought you sent them by mistake!”

    Me: *somewhat taken aback* “And it didn’t occur to you that electronics run on electricity?”

    Caller: “I WANT A REFUND! YOU PEOPLE LIED TO ME!”

    Me: “You are on a contract that will last for another three years and since more than two weeks has passed since it was bought, you can’t.”

    Caller: “YOU F****** LYING PIECE OF GODD*** C***-S***!”

    Me: “But since you obviously are quite upset I will transfer you to the cancellation department so you may sort it out with them. Have a nice day.”

    (I transfer her call to our cancellation department. The last thing I hear is the queue voice going: ‘You are on place… one-hundred and… eighty… seven. Estimated waiting time is… two-hundred and… fifty… five minutes…’)

    Related:
    Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 14
    Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 13
    Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 12

    Not Good For Your Blood Pressure

    | MD, USA | Bizarre, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    (The pharmacy that I work at has a very standard closing time of 7:00 pm. We’ve had this for years, much longer than I’ve worked there. If a customer comes in around 6:58 or so they usually purchase their items quickly and leave. This customer comes in at 6:59.)

    Customer: “Whoo! Made it in the knick of time!”

    Me: “You certainly did! You picking up a prescription today?”

    Customer: “Yes, it’s [Name].”

    (The transaction goes smoothly and he heads for the door. It’s 7:01 pm and he turns and goes to the blood pressure machine which usually takes a couple minutes to finish the measurement. My boss tells me to turn the lights off because we’re technically closed.)

    Customer: “Hey! Can you turn the lights back on? I can’t see my reading!”

    Me: “The display is LED; you don’t need the lights on, sir.”

    Do Not Not Speak(er) The Same Language

    | Scunthorpe, England, UK | Crazy Requests, Money, Technology

    Customer: “I’ve bought some car speakers and fitted them, but now there’s no sound from my stereo. Do you know what it might be?”

    Me: “I think you should go to the people you bought the speakers from and ask their advice. They’ve made money from you!”

    Customer: “I have, but they want to charge me!”

    Me: “And you think I don’t?!”

    (He left.)

    Charged With Time-Wasting And Battery

    | KY, USA | Crazy Requests, Health & Body, Technology, Theme Of The Month, Transportation

    (I work at a battery store, and one of the most popular items we have are reconditioned car batteries. I’m gladly closing up the store. I have my arm in a sling since I had dislocated my shoulder a few days before. Some customers roll up:)

    Customer: “We want a reconditioned battery.”

    (By the boss’s instruction, I was to keep the shop open and take care of customers when they came in. So, I get them rung up.)

    Customer: “And we want you to install it.”

    (This is a problem, because it is a Dodge Stratus, which means you have to take the wheel off the car to get to the battery.)

    Me: “Okay, but the surcharge will be [total].”

    Customer: “What! That is ridiculous. I won’t pay that much!”

    Me: “Then I can’t do it.”

    Customer: “Fine! But hurry up!”

    Me: “It will take a little longer because my arm is in a sling.”

    (After more arguing, I finally got started installing the battery. They all walked down the street to a convenience store. An hour and a half after closing, I got the job done, while they stood there and complained that I had taken so long.)

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