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    Category: Technology

    The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

    Not Even Remotely Close

    | ON, Canada | Extra Stupid, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    (My customer needs help setting up a 3rd party recording device, so I spend a few minutes explaining where the connections need to go. Then he asks for help programming our remote to control his 3rd party equipment.)

    Me: “Okay, we’re almost ready to program it now! We just need one more piece of information. Can you find the manufacturer of your recorder for me?”

    Customer: “Oh yeah, it’s a Hitachi.”

    Me: “Excellent! Let’s see what the code is for Hitachi then. Give me one moment.”

    Customer: “Did you need me to spell it for you?”

    Me: “Well, you said it’s a Hitachi, right?”

    Customer: “Yeah. But it’s spelled with a ‘B’.”

    Me: “Sorry, did you say a ‘B’, as in bravo?”

    Customer: “Yeah! It says T-O-S-H-I-B-A, Hitachi!”

    His Definition Of Solid Is Not So Solid

    | PA, USA | Technology, Theme Of The Month

    (I’m on the phone with a customer who is having an Internet connection problem.)

    Me: “Is the light on your modem blinking?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “So, it is solid then?”

    Customer: “Yes. It’s solid, then it’s off, then it’s solid again, then it’s off again…”

    Powerful Pictures

    | Plymouth, Devon, UK | Technology, Theme Of The Month

    (It’s a quiet day in the shop, so I’m busy prepping films to process. A middle-aged lady enters, so I put everything down and greet her.)

    Customer: “Hello, my love; do you print photos from digital cameras?”

    Me: “We do indeed! We just need your memory card or a USB cable if you have your camera with you.”

    Customer: “Oh, good! I’ve brought this in; my pictures are on it.”

    (She rummages around in her handbag, and finally places a small oblong of plastic on the counter.)

    Me: “I’m ever so sorry, but we’re not going to be able to get your photos from that.”

    Customer: “Oh, no! Why not?”

    Me: “This is your battery.”

    Stereo-Typo

    | USA | Bigotry, Technology

    (I’m the customer service administrator. I’m the very last in line when customers ask to speak to a manager. Our tech support call center is located in India, but our headquarters, where I work, are in the States.)

    Me: “Good afternoon, [company name]; this is [name].”

    Customer: “Yes, I asked for a shipping label a couple days ago to send in my unit, and I haven’t gotten it yet. What’s the hold up?”

    Me: “It looks like a shipping label was generated to be sent to your e-mail, but someone made a typo in your e-mail address. We sent it out via mail; sorry about that! It should reach you in a couple of days.”

    Customer: “What?! D*** foreigners! How hard is it to type in an e-mail address? Your company is doing a disservice, shipping jobs that honest, hard-working Americans could have, over to India!”

    Me: “The mistake was a simple typo, sir. Anyone could have made that mistake, American or otherwise.”

    Customer: “That’s just a bull-s*** excuse! If you don’t want to take my word for it, fine. But you’re doing a disservice to this country!”

    Me: “Sir, please stop cursing.”

    Customer: “What? No, f*** you! Okay, what happens when I get the label?”

    (I explain to him how to attach the label to the box and send the unit in.)

    Customer: “No! That’s bull-s***! I have to do all this work, just to get a d*** piece of s*** unit that works! Your company is terrible and—”

    Me: “Sir, if you do not calm down, I will hang up the phone.”

    Customer: “What? Hang up? Fine! Hang up on me!” *hangs up*

    Space Is His Final Frontier

    | MI, USA | Language & Words, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    (A customer is at the fishing license kiosk, entering in his application. He is looking visibly frustrated.)

    Customer: “Oh, come on!”

    (I walk up to the customer.)

    Me: “Alright, can I see you go through this?”

    Customer: “I’ve already done it four times!”

    Me: “I understand. Just one more time, please.”

    (The customer types his full name in the space provided. I see the problem. Instead of ‘John L. Doe’ he writes ‘johnldoe’.)

    Me: “Alright, you’re going to need to put spaces in there.”

    Customer: “Fine.”

    (The customer puts the spaces in. We get to the address. He types in an equivalent of: ’123adr3$$@Clty’.)

    Me: “…alright, why don’t I just handle this?”

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