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  • Had It Up To Their Neck With Bad Customers
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    Category: Technology

    The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

    Why Tech Support Needs Hazard Pay

    , | Alberta, Canada | Rude & Risque, Technology

    (We don’t have a tech support team of any kind at our store. However, since I have my certifications to do, I often perform simple repairs for customers if it’s not busy. On this particular day, a gentleman walks into the store with his laptop looking panicky.)

    Customer: “Hey, can you fix my computer?”

    Me: “I suppose. What seems to be happening?”

    Customer: “I can’t back up my iPhone. I keep getting an error message.”

    Me: “I’ll have a look for you.”

    (I turn on the laptop, plug in his phone and get an error message saying that there isn’t enough drive space. He has 16.8MB of space left on a 500GB drive. I check to see what’s clogging up all his drive space and find that almost EVERY file on his drive is very strange, deviant pornography.)

    Me: “Sir…your hard drive is full of porn.”

    Customer: “So?”

    Me: “That’s why you can’t back up your iPhone. You don’t have enough room.”

    Customer: “I’m not sure I follow.”

    Me: “Sir, you have too much porn on your hard drive. If you delete some of it, you’ll have enough room for the files on your iPhone.”

    Customer: *beginning to panic even further* “But I can’t delete it! I need it! I NEED IT ALL!”

    Me: “Um, okay…” *I grab a USB drive off the shelf* “This is a flash drive. You can move some of your files on to it and then you’ll have room to back up your iPhone.”

    Customer: “Can you show me how? I’m not good with this tech stuff.”

    (I ring the flash drive through the till. He pays for it and I move a bunch of his files over to the thumb drive.)

    Me: “There you go, sir. Now you can back up your iPhone.”

    Customer: “Thank you. Um, can I get a few more of those flash…thingies?”

    Me: “Sure.”

    (He grabs four more 16GB drives, pays for them, and hurriedly leaves the store.)

    Like A Snake Eating Its Own Email

    | Ann Arbor, MI, USA | Technology

    (A customer has ordered an SSL certificate to enable https on their website.)

    Me: “You should receive a confirmation email with a link.”

    Customer: “Is this the email?”

    (The customer sends me a copy of the email, including the link he needs.)

    Me: “Yes. If you follow the instructions in the email, your certificate will be installed automatically.”

    Customer: “I didn’t receive the email. Resend, please!”

    Time For A New Brain

    , | Buffalo, NY, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I work for a cable company in a call center. This is the end of a conversation I have with a customer.)

    Me: “Anything else I can help you with today?”

    Caller: “Oh, yes! I do have a question. There are these numbers on my cable box that keep changing. What are they? Like, right now, it says 5-4-7.”

    Me: “Ma’am, that’s the time.”

    Threaten Differently

    | USA | Technology, Top

    (A customer is calling because iTunes can’t detect her new iPad. I pick up the phone and she speaks immediately.)

    Customer: “I swear that if, at any point in this conversation, you tell me to buy a Mac, I will find you and kill you.”

    Me: “Okay, well, I’m not telling you to buy a Mac, but you should know that they cut back on compatibility issues and-”

    Customer: “Don’t do it. Just stop now. Make the PC work. I believe in you.”

    Takes One To Call One

    | Manhattan, NY, USA | Technology

    (I am taking calls on Thanksgiving day.)

    Customer: “Wow! A real person!”

    Me: “Yes, sir! We’re staffed 24/7/365!”

    Customer: “They make you guys work holidays. That’s terrible! Why would they do that?”

    Me: *smiling to myself* “In case someone calls in for help.”

    Customer: “What kind of work-a-holic would call in on a holiday?”


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