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    Category: Technology

    The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

    Her Credit Didn’t Quite Make The Cut

    | Ottawa, ON, Canada | Extra Stupid, Technology

    Me: “Thank you for calling, how can I help you?”

    Caller: “My card isn’t working, and I think I know why.”

    Me: “Okay, ma’am. Why do you think your card isn’t working?”

    Caller: “Well, I cut the end off. I accidentally cut through the chip, and after that it wouldn’t work in the cash register. I think that’s what did it.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. Did you say that you cut a piece of the card off?”

    Caller: “Well, yes. It wouldn’t fit in the pocket in my wallet, so I cut it so that it would fit.”

    Me: “Okay. Well, yes. That would most likely be the reason why it isn’t working. We’ll replace the card for you. It should arrive in seven to ten working days. Did you have any other questions or concerns today?”

    Caller: “Yes, actually. Do you think if I cut the other side of the card without the chip on it, it would work fine?”

    The Signal Is Strong With This One

    | UK | Geeks Rule, Movies & TV, Technology, Top

    Customer: “I’m looking for a Motorola Android phone.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. We don’t sell Motorola in this store. We do, however, have several different Android handsets you could take a look at.”

    (The customer dutifully looks over several Android phones, before turning to the me. He looks serious.)

    Customer: “These are not the ‘droids I’m looking for.”

    Tai-Want It Now

    | Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Geography, Technology

    (I am a customer waiting in line when I hear this exchange between the repair person and a customer.)

    Repair Person: “Alright, ma’am, we’re going to have to order some parts from the factory to get this fixed. They should be here in about 10 days.”

    Customer: *very angry* “10 days?! Are you serious? Why the h*** is it so long? What is wrong with you people?! In Taiwan, they could get parts the same day!”

    Repair Person: “Ma’am, in Taiwan, the factory is right next door.”

    Customer: *leaves, defeated*

    How To Make Them As Silent As A Mouse, Part 4

    | Wales, UK | Extra Stupid, Technology

    Customer: “I’m trying to get on to the computer, but the mouse cursor is just jumping all over the screen erratically. Can I swap to a different one?”

    Me: “Of course, if there’s another one free.”

    Customer: “But how do I log off this one if I can’t get the mouse cursor to press the button?”

    Me: “I’ll come over and sort it in a second.”

    (I walk over. Instantly, I see the problem.)

    Customer: “Maybe there’s a loose wire or something?”

    Me: “Well, if you turn the mouse back the right way round, it should work.”

    Related:
    How To Make Them As Silent As A Mouse, Part 3

    Phone-y Claim

    | Norway | Liars & Scammers, Technology, Top

    (A young couple known for having drug problems regularly hangs out at our store. One day, the girl is so high she trips over her own feet and falls outside our door. Her boyfriend makes a huge fuss and claim we have to pay for it because she ruined it at our property. We check with our main office and discover we have no legal duty to pay her. A few weeks pass before they show up at our store again.)

    Me: “Welcome to [store], how can I help you?”

    Girl: “Don’t you remember me? I fell outside of here. It’s your store’s fault because the ground was uneven. That’s dangerous.”

    (The ground outside was fine, and had been when she fell, but I didn’t want to argue.)

    Me: “Oh, yes, I remember that, I hope you feel better from that fall.”

    Girl: “Well, my phone got broken.”

    Me: “Oh, that’s too bad.”

    Girl: “It’s your store’s fault it got broken. You should pay up so I can buy a new one.”

    Me: “How is it broken?”

    Girl: “The screen is broken and nothing works. I can’t read messages or take calls or anything. It’s just ruined.”

    Me: “Well, here’s the address to the main office, you can mail them and make your claim.”

    Girl: “No. I need the cash.”

    Me: “I can’t give out cash for a broken phone I haven’t seen, for a price I don’t even know is legit.”

    (The girl grumbles and cusses for a while, but agrees to write up a claim to send. Meanwhile, her phone starts to ring and she answers it, talking to her boyfriend.)

    Me: “Was that the ruined phone?”

    Girl: “Yes, look at that crack!”

    (She shows me a small hairline crack at the side, but it’s otherwise functioning properly.)

    Me: “You said it couldn’t even make phone calls.”

    Girl: *turns a pale and walks out without a word*

    (Thankfully, we never saw her again.)

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