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    Category: Technology

    The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

    Not Just The Computer Making A Loud Noise

    | Mooresville, IN, USA | Bad Behavior, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    (A very angry customer walks into our office.)

    Me: “Hi! What can I help you with today?”

    Customer: “My computer’s broken! Fix it!”

    Me: “I see you didn’t bring it in with you today. What seems to be the problem?”

    Customer: “It doesn’t work!”

    Me: “How is it not working? Can you turn it on, or does nothing happen when you hit the power button? Does it power up, but it might just be slow from a virus?”

    Customer: “You should know this! My monitor doesn’t work! I bought a new monitor, but it doesn’t work! Oh, and my computer is making a loud noise!”

    Me: “I’m thinking it sounds like there may be one of three things wrong with your computer. If you could bring it in, I’ll take a look at it.”

    (From this point on, she screams at me every time she speaks to me.)

    Customer: “YOU SHOULD KNOW WHAT’S WRONG WITH MY COMPUTER! TELL ME WHAT’S WRONG!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I honestly don’t know what’s wrong until you bring it in and let me look at it. Until then, I’m not going to be able to give you the answers you need.”

    Customer: “TELL ME WHAT’S WRONG!”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, I think the most likely case is that your motherboard has failed. If that’s true, you’ll need to buy a new computer. It also sounds like your power supply may have failed or you might need a new video card. If either of those two are the case, they’re fixable problems.”

    Customer: “TELL ME HOW MUCH A VIDEO CARD COSTS!”

    Me: “How old is your computer?”

    Customer: “IT’S AN ACER!”

    Me: “Ma’am, first things first. I’m going to have to ask you to keep this conversation at a reasonable volume. Secondly, you yelling at me the brand of your computer when I ask for the age doesn’t help me. If you could just bring it in to me—”

    Customer: “YOU OBVIOUSLY HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT! I’M NEVER DOING BUSINESS WITH YOU AGAIN!”

    (The woman storms out of the office. I yell back before the door closes.)

    Me: “You never did business with us in the first place!”

    Not A Sound Reason For Calling

    | Spokane, WA, USA | Technology, Theme Of The Month

    Me: “Hello! You’ve reached [company] tech support. What can I help you with today?”

    Caller: “Yeah, my phone doesn’t make any sounds. It vibrates when someone calls, but it doesn’t ring or anything.”

    Me: “Hmm… that is kind of strange. I know this is going to sound really obvious, and I apologize for that, but have you tried pressing the volume buttons on the side of the phone?”

    Caller: “Yeah, I’ve done that but it doesn’t do anything. Here, I’ll show you…”

    (I hear the sound of his phone beeping.)

    Caller: “SON OF A B****!”

    Makes You Lose CTRL

    | USA | Technology, Theme Of The Month

    (My caller is having an issue with our website that I can’t replicate.)

    Me:“Do you know how to create a screen shot and e-mail it to me? If not, I can walk you through it.”

    Caller: “I have Windows 8. I could make a screen shot on my old computer, but you can’t make one on Windows 8.”

    (As I use Windows 8 myself, I know this isn’t true.)

    Me: “Let’s try and see if we can get it. Do you see the button on your keyboard that says ‘print scr’—”

    Caller: “Honey, I worked as a tech for 10 years. If you want me to hit the Print Screen button, just say so. There!”

    Me: “Actually, ma’am, I just wanted to make sure you knew where it was, but it sounds like you do. It’s actually alt and the print screen button.”

    Caller: “Fine, now what?”

    (I assume that she really does know a little about computers, considering the offense she took at my previous instructions. Not wanting to upset her, I decide to continue a bit faster.)

    Me: “Okay, now you can paste that into an e-mail for me. Just let me know when you’re ready for my e-mail address.”

    Caller: “I’m ready.”

    (I give her my e-mail address, spelling it out.)

    Me: “I’ll have a look at that screen shot as soon as I get your e-mail, and—”

    Caller: “Well, it won’t do much good for you to get a blank e-mail, will it?”

    Me: “…I’m sorry?”

    Caller: “You didn’t tell me what to do with the screen shot!”

    Me: “Oh, you can just paste it into the e-mail.”

    (I’m about to ask if she knows how to do that ‘on Windows 8′.)

    Caller: “Well, I’m hitting CTRL+P, and it’s not working!”

    Me: “Try CTRL+V instea—”

    Caller: “Never mind! It’s right click, then paste on my computer. I sent it. Let me know when it’s fixed.”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, I will.”

    (I never did get that e-mail, and had to call her back the next day to repeat the whole process again.)

    A Punchy Solution

    | Ireland | Technology, Theme Of The Month

    Me: “Hello, technical support, how can I help you today?”

    Customer: “Hi! I just received my new computer, and the button on the CD tray doesn’t work properly.”

    Me: “Okay, what exactly is the problem?”

    Customer: “I press the button, and the tray opens. I put the CD in, but when I press the button to close the tray, nothing happens.”

    Me: “Okay, so the tray is open now?”

    Customer: “No, it’s closed now.”

    Me: “How did you close it?”

    Customer: “Oh, I just gave it a punch!”

    Me: “Okay…”

    Past The Point Of No Return, Part 2

    | Tampa, FL, USA | Books & Reading, Technology

    (I have reserved an audio-book at the library and have come in to get it. I am looking at other books, when another customer runs up to me and grabs my reserved books—which still have my name on it—out of my hands.)

    Customer: “Oh, my goodness! I have been looking everywhere for this one!”

    (She starts to walk away from me with the audio-book in her hand.)

    Me: “Um, ma’am. That’s my audio-book. I reserved it.”

    Customer: “Why do you have to be so greedy! I want this book! It’s not yours; it doesn’t have your name on it!”

    Me: *pointing to the large sticker with my name on it* “Actually, it is!”

    (The customer scoffs, and tears the sticker off.)

    Customer: “There! Now it’s not! Thanks for the book!”

    (She storms off to the self check-out counter, and then starts screaming when it won’t let her check the book out. A librarian comes over to find out what the screaming is all about. I stand just behind her.)

    Librarian: “What seems to be the problem?”

    Customer: “There is something wrong with this machine! It won’t let me check this audio-book out!”

    Me: “Actually there is nothing wrong with the machine. That’s my book that she stole out of my hands. I reserved it over a week ago!”

    (The librarian turns to me, obviously not paying attention to what I was saying.)

    Librarian: “Ma’am, please wait your turn.”

    Customer: “I want this book! This girl tried to take it from me! She’s too young to be reading a book like this! It’s too big for her!”

    (The librarian takes the audio-book from the lady and asks to see her library card. After trying to check the book out and it giving her a fail message a few times, she ‘deems’ the book broken, and therefore not able to check out. She starts to walk away with the audio-book, when I stop her.)

    Me: “May I try something real quick?”

    (The librarian shrugs and hands me the audio-book.)

    Customer: “It won’t work! Are you stupid, little girl? She just said that it was broken.”

    (Within seconds, I scan my library card and the audio-book. It checks out with no issues.)

    Librarian: “Well that was interesting! Why didn’t it have your name on the side?”

    Customer: “Oh! I thought she did that herself. She looked like a greedy little girl that felt the need to put her name on everything!”

    Me: “Well ma’am, like I told you, I reserved the book. And by the way, I am almost 30. I am in no way a little girl, and even when I was a little girl I loved to read ‘big books’.”

    (I turn to the librarian.)

    Me: “It did have my name on it, but she tore it off and threw it at me.”

    Customer: “So… can I have that book now?”

    Librarian and Me: *at the same time* “NO!”

    Related:
    Past The Point Of No Return

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