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    Category: Technology

    The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

    Duh, A Deer

    | Levittown, NY, USA | Pets & Animals, Technology

    (An elderly customer approaches me. She wants a game about duck hunting.)

    Me: “Did you want a game about duck hunting, or buck hunting?”

    (She keeps saying ‘duck’ at first, but then changes her mind.)

    Customer: “Bucks!”

    Me: “Okay, we have this one for $9.99. Did you also want a duck hunting game?”

    Customer: “Great, but what is the difference between duck hunting and buck hunting?”

    Me: “Well, in one game you hunt flying animals, and in the other one you hunt deer.”

    Customer: “Oh! What is the difference between ducks and bucks?”

    Me: “A duck is a bird, and a buck is a male deer.”

    Customer: “Oh, wow! So ducks are those flying animals that you see overhead at amusement parks, and bucks don’t fly at all?”

    Me: “No, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Thank you so much! I’ll be back during this holiday season, just for you! You were so helpful!”

    (She leaves as loud and happy as ever.)

    Me: “Aaaand, I’m clocking out.”

    Turned The Problem Right Around

    | IL, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    Me: “Good morning, thank you for calling [tech support]. How may I help you today?”

    Customer: “Yes, the mouse that came with my computer is defective; it is not working right.”

    Me: “I am sorry to hear that; how exactly is the mouse defective?”

    Customer: “When I move the mouse right, the pointer goes left. When I move the mouse left, the pointer goes right.”

    Me: “Okay, when you look down at the mouse, there is one cable sticking out of the mouse, right?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “Is that cable facing toward you or away from you?”

    Customer: “The cable in the mouse is facing toward me.”

    Me: “Let’s try this; please turn the mouse around so that the cable is facing away from you.”

    Customer: “It’s working now!”

    Customer Service Is Its Own Reward

    | TX, USA | Family & Kids, Technology, Top

    (I have been talking to a father and son for roughly an hour about many different headsets, so that they can weigh all the pros and cons and decide on the best pair for them.)

    Father: “Okay, we’ll take two of the [headsets].”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we actually don’t have those in stock. We sold our last one today. I can check to see if somewhere nearby does if you’d like?”

    Father: “Oh yes, absolutely!”

    (I check in the system, and let him know the nearest store that has two of the headsets he wants.)

    Father: “Thank you so much. Do I mention your name when I get there?”

    Me: “No, sir, just ask for the headsets. They’ll pull them right out for you.”

    Father: “But don’t you get credit somehow? You told me everything, and I’m not even buying from you.”

    Me: “No, sir, we don’t. I really appreciate that you notice this, but I’m very happy to have directed you to a product you enjoy. It really makes my day just for you to want us to be credited with the sale.”

    (The son pulls the father to the side and begins talking, then the two exit the store after waving and expressing their thanks. Around two hours later, I notice them come back in the store.)

    Me: “Welcome back! Did something happen?”

    Father: “Oh no. We got everything just fine. They had just what we wanted, but we felt so bad that you don’t get anything out of the deal, so we got this for you.”

    (The son hands me a gift card.)

    Me: “Wow, thank you! I can’t believe you did this. This is so nice!”

    Son: “It’s not fair that you helped us, and we didn’t help you. I had extra allowance money.”

    (I shake the father’s hand and give the son a big hug. I have the biggest smile on my face, and I praise them for being such wonderful people. It’s gestures like these that make me so happy to provide customer service where it’s needed.)

    O Dear

    | Anchorage, AK, USA | At The Checkout, Technology

    (I’m working at the self-checkout area. I watch over the customers, and help them if they seem lost. One customer has a bunch of green onions, and is looking for them in the ‘No Barcode’ area, under ‘G’. This is a common mistake, so I go to help.)

    Me: “‘O’, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Oh, what?”

    Me: “No, ‘O’. It’s under ‘O’.”

    Customer: “It’s under oh what? What’s it under?”

    Me: “‘O’.”

    Customer: “Oh, what? What’s it under?”

    (I walk over to her and tap the ‘O’ button.)

    Me: “No, it’s under ‘O’. ‘O’ for onion.”

    Customer: “Oh. Oh, ‘O’!”

    Me: “Yeah, ‘O’.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay!”

    Acting Like A Print-cess

    | USA | Bad Behavior, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    (A customer comes in pulling a suitcase on wheels.)

    Customer: “My daughter told me that if I bring in my old computer and my printer, I can trade my computer for an iPad, and you’ll set it up with my printer.”

    Me: “Well, we don’t do trade-ins here, but I can show you how to get the paperwork started online.”

    Customer: “No, no, no, never mind. Just let me buy the iPad, and set up this f****** printer.”

    Me: “Alright, so, just to let you know, we don’t sell this printer here. None of us are going to be trained on it, but I’ll be happy to take a look, and see if we can get it up and running for you.”

    Customer: “No! F*** that, I have lost my patience! I am a member of Mensa! Get me someone intelligent to talk to!”

    Me: “I can get you someone else, but I can tell you, no one else is going to be trained on that printer either. Like I said, I can definitely give it a shot; we may be able to figure it out.”

    Customer: “My daughter is an engineer. She told me you would take this piece of s*** laptop, and help me set the printer up.”

    Me: “And I’m definitely going to do my best to set up the printer, but we don’t have the proper equipment here to recycle your old machine; I’m sorry.”

    (The customer finally agrees. After half an hour, we have the printer up and running with her new iPad. She calms considerably. As she is leaving, she is on the phone to her daughter.)

    Customer: “They got my printer working! And I only used the f-word once!”

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