Featured Story:
  • A Caffeinated Christmas Miracle
    (2,890 thumbs up)
  • Category: Technology

    The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

    Addressed The Race Issue

    | Edmonton, AB, Canada | Bigotry, Technology, Theme Of The Month, Top

    (I work at a technical service call centre. A call is taken by an African-Canadian tech.)

    Tech: “Thank you for calling [name of company]. My name is [name]. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “Oh, thank God they gave me somebody white! The last time I called they expected me to talk to some stupid n*****.”

    (The tech is perfectly calm.)

    Tech: “Sorry about that, sir. How can I help you?”

    (The call proceeds as normal. The tech troubleshoots with the caller, and decides new software is needed. He offers to ship the software.)

    Tech: “Just to make sure, can I reconfirm your address?”

    Caller: “Oh, sure. It’s [full street address].”

    Tech: “Thank you. Oh, and before you go, you ought to know that I’m the biggest, blackest mother-f***** you’ll ever meet in your life, and I know where you live. Good day.”

    All Fantasy Sales Are Final

    | Baltimore, MD, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Geeks Rule, Technology, Top

    (I am at the midnight release for the video game “Final Fantasy XIII” with my friends. I don’t have a console that can play the game, but the store lets people purchase the release event promotional posters beforehand. There is only one poster in the store, and I had bought it a few days earlier. I’m also friends with most of the staff who are working there, including the manager.)

    Customer: “Can I also buy that promotional poster?”

    Cashier: “I’m sorry, sir, but it has already been purchased.”

    Customer: “There is no way it’s been purchased; it’s still there on the wall.”

    Cashier: “It was purchased a week ago, but it just hasn’t been picked up yet.”

    Customer: “So, just sell it to me; you’ll make twice the money.”

    Cashier: “Sir, I can’t sell the poster, since it isn’t ours anymore.”

    Customer: “I will give you twice what the other guy paid.”

    (The customer is starting to get angry, so another cashier steps in.)

    Cashier #2: “Didn’t you hear her? We can’t sell it to you.”

    Customer: “Fine! If you won’t sell it to me, then I’ll just take it!”

    (Both the manager and I have heard this. I decide to get my poster before this man does, and I catch the manager’s attention. I also just happen to be dressed like Auron from ‘Final Fantasy X’. I jump from my spot in line, and draw my fake sword.)

    Me: “Now! This is it! Now is the time to choose! Die and be free of pain or live and fight your sorrow! Now is the time to shape your stories! Your fate is in your hands!”

    Customer: “What?”

    Me: “Don’t look to others for knowledge; this is your story.”

    Customer: “I get it, but you are not getting that poster before I do!”

    Me: “Every story must have an ending.”

    (While this is going on, the manager takes the poster down, and puts it behind the counter. The customer gets to the spot where the poster had been, and looks at me, surprised.)

    Customer: “How did you do that?”

    Me: “I’m Captain Basch!”

    (The customer stomps off angrily. The whole store gets a big laugh when I do actually pick up the poster.)

    Don’t Throw Apples In A Room Full Of Windows

    | NY, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I work in a Cyber Cafe, where the workers are allowed to use their laptops when they are on break. I am notorious around the store to both the customers and my coworkers, because I prefer to use a Mac rather than another type of computer. One customer comes in holding her Mac laptop and a USB.)

    Customer: “Hey, you’re good with Macs, right?”

    Me: “I like to think so, why?”

    Customer: “I just recently got a Mac, and I’m transferring data over with a USB drive. This one doesn’t appear to be working.”

    Me: “How so?”

    Customer: “I plugged in this USB into the laptop, but it doesn’t recognize it.”

    Me: “That seems odd; let me try another USB.”

    (I try a spare USB lying around the workplace.)

    Me: “This one works fine; let me see your USB for a moment.”

    (The customer hands me her USB.)

    Customer: “It’s probably the stupid laptop. Now I see why everyone hates Macs. It’s a stupid brand of computer, for stupid people.”

    (The customer glares at me. I ignore it and flip over the USB, reading the bottom.)

    Me: “Ma’am?”

    Customer: “What?”

    Me: “This isn’t a USB.”

    Customer: “Uh…”

    Me: “It’s a Bluetooth transceiver.”

    (The customer freezes, snatches the transceiver, and runs out of the cafe with her laptop.)

    A Capital Offense

    | AL, USA | Extra Stupid, Language & Words, Math & Science, Technology

    (A customer calls in requesting a password reset for his account.)

    Me: “Okay, sir, I’ll go ahead and reset your password to the default. It will be the last four digits of your social security number, and the four digit year of your birth.”

    Customer: “Okay, those are all capitals, right?”

    Me: “Yes, sir, all the letters in your username are capitalized.”

    Customer: “And what did you say my password will be?”

    Me: “It will be the last four digits of your social security number, and the four digit year of your birth.”

    Customer: “And are those capitalized or lowercase?”

    Me: “Well, it will be the last four digits of your social—”

    Customer: “I know that! But are they going to be capitalized or lower case?”

    Me: *gives up* “They’re going to be capitalized numbers, sir.”

    Customer: “Great! Thanks!”

    A Whole New Meaning To Racing Games

    | Stillwater, OK, USA | Bigotry, Technology, Theme Of The Month, Top

    (I work for a Singapore-based business. We support computer equipment, that often includes a free PC game.)

    Customer: “Do y’all have any games that isn’t about [slur to describe Chinese people] or [slur describing black people]?”

    Coworker: “Um, I’m sorry, what?”

    Customer: “F****** c****’s and n*****’s! All the games I got from your company have those people in them.”

    Coworker: “I’m sorry you’re disappointed in the free games, but I’m going to have ask you to use more respectful language.”

    Customer: “Yeah, I know they make you say that kind of nonsense. You’re going to have to replace these games though. I can’t play a game about those people.”

    Coworker: “Like I said, sir, the games are free. If you’re offended, may I suggest not playing them?”

    (My coworker presses the mute button and talks to the supervisor on duty.)

    Coworker: “Can I disconnect someone for being racist?”

    (The supervisor looks at the picture of my coworker’s very racially diverse family, and then picks up the phone.)

    Supervisor: “Sir, I’m afraid that my c**** and n***** coworkers and I at our c**** company are going to have to ask you to take your racist game needs somewhere else. If you can find a single game anywhere that doesn’t have an Asian or Black person working on it, you are welcome to it. Please don’t call again.” *click*

    Page 75/143First...7374757677...Last