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  • January Theme Of The Month: Prank Calls!
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    Category: Technology

    The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

    Periodically Stupid

    | Australia | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Math & Science, Technology

    (I work in the kitchen department of a department store.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, I have a complaint about your microwave-safe bowls.”

    Me: “What seems to be the problem?”

    Customer: “Well, I was cooking my lunch, when all of a sudden I see sparks inside the microwave. I quickly stopped it, took it out and the side of my microwave was burnt. This is disgusting; these are meant to be MICROWAVE SAFE. These are a hazard.”

    Me: “Well, sir, many customers have purchased the same microwave-safe bowls as this and have not had any problems. It may have been a problem with the microwave, or maybe you had a bit of metal on the inside which caused the sparks? Did you perhaps accidentally leave a metal spoon or fork in the bowl?”

    Customer: “There was no metal.”

    Me: “Okay, what did you use to cover the food?”

    Customer: “Aluminum foil.”

    Me: “That would be the problem. Like having any other metal in the microwave, aluminum foil can cause sparks and possibly be a fire hazard. You need to use plastic, such as cling wrap.”

    Customer: “But aluminum foil isn’t metal.”

    Me: “Yes it is, Aluminum is metal.”

    Customer: “Don’t be stupid; aluminum foil can’t be metal. It’s soft, so it is a plastic. Metals are hard.”

    Fix The Phone And Call It Square

    | Belfast, Northern Ireland, UK | Technology

    Customer: “Hello, hello! My phone’s gone berserk!”

    Me: “Can you be a bit more precise?”

    Customer: “It’s totally berserk!”

    Me: “I’ll need something more specific. Is it in Greek? Will it switch on?”

    Customer: “My apps are all up the left!”

    Me: “Press the big rectangle button at the bottom. Have you got the picture in the background?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “Now, what do you do to go berserk?”

    Customer: “Go to the apps.”

    Me: “Do that now. What do you see?”

    Customer: “It’s like I’m going shopping!”

    Me: “Sorry?”

    Customer: “It’s like my shopping list!”

    Me: “What does the list say?”

    Customer: “Milk, eggs, yoghurt, potatoes—”

    Me: “—no. What does the list on the phone say?”

    Customer: “Settings, Internet, Facebook… oh, Allshare! I haven’t seen that before.”

    Me: “What was it like before?”

    Customer: “Squares! I had loads of squares!”

    Me: “Do you want the squares back again?”

    Customer: “Yes! Give me back my squares!”

    Me: “Okay. Your apps have changed from a grid to a list. Do you see the little button to the left of the home button?”

    Customer: “It says ‘Grid View’.”

    Me: “Press ‘Grid View’.”

    Customer: “Thank you, thank you! You gave me my squares back again!”

    Weekly Roundup: Mobile Madness!

    | Not Always Right | Roundups, Technology

    Weekly Roundup: Mobile Madness! In this week’s roundup, we share five stories about customers and their cellphones!

    1. At Least It’s Hands-Free Now (2,146 thumbs up)
    2. Hit A Wall With This Caller (2,818 thumbs up)
    3. Daddy Meets Miss Demeanor (2,019 thumbs up)
    4. This Phone-y Claim Doesn’t Ring True (1,938 thumbs up)
    5. A Rude A-Blabbering (2,212 thumbs up)

    PS #1: check out our Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news!

    PS #2: Read more roundups here!

    Please Pay To Make Them Stop

    | ON, Canada | Money, Technology

    Customer: “I’m done doing my copies over there.”

    Me: “Oh, great. Did they turn out okay?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “Good.”

    Customer: “Where do I pay?”

    Me: “You paid already.”

    Customer: “No, I didn’t; the machine told me to take my card out.”

    Me: “Yes, the new machine doesn’t require your card to stay in the whole time. The good thing about that is people won’t forget their cards anymore!”

    Customer: “Okay, but I still haven’t paid.”

    Me: “Yes, you have.”

    Customer: “No! I put my card in and then it told me to take it out!”

    Me: “Yes, because it remembers your card. You hit “end session” on the screen when you were finished, right?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “Did it ask you if you wanted a receipt?”

    Customer: “Yes. It’s right here. But I want you to print me a new one so you can prove that I’ve paid.”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “I have a receipt here, but I don’t think it’s true because I didn’t leave my card in.”

    Me: “You don’t have to leave your card in. That receipt will be correct. And the next person’s job will not be charged to your card, because you hit “end session”.”

    Customer: “Okay, but how do I know that this receipt isn’t lying?”

    Me: “Why would it be lying?”

    Customer: “Because my card wasn’t in the machine while I did my copies!”

    Me: “But it’s not supposed to be. That’s how the new machine works. I can print you another receipt over here if you want.”

    (The customer gives me her card, and I print her receipt, which is identical to the one that came out of the copier.)

    Me: “See? It’s the same.”

    Customer: “But how does it know?”

    Me: “I don’t know; it’s just smart I guess!”

    Customer: “No! HOW does it know!? HOW does it work!?”

    Me: “You mean how does the technology work?”

    Customer: “Yes! It’s blowing my mind!”

    Me: “Um, I don’t know how it works; I’m sorry. It will just have to continue to blow your mind.”

    Snapping A Customer Who Snaps

    | Wigston, England, UK | At The Checkout, Technology, Theme Of The Month, Wild & Unruly

    (I am in line at my local supermarket. The customer ahead of me is complaining. I am a cyclist, wearing a helmet with a camera.)

    Customer: “What the f*** is taking so long!?”

    Employee: “I’m sorry, sir, I will try to get this done as quickly as possible.”

    Customer: “I haven’t got time for this; do you know what this is?”

    (The customer backs off into a karate position.)

    Me: “Excuse me.”

    (I turn on the camera on my helmet.)

    Me: “You do know that you’re being video recorded from multiple places. Being nice to the staff is voluntary, but threatening them will get the police.”

    Customer: “F*** off, or you’ll get dead!”

    (The customer pulls out a knife, still in the wrapper. I kick it out of his hand, and he runs off. Between the supermarket and me, we have everything needed for a prosecution. My shopping was free!)

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