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    Category: Technology

    The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

    His Definition Of Solid Is Not So Solid

    | PA, USA | Technology, Theme Of The Month

    (I’m on the phone with a customer who is having an Internet connection problem.)

    Me: “Is the light on your modem blinking?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “So, it is solid then?”

    Customer: “Yes. It’s solid, then it’s off, then it’s solid again, then it’s off again…”

    Powerful Pictures

    | Plymouth, Devon, UK | Technology, Theme Of The Month

    (It’s a quiet day in the shop, so I’m busy prepping films to process. A middle-aged lady enters, so I put everything down and greet her.)

    Customer: “Hello, my love; do you print photos from digital cameras?”

    Me: “We do indeed! We just need your memory card or a USB cable if you have your camera with you.”

    Customer: “Oh, good! I’ve brought this in; my pictures are on it.”

    (She rummages around in her handbag, and finally places a small oblong of plastic on the counter.)

    Me: “I’m ever so sorry, but we’re not going to be able to get your photos from that.”

    Customer: “Oh, no! Why not?”

    Me: “This is your battery.”

    Stereo-Typo

    | USA | Bigotry, Technology

    (I’m the customer service administrator. I’m the very last in line when customers ask to speak to a manager. Our tech support call center is located in India, but our headquarters, where I work, are in the States.)

    Me: “Good afternoon, [company name]; this is [name].”

    Customer: “Yes, I asked for a shipping label a couple days ago to send in my unit, and I haven’t gotten it yet. What’s the hold up?”

    Me: “It looks like a shipping label was generated to be sent to your e-mail, but someone made a typo in your e-mail address. We sent it out via mail; sorry about that! It should reach you in a couple of days.”

    Customer: “What?! D*** foreigners! How hard is it to type in an e-mail address? Your company is doing a disservice, shipping jobs that honest, hard-working Americans could have, over to India!”

    Me: “The mistake was a simple typo, sir. Anyone could have made that mistake, American or otherwise.”

    Customer: “That’s just a bull-s*** excuse! If you don’t want to take my word for it, fine. But you’re doing a disservice to this country!”

    Me: “Sir, please stop cursing.”

    Customer: “What? No, f*** you! Okay, what happens when I get the label?”

    (I explain to him how to attach the label to the box and send the unit in.)

    Customer: “No! That’s bull-s***! I have to do all this work, just to get a d*** piece of s*** unit that works! Your company is terrible and—”

    Me: “Sir, if you do not calm down, I will hang up the phone.”

    Customer: “What? Hang up? Fine! Hang up on me!” *hangs up*

    Space Is His Final Frontier

    | MI, USA | Language & Words, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    (A customer is at the fishing license kiosk, entering in his application. He is looking visibly frustrated.)

    Customer: “Oh, come on!”

    (I walk up to the customer.)

    Me: “Alright, can I see you go through this?”

    Customer: “I’ve already done it four times!”

    Me: “I understand. Just one more time, please.”

    (The customer types his full name in the space provided. I see the problem. Instead of ‘John L. Doe’ he writes ‘johnldoe’.)

    Me: “Alright, you’re going to need to put spaces in there.”

    Customer: “Fine.”

    (The customer puts the spaces in. We get to the address. He types in an equivalent of: ’123adr3$$@Clty’.)

    Me: “…alright, why don’t I just handle this?”

    The Digit(al) Age

    | NJ, USA | Language & Words, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    (The customer is attempting to use the touch screen credit card machine, but the attached pen is not working.)

    Me: “Sorry, sir, the pen is not working right now. It’s a touch screen, so just use the pad of your finger.”

    Customer: “What? What the heck is a ‘patio finger’?”

    Me: “Pad. Of. Your. Finger.”

    Customer: “Oh! I thought it was some kind of young people slang.”

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