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    Category: Technology

    The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

    Pushing Sales Has Pushed His Luck

    | Reston, VA, USA | Religion, Technology

    (I work in the computing department. We’re pushed to always get protection plans. I have sold a customer a laptop.)

    Me: “Well, just so you know, we do offer [protection plan]. If anything bad happens to the laptop—”

    Customer: “What? What do you mean by something bad?

    Me: “Unfortunately, bad things can happen to computers. There are hundreds of computers in the back that have been destroyed in many different ways. If you get a protection plan, you can get the computer replaced if something bad happens to it on accident.”

    Customer: “What are you talking about? Why are you wishing bad luck on me?”

    Me: “Sir, I wasn’t wishing bad luck on you. I was just offering you an avenue to make sure your investment is protected.”

    Customer: “You shouldn’t be threatening me with bad luck! You should wish me good luck. This is bad; this is very bad right here.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I’m not trying to wish you bad luck; I’m just recommending something that many of our customers—”

    Customer: “No, no! This is very bad. You’re wishing bad things to happen to me. I tell you what; I am going to go home, and pray to God that he does bad things to you!”

    Too Fast, Too Furious

    | BC, Canada | One-Liners, Technology

    (A customer calls into our store, and my coworker answers the phone. I’m listening to the conversation.)

    Coworker: “How can I help you?”

    Customer: “I’m looking for a manual for my cordless phone. Do you sell them at your store?”

    Coworker: “We don’t sell the manuals, unfortunately. You could probably find it online though.”

    Customer: “That will be too much work. Just sell me one of yours!”

    Coworker: “What’s the model number?”

    (My coworker proceeds to look up the manual on a common internet search engine.)

    Coworker: “If you want us to print out a copy of the manual for you, it will be five cents a page. You can pick it up in the store.”

    Customer: “You don’t have the manual!”

    Coworker: “I do, ma’am. I just found it online.”

    Customer: “No, you didn’t. It didn’t take you long enough!”

    Coworker: “Ma’am, I’m looking right at it! Would you like us to print you off a copy?”

    Customer: “You don’t have the manual! That was too fast! I can’t believe your lack of customer service!”

    (The customer hangs up.)

    Me: “What just happened?”

    Coworker: “Stupid happened.”

    Sat Too Long On The Hash Key

    | IL, USA | Awesome Customers, Technology, Top

    (I’m manager of the electronic department in a retail store. Though we do not offer tech support, I often give out advice when I can, since I’m pretty tech savvy.)

    Customer: “Hey, you seem to know your stuff; I’ve seen you around. Listen, my cat sat on my laptop the other day, and now I can’t get the track-pad to work. I could use a mouse, but it’s more to carry around and they make my hand hurt.”

    Me: “I can’t be sure, but it sounds like your cat may have just disabled it. Most laptops have a button you can turn it on/off with, and the cat probably pressed it by accident.”

    (I show him on a demo unit what to look for and where it might be. He thanks me, and heads out. I don’t think anything of it until I see him again, about 30 minutes later, with a plastic shopping bag in tow.)

    Customer: “So, I tried to find what you suggested, but I couldn’t figure it out. Do you think you could show me?”

    (I look around nervously, since I’m technically not allowed to perform any services like this. But he already has the laptop out on my counter, and it’s powering up. Since no one is around, I decide to help him out.)

    Me: “Your track-pad was locked. This button right here locks and unlocks it. See the little light that comes on when it’s working?”

    Customer: “Oh man, that’s awesome! I can’t believe it was so simple. Listen, I was ready to spend a lot to get this fixed, but you did it for free! Can I give you this $20 as a tip?”

    Me: “Ah… no. Unfortunately we are not allowed to accept tips. If you’re really insistent that I take it, I’ll have to turn it over to my boss, and it’ll become part of a charitable donation.”

    Customer: “What if I just drop it as I’m leaving, and you happen to pick it up?”

    Me: “There’s a security camera right above us. Listen, I really appreciate the thought, but I can’t accept it. Think of it as my good deed for the day.”

    Customer: “Right on man, like karma. Hey, you want some of this bud?”

    (He pulls a small plastic bag of marijuana out of his pocket, and offers it towards me.)

    Me: “Ah! Sir, I would highly recommend putting that away. I did mention there’s a security camera right above us.”

    Customer: “Oh, yeah. Well, I hope when you get off work you get to smoke up, drink up, or whatever it is you do to unwind. You deserve it, man. Let that good karma flow back to you!”

    A Sim-ple Solution

    | East Bakersfield, CA, USA | Technology, Wild & Unruly

    (I’m in line at technical support to get my laptop fixed. A very rude and impatient customer cuts me, and slams his phone down on the counter.)

    Me: “Excuse me! You just cut me.”

    Rude Customer: *ignoring me* ” You son of a b****! You were supposed to fix my phone eight days ago! What’s with this bull-s***!”

    Tech Support: “Sir, we told you; there is nothing wrong with the phone. You just don’t have a sim-card in there.”

    Rude Customer: “Bull-s***! I put in a sim-card, and it still doesn’t work!”

    Tech Support: “Okay, then. If I see that there is no sim-card, you’re going to apologize to the woman you cut, apologize to me, and get out of my store before I plant my foot so far up your a**, that your grandchildren get the mark.”

    (The technician takes the phone and opens the back cover. He starts to laugh.)

    Rude Customer: “What’s so f****** funny?!”

    Tech Support: “GET. OUT. NOW.”

    (The 6’1, 227 lb, tech stands up. He takes his glasses off, and puts them on the counter.)

    (The rude customer turns white, then turns to me.)

    Rude Customer: “Sorry!”

    (The customer literally makes a run out the store, while leaving his phone behind. The technician sits back down and acts as though nothing happened.)

    Themed Giveaway Final Roundup: Tech Troubles

    | Not Always Right | Roundups, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    Themed Giveaway Roundup: Tech Troubles! Here’s a final roundup of stories from last month’s themed giveaway!

    1. P2P Not-Working (1,341 thumbs up)
    2. Reach Out And Touch Someone (1,094 thumbs up)
    3. Mostly Crazy, Not So Good (1,160 thumbs up)
    4. Not Just The Computer Making A Loud Noise (1,504 thumbs up)
    5. Not A Sound Reason For Calling (1,117 thumbs up)
    6. Needs To Back Up And See The Bigger Picture (1,388 thumbs up)
    7. Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 7 (1,239 thumbs up)
    8. Makes You Lose CTRL (1,035 thumbs up)
    9. Start Thinking To A Different Tune (1,317 thumbs up)
    10. The Number One Problem With Laptops (1,321 thumbs up)

    PS #1: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news galore!

    PS #2: Read more roundups here!

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