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    Category: Technology

    The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

    PEBCAK & Episode V

    | Vancouver Island, BC, Canada | Technology

    (Note: I provide desktop support for a division of the Canadian government.)

    Caller: “My computer is frozen. I’ve tried everything and it just doesn’t respond…” *describes what’s on the screen*

    Me: “Okay, we can fix that.”

    (A bit of troubleshooting transpires.)

    Caller: “No, it’s still not doing anything.”

    Me: “Okay, we will try a hard power off. Hold down the power button on the tower until the computer turns off, and then press it again to turn it back on.”

    (The caller answers almost immediately, which is a tad fast as it takes about 5 seconds for the tower to power off usually.)

    Caller: “Okay, I did that. It’s still the same.”

    Me: “What do you mean it’s still the same?”

    Caller: “Nothing has changed. It’s just like it was before I turned it off. I know what I’m doing; I’m good with computers. I use one at home all the time, too.”

    Me: “…So, you completely turned the computer off by holding down the power button and when you turned it back on you didn’t have to log on or enter a password, and all your applications showed up still frozen?”

    Caller: “Yes, that’s it exactly. I don’t understand what’s going on! I’m good with computers. I use one at home all the time, too.”

    (I ask a couple more questions before giving up fixing it over the phone. As she works in the same building as I do, I tell her that I’ll be up to see her in a few minutes. I walk in to see her holding down the power button and a blank screen.)

    Caller: “I thought that if I held it down for longer it might be better.”

    Me: *bites tongue* “Okay, well what we need to do—”

    Caller: “See?!” *the screen lights up* “Exactly the same as before I shut it all down!”

    Me: “Okay, but that is the monitor. We need to shut down the computer…”

    Related:
    PEBCAK & Episode IV

    Supportive Of Technical Support

    | USA | Awesome Customers, Technology, Top

    Technician: “Hello, how may I be of service?”

    Customer: “You’re a technician?”

    Technician: “Yes, sir. I’ve worked here for 3 years. I assure you that I’m qualified to help you with any problems you might have.”

    Customer: “You’re the first female tech I’ve spoken to. You must really be good.”

    Technician: “Thank you.”

    Customer: “Do you ever get nasty comments?”

    Technician: “Unfortunately, yes I do sometimes. I’ve learnt to deal with them.”

    Customer: “Well, they can all stick it where it don’t shine! And if you’re seriously having trouble with a particular guy, let me know and I’ll make sure they’ll regret it!”

    (From then on, this customer always asked for our female technician.)

    Does Not Com-Poo-te

    | TX, USA | Technology

    (I work at a computer repair store.)

    Me: “Hello, sir. How can I help you today?”

    Customer: “Yeah, my laptop won’t turn on.”

    Me: “Okay, let me check it out for a few minutes and see if I can’t figure out what’s going on.”

    (I proceed to run my typical quick diagnostics when a computer won’t turn on. I try a different AC adapter, hold down the power for 30 seconds, etc. but nothing seems to work.)

    Me: “Well, sir, it looks like it’s still not wanting to work, but I can send it out for a fee. What happened to it?”

    Customer: “Well, my toilet exploded on it.”

    Me: “…Excuse me… what?”

    Customer: “Yeah, my toilet exploded on it.”

    Me: “Yeah, unfortunately we can’t fix that, but we have a bunch of new laptops you can look at.”

    (I then proceeded to scrub myself all the way up to my elbows in the bathroom, appalled that he didn’t tell me that until AFTER I had handled it!)

    What A Touching Thing To Say

    | Cardiff, Wales, UK | Family & Kids, Technology

    (I work in a toy shop, so I often end up having conversations with kids while their parents go through the tills.)

    Me: *scans an expensive toy* “Wow, is this for you?”

    Little Girl: “Yes! It’s my birthday! And I got an iPod Touch, too!”

    Me: “Wow! I didn’t get an iPod until I was 22.”

    Little Girl: “Maybe your mum doesn’t love you.”

    Wireless, Clueless & Hopeless, Part 11

    | UK | Technology

    Me: “Thanks for calling [store name]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “My internet won’t work! You have to fix it now! My business is losing hundreds of pounds thanks to you!”

    Me: “I certainly do apologise about that. Are the lights on?”

    Customer: “Yes, but one’s flashing.”

    Me: “Okay, is the DSL cable plugged in securely?”

    Customer: “DSL cable? There isn’t one of those!”

    Me: “Erm, okay. So, what cables do you have plugged into it?”

    Customer: “I haven’t got any plugged into it! It said it was a wireless router! So I don’t need any wires, duh!”

    Me: “So… where is the router ma’am?”

    Customer: “It’s in the filing cabinet, of course!”

    Related:
    Wireless, Clueless & Hopeless, Part 10


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