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    Category: Technology

    The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

    Square Plug Into A Round Hole

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Technology

    Me: “Hello, sir, how can I help you?”

    Caller: “Hi, I’d like to take this plug and put it into that socket.”

    Me: “Okay, sir. What is the shape and color of the plug and socket?”

    Caller: “The plug is blue and square-shaped and the socket is a blue circle.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but it doesn’t look like those plugs are compatible.”

    Caller: “That’s not right. They’re both blue.”

    Me: “Yes, but the plug is square and the socket is a circle. Square plugs usually won’t fit into a circle-shaped socket.”

    Caller: “But they’re both blue and conduct electricity from this local area. That doesn’t make sense!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I can’t help you do what you want to do. You need a square-shaped socket for it to happen.”

    Caller: “Really? I’m not so sure you’re right. You sound rather confused, actually…”

    Problem Exists Between Chair, Coffee, Radiator, Dishwasher, Dryer, And Keyboard

    | Oklahoma City, OK, USA | Technology

    Me: “Thank you for calling [company]. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “So, like, I poured coffee on my keyboard, then put it on my radiator to dry it out, then ran it through the dishwasher, then through the dryer, but now when I type it does funny things. Do you think the coffee could have ruined it?”

    (I have to place customer on mute to laugh for almost a minute while he elaborates on his story.)

    Me: “Yes, sir, it does sound like your keyboard has physical damage and will need to be replaced.”

    Please Contact Manufacturer For Missing Parts

    | Orlando, FL, USA | Bizarre, Health & Body, Technology

    (I work for a major cable company troubleshooting internet problems over the phone. I am not sure if the customer in this story isn’t sober or just crazy, but he definitely isn’t right.)

    Me: “All right…let’s reconnect the cables to your router and we’ll have you back up in no time.”

    Customer: *distracted* “Hey, honey? How many fingers should I have?”

    Wife: *in the background* “You have five on each hand.”

    Customer: *panicking* “Oh, God! I’ve only got four and my thumb!” *to me* “I’m going to have to call you back. I need to dial 911 now!” *hangs up*

    Additional Charge For Unlimited Sexism Plan

    | Arkansas, USA | Bigotry, Technology

    Me: “Good afternoon! Welcome to [store name]. How may I assist you?”

    Customer: “My phone’s not working, and your service is crap.”

    Me: “Well, I’d be more than happy to help you. Sorry for your inconvenience.”

    Customer: “Just fix the d*** thing and stop talking!”

    Me: *shocked* “Yes, sir.”

    (After a few minutes of testing his device, I figure out the problem is that the phone simply has not been charged.)

    Me: “Sir, your phone is dead. It needs to be charged. That’s why you weren’t able to place a call or turn the device on.”

    Customer: “That’s bulls***. I want to talk to your manager!”

    Me: “I am the manager, sir.”

    Customer: “But you’re a woman!”

    Me: “Yes, sir, last time I checked, I was.”

    Customer: *very condescendingly* “Your place is in the kitchen. I want to speak with a male!”

    Me: *speechless*

    It Never Hurts To Ask…And Ask…And Ask

    , | Ontario, Canada | Technology

    Customer: “I need help finding a cord to plug my printer into my computer. It’s a [printer] and a Mac computer.”

    Me: “Well, all printer cables are universal these days, so I’ll show you where they are.”

    (We go to the cable aisle.)

    Me: “This is the cable you’ll need. It comes in two different lengths.”

    Customer: “This is the one I need?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “Just like that?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “You just know this is the cable I need?”

    Me: “Yes, they are all the same.”

    Customer: “How do you know?”

    Me: “Because all the cables are made the same. This square part goes in the printer, and this part goes in your computer.”

    Customer: “And you just know this is the right one?”

    Me: “Yes, there is only one kind.”

    Customer: “And you’re sure?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “How?”

    Me: “Because they are all universal.”

    Customer: “But how do you know that?”

    Me: “I don’t know. Maybe because I work here?”

    Customer: “Well, if this isn’t the right one, I’ll be bringing it back!”


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