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    Category: Technology

    The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 17

    | Reston, VA, USA | At The Checkout, Money, Technology

    Customer: “Excuse me, I’d like to get a refund for an item I purchased from your online store.”

    Me: “Sure, I can help with that. Just let me see the item so I can pull it up in our system.”

    Customer: “Well, the item hasn’t arrived yet. It’s still being delivered.”

    Me: “Oh, we won’t be able to issue a refund unless you actually give us something to refund. When the item arrives, bring it back here and we can give you your money back, no problem!”

    Customer: “I can’t believe you won’t give me a freaking refund! This is unacceptable! I bought the item, and you d*** well better give me my money back!”

    Me: “Sir, I understand that you’d like to get your money refunded. Without giving us your item back, it’s like we’re just giving it to you. We can’t give you the money today, only to have you return here a few days later to give us the item back!”

    Customer: “Well, why would I need to return here? I would have already gotten my money back by then!”

    Related:
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 16
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 15
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 14
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 13
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 12

    April Themed Story Giveaway: Tech Troubles!

    | Not Always Right | Announcements, Technology, Theme Of The Month
    Want to win a Not Always Right t-shirt?
    Enter Not Always Right’s April Themed Story Giveaway:
    Tech Troubles!

    Entering is as easy as 1-2-3:

    1. Submit a funny or interesting story about customers and technology.
    2. Enter your email address in the form to qualify.
    3. All posted stories will be entered in a drawing to win a free t-shirt gift certificate, to use in the official Not Always Right shop!

    PS: Congratulations to a lucky reader for winning March Themed Story Giveaway, which featured stories about Crimes & Punishments. The winning submission: Not Sue-ted To Shoplifting (1,403 thumbs up).

    PS #2: winners will be announced the first Wednesday of every month. Next free t-shirt gift certificate: Wednesday, May 1!

    Not Quite On Top Of Her Game

    | MD, USA | Bad Behavior, Criminal/Illegal, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    (I work as a slot machine technician. While we do occasionally talk with customers, they’re not our primary concern. In the event of a customer dispute, we’re to call a supervisor and let them handle it from there. I’m flagged down by a flustered customer while walking the floor. She is playing a very popular game. Her English is halting at best.)

    Customer: “This game stole my $20! You gimme $20!”

    Me: “Let me take a look at it, ma’am.”

    (I open the game and check the device that accepts bills; nothing is inside. I next check the machine’s logs, and see that a $20 bill was indeed inserted only a few moments earlier, but that exact $20 was then cashed out 10 seconds later with no games played.)

    Me: “Ma’am, it appears the $20 was cashed out 10 seconds after it was put in.”

    Customer: “No! It stole it! Gimme my $20!”

    (I call for a supervisor. It’s a very busy Friday night, and it takes 15 minutes for one to finally come by. In the meantime, the lady has gotten more agitated.)

    Supervisor: “Hey, what’s up?”

    Me: “This customer says the machine ate her $20, but the machine’s logs say that the $20 was cashed out 10 seconds later.”

    Supervisor: “Thanks, I’ve got this.”

    (My supervisor approaches the customer.)

    Supervisor: “Ma’am, the machine says you cashed out your $20.”

    Customer: “No! It took my $20! Gimme $20!”

    Supervisor: “Ma’am, I’m not giving you $20.”

    (The look on her face is something like rage, disbelief and heartbreak. She eventually storms off, getting nothing for her troubles. After talking with a few other techs, it turns out she has tried this at a few other games in the casino that night, with the exact same result.)

    Should Keep Better Account Of Their Account

    | USA | Money, Technology

    (I work for a company that provides online subscriptions of technical software. A customer calls us from Colorado.)

    Customer: “I need the password to my account.”

    Me: “I can assist you with that; can you verify your username?”

    Customer: “I don’t know it. That’s why I’m calling you.”

    Me: “Okay. Well, how about your email address?”

    Customer: “Try these…”

    (He gives me five email addresses. I search them all.)

    Me: “Sir, I can’t find these. Can you tell me the company name?”

    Customer: “Try these…”

    (He gives me two company names. I am getting suspicious, but I look them up anyway.)

    Me: “Sir, I still can’t find these. What about any names that may be on the account.”

    Customer: “F***! We signed up six months ago, and spent $2500 with your d*** company! We haven’t even used your s*** yet, so you better find my password.”

    Me: “Would you have a confirmation number?”

    Customer: “NO! Where the f*** would that be?”

    Me: “It would’ve been sent in an email.”

    Customer: “That was six months ago! Who the f*** keeps emails that long?”

    Me: “Well, if I’d spent $2500 on something, I’d try to keep track of it.”

    Customer: “F*** you. You’re not helping me because you don’t f****** want to. I want to speak to your supervisor.”

    Me: “Sir, I am the supervisor. And if you have no confirmation number, no receipt, no username, no valid email address, no valid company name, and no valid customer name, I have no way to look up your account.”

    Customer: “Look it up under [somewhat common name].”

    Me: “Well, I do have one customer under that name.”

    Customer: “That’s it!”

    Me: “But he’s out of Texas, and he has never purchased what you say you’ve purchased.”

    Customer: “Well it may be under Jennifer’s name.”

    Me: “What’s Jennifer’s last name?”

    Customer: “I don’t know. Just give me Jennifer’s account.”

    Me: “Sir, we have at least 150 registered users named Jennifer.”

    Customer: “Well find one out of Colorado and give me her username.”

    Me: “If you’d like to tell ‘Jennifer’ to call us and give us authorization to give you access to her account, I’d be more than happy to help you.”

    Customer: “Oh f*** you, you guys are worthless.” *hangs up*

    Save It On A Flesh Drive

    | WA, USA | Books & Reading, Language & Words, Technology

    (Our library offers several touch-screen computers that customers can use to check out items themselves. The customer is a friendly regular, but a little shy because English is not her first language.)

    Customer: “Why does this machine require flesh?”

    Me: “W-what?”

    Customer: “This machine. I am touching it, but it does not work. Is because…?”

    (She shows that she is wearing gloves.)

    Me: “Oh! I’m sorry; yes I suppose the screens don’t work if you have gloves on. I had never really thought about that.”

    Customer: “Ah. Okay, sorry to be bother.”

    Me: “No, no! That is the best thing I’ve heard all week.”

    (Now whenever the computers have problems, the staff joke that they ‘require flesh’ to function, and someone must be sacrificed to appease them.)

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