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    Category: Technology

    The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

    No Port For The Harbor

    | Port Charlotte, FL, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Technology

    Customer: “I dropped my phone in the water while I was on the boat this weekend, and I want to retrieve my pictures off of it. Can you do that?”

    Me: “Sure we can.”

    (I wait to see phone.)

    Me: “Where is it?”

    Customer: “At the bottom of the harbor; you can still get my pictures, right?”

    Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 13

    | Elk Grove, CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (A customer comes up to me holding two controllers.)

    Customer: “Hi. I’d like to know what the differences are between these controllers.”

    Me: “Well, this controller is wireless, and this one is wired.”

    Customer: “What does that mean?”

    Me: “It means one of the controllers has a wire, and the other one does not.”

    Customer: “What does that mean?”

    Me: “Uh, one of the controllers has a physical cord that comes out of it.”

    Customer: “But what does that mean?”

    Me: “This controller has a cord to connect to the console. This other controller does not have a cord.”

    Customer: “Ooh, so it’s like it’s wired!”

    Related:
    Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 12
    Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 11

    H2Slow, Part 4

    | Blacksburg, VA, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (A customer walks into store with a phone that’s not working. It’s raining outside.)

    Customer: “Hey man, my phone stopped working. Can you get me a new one?”

    Coworker: “Do you have insurance? The watermarks show that the phone has gotten wet.”

    Customer: “No, I don’t, but I’ve never gotten my phone wet!”

    Coworker: “Well, it clearly did at some point. Were you by any chance using it while it was raining?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I was earlier, but that wouldn’t have done it, would it? Would rain get my phone wet?”

    Coworker: “Is rain made out of water?”

    Customer: “Ohh… right…”

    Related:
    H2Slow, Part 3
    H2Slow, Part 2
    H2Slow

    You Got The Wrongest Number, Part 7

    | Mercer County, NJ, USA | Crazy Requests, Technology

    (I work for a franchise of a major cell phone company in the US.)

    Customer: “I just had a woman call me on my cell phone. Can you look up her information and tell me her last name and address?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but unless you are listed on the account as an authorized user I cannot give away any personal information.”

    Customer: “Well then, can you add me as an authorized user so I can see her address?”

    Me: “No, sir, only the account holder can add or remove authorized users.”

    Customer: “Well she called me and I want to find her; what can I do?”

    Me: “Call her back?”

    Customer: “I can’t do that; after she gave me her name she realized it was a wrong number and hung up!”

    Me: “So let me get this straight, you want me to look up a customer’s number, add you as an authorized user, give you her name and address, and you don’t even know her?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “Sir, you need to leave.”

    Related:
    You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 6
    You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 5
    You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 4
    You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 3
    You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 2
    You Got The Wrong(est) Number

    You’ll Need A Brake After This

    | USA | Extra Stupid, Technology, Transportation

    (A customer has had one of our cars for three days, when he calls our customer service number.)

    Customer: “The car is stuck in park. No matter what I do, it will not go out of park. I’m trying pretty hard, but I don’t want to break the gear shift.”

    Me: “I’m sorry to hear about that; let’s take a look at this and see what we can do. Are you able to start the car at all?”

    Customer: “Yes the car starts just fine, and everything works. It just won’t move.”

    Me: “Are there any indicator lights on?”

    Customer: “All of them come on when you start the car.”

    Me: “Okay, go ahead and put your foot on the break, flush to the floor.”

    Customer: “What? What is that? What do you mean?”

    Me: “The brake pedal. Go ahead and push that down, and then shift into reverse.”

    Customer: “I still don’t know what you mean.”

    Me: “The pedal next to the accelerator. Push that down.”

    Customer: “It worked! Thank you so much; I thought I was going to be stuck here!”

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