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  • Category: Technology

    The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

    Modem Warfare

    | NY, USA | Technology

    (I’m a tier-one tech support rep for internet issues. I receive a call from a customer who is very angry, because his internet still isn’t working, despite multiple calls and field tech visits.)

    Me: “How may I help you?”

    (The customer begins a tirade of how inept my company is, including everything that’s been done so far. I begin basic troubleshooting as per policy, which doesn’t get the customer back online. I’m about to schedule another field tech to go out the customer.)

    Customer: “This is great! You’re too f****** stupid to fix anything, and now I have to waste another f****** day so you can send out another f****** tech! Everything’s already been replaced! They replaced all the lines; I replaced the router and the modem! Why can’t you do your f****** job and fix this?!”

    Me: “Did you say you have a new modem? I’m only seeing the one that was installed 10 years ago.”

    Customer: “Yes, why?”

    Me: “Did you call to have the new modem added to your account, sir?”

    Customer: “Why the h*** would I do that?”

    Me: “That’s why I’m not seeing the modem, sir. We need to add it to your account so that our system knows where to send the signal.”

    (I proceed to enter the new modem to the account, which results in my being able to see good signals. I have the customer try to access the internet, which is now working.)

    Me: “I just want to make sure the computer isn’t remembering a website from earlier. Could you try two random websites for me so we can be sure everything’s working?”

    Customer: *embarrassed* “I did; it’s fine now!” *click*

    Playing Gameboys

    | IL, USA | Family & Kids, Technology

    (I am in my local video game store, picking up a copy of ‘Devil May Cry’. I am the only female in the store, and since I can’t see well enough to get a driver’s license, my father has driven me here. The store is really busy, so after plucking a copy from the shelf, I browse for a bit. A little boy approaches me.)

    Boy: “Is that for your dad?”

    Me: “No, this is for me.”

    (The boy’s eyes widen in surprise.)

    Boy: “You play video games?”

    Me: “Yes, I do.”

    Boy: “But you’re a GIRL!”

    Me: “So? Girls play video games too, honey.”

    Boy: “But you like girly games, right?”

    Me: “Actually, no. I hate girly games. I prefer action games and action RPGs, like Devil May Cry, Castlevania, Final Fantasy, and Kingdom Hearts.”

    (The little guy’s eyes widen so much that I’m expecting them to pop out of his head. He turns to face his mother.)

    Boy: “Mom! Mom! There’s a girl that likes video games!”

    (The mom hurriedly grabs her son, checks out their games, and practically runs from the store. As soon as the door shuts behind them, everyone inside cracks up.)

    Store Clerk: *still laughing* “But you’re a GIRL!”

    Color Me Surprised

    | Hanover, MD, USA | Extra Stupid, Math & Science, Technology

    (I work in the copy center of a large chain store. A couple comes in and ask for a copy of an ID card, and social security card. I make the copy, and bring it over to the counter where they are standing.)

    Me: “Here you go. Does everything look alright?”

    Customer: “Oh wow, you can print in color? I didn’t even know you could print in color!”

    Me: “Yes, we can.”

    Customer: “Wow, so is it the paper?”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “Like, is it the paper that makes it print in color?”

    Me: *a little baffled* “No… it’s actually the ink.”

    Customer: That’s crazy! It looks just like the real thing!”

    Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 14

    | Greenville, SC, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology, Top

    (I work in computer technical support for an international electronics company. I am a soft spoken female technician with a ‘young’ sounding voice. As a result, I tend to have a hard time being taken seriously by certain customers.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [company]; my name is [name]. How may I help you today?”

    Customer: “Oh, I didn’t need customer service; I need technical support.”

    Me: “Yes sir, you’ve reached technical support. What product is it that I can help you with today?”

    Customer: “No, you don’t understand. I need a tech to help me with this issue. I’m sure you think you know what you’re doing, but if you’d like to put me on hold and transfer me to a male tech, I’d be happy to hold.”

    Me: “Unfortunately, I’m not allowed to transfer you back into our waiting queue. I assure you, sir, I’ll be able to help you with your issue if you can give me some information. If you’d prefer to speak with a male tech, you can disconnect the call and try again.”

    Customer: “No, no I don’t want to do that. Alright, fine, can you help me connect my printer to my wireless connection then?”

    Me: “Of course, I’d be happy to assist you with that today. Can you give me the model code on your printer so I can look that model up?”

    Customer: *gives model number*

    Me: “Does that model code have any letters at the end of it? Perhaps an ‘N’ or a ‘W’?”

    Customer: “Ma’am, I assure you; I know how to read a model code. There are no letters at the end of the code on this printer.”

    Me: “Alright, sir, I think I see the issue. It appears that this isn’t a wireless or networkable model. Our printer models designate network models with an ‘N’ at the end of the model code, and wireless models with a ‘W’. I can help you connect it to your computer through USB, but this model will not be able to be connected wirelessly or through a network.”

    Customer: ”Look, I’m not stupid! I know this is a wireless printer; and I want to connect it to my network! If you can’t tell me how to do that, then transfer me to a man who can!”

    Me: “Do you mind if we check a couple of things on that printer, sir, just to be sure? Can you look and see if there’s an ethernet port on the back of your printer? It’ll look like—”

    Customer: “I know what an ethernet port looks like; I’m an IT professional! I work with networks all day, and this printer does not have an ethernet port on it!”

    Me: “I understand, can you look for one more thing for me? Can you see if there’s a wireless light on the top of the printer? It would be marked as either wireless or with a symbol that looks like—”

    Customer: “No! There’s no wireless light on this printer! It doesn’t need a wireless light, it says right on the box that it’s wireless! Now can you help me connect it or not?”

    Me: “Sir, can you read me the part of the box that shows this is a wireless printer?”

    Customer: “It’s right here! It says: ‘Easy one step wireless setup available on models—’… Oh… I uh… does this mean I’m going to have to buy a new printer?”

    Related:
    Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 13
    Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 12
    Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 11

    When Patience Is Paper Thin

    | Howell, MI, USA | Technology, Theme Of The Month, Wild & Unruly

    (A customer comes into the copy and print area while I’m helping another customer and her son. After ignoring my greeting, she goes over to the customer color-copy machines, and starts making copies.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, but why am I being charged $0.49 a copy, when that sign says black and white are only $0.09?”

    (The customer points to the sign over the black and white copy machines that advertise $0.09 a copy.)

    Me: “You’re using the color machine, not a black and white. It’ll charge you $0.49 a copy when you use it.”

    (I point to the sign above the color machine that states just that.)

    Customer: “Well, can’t it see that I’m not copying color pages?”

    Me: “No, it doesn’t have that sort of capability. It only knows that it is used for color copies, and charges accordingly.”

    Customer: “Well why didn’t you stop me before I started making copies?!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but I didn’t know you only had black and white pages. I can return your money and help you on the black and white machine if you would like.”

    (The customer hands me the credit card she used to make the copies, and I refund her money. As I start to walk towards the black and white she pushes past me.)

    Customer: “I don’t need your God-d*** help. You did enough already!”

    (I return to the other customer and her son, and continue talking about his school project that he needs printed and finished. Five minutes go by, and the older woman has a stack of approximately 250 papers in her hand. She walks up to me and interrupts my conversation with the other customers.)

    Customer: “I need these cut.”

    Me: “We charge $2 for every 500 pieces of paper cut, per cut.”

    Customer: “$2! Just for a few pieces of paper to be cut?! You must be out of your d*** mind! I’ll do them myself!”

    (I show her to the small hand-cutter. I show her how it works, using only a few sheets of paper at a time. Only five seconds after I turn away, she starts shouting again.)

    Customer: “THIS. ISN’T. WORKING!”

    (I turn around to find that she has stuffed a quarter of her stack of papers under the blade. Every time she tries to cut, she rips the papers.)

    Me: “Ma’am, you’re only supposed to do a maximum of 10 sheets at a time, like I showed you.”

    Customer: “I DON’T HAVE TIME TO WASTE DOING ONLY A FEW PAGES AT A TIME!”

    (The other customer and her son, and other nearby customers and associates are now watching as this angry customer fumes at me.)

    Me: “I offered to cut them for you, and it was too much money. I showed how to properly cut them using the hand cutter, and you didn’t follow what I said. I don’t understand what you want me to do.”

    Customer: “I WANT YOU TO REFUND MY RUINED COPIES AND DO THEM OVER, YOU LITTLE B****! AND THEN I WANT YOU TO CUT THEM ALL FOR FREE! YOU’VE WASTED MY TIME, AND I’M NOT PUTTING UP WITH YOUR SNARKY ATTITUDE!”

    Me: “I’m not going to do that. I showed you how to cut them, and you didn’t listen. I have every right to refuse, especially after treating me with disrespect.”

    Customer: “I AM NEVER SHOPPING HERE AGAIN!”

    (The customer screams, grabs the ruined papers, and throws them into the air before storming off into another area of the store with her few good copies.)

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