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    Category: Technology

    The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

    No ID-ea Who Is Hiding Under There

    | Richmond, VA, USA | Bad Behavior, Technology

    (A coworker and I are working under our walk-up counter; we’re running cables for a new computer station. I overhear a customer talking to the tiny freshman girl working above us at the counter.)

    Customer: “I’m here to pick up my laptop.”

    Female Coworker: “Okay, it looks like it’s all paid up. I just need to see your ID.”

    Customer: “What? Why?”

    Female Coworker: “I just need to verify it’s your computer.”

    Customer: “Well I don’t have my ID. Just give it to me.”

    Female Coworker: “I’m sorry, sir, but we can’t—”

    (There are the sounds of quick struggle. She steps back holding the laptop.)

    Female Coworker: “Sir, you can’t take the laptop without ID! Now you need to leave or I will have to have you escorted out.”

    (I pop up to see what’s going on. The customer looks at me and laughs.)

    Customer: “Him? This little b**** is going to escort me out? I’d love to see that!”

    Me: “She didn’t mean me…”

    (My other co-worker, who was still under the desk, grabs the edge of the counter and hauls his 300lb. self up to his full imposing 6’6″ height.)

    Me: “…she meant him.”

    (The customer’s face goes pale.)

    Customer: “Uh… um… so, I can just come back with my ID and pick that up, then?”

    Giant Coworker: “Yes, sir. Feel free to ask for me if you have any more problems.”

    Customer: “No! Er, I mean, no; I can’t imagine there’d be any more problems.”

    (We now joke that we should keep our giant under the desk for all such issues.)

    Refund Isn’t In The (Memory) Cards

    | FL, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology, Top

    (A customer comes in trying to return a camera with no receipt. After I tell her I will not be doing the refund, she demands a manager.)

    Manager: “What seems to be the problem?”

    Customer: “Your store ruined my daughter’s graduation! This camera that your employees sold me wouldn’t work! I couldn’t take any pictures!”

    Manager: “I’m sorry, but without a receipt we can’t refund this.”

    Customer: “You are going to refund this! And the memory card too!”

    Me: “Okay, tell you what: why don’t I just try to fix your camera for you? Then we’ll go from there.”

    (The customer scoffs and shoves her camera at me.)

    Customer: “Yeah, sure, go ahead and try. I’m telling you, you sold me a defective camera.”

    (I turn the camera on. It works fine. I try to take a picture; it says it doesn’t have enough memory. I open the battery compartment to inspect the card and immediately see the problem.)

    Me: “This isn’t a memory card.”

    Customer: “Excuse me?! Your employees picked this card and sold it to me!”

    Me: “This is an adapter, which is fine. The memory card needs to be inside of the adapter as well. Do you have something that looks like it would fit in this?”

    Customer: “Oh, that little thing? I threw that away.”

    (She grabs her camera and slinks away.)

    A Hollow Victory

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada | Extra Stupid, Geeks Rule, Technology, Top

    Customer: “Hi, I’m looking for a certain kind of video game. Could you help me?”

    Me: “Sure, what were you looking for?”

    Customer: “I’m looking for a game called Hollow.”

    Me: “I’ve never heard of that one before. Let me look it up in the computer for you.”

    (I type in ‘Hollow’ on the computer. It’s giving me very few results. The closest thing we have is a DS game called ‘Time Hollow’.)

    Me: “Here. Is this the correct game?”

    Customer: “No, that’s the wrong game. The game I’m looking for is for the Xbox 360.”

    (I attempt the search again.)

    Me: “I really don’t know how to break this to you, but there is no such thing as a game called Hollow for the Xbox 360.”

    Customer: “Bull-s*** there isn’t! The game isn’t even that old! You’re probably not even spelling it right. It’s only four letters long; how do you screw that up? H-A-L-O, it’s not that hard!”

    Me: “Oh, you mean Halo! Oh, yes, we definitely have that in stock!”

    Customer: “Then, why were you jerking me around like that?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but I thought you said Hollow, as in H-O-L-L-O-W. I didn’t realize you meant ‘Halo’.”

    Customer: “Well, how was I supposed to know how it’s pronounced? I’m not much of a game person!”

    Me: “With all due respect, ma’am, ‘Halo’ is a real word. It can be found in the English dictionary.”

    (The customer glares at me.)

    Customer: “Smart-a**.”

    Sold-Out Flip-Out

    | MD, USA | Awesome Customers, Crazy Requests, Technology, Top

    (We have started carrying a very popular toy line. We run out as soon as each shipment comes in.)

    Customer #1: “Hey, I’d like to pick up [newest figure in the line], for my son.”

    Me: “I’m sorry; we’re sold out of that one right now. We have another shipment coming in tomorrow. If you’d like to call in the morning, you can check then.”

    Customer #1: “F****** ridiculous! Do you idiots think that this is a proper business model? I know that you have tons of them in the back room. You just put them out a few at a time to create demand!”

    Me: “Trust me! With how fast this series is selling, we would put them on the shelves the moment we could.”

    Customer #1: “Yeah, whatever. And they’re more expensive here than at [competing toy chain] anyway. Also, your displays are too confusing. And these video game displays are nothing but naked girls and guns! This place is disgusting! What message are you trying to send?!”

    (Another customer intervenes.)

    Customer #2: “This is a nation-wide company with thousands of stores. He’s standing behind the cash register on Tuesday night. No offense to him, but even if there was a corporate-wide toy conspiracy, does he look like he’d be in on it?”

    Customer #1: “Still, I’m just… whatever. Idiotic place!”

    (Customer #1 leaves in a huff.)

    Customer #2: “Sorry, I don’t mean to imply that you’re not important.”

    Me: “Oh, you don’t have to apologize. That made my night. Would you like a free poster?”

    Dealing With A Magic Bean Counter

    | MN, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (One of my tech staff gets off the phone with a loud client. He is visibly frustrated.)

    Me: “Next time he calls, put him through to me.”

    Tech Staff: “Okay!”

    (Minutes later, the call is escalated to me.)

    Caller: “This is unacceptable! I demand you fix my issue!”

    Me: “Well, unfortunately, you are using an unsupported email client. When you called us to set it up, we explained to you what would happen if you used this client. It appears that you did it anyway. We cannot fix it for you.”

    Caller: “That’s unacceptable! We pay you good money to host this for us! I expect you to resolve this for me!”

    Me: “Okay, sir. You are a financial advisor to your clients, right?”

    Caller: “Yes.”

    Me: “So, imagine a customer came to you, and told you they wanted to move all of their investments into magic beans. What would you tell them?”

    Caller: “Well, that’s just stupid. I—”

    Me: “EXACTLY! So, imagine they did it anyway, and came back to you a few weeks later complaining that they’d lost all of their money. Would you accept liability?”

    Caller: “No, but—”

    Me: “Well, that’s where I am right now.”

    (We never heard from the caller again.)

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