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  • Your Connection Is Totally Forked
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    Category: Technology

    The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

    Insufficient Data To Handle Any Alternative

    | Canada | Bizarre, Extra Stupid, Movies & TV, Technology

    (I work as tech support over the phone for an Internet company. I cannot get the customer’s modem back online and need to book a technician to get the service up and running. Unfortunately it’s a Friday, and the next available tech isn’t until Monday.)

    Customer: “Well, this is just great! Now I’m going to have to use my cell phone to watch movies all weekend, and that’s going to use up all my data! You need to give me a credit to cover my extra data usage!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but I don’t have the ability to give you a credit for your cell phone data plan.”

    Customer: “So now I won’t have Internet all weekend, and my data’s all going to get used up to watch movies!”

    Me: “I do have you on the priority cancellation list, so they will call you if another appointment does open up before then. If it does, they’ll call you and make sure the time works for you; they won’t just come out without any notice. But of course I can’t guarantee a spot will open up.”

    Customer: “That’s great, but what about my data?”

    Me: “Well… You don’t have to watch movies on your cell phone.”

    Customer: “No, I do! I don’t have any choice! My Internet’s down so the only way I have to watch movies is on my cell!”

    Me: “No, I mean you don’t have to watch any movies.”

    Customer: “What?”

    Me: “I mean, I understand your Internet’s not working and if you watch movies on your cell it’ll be a big hit to your data plan. But you don’t have to actually watch movies.”

    Customer: “What do you mean? I only have my cell. It’s the only connection that’s working right now.”

    Me: “You don’t have to watch movies. You could do something else.”

    Customer: “I don’t understand what you mean.”

    The Big Bang Was Not A One-Time Event

    | Lawton, OK, USA | Musical Mayhem, Technology

    (At the store a customer left their phone behind. Per store policy, we can hold the phone for the customer, but we can’t answer it if it rings, in case the customer then tries to claim that we either broke or tampered with it.)

    Coworker: “You look stressed.”

    Me: “I am!”

    Coworker: “Why?”

    Me: “Because the phone has the ENTIRE theme to The Big Bang Theory as the ringtone. And it won’t… stop… ringing…”

    Deaf To Reason, Part 5

    | QLD, Australia | Crazy Requests, Health & Body, Technology

    Manager: “Can you please see that customer; he says he’s having trouble hearing his phone.”

    Me: “Which is it, he can’t hear it or the sound isn’t working?”

    Manager: “I’m not quite sure. Um, also… he’s deaf.”

    Me: “What?”

    Manager: “Please, you’re so good with these customers.”

    Me: “Okay…”

    (I head over and greet the customer and run a few basic checks on his mobile and immediately see the volume is working as it should.)

    Me: “Well, sir, the volume appears to be working just fine, but you were having trouble hearing it, is that correct?”

    Customer: “Oh, I can hear it just fine now. That’s no problem. But sometimes I like to go for a walk and when I do, I take my hearing aid out. Then I can’t hear it anymore! What do you suggest I do?”

    Me: *dumbfounded* “…uh, I suggest you put your hearing aid back in?”

    (The customer nods and looks at me expectantly, as if I have further advise to dispense.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I really can’t think of any other solution, under the circumstances.”

    Customer: “Oh… well, I suppose that will have to do then!” *walks off looking quite dissatisfied*

    Related:
    Deaf To Reason, Part 4
    Deaf To Reason, Part 3
    Deaf To Reason, Part 2

    More Money Than Sense

    | USA | Extra Stupid, Money, Technology

    (As I am ringing up a customer, I begin asking her the standard questions that I’m required to ask as a cashier. She is buying a tablet.)

    Me: “Would you like to add on a year of coverage to this in case it gets dropped or stops working?”

    Customer: “No, it’s only $100. If it breaks, I’ll just get a new one.”

    Required: One Marauder’s Map

    | Boston, MA, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I work in a large retail store that requires maps for customers. An older woman approaches me with said map…)

    Woman: “Excuse me, do you work here?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, what can I do for you?”

    Woman: “Well, that map:” *points to the one bolted to the floor* “It shows me where I’m currently standing, but this one:” *shows the paper map she’s holding* “doesn’t. Why?”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, that’s the map you actually carry throughout the store. There’s no way for it to know where you are at any time.”

    Woman: “Well, all of your maps should show me where I am in the store!”

    Me: *taking her paper map* “Let me see if I can get the GPS on this paper map fixed for you.”

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