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    Category: Technology

    The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

    You Can Do It, Put Your Butt In To It

    | Oklahoma City, OK, USA | Movies & TV, Rude & Risque, Technology

    (I work at a call center for a satellite TV company. I am speaking with a male customer who speaks in a slightly feminine voice.)

    Customer: “I need credit for this movie I ordered.”

    Me: “Was something wrong with the movie, sir?”

    Customer: “No. But I didn’t mean to order it. I just sat on my remote and it ordered the movie.”

    (I hear a voice in the background similar to the customer’s voice.)

    Background Voice: “You always did have a talented butt.”

    Heed The Words Of Wisdom

    | WA, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Technology

    (Our libraries offer self-checkout stations in addition to staff-assisted checkout. The self-check consists of a touch-screen monitor and barcode scanner. Using the scanner can take some practice. If it doesn’t get the entire item barcode an error message appears on the monitor. There are also several other error messages a customer can get regarding late fees, exceeding the checkout limit, etc. Because the monitors face customers and not the staff, we don’t know what error someone has unless we run around the counter to look. Some customers aren’t great at articulating which error message they’ve received or for asking for assistance at all.)

    Customer: *scans an item* “There. Are. Words.”

    Me: “I’m sorry? Did you get an err—”

    Customer: “THERE ARE WORDS ON THE SCREEN!”

    Me: “Let’s take a look. It’s asking you to tap the ‘OK’ button and scan the item again because it misread the barcode.”

    Customer: *she jabs at the screen and re-scans the item aggressively*

    Me: “Yay, it worked!”

    Customer: *grunts and walks away*

    Coworker: “If she couldn’t handle reading the screen, how will she manage with the book she’s checked out?”

    The Appliance Of Defiance

    | NV, USA | Crazy Requests, Technology

    (I am 32 years old, and have approximately 16 years of customer service experience in various fields. While working as the appliance manager at a well-known nationwide retailer, I am speaking with a customer about the protection plan we sell as an extra add-on option and he seems to get a little confused as to the products and services we offer.)

    Me: “Everything we sell that has a motor is eligible for some form of extra protection agreement that can be purchased separately and works concurrently with the manufacturer’s warranty.”

    Customer: “What all does it cover and how much does it cost?”

    Me: “Well with fridges it would cover parts and labor for the term of the agreement and if for some reason the unit completely fails, it would cover the value of the unit towards replacing it as well as money for the food that is lost inside the unit. The price of the plan varies based on the model of appliance you buy.”

    Customer: “What do you mean, it varies? It should be a flat rate for all units.”

    Me: “Well, there’s a higher cost for a fridge with an ice maker and/or water dispenser than there is for a fridge that doesn’t have those features.”

    Customer: “Right, so those units should have a cheaper protection plan, right?”

    Me: “… um, right.”

    Customer: “So what do you mean when you say it would cover the value of the unit towards replacing it?”

    Me: “Well if you buy a $2000 fridge and that fridge dies, you would get $2000 towards purchasing a replacement fridge. Then you just come in and select a new unit.”

    Customer: “What? Well, that’s absurd.”

    Me: “I don’t understand; why is that absurd?”

    Customer: “Well, if my iPhone dies then Apple just sends me the newest model available as a replacement and I don’t pay anything!”

    Me: “That may be but appliances are quite a bit different from cell phones, especially refrigerators.”

    Customer: “That shouldn’t matter; whatever is the newest model should automatically get sent to the customer’s house if the old one dies. That’s what’s called customer service.”

    Me: “And what if, in the time you have the fridge, you decide that your next one will be a different style? Or you want a different size? Or you’re remodelling your kitchen and you want a different finish?”

    Customer: “Well then they should be able to anticipate customer needs and make a new model that will appeal to everyone.”

    Me: “…”

    Customer: “Maybe you’re not high enough in the food chain to understand this concept. After you get a little experience in customer service and start making adult purchases, you’ll understand.”

    Can’t Keep Count Of The Account

    | FL, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Technology

    (This customer is part of a rewards program for the store and calls in immediately yelling with a list of complaints. He eventually says his main concern right now is that he got an email saying his password was being re-sent on the site and he didn’t want it to be.)

    Me: “Okay. Well, I can delete your registration and give you your account number which you can use to create a new registration with the same account, so all your info will still be there.”

    Customer: “I don’t have time for all of this or to go online. Can’t you just fix my password for me and I can hang up while you do it.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. It is against privacy laws for me to know your password. I cannot do that.”

    Customer: “Then get me someone who can. Do you know how many accounts and passwords I have? If I have to do this all the time how can I live?”

    Insufficient Data To Handle Any Alternative

    | Canada | Bizarre, Extra Stupid, Movies & TV, Technology

    (I work as tech support over the phone for an Internet company. I cannot get the customer’s modem back online and need to book a technician to get the service up and running. Unfortunately it’s a Friday, and the next available tech isn’t until Monday.)

    Customer: “Well, this is just great! Now I’m going to have to use my cell phone to watch movies all weekend, and that’s going to use up all my data! You need to give me a credit to cover my extra data usage!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but I don’t have the ability to give you a credit for your cell phone data plan.”

    Customer: “So now I won’t have Internet all weekend, and my data’s all going to get used up to watch movies!”

    Me: “I do have you on the priority cancellation list, so they will call you if another appointment does open up before then. If it does, they’ll call you and make sure the time works for you; they won’t just come out without any notice. But of course I can’t guarantee a spot will open up.”

    Customer: “That’s great, but what about my data?”

    Me: “Well… You don’t have to watch movies on your cell phone.”

    Customer: “No, I do! I don’t have any choice! My Internet’s down so the only way I have to watch movies is on my cell!”

    Me: “No, I mean you don’t have to watch any movies.”

    Customer: “What?”

    Me: “I mean, I understand your Internet’s not working and if you watch movies on your cell it’ll be a big hit to your data plan. But you don’t have to actually watch movies.”

    Customer: “What do you mean? I only have my cell. It’s the only connection that’s working right now.”

    Me: “You don’t have to watch movies. You could do something else.”

    Customer: “I don’t understand what you mean.”

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