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    Category: Technology

    The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

    Brain Unplugged

    | Canada | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (The caller is having a problem with his Internet connection that can be fixed by restarting the modem. He says he already did, and needs a tech to come out, but I can see the modem hasn’t been turned off in a very long time.)

    Me: “I’ll just have you unplug the modem for me right now, okay?”

    Caller: “Okay, it’s unplugged.”

    Me: “Okay, I can see the modem and it’s still online with us, so something else has been unplugged. It’s the skinny black wire coming out of the back of the modem. You can pull it right out of the back there; can you do that now for me please?”

    Caller: “Okay, it’s unplugged.”

    Me: “Are you sure? I can see it’s still online with us. Are there any lights lit up on the modem?”

    Caller: “Yeah, there’s a bunch and two of them are flashing.”

    Me: “Okay, well, the modem doesn’t have any batteries in there so it’s still getting power from somewhere. Can you please pull that skinny black cord right out of the back of the modem? It’ll pull right out.”

    Caller: “Yeah, it’s unplugged.”

    Me: “You pulled that skinny black cord out?”

    Caller: “Yeah, yeah, it’s unplugged.”

    Me: “And what are the lights doing?”

    Caller: “They’re the same. Still two flashing.”

    Me: “And you pulled out that cord, did you?”

    Caller: “Yeah, it’s unplugged!”

    Me: “That doesn’t seem possible for it to be getting electricity when it’s not plugged in.”

    (I can see perfectly well it’s still online and know he hasn’t unplugged it, but it’s not a type I can reboot from my end.)

    Caller: “Yeah, I told you. My Internet doesn’t work! Now can you please send me a tech?”

    Me: “Well, something certainly does seem to be wrong. The next appointment I have is in… three days.”

    Caller: “That’s fine. Thanks.”

    (I go ahead and book the tech, who will come out and get it online by unplugging it for a few seconds. For that, the caller has to wait for three days, when he could have just done what I told him to and been online again immediately!)

    Grand Theft Innocence, Part 10

    | France | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Technology, Underaged

    (I work in a video game store where you can give back old games to get a discount on other ones. It’s a slow day, and a somewhat older female customer comes to the counter.)

    Me: “Oh, hello, ma’am. What can we do for you?”

    Customer: “Well, I’ve found my son’s old educational games while dusting off shelves, and I’d like to buy him something new.”

    (I pass the games to a coworker, so she can check out prices and the disks’ states, while I help the customer with choosing a game.)

    Coworker: “Err, ma’am, there’s something wrong with the games.”

    Customer: “What?”

    (My coworker shows us the disks. It’s actually stuff like ‘GTA,’ ‘Call of Duty,’ ‘Saints Row’ and other 18-rated games.)

    Me: “How old is your son, ma’am?”

    Customer: “He’s 14… Why?”

    Coworker: “Well, those games are not for people under 18. Due to violence, nudi—”

    (The customer storms out, leaving the games on the counter. 15 minutes later, she comes back dragging her son by the arm and with the original boxes.)

    Customer: *to her son* “These. 18-rated games. Explain.”

    (The customer’s son explained that he asked a friend’s older brother to go and buy the games for him. His mother left us the 18-rated games and their boxes.)

    Related:
    Grand Theft Innocence, Part 9
    Grand Theft Innocence, Part 8
    Grand Theft Innocence, Part 7

    Universally Speaking

    , | UK | Extra Stupid, School, Technology

    (I work on a sales chat service for a large IT company. Customers come through and ask us questions about products, prices, etc. We offer a discount for students so this is something we get asked on a lot.)

    Customer: “I would like to buy a computer. How much is it with the education discount?”

    Me: “I’d be happy to help with that! If you can let me know where you’re studying and which computer it is you’re looking to purchase then I can certainly check if there is a discount available on that for you.”

    Customer: “[University], [model of computer].”

    Me: “Perfect, thanks! With your discount, that model would cost you £945.60. Are you happy that this is the best computer for your needs?”

    Customer: “I don’t know. I’m working in a budget. Is there a cheaper option?”

    Me: “What sort of budget did you have in mind?”

    Customer: “£1000.”

    Me: “Well, the model above does cost less than £1000, so it does come in under your budget.”

    Customer: “Okay. This model will be fine, then.”

    Me: “Are you sure that this model would be suitable for your university work?”

    Customer: “I don’t know. What can I not do on this computer that I can do on another?”

    Me: “Well, that’s a very difficult question to answer. If you can tell me what sort or stuff you’ll be using it for, I’d be happy to let you know if it’s suitable.”

    Customer: “Is [lower spec model] better?”

    Me: “Again, it really depends on what you will be using it for.”

    Customer: “University work.”

    Me: “Okay, and what sort of thing would that involve?”

    Customer: “Using software for assignments.”

    Me: “Can you clarify what sort of software you would be using?”

    Customer: “I don’t know. Things for university.”

    (I gave up asking at that point and wished him a nice day.)

    Someone Toad Him Different

    | USA | Crazy Requests, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    (I work at a well-known game store. The year is 2008.)

    Me: “Hello, welcome to [Video Game Store]. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “Do you have a copy of Battletoads?”

    Me: *trying not to laugh* “No, we do not, sadly.”

    Customer: “That sucks.”

    (About a week later:)

    Me: *on the phone* “Hello. How may I help you today?”

    Caller: “Do you have a copy of Battletoads?”

    Me: “No, sir, we do not!”

    Caller: “It’s been five days. How come?!”

    Me: *in shock* “IS THIS THE SAME CUSTOMER?!”

    Caller: “Yes! I want my d*** Battletoads for my PS3, dumb-a**!”

    Me: *trying not to laugh* “Sir, Battletoads has been out of print for 17 years now. And I doubt it’s on the PS3.”

    Caller: “Well, YOU’RE just a d*** MORON?!” *hangs up*

    Me: *shrugs*

    (A day later, the same customer walks into the store.)

    Customer: “HEY, YOU! I WANT MY BATTLETOADS!”

    Me: “Sir, WE. DO. NOT. HAVE. BATTLETOADS!”

    Customer: “My brother told me you have it. I want it NOW!”

    Me: “You’re brother must’ve been mistaken.”

    Customer: “I DON’T WANNA HEAR IT! I’M GONNA FIND MY D*** BATTLETOADS IF I’M GONNA HAVE TO DESTROY THIS ENTIRE STORE!”

    (The customer then proceeds to go on a rampage through the entire store, knocking over multiple games and destroying several others. We had to call the police to arrest him. An hour later, his brother shows up)

    Customer’s Brother: “Hey, my brother told me you guys ripped him off.”

    Me: “Eh, you do know he was looking for a game called Battletoads, right?”

    Customer’s Brother: “Oh, god. I can’t believe he fell for that. I told him to do that just to get that moron out of my house. I’m so sorry about that.”

    Me: “It’s okay.”

    Customer’s Brother: “I’m surprised he didn’t even know about that prank anyway.”

    (Turns out that asking for ‘Battletoads’ at any video game store is a popular prank done by people to piss off the employees.)

    Turning Right Is Apparently Wrong

    | Calgary, AB, Canada | Extra Stupid, Geography, Technology

    (I work in a campground that is just outside of the city limits. We are off a highway that has the ‘Welcome to our city’ sign on it, and which is the only way in or out of the city for miles. A customer comes in with a GPS.)

    Customer: “I’d like to get into the city. What should I program into the GPS?”

    Me: “Oh, it’s quite simple, just exit the campground and turn right. The highway leads into the city.”

    Customer: “But what should I program into the GPS?”

    Me: “Are you looking for a particular location?”

    Customer: “No, I just want to get into the city itself. Can you tell my GPS what directions it should give me?”

    Me: “All you have to do is turn right and follow the highway. You won’t need your GPS. Once you pass the ‘Welcome’ sign you should begin to see buildings.”

    Customer: “But how do I get into the city? I need my GPS to tell me what to do!”

    (I give up, and program the GPS with the coordinates of a gas station just past the ‘Welcome’ sign.)

    GPS: “Turn right. In five kilometers, you will reach your destination.”

    Customer: “Hey, the city is just down the road! You could have just told me to turn right!”


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