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    Category: Technology

    The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

    Stereo-Typo

    | USA | Bigotry, Technology

    (I’m the customer service administrator. I’m the very last in line when customers ask to speak to a manager. Our tech support call center is located in India, but our headquarters, where I work, are in the States.)

    Me: “Good afternoon, [company name]; this is [name].”

    Customer: “Yes, I asked for a shipping label a couple days ago to send in my unit, and I haven’t gotten it yet. What’s the hold up?”

    Me: “It looks like a shipping label was generated to be sent to your e-mail, but someone made a typo in your e-mail address. We sent it out via mail; sorry about that! It should reach you in a couple of days.”

    Customer: “What?! D*** foreigners! How hard is it to type in an e-mail address? Your company is doing a disservice, shipping jobs that honest, hard-working Americans could have, over to India!”

    Me: “The mistake was a simple typo, sir. Anyone could have made that mistake, American or otherwise.”

    Customer: “That’s just a bull-s*** excuse! If you don’t want to take my word for it, fine. But you’re doing a disservice to this country!”

    Me: “Sir, please stop cursing.”

    Customer: “What? No, f*** you! Okay, what happens when I get the label?”

    (I explain to him how to attach the label to the box and send the unit in.)

    Customer: “No! That’s bull-s***! I have to do all this work, just to get a d*** piece of s*** unit that works! Your company is terrible and—”

    Me: “Sir, if you do not calm down, I will hang up the phone.”

    Customer: “What? Hang up? Fine! Hang up on me!” *hangs up*

    Space Is His Final Frontier

    | MI, USA | Language & Words, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    (A customer is at the fishing license kiosk, entering in his application. He is looking visibly frustrated.)

    Customer: “Oh, come on!”

    (I walk up to the customer.)

    Me: “Alright, can I see you go through this?”

    Customer: “I’ve already done it four times!”

    Me: “I understand. Just one more time, please.”

    (The customer types his full name in the space provided. I see the problem. Instead of ‘John L. Doe’ he writes ‘johnldoe’.)

    Me: “Alright, you’re going to need to put spaces in there.”

    Customer: “Fine.”

    (The customer puts the spaces in. We get to the address. He types in an equivalent of: ’123adr3$$@Clty’.)

    Me: “…alright, why don’t I just handle this?”

    The Digit(al) Age

    | NJ, USA | Language & Words, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    (The customer is attempting to use the touch screen credit card machine, but the attached pen is not working.)

    Me: “Sorry, sir, the pen is not working right now. It’s a touch screen, so just use the pad of your finger.”

    Customer: “What? What the heck is a ‘patio finger’?”

    Me: “Pad. Of. Your. Finger.”

    Customer: “Oh! I thought it was some kind of young people slang.”

    Reminder: Tech Troubles Themed Giveaway

    | Not Always Right | Announcements, Technology, Theme Of The Month
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    Needs To Back Up And See The Bigger Picture

    | Sydney, NSW, Australia | Extra Stupid, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    Client: “Can you make these messages go away?”

    Me: “Which messages are those, sir?”

    Client: “The ones I get when I run backups.”

    Me: “Ah. What do they say?”

    (He reads out the error messages.)

    Me: “Uh, sir, how long have you been getting these errors for?”

    Client: “Since your software was installed last year. Why?”

    Me: “And did you report this earlier, sir?”

    Client: “No, but they’re really starting to bug me. How do I make them go away?”

    Me: “Sir, you do realise that ‘Backup Failed [error code], contact [supplier]‘ means you have no backups of your entire financial system?”

    Client: “What the h*** does that matter? I’m sick of having to hit ENTER all the time! Just tell me how to get rid of these stupid messages!”

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