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    Category: Technology

    The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

    Grand Theft Innocence, Part 6

    | Carlisle, England, UK | Family & Kids, Geeks Rule, Technology, Top, Underaged

    (I am 21 years old, and a huge ‘Pokémon’ fan. I notice that my receipt for the new Pokémon game is wrong, so I go in to check what happened. At the counter next to me is a middle aged woman buying ‘Grand Theft Auto 5′ for her young son, who is no older than nine. The game is intended for 18-year-olds minimum.)

    Me: “Excuse me; the deposit for the new Pokémon is £5, but I’ve been charged twice for it.”

    Employee: “Oh, sorry, let me have a look.”

    (I hand him the receipt, while the woman stares at me.)

    Woman: “You’re a little old to be playing Pokémon aren’t you?”

    Me: “And your son’s a little young to be playing Grand Theft Auto isn’t he?”

    (The employees can’t help but laugh. The woman goes red faced.)

    Woman: “That’s completely different.”

    Me: “Yeah, I’m getting a game intended for kids and your kid is getting a game intended for adults.”

    Woman: “Well he knows full well not to repeat anything they do in those games; he is a smart boy. Who do you think you are to judge me anyway?”

    Me: “Lady… as far as I’m concerned, if my game purchases are your business then your game purchases are my business.”

    Woman: “Well I just hope my boy is smart enough to know when it is time to grow up.”

    Boy: “Yeah, f*** you!”

    (The employees and I burst out laughing as the mother throws the game onto the counter and drags her son out of the shop with him screaming at her that he wants his ‘f****** game.’)

    Grand Theft Innocence, Part 5
    Grand Theft Innocence, Part 4
    Grand Theft Innocence, Part 3
    Grand Theft Innocence, Part 2
    Grand Theft Innocence

    Following Instructions In A Manner Of Speaking

    | Albuquerque, NM, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Language & Words, Technology

    (I am finishing ringing up a sale for a customer. The final step on the signature pad is to confirm the transaction total.)

    Me: “Okay, sir, just say ‘yes’ to confirm the total on the signature pad and I’ll get you your receipt.”

    (The screen on the pad has two buttons: one reading ‘yes’ and one reading ‘no.’ The customer leans down with his mouth close to the pad and shouts…)

    Customer: “YES!”

    More Deaf Than Blind

    | AZ, USA | Health & Body, Technology

    (One of our eye tests works by patients clicking a remote when they see some shimmery lines, and is set up where the face-plate slides into place to test the individual eyes. The patient has already informed me that he has a glass eye in the right socket. This machine can sometimes be very temperamental when a test is in progress, so I want to explain the test before I mess around too much with it and skip his glass eye. It’s still currently set on the right eye as the default.)

    Me: “On this first test, when you look inside there, you’re going to see a little—”

    Patient: “I can’t see out of that eye.”

    Me: Yes, sir, I know that. I can skip this eye when I get the test started, but I wanted to explain the directions first. Now, you’re going to see a little black spot right in the center and—”

    Patient: “But I can’t see out of that eye.”

    Me: “Yes, I know that, sir. I can skip that eye in just a moment. You’re going to see the black dot in the center and there are some very faint, sort of wiggly lines—”

    Patient: “But I can’t see out of this eye.”

    (The patient continues to put his face into the machine which is still on the right eye.)

    Me: “I know that, sir. You’re going to see a black dot in the center and some faint, wiggly lines and that’s just a preview of what the test looks like. When—”

    Patient: “I can’t see out of this eye!”

    Me: “I can skip that one. When the test starts, and I’ll let you know when that is, I just need you to look—”

    Patient: “I can’t see out of this eye!”

    (I am now ignoring him to get through my directions.)

    Me: “When the test starts, you need to look at the black spot in the center and click on the clicker whenever you see those wiggly lines.”

    Patient: “I can’t see out of this eye, though!”

    Me: “I need you to sit back for me so I can get the machine ready to just test your left eye.”

    (The patient sits back and I slide the face-plate over for the left eye. I put in the settings to get the machine to skip the right eye, and am just about to start on the left.)

    Patient: “So, what am I supposed to do in this thing?”

    Avoiding A Bioshock

    | Dublin, Ireland | Crazy Requests, Technology

    (A customer approaches the cash desk with a console in a box.)

    Customer: “Hi, I’m looking to trade this in?”

    Me: “Sure, let me just make sure it works!”

    (I open the box, only to find the entire console, wires, and control pads are covered in heavy condensation. It’s so heavy, that there are drops of water pouring down the system.)

    Me: “Umm …I don’t think I can plug this in to check it.”

    Customer: “Why not?”

    Me: “Well, it’s soaking wet. Generally speaking, it’s not a good idea to combine water and electricity.”

    Customer: “Ah, it’s just a tiny bit of condensation. I had it in the car overnight; that’s why.”

    Me: “I still don’t think it’s safe, sir.”

    Customer: “Go ask your manager; he’ll tell you it’s fine!”

    (I decide to humor him, and take the console out back to the manager.)

    Me: “So I’ve got this customer for trade in, and he wants me to plug this thing in and check it.”

    Manager: *not looking up* “So what’s the problem?”

    Me: “I think you should have a look and see what the problem is!”

    Manager: *looks at the console* “Is he for real?!”

    (The manager picks up the console, and it almost slips out of his hands from the liquid on the surface. He heads out to the customer and deals with him.)

    Manager: “We can’t accept this for trade in. Sorry about that.”

    Customer: “Ah, why not!? It’s only a tiny bit of condensation; I don’t know what the problem is!”

    Manager: “Well, if you’re happy to plug in electronics that are dripping with water, be my guest, but you’ll be a candidate for the Darwin Awards if you do. I’m not happy to risk the personal safety of my employees just for a trade in.”

    (The customer looks at the console again.)

    Customer: “And what if I come back in 10 minutes, and it’s dry?”

    Manager: “I think that’d be something of a miracle, don’t you?”

    Spelling Bee Bee Cee

    | UK | Extra Stupid, Language & Words, Technology

    (The customer has issues with accessing the internet and getting the standard ‘Internet Explorer cannot display this webpage’ error message. After doing various checks it turns out to just be a simple reset that is needed. We normally check it by asking the customer to try going to various web pages.)

    Me: “So we’ve got Google up on the screen. That’s great. Okay, I want you to try going to BBC’s webpage now.”

    Customer: “What website?”

    Me: “Er, the address is www.bbc.co.uk.”

    Customer: “How do you spell that?”

    Me: “Which part? ‘co?'”

    Customer: “BBC.”

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