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  • Category: Technology

    The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

    Modern TV’s Have A Solid State

    | USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I work at a call center that deals with warranties on different products. In order to file any complaints regarding the product, I first have to get all of the info about the product. I am speaking to a customer who is calling to make a complaint about her TV.)

    Me: “Alright, and would you mind telling me the size of your television?”

    Customer: “I’m not sure what size it is. Should I measure it?”

    Me: “No, no, that is fine. Could you tell me what brand it is?”

    Customer: “It is [name brand TV set].”

    Me: “Great, thank you! And now could you tell me if it is an LCD or LED TV?”

    Customer: “What do you mean?”

    Me: “Well, it is the type of screen. I can’t remember what LED stands for currently, but I know LCD stands for ‘Liquid Crystal Display’.”

    Customer: “Oh… okay. Just one second and I’ll find out for you.”

    Me: “Great, thanks!”

    (I hear silence over the phone for a moment, then some light tapping sounds in the background.)

    Customer: “Okay, I’m back, and it isn’t a Liquid Crystal Display. The screen is too hard!”

    Unable To Think Outside The Box

    | Ireland | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Technology

    Me: “Good morning, thank you for calling Tech Support.”

    Customer: “Hi, I bought a [brand name] laptop, and I want to get it set up. Can you talk me through it?”

    Me: “Sure, when you turn on the computer you’ll be asked to type in the user name you want to use—”

    Customer: “I haven’t gotten that far yet. How do I open the box?”

    Me: “Really, you want me to talk you through opening the box?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “Is this a prank call?”

    Customer: “No…”

    (The customer actually kept me on the line for 30 minutes asking me how to open the box her laptop came in!)

    The Fully-Insured Walking Dead

    | Draper, UT, USA | Geeks Rule, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    (My company sells music gear. We have a coverage plan that we are required to pitch to each customer on every item that qualifies. We are encouraged to get creative with our coverage pitches. I am talking to a woman about a keyboard.)

    Me: “So, we offer this extended plan which covers any kind of accidental damage, wear and tear, and shipping costs. The only things we don’t cover are theft, intentional abuse, and acts of God. So, set on fire, struck by lightning, floods, tornadoes, zombie attacks—”

    Customer: “What? You don’t cover zombies?!”

    Me: “We will cover if the zombie accidentally knocks your keyboard over, or if it bleeds all over it. But if you intentionally hit the zombie with your keyboard, you’re on your own. And if that’s your zombie-killing weapon, may God be with you.”

    Customer: “Do you watch The Walking Dead, by any chance?”

    Me: “Yes, I do! Although, I am actually terrified of zombies. The main reason I watch the show is because I am a huge Norman Reedus fan.”

    Customer:” Me, too! He’s my favorite character!”

    (What follows is a ten minute conversation about the show itself, how awesome Daryl Dixon is, and the pros and cons of various zombie weapons. The customer makes my day. She bought coverage, too!)

    Does Not Pass With Flying Colors

    | Augusta, GA, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (Working with a brand of wireless router and walking a customer through power cycling it, I am waiting to see if the status light comes on either green or red to determine its status.)

    Me: “All right, ma’am, could you please tell me what color the status light is?”

    Customer: “Orange.”

    Me: “Orange?”

    Customer: “Or blue. I can’t tell; I’m not computer literate!”

    Playstation Four-Ever

    | Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Crazy Requests, Technology, Wild & Unruly

    (It is late 2012, and rumors are flying about exactly what the new Playstation and Xbox would be like. A customer walks up to the counter. He looks about 20-25, with his cap on backwards and his pants low with a singlet.)

    Me: “Hi, what can I do for you today mate?”

    Customer: “I’d like to pre-order the new Playstation.”

    Me: “I’m sorry; they haven’t actually announced it yet.”

    Customer: “So? I just want to make sure I get one. How much do I need to put down?”

    Me: “I’m really sorry mate, but I can’t take your money. We can’t do any pre-orders until the console is at least announced by the company.”

    Customer: “Really? Well do you know when it will be released?”

    Me: “Nope, but all the rumors are saying not until the end of next year.”

    Customer: “That’s bull-s***! I don’t want to wait that long! They should just hurry up.”

    Me: “Yeah, there’s a lot of people looking forward to it. Was there anything else I could help you with?”

    Customer: “Well since I can’t get the Playstation, can I put a pre-order down for the new Xbox?”

    Me: “Sorry again mate, but that hasn’t been announce yet either. But I’d say it will probably be released around the same time as the Playstation.”

    Customer: “F*** off! This is bull-s***! Why can’t the f****** company just release the new consoles when I want them?! Stupid a**-holes! They should be doing what I want; I’m the paying customer! They’ll never have my money again!”

    (The customer wanders around the store swearing and muttering to himself before he walks out the front and starts yelling.)

    Customer: “DON’T BOTHER GOING IN THERE! THERE’S NOTHING NEW, AND THERE NEVER WILL BE! THE WHOLE PLACE IS A LIE!”

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