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    Category: Technology

    The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

    Past The Point Of No Return, Part 2

    | Tampa, FL, USA | Books & Reading, Technology

    (I have reserved an audio-book at the library and have come in to get it. I am looking at other books, when another customer runs up to me and grabs my reserved books—which still have my name on it—out of my hands.)

    Customer: “Oh, my goodness! I have been looking everywhere for this one!”

    (She starts to walk away from me with the audio-book in her hand.)

    Me: “Um, ma’am. That’s my audio-book. I reserved it.”

    Customer: “Why do you have to be so greedy! I want this book! It’s not yours; it doesn’t have your name on it!”

    Me: *pointing to the large sticker with my name on it* “Actually, it is!”

    (The customer scoffs, and tears the sticker off.)

    Customer: “There! Now it’s not! Thanks for the book!”

    (She storms off to the self check-out counter, and then starts screaming when it won’t let her check the book out. A librarian comes over to find out what the screaming is all about. I stand just behind her.)

    Librarian: “What seems to be the problem?”

    Customer: “There is something wrong with this machine! It won’t let me check this audio-book out!”

    Me: “Actually there is nothing wrong with the machine. That’s my book that she stole out of my hands. I reserved it over a week ago!”

    (The librarian turns to me, obviously not paying attention to what I was saying.)

    Librarian: “Ma’am, please wait your turn.”

    Customer: “I want this book! This girl tried to take it from me! She’s too young to be reading a book like this! It’s too big for her!”

    (The librarian takes the audio-book from the lady and asks to see her library card. After trying to check the book out and it giving her a fail message a few times, she ‘deems’ the book broken, and therefore not able to check out. She starts to walk away with the audio-book, when I stop her.)

    Me: “May I try something real quick?”

    (The librarian shrugs and hands me the audio-book.)

    Customer: “It won’t work! Are you stupid, little girl? She just said that it was broken.”

    (Within seconds, I scan my library card and the audio-book. It checks out with no issues.)

    Librarian: “Well that was interesting! Why didn’t it have your name on the side?”

    Customer: “Oh! I thought she did that herself. She looked like a greedy little girl that felt the need to put her name on everything!”

    Me: “Well ma’am, like I told you, I reserved the book. And by the way, I am almost 30. I am in no way a little girl, and even when I was a little girl I loved to read ‘big books’.”

    (I turn to the librarian.)

    Me: “It did have my name on it, but she tore it off and threw it at me.”

    Customer: “So… can I have that book now?”

    Librarian and Me: *at the same time* “NO!”

    Related:
    Past The Point Of No Return

    Start Thinking To A Different Tune

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada | Musical Mayhem, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    (I’m showing a customer our selection of mp3 players. He is looking for two things: small and cheap. I show him an mp3 player that costs only $9.99 and is about two inches long.)

    Customer: “I don’t know about this one; it might not be right for me.”

    Me: “Is it because it’s only two gigabytes? I know that kind of capacity is a little on the smaller side, but it can still hold more than enough songs to get you through the day.”

    Customer: “No, it’s not that. It’s just that there is no screen. I can’t see if a song that I don’t like is going to come up or not.”

    Me: “Well, if this mp3 player is for your own personal use, then chances are you’re only going to put on songs that you like, right? So, I don’t think the lack of a screen will be a big deal.”

    Customer: “Wow… that is very true, actually. You just totally blew my mind, dude. Whoa, I can’t believe I didn’t think of that!”

    Darn-Fangled Dangle

    | Adelaide, SA, Australia | Funny Names, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    Me: “Welcome to [name of ISP] support. This is [my name]; how can I help?”

    Customer: “I have a new dangler!”

    Me: *stifling a laugh* “I’m sorry, I didn’t quite hear you. Could you repeat that?”

    Customer: “I. HAVE. A. DANGLER!”

    Me: “I see, and what help might I offer you today?”

    Customer: “My dangler isn’t working! Fix my dangler!”

    (I realize she is talking about a mobile broadband ‘dongle’. I run through some basic troubleshooting, and fix the problem.)

    Customer: “Thank you for your help! I do hate danglers, they never work the way you want them to!”

    His Attitude Needs A Converter

    | Watertown, MA, USA | Bigotry, Technology

    (I am the only female in the electronics department of a large retail store. A young male customer comes in.)

    Me: “Hello, sir. Can I help you find something?”

    Customer: “Er, um, actually if you don’t mind, could I perhaps speak to someone a bit more… male?”

    Me: “Why of course, sir. Give me one moment.”

    (I find my direct supervisor. I let him know that the customer wants to speak to someone more ‘male’.)

    Supervisor: “Hello, sir. I understand you have a question for me?”

    Customer: “Yes. I was wondering if you sold any televisions that didn’t need a converter box.”

    (My supervisor looks at me.)

    Me: “If you purchase a television that was manufactured after 2004, a digital tuner is more likely to have been included in the design specifications. We can check for an Advanced Television Systems Committee input if you’d like.”

    Customer: “Uh… so?”

    Me: “An ATSC is often referred to as a ‘digital input’, which negates the need for an external antennae to capture an analog signal. When the conversion happens, it will be essential that the TV you wish to continue using have the ability to receive and translate digital signals.”

    Customer: “Um…”

    Me: “Furthermore, should you decide to utilize a Video Cassette Recorder, you would most likely find it beneficial to connect a converter box to translate the digital signal to an analog recording outlet.”

    Customer: *blank look*

    Me: “Any TV we sell has a built in digital tuner, so you don’t need a converter box. If you want to use a VCR with a new TV, you will need a converter box.”

    Customer: *speaking quickly* “Um, thanks. Have a nice day. Sorry.”

    (The customer proceeds to bow his head, tuck his hands in his pockets, and walk rapidly towards the front door.)

    Supervisor: “Nice.”

    The Number One Problem With Laptops

    | MA, USA | Technology, Theme Of The Month

    (A customer drops off a laptop for repair. I set up the unit and test for common software and settings issues with no results. I turn the computer over, remove the bottom panel and immediately notice liquid and dried residue around the battery and main-board. A few seconds later a very strong smell of urine hits in waves and fills the tech. I call the customer to inform her of the findings.)

    Me: “Hello, ma’am. I’ve taken a look at your computer, and we have found liquid inside the computer.”

    Customer: “Yes, I know.”

    Me: “Umm… the liquid appears to be biological in origin. Urine.”

    Customer: “Yes, I know.”

    Me: “…unfortunately, we are prohibited from working on computers that have a biological hazard in them. So I will have your computer available for pickup this afternoon.”

    Customer: “So, when will it be fixed?”

    Me: “I do apologize for the inconvenience, but we are unable to work on computers with this type of issue due to health regulations.”

    Customer: “This is why I didn’t tell you guys that it got p***** on! F*** you! I’m going to talk to your manager and get you fired!”

    (Two days later, my manager informed me that the customer had yelled at him when she picked up the computer. She then called home office to try to get us in trouble for discriminating against her when he wouldn’t order me to fix the computer.)

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