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    Category: Technology

    The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

    Sat Too Long On The Hash Key

    | IL, USA | Awesome Customers, Technology, Top

    (I’m manager of the electronic department in a retail store. Though we do not offer tech support, I often give out advice when I can, since I’m pretty tech savvy.)

    Customer: “Hey, you seem to know your stuff; I’ve seen you around. Listen, my cat sat on my laptop the other day, and now I can’t get the track-pad to work. I could use a mouse, but it’s more to carry around and they make my hand hurt.”

    Me: “I can’t be sure, but it sounds like your cat may have just disabled it. Most laptops have a button you can turn it on/off with, and the cat probably pressed it by accident.”

    (I show him on a demo unit what to look for and where it might be. He thanks me, and heads out. I don’t think anything of it until I see him again, about 30 minutes later, with a plastic shopping bag in tow.)

    Customer: “So, I tried to find what you suggested, but I couldn’t figure it out. Do you think you could show me?”

    (I look around nervously, since I’m technically not allowed to perform any services like this. But he already has the laptop out on my counter, and it’s powering up. Since no one is around, I decide to help him out.)

    Me: “Your track-pad was locked. This button right here locks and unlocks it. See the little light that comes on when it’s working?”

    Customer: “Oh man, that’s awesome! I can’t believe it was so simple. Listen, I was ready to spend a lot to get this fixed, but you did it for free! Can I give you this $20 as a tip?”

    Me: “Ah… no. Unfortunately we are not allowed to accept tips. If you’re really insistent that I take it, I’ll have to turn it over to my boss, and it’ll become part of a charitable donation.”

    Customer: “What if I just drop it as I’m leaving, and you happen to pick it up?”

    Me: “There’s a security camera right above us. Listen, I really appreciate the thought, but I can’t accept it. Think of it as my good deed for the day.”

    Customer: “Right on man, like karma. Hey, you want some of this bud?”

    (He pulls a small plastic bag of marijuana out of his pocket, and offers it towards me.)

    Me: “Ah! Sir, I would highly recommend putting that away. I did mention there’s a security camera right above us.”

    Customer: “Oh, yeah. Well, I hope when you get off work you get to smoke up, drink up, or whatever it is you do to unwind. You deserve it, man. Let that good karma flow back to you!”

    A Sim-ple Solution

    | East Bakersfield, CA, USA | Technology, Wild & Unruly

    (I’m in line at technical support to get my laptop fixed. A very rude and impatient customer cuts me, and slams his phone down on the counter.)

    Me: “Excuse me! You just cut me.”

    Rude Customer: *ignoring me* ” You son of a b****! You were supposed to fix my phone eight days ago! What’s with this bull-s***!”

    Tech Support: “Sir, we told you; there is nothing wrong with the phone. You just don’t have a sim-card in there.”

    Rude Customer: “Bull-s***! I put in a sim-card, and it still doesn’t work!”

    Tech Support: “Okay, then. If I see that there is no sim-card, you’re going to apologize to the woman you cut, apologize to me, and get out of my store before I plant my foot so far up your a**, that your grandchildren get the mark.”

    (The technician takes the phone and opens the back cover. He starts to laugh.)

    Rude Customer: “What’s so f****** funny?!”

    Tech Support: “GET. OUT. NOW.”

    (The 6’1, 227 lb, tech stands up. He takes his glasses off, and puts them on the counter.)

    (The rude customer turns white, then turns to me.)

    Rude Customer: “Sorry!”

    (The customer literally makes a run out the store, while leaving his phone behind. The technician sits back down and acts as though nothing happened.)

    Themed Giveaway Final Roundup: Tech Troubles

    | Not Always Right | Roundups, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    Themed Giveaway Roundup: Tech Troubles! Here’s a final roundup of stories from last month’s themed giveaway!

    1. P2P Not-Working (1,341 thumbs up)
    2. Reach Out And Touch Someone (1,094 thumbs up)
    3. Mostly Crazy, Not So Good (1,160 thumbs up)
    4. Not Just The Computer Making A Loud Noise (1,504 thumbs up)
    5. Not A Sound Reason For Calling (1,117 thumbs up)
    6. Needs To Back Up And See The Bigger Picture (1,388 thumbs up)
    7. Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 7 (1,239 thumbs up)
    8. Makes You Lose CTRL (1,035 thumbs up)
    9. Start Thinking To A Different Tune (1,317 thumbs up)
    10. The Number One Problem With Laptops (1,321 thumbs up)

    PS #1: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news galore!

    PS #2: Read more roundups here!

    She Has A Phone To Pick With You

    | USA | Extra Stupid, Technology, Top

    (I am helping a lady pick a bracelet for herself. She has kept her phone on my table.)

    Customer: “Yes, this one will do nicely.”

    Me: “Great! So you will be buying this one?”

    Customer: “Yup. You have some nice collections here. Thanks for all your help.”

    (She picks up her phone, puts it in her pocket, and I proceed to check her out. Suddenly, she starts looking for something.)

    Me: “Ma’am, are you missing something?”

    Customer: “Yes, my phone! I had kept it right on this table here.”

    Me: “Oh, I think you kept that in your pocket a few minutes ago.”

    Customer: “No! I would have remembered if I did. You stole it!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but you are mistaken. I was with you the entire time. Why don’t you check your pocket?”

    Customer: “No way! So you can steal something else? I know you sort of people. You appear all nice outside, while you steal from paying customers like me! I will report you to the police!”

    Me: “How about I call your phone from my phone, so you can find it?”

    (We try my suggestion, and sure enough her phone rings from her pocket.)

    Customer: “Uhm… I…”

    (She goes red in the face and disappears. She returns a couple of days later with a gift card for me. She apologizes for her behavior, and for my trouble, and goes away. To that lady, if she happens to read this: we all make mistakes, but it is rare that we accept our mistakes. Thank you for doing so, and making my day!)

    P2P Not-Working

    | Bakersfield, CA, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Family & Kids, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    (A customer approaches, and angrily sets down her laptop.)

    Me: “Hi there, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “I purchased this laptop two months ago, and you guys installed antivirus on here. Now I have a virus on my computer. I barely use it and rarely even go on the internet, so obviously they’re defective. I want a refund.”

    Me: “I’ll be happy to help, ma’am. Would you mind if I run our free in-store diagnostic test, just to make sure that it is a virus?”

    Customer: “Fine, but it’ll be a waste of time; this shouldn’t have happened and—”

    (The customer continues ranting about how inept our technology items are. Meanwhile, I am running our diagnostic, and even superficially I can tell that it has a virus infection. Curious, I also quickly pull open the program list. I notice something interesting.)

    Me: “Ma’am, do you know what [software name] is?”

    Customer: “Uh, no…”

    Me: “It’s a peer-to-peer sharing program. It’s one of the ways that people can illegally download music, movies, and the like. It’s also a very common way to get viruses, since anyone can upload anything to the P2P network.”

    Customer: “But I would never do anything like that.”

    Me: “Ma’am, does anyone else use your computer?”

    (The customer’s face suddenly drops.)

    Customer: “My daughter…”

    Me: “Does she have her own account with parental controls, or do you let her use your account?”

    Customer: “She uses mine.”

    Me: “Well, most likely she’s been using it to download files, and that’s how you got the virus.”

    Customer: “But the antivirus software you guys installed should’ve stopped this!”

    Me: “Antiviruses aren’t magic walls, ma’am. If you allow viruses to get past the protocols, which this would, viruses can get through. Normally, the software should issue a warning, but most likely your daughter ignored that when she downloaded the files.”

    Customer: “Oh… Well, how much is this going to cost me to fix?”

    (I give her the quote, which she dutifully pays. As I hand her the receipt, she mentions one last thing.)

    Customer: “When I get home, that girl is going to be grounded so hard! That money is coming out of her bank account!”

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