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    Category: Technology

    The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

    French Disconnection

    | FL, USA | Extra Stupid, Family & Kids, Language & Words, Technology

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Hi. I’m looking for a specific game for my son and want to know if you have it there.”

    Me: “I can certainly check that for you, sir. What’s the name of the game?”

    Customer:John Dark.”

    (I look it up under both ‘John’ and ‘Dark,’ but nothing comes up.)

    Me: “I’m sorry. I can’t seem to find a game by that name in my system here. Are you sure that’s the name of the game?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I’m 100% sure. It’s for his PSP.”

    (At the mention of the PSP, I realize which game he’s talking about, and find it rather quickly.)

    Me: “Ah, I see. The name of the game is actually Jeanne d’Arc, and yes, we do have—”

    Customer: “No, that’s not the name of it. It’s John Dark.”

    Me: “I mean no offense by this, but I understand that it may be a little hard to pronounce. It’s Jeanne d’Arc. It’s actually French for ‘Joan of Arc.’”

    Customer: “But my son doesn’t speak French!”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to imply that you need to know French to play the game. It’s all in English; only the title is French.”

    Customer: “But my son doesn’t speak French! And it’s John Dark!” *hangs up*

    (I think that’s the end of it, but a little later that day, a man comes into the store and makes a beeline for the PSP rack, and finds the game.)

    Customer: “I want to by this game here, John Dark.”

    (I decide not to correct him, thinking there’s no reasoning with him, hoping I can just get him checked out quickly. As I’m getting the game, he comments.)

    Customer: “Yeah, I called earlier and one of your guys lied to me about this game.”

    Me: “Oh, I’m so sorry about that, sir. What did he say?”

    Customer: “He said that you have to speak French to play this game! But my son said you don’t have to speak French! And he doesn’t even speak French!”

    Me: “I deeply apologize for that, sir. I can assure you that you don’t need to understand French to play this game.”

    Customer: “Good. I’m glad I was able to find this John Dark game for my son!”

    (A regular customer of mine is nearby, and can’t stand hearing this guy talk.)

    Regular: “No offense, dude, but it’s called Jeanne d’Arc. I don’t even know French but I can still tell that that’s French for ‘Joan of Arc.’”

    Customer: “BUT MY SON DOESN’T SPEAK FRENCH!”

    Hard Drive Does Not Drive A Hard Sale

    | MN, USA | Bad Behavior, Technology

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Video Game Store], where you can trade in your old games and save. This is [My Name] . How may I help you?”

    Phone Customer: “Hi. I was wondering that if I buy a Grand Theft Auto V, and my Xbox doesn’t have a hard drive, will I have to buy a hard drive? I can’t really afford to spend that much money right now.”

    Me: “Well, sir, I can save you a bit by telling you another option. You can get a flash drive to store the GTA V install; they are much cheaper than buying an internal hard drive.”

    Phone Customer: “So like a SanDisk or something like that?”

    Me: “You bet. We’ve even got them in stock right now!”

    Phone Customer: “Okay, thanks! I’m just calling from the supermarket across the street. I’ll just get them here. Bye!” *click*

    Used And Useless

    | MT, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Technology

    (A customer is coming through my line with a series of energy drinks and several bags of chips. He is also holding a game with a receipt. I figure that he bought it in our game department.)

    Me: “Oh, [Game]! I have been waiting for that to go on sale. It looks like a good game.”

    Customer: “It’s okay. I finished the game in like a day though.”

    (I’m puzzled by this, as he is holding the game.)

    Me: “Really? Huh.”

    Customer: “Yeah. I just tried to return it. It was too short. I can’t believe you guys didn’t take it back.”

    Me: “So you bought a game and tried to return it because you finished it?”

    Customer: “I was really dissatisfied after I finished it. Do you know where I can take it to return it? Or do I have to file a complaint or something?”

    Me: “Well, it’s now a used game… so, [Used Game Store]?”

    Customer: “They’ll only give me used game price.”

    (We stand there for 10 minutes while he tries to grasp the concept of returns. He leaves in a huff. After, my boss comes over.)

    Boss: “Did that just happen?”

    Me: “Doesn’t it always?”

    Knowledge On Fizzy Is Fuzzy, Part 2

    , | Williamston, MI, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Technology

    (I’m a manager at a fast food restaurant. It’s a little past six am, and we have just opened, when the phone rings.)

    Me: “This is [Store]. How may I help you?”

    (The caller sounds like a teenage girl.)

    Caller: “Hi! Um… so… I was wondering… Do you have any pop without fizz?”

    Me: “Well, we have Orange HiC, Frutopia, and Powerade. Those are all of the fountain drinks that don’t have fizz.”

    Caller: “But don’t you have any POP without fizz?”

    Me: “No ma’am, I’m sorry. We don’t.”

    Caller: “Well, couldn’t you just… take the fizz out?”

    Me: “No, ma’am, I’m sorry. I don’t really have a way of doing that. It comes out of the fountain that way.”

    Caller: “But, aren’t the syrup and the fizz separate? Couldn’t you make it come out without the fizz?”

    Me: “I don’t believe so.”

    Caller: “Well, couldn’t you try?”

    Me: “I don’t think so. I’d be messing with a lot of equipment that I’m not really qualified to operate, and I wouldn’t want to break anything.”

    Caller: “Oh. Well, that’s very disappointing.”

    Me: “I’m sorry about that. Is there anything else I can help you with today?”

    Caller: “Yes! Can I get a burger?”

    Me: “Yes, if you come into the store and order one.”

    Caller: “Oh. I could come in right now and get one? It isn’t breakfast or something?”

    Me: “Well, yes, we do serve breakfast until 11 am. I just meant that I can’t take your order or give you food over the phone; if you want to order food, you’d need to come up to the store and order it in person.”

    Caller: “But you’re on breakfast until 11 am?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

    Caller: “Oh. Well… thanks… I guess…”

    Me: “Is there anything else I can help you with today?”

    Caller: “No, I guess not.”

    Me: “All right! Thank you for calling. Have a great day!”

    Caller: “Bye!”

    Me: *bursts out laughing*

    Coworker: “What the heck was that about?”

    Me: “Either that was one of the most entertaining prank calls I’ve ever gotten, or… Well, I don’t want to think about it if she was actually serious!”

    Related:
    Knowledge On Fizzy Is Fuzzy

    The Spider Was The Decider

    | MI, USA | Bizarre, Technology

    (A customer has brought in an old game system and games to trade. Her games are all really old and common games in unplayable conditions She puts the system on the counter in an old shoe box with its own tangled cords.)

    Me: “Let me sure everything we need is here so I can see if we can take it and test it out.”

    (I reach into the box to grab the system, but once I lift it out of the box spiders crawl out of it and scurry up my arm.)

    Me: “Sorry, we won’t able to accept the system, but we might be able to take the controllers.”

    (I coyly replace the system in the box, only to find that there’s only more spiders on the controllers, which are now on the counter, and were to be squashed by employees throughout the day.)

    Me: “You get a few dollars for the controllers and games if you’d like to do it.”

    Customer: *appalled* “We can get much more at yard sale.”

    Me: “Go for it.”

    (She leaves, and I shudder thinking of the poor souls who will have the misfortune of purchasing a spider infested game system, with broken games, at a yard sale.)


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