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    Category: Technology

    The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

    A Total PPOODJ-Head

    , | Adelaide, SA, Australia | Crazy Requests, Funny Names, Technology

    (I am working behind the ‘print and copy’ counter at my store. A customer who is known for her deliberate time wasting and rudeness comes in to use the self-serve photo printing kiosks. She calls me over because I haven’t served her before, so she sees me as a new target. She doesn’t know that I know exactly who she is and what tricks she uses. I also know that she is capable of using the machines on her own, as she does so when she thinks no one is watching.)

    Customer: “I don’t know how to type in my name. You do it for me.”

    Me: *very politely* “Yes, you do, ma’am. Do you remember last time when [Coworker #1] showed you just how to do it? Or the time when [Coworker #2] made sure you knew just how to use the machine? Now, these machines are self-serve. Why not have a play around with them yourself? I’m sure you’ll be fine.”

    Customer: “YOU DO IT.”

    Me: “I’m very sorry, but I have customers. As I have mentioned, this is a self-serve machine. I’ll be more than happy to help you when I don’t have customers lining up. Please excuse me.”

    (I go back to my counter and help the line of customers who are actually paying for the service of having me help them. She soon comes over to the counter with her ticket to pay for her photos. Her name is displayed on the ticket as ‘PPOODJ,’ obviously just random letter that she’s mashed.)

    Customer: “LOOK WHAT YOU MADE ME DO! LOOK! PPOODJ! I AM NOT A PPOODJ! LOOK!”

    Me: “It doesn’t matter, ma’am. Your photos will be ready in a few minutes. The name doesn’t really matter at all. That will be [amount].”

    (She pays and waits for her photos, grumbling.)

    Customer: *over her shoulder as she is leaving the store* “PPOODJ!”

    (She never asked for help again while I was working, and wouldn’t you know it, never had any troubles using the machine from then on.)

    Picture Perfect

    | AR, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I work as a library clerk in the computer lab. Over the next couple of nights we have a gentleman come in who is completely computer illiterate. I’ve tried to explain the best I can as how to go about searching online for information, or watching videos. On this particular night he seems to understand the computer a little more.)

    Patron: “Excuse me, I need help.”

    Me: “Sure, what can I help you with?”

    Patron: “This video won’t load! I’ve been staring at it for the last 30 minutes, and nothing has happened!”

    (I take in the problem quickly, and try not to laugh.)

    Me: “Sir, you’ve been looking at a picture for the last 30 minutes, not a video.”

    Taking A Swipe At Common Sense

    | PA, USA | At The Checkout, Technology, Wild & Unruly

    (I am working as a cashier during Easter weekend at a popular retail shop. I have a long line but am getting people rung out quickly. A customer in her early 30s is next in line.)

    Me: “Hi, how are you doing today?”

    (The customer puts her items on the belt, and doesn’t say a word to me.)

    Me: *rings up her order* “Okay, that will be [total].”

    Customer: *swipes her card very fast* “Why isn’t this working?!”

    (She swipes the card back and forth quickly. All the while the machine beeps to inform us that it cannot read her card, because she is swiping it too fast.)

    Me: “Oh, you need to swipe it slower so the machine can read your card.”

    Customer: “Oh.” *continues swiping too fast, back and forth* “Your machine is broken! It won’t accept my card!”

    Me: “You just need to swipe it a little slower.”

    Customer: “I AM SWIPING IT! YOUR STUPID MACHINE WON’T TAKE MY CARD!”

    (She proceeds to keep swiping it back and forth just as fast as before and is getting a bit rough with the machine.)

    Customer: “SEE!? IT WON’T WORK!”

    Me: “Would you like me to try and swipe the card back here? Sometimes the front one doesn’t work but mine will.”

    Customer: “All right… Wait, you’re the store who got hacked, right?”

    (I get asked this a lot. During last year’s Christmas shopping season a bunch of credit and debit cards were hacked. People are still cautious about the security breach.)

    Me: “Yes, but we have taken care of the issue and your card is safe to use now.”

    Customer: “I don’t want my card hacked.”

    Me: “As I said, your card is safe.”

    Customer: “I don’t want my information stolen!”

    Me: “Yes, I understand, but we took care of the issue. I’ve used my card here plenty of times since it was fixed and no one has stolen money from me.”

    Customer: “Well, that is because you are an employee. They wouldn’t steal money from someone who works for them.”

    Me: “What?”

    Customer: “[Store] wouldn’t steal money from the people who work for them.”

    Me: “Oh, no. It wasn’t [Store] that hacked into people’s accounts. It was a hacker.”

    Customer: “But I bet you got a huge paycheck during that time when you were stealing money.”

    Me: “Yes, my paycheck was bigger but that was only because there were more hours to go around. [Store] didn’t steal any money.”

    (My manager comes over to see why I was taking so long.)

    Manager: “Is something wrong, [My Name]?”

    Customer: “I’m just making sure your employee doesn’t steal my card information. She asked to swipe it in the card reader behind her because the front one isn’t working. I don’t want my information stolen!”

    (I explain to my manger why I asked to swipe her card with my card reader and why she thinks I am trying to steal her information.)

    Manager: “As my employee said, [Store] didn’t steal anyone’s money. It was a hacker. I myself was a victim of the breach.”

    Customer: “But you work here! They couldn’t steal money from you! You’re just lying so you can get away with stealing more people’s money!”

    Manager: “I assure you, we are not trying to steal your money.”

    Customer: “But your employee is trying to take my card!”

    Manager: “Why don’t you try swiping your card again in the front card reader?”

    Customer: *swipes her card fast again, then a few more times violently* “See?! It won’t work! Your employee must have broken the machine so she could copy my card information into the database!”

    Manager: “Try swiping it a bit slower.”

    (My manager motions over the card reader at the right pace. The customer slides her card again and it goes through.)

    Customer: “It worked! Thank goodness you were here to prevent your employee from stealing my information!” *looks at me* “All you kids are thieves. I hope you get fired for this!”

    Me: “Er… have a nice day.”

    (I hands her her bags and she leaves.)

    Manager: “Don’t worry. You aren’t going to be fired for her ignorance.”

    Should Keep Better Account Of Their Account, Part 2

    | AR, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I work as a library clerk in a large computer lab available for patrons. An older lady walks in and needs some assistance with creating an email account.)

    Me: Ma’am, it seems that this username is being used by someone else. You’ll have to choose another.”

    Patron: “Of course it is; it’s my username.”

    Me: “You already have an account with [email site]?”

    Patron: “Yes. Why can’t I use my own username?”

    Me: “Well if you have an email account, and you forgot your password, I can help you retrieve it.”

    Patron: “No, I’ve tried and it wont give me my password.”

    Me: “… Okay… Well, if you want to create a new account you’ll have to use a different username.”

    Patron: “Why? It’s my username.”

    Me: “It’s already taken. You can only use that username once.”

    Patron: “Why?”

    Me: “Because that’s the way they set it up.”

    Patron: “Well, that’s dumb.”

    Related:
    Should Keep Better Account Of Their Account

    A Seedy CD

    | CT, USA | Crazy Requests, Rude & Risque, Technology

    (Part of the territory of working in a copy and print shop is you are going to see some ‘private’ photos sometimes. While you are allowed to refuse to print something you are uncomfortable with, most of us don’t care and just turn the print upside-down once done to avoid offending other customers. On this particular day, a regular customer comes in, who we all know manages a ‘gentleman’s club’ in town.)

    Customer: “Okay, the image is on this CD, it should be the only one there.”

    Me: “Okay. Let me just look at it on the computer before you go, so I know it’s the right one and it copied to the disk properly.”

    Customer: “Okay.”

    Me: *realizing immediately that I can’t describe this image in front of other customers* “Er… sir, do you want to come around the counter and look to make sure the image is correct?”

    Customer: *very loudly* “IS IT A MIDGET STRIPPING?”

    Me: “…  Yes. Yes, in fact, it is…”


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