November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Category: Technology

The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

The Key(board) To Making Great Beer

| IA, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(I work in a computer store that does a lot of repairs. A customer comes in with a laptop they are having problems with.)

Customer: “Uh, I was cleaning my keyboard with some Windex and now it’s not working right.”

(We are slow, so I take the computer in back and pop the bottom plate off and am assaulted with the smell of stale beer. It had obviously been spilled on the keyboard and flowed down into the computer.)

Me: *after returning to the customer* “Are you sure it was just Windex that got on the keys?”

Customer: “Yah.”

Me: “What about the beer smell?”

Customer: “Oh, well, I was using the Windex to clean off the beer!”

Wireless, Clueless, Hopeless, Part 20

| ON, Canada | Extra Stupid, Technology

(A customer comes in to return a wireless mouse that apparently doesn’t work. I always check them in our own computer before returning them, because the customers are usually doing something wrong.)

Customer: “This mouse doesn’t work.”

Me: “Okay, what’s it doing?”

Customer: “Nothing.”

Me: “Okay, and you had the batteries in right?”

Customer: “YES!”

Me: “And you had it turned on?”

Customer: “YES! I’M NOT AN IDIOT!”

Me: “I wasn’t calling you an idiot. A lot of people don’t realize you can turn them on or off. ”

(I check the batteries, turn it on and plug it in. It works.)

Me: “Hmm, the mouse is working fine. Are you sure you had it turned on?”

Customer: “YES! And I had the little thing in the mouse where it’s supposed to go!”

Me: “What little thing?”

Customer: “That little thing that sticks in the bottom of the mouse!”

(I take the USB receiver out of the computer and hold it up.)

Me: “This?”

Customer: “YES!”

Me: “You kept it in the mouse?”

Customer: “YES!”

Me: “That’s supposed to go in the computer…”

Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 19
Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 18
Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 17

Brings New Meaning To Internet Packets

| Gateshead, England, UK | Extra Stupid, Technology

(The customer has recently bought a laptop, and just opened it out of the box.)

Me: “So what exactly is your issue today?”

Customer: “There is something missing from the box.”

Me: “What exactly is in the box, sir?”

Customer: “Well, the laptop charger, battery, and the laptop itself is in there; however, there is no Internet from what I can see.”

Me: “There is no Internet in the box?”

Customer: “Yes, I was told it can connect to the Internet as soon as I get it.”

Me: “Do you have a router you can connect to?”

Customer: “What’s a router?”

Me: “Sir, you’re going to need to speak to an ISP in order to connect to the Internet.”

Customer: “This laptop is a waste of money; it should come with Internet.”

(Customer hangs up.)

Unplugged From Reality

| DE, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. My name is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “My TV isn’t working.”

(After verifying the caller and running through some basic stuff:)

Me: “I’m sorry for the trouble. The cable box doesn’t seem to be responding. I will need you to unplug it.”

Caller: “How do I do that?”

Me: “Just pull the cord from the wall.”

Caller: *getting irritated* “SIR! I’M NOT AN ELECTRICIAN!”

The Final Word On Passwords, Part 2

| Chicago, IL, USA | Technology

(I work at a call center helpdesk. As with most call centers, the bulk of calls we receive are for password resets. The following was between a coworker and one of our callers:)

Coworker: “I can reset the password back to the password you had before. That way we can keep it the same and you won’t have to rem—”

Caller: “NO. I don’t want that. I have a billion passwords already; I don’t want to be remembering another. Let’s just change it to something different.”

The Final Word On Passwords