October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

Category: Technology

The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

Who You Gonna Call… Everybody

| TN, USA | Crazy Requests, Technology

(I work for a satellite TV company.)

Customer: “You should call each customer and let them know that you’re renewing this sports package automatically!”

Me: “I’m sorry you didn’t notice the auto renewal when you reviewed your June statement and I understand that this is an unexpected bill amount this month. Let’s see what we can do to resolve your concerns.”

Me: *thinking* “Let’s see, 20 million subscribers all getting a personal phone call … I think you may have just solved the unemployment problem in the U.S.”

Cancel My Previous Statement

| USA | At The Checkout, Technology

(I work at a well-known retail store. We work with pin-pads for debit and credit. I like to walk people through each step, because if you select the wrong thing you’ll have to slide the card again and this annoys customers.)

Customer: *swipes card*

Me: “Now if you could select debit or credit.”

Customer: *selects debit*

Me: “Now then—”

Customer: “EXCUSE ME! I’M NOT STUPID! I don’t need you to walk me through this. I know how to do it!”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry; I didn’t mean—”

Customer: “I use my card all the time. I think I KNOW HOW TO USE A PIN-PAD!”

(I decide to let it go. I don’t talk again until I look at the screen.)

Me: “Um, excuse me, ma’am—”

Customer: “WHAT!”

Me: “Did you find something wrong with the price?”

Customer: “No. Why?”

Me: “Because you just cancelled the entire transaction.”

Needs More Than A Penny For Your Thoughts

| TN, USA | Money, Technology

(Our cell phone provider has a promotion where you can add a smartphone or open a new smartphone account for one cent. We are in the store to upgrade our account. A woman and her husband come in to get an explanation about their bill. They watch us get a new phone and the sales person ask us for one cent.)

Woman: “Can I get one of those one cent phones?”

Salesperson: “Yes, all you need to do is upgrade to our data plan.”

Woman: “I don’t want any upgrades. I want to get a phone for a penny and give it to my daughter.”

Salesperson: “You really need to have a data plan with a two year commitment in order to get a phone for a penny. We can sign up your daughter if you’d like.”

Woman: “I don’t get it. I just want a phone for a penny.”

Woman’s Husband: *leading her out of the door* “I’ll explain it to you.”

I’m Just Not That Kind Of Program!

| ON, Canada | Rude & Risque, Technology

(A customer has come in and noticed that we are now using Windows 10. He asks about Cortana, the voice activated assistant, so I give him a brief demo.)

Me: “So you can just say ‘Hey, Cortana,’ and then tell her what you want her to do. Give it a try!”

Customer: “Hey, ‘Cantina!’ Drop Your Dress!”

Me: “Maybe you should try it when you get home…”

Rage Against The Rage Against The Machine

| TX, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Technology

(I’m one of the customers in this story and am shopping at a well-know Texan gas station after work. In addition to walking in to prepay for my gas, I also pick up a snack item and an ICEE for me to eat on my back home. However, as I walking to one of the three or four ICEE machines I hear:)

ICEE Machine: “Please place the lid on your cup before dispensing your ICEE. Please place the lid on your cup before dispensing your ICEE.”

(This causes me to take a step back and blink before laughing, knowing some fool must have made a mess before. However, I do as the machine instructs and head over to the cashier, still shaking my head.)

Cashier: *scanning my items* “Is this going to be everything?”

Me: “Actually, I need [amount] on [pump].”

(The cashier brings up my car to make sure I have the right number. Before I can continue we hear another customer at the ICEE machine.)

Other Customer: “F***! Your machine is broken! It sprayed this s*** all over me!”

(He comes around the corner, wearing his ICEE and holding – you guessed it – the cup without the lid on it. I let the cashier fix the idiot’s problem, but then hear:)

Customer: “You should put a fucking out-of-order sign on that they all spray -” *he notices I have an ICEE cup that’s filled to the top of the lid* “Which machine did you get that from?!”

(I point to the one I used.)


(At this point I had enough of his stupidity and decide to shut him up with showing him up. I walk over to the machine. It, like last time, gave out the direction to put the lid on before dispensing.)

Me: *mockingly* “Oh, ‘Please place the lid on your cup before dispensing your ICEE.’ Gee, I guess I should do that; no telling what could happen if I don’t.”

(I look back and dispense a color ICEE that matches the mess that was left on the cup he’s now tossed without a problem.)

Me: “Wow! That was so nice and easy, and I don’t have any mess on me!”

(At this point the customer is now cherry red and stammering.)

Other Customer: “Uhhh… umm… bu…”

(He then takes his leave before causing any more problems. At the same time, the cashier was back at the counter with another employee.)

Me: “Sorry about that. Though, I guess I’ll buy two ICEEs.”

Other Employee: “No, you won’t. Your total is [half of the amount I asked for my gas]”

Me: “Uhhh… but that’s not even what I asked for gas.”

Other Employee: “After what you did for us, let us help you.”

(Turned out the other employee was the shift manager and he basically let me walk out only paying $20 for a full tank of gas, 2 ICEEs, and my snack.)

Page 6/176First...45678...Last