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    Category: Technology

    The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

    His Behavior Is Not Up To Scratch

    | MI, USA | Crazy Requests, Technology

    (I’m ringing up a customer who is purchasing a replacement copy for a game that stopped working.)

    Customer: “Yeah, this game just stopped working. It looks fine, though.”

    Me: “We can get you another, but let me see if we can trade the defective copy towards the new copy.”

    (I look the disc over, which has been scratched beyond belief, the is even marks around the center of the disc as if someone were trying to carve circles around it with a razor, but didn’t have a steady hand.)

    Me: “It looks like someone intentionally scratched it to a point where it is not repairable.”

    Customer: “That’s fine, we bought it at another store a week ago.”

    Me: “We won’t be able to exchange it, if something like that happens to this copy.”

    (I grab our last copy of the game for him, which he inspects.)

    Customer: “Why would you even try to sell this. This looks like garbage.”

    Me: “Sir, there’s just a fingerprint on it. It’s in far better condition than the one you had.”

    Customer: “Well, you’d best find another one, because I won’t buy this.”

    (After cleaning the fingerprint off and replacing the disc back in this case he purchased it and left. He returned a week later with a copy in the same condition as the one he was originally replacing. Turns out his kid was carving into the discs with a knife, and he had brought the kid in to make him pay $50 for the last copy, and pay his father back by trading his other games. Sweet justice.)

    The Non-Voice Of Reason

    | Oklahoma City, OK, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. My name is [My Name]. Please tell me your policy number?”

    Headset: “BEEP-BEEP-BOOP-BEEP-BOOP” *as the policyholder punches in the policy number*

    Me: “Please use your voice to tell me your policy number.”

    The Only Way To Stop The Call Going Down Under

    | IA, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Language & Words, Technology

    (I work at a well-known electronics store in the computer department.  I am at the customer service desk finishing up with another customer when the phone rings. Seeing that the customer service reps are all busy I take the call.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]. This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “Yes, I would like to speak to someone in computers.”

    Me: “I can actually help you. What questions do you have?”

    Caller: “Oh… I thought I called the customer service desk.”

    Me: “You did. I just happened to be up here and answered the phone.”

    Caller: “Well, I would really like to talk to someone in computers.”

    Me: “I do work in the computer department. I was just up here…”

    Caller: “Could you please transfer me to computers so I can talk to a computer salesman?”

    Me: “Okay… please hold.”

    (My manager is standing close by and asked what is going on. I explain the call to him and tell him I am going to go to the computer department to take the call. My manager decides to follow me since he knows my sense of humor and is sure this is only going to get better. Once in the computer department I pick up the call.)

    Me: “[Store] computers. This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “Aren’t you the guy I just asked to transfer me to computers?”

    Me: “Yes. I am in the computer department. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “I WANT SOMEONE WHO WORKS IN COMPUTERS!”

    Me: “Sir, I do work in computers and I am fact in the computer department. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “DON’T LIE TO ME. YOU WORK IN CUSTOMER SERVICE AND I TOLD YOU I WANT TO SPEAK TO A COMPUTER SALESMAN NOW OR I WILL TAKE MY BUSINESS ELSEWHERE!”

    Me: “Okay, sir, please hold.”

    (I hang up the phone and get the grin on my face that my coworkers as well as my manager know means I’m thinking up something good. After a few seconds I pick the phone back up.)

    Me: *in an obviously fake Australian accent* “G’Day, sir! How can help you?”

    (My manager and coworkers are covering their mouths to hide their laughter.)

    Caller: “Finally. I have a question about the computer in your ad.”

    (I answered all the customers questions still with an Australian accent, and tried hard not to laugh myself. The customer thanked me and stated that he will be in later to pick up the computer. My manager told me the next day that the caller came in after my shift and asked to speak to the nice Australian man that helped on the phone. It was all he could do to keep a straight face.)

    Needs More Self-Help Than Self-Checkout

    | Tucson, AZ, USA | At The Checkout, Technology

    (I’m a customer at the grocery store using the self-check out. Another customer and his wife approach the self-check out when the husband suddenly stops and turns to his wife.)

    Customer: “I’m not using self-check out! Those machines are smarter than I am!”

    Needs To Clean Out More Than The Hard Drive

    | NV, USA | Bad Behavior, Health & Body, Rude & Risque, Technology

    (I work in the electronics section of a home store. I deal mostly with computers, tablets, and the like. A customer is having troubles setting up a computer after purchasing it the previous day. He needs to do a local account reset so the computer can be used like new. I tell him to come back down to the store, because it would be easier to show him how to do it. The customer in question is probably in his 80s. I am a girl in my 20s. My coworker, who is also a girl in her 20s, is standing next to me.)

    Customer: *smelling of stale cigarettes and other things* “Hi, I spoke to you on the phone about my computer.”

    Me: “Yes, of course. Go ahead and take your computer out and we will plug it in and take care of your issues. Other than the problem that you spoke to me about do you have any questions?”

    Customer: “No, I just want to download some things and it won’t let me without a password.”

    (I proceed to walk the customer through the steps of resetting the computer, adding accounts, changing passwords, and installing software. All this time I have been touching the computer and inputting the customer’s information so that we can get him out the door. He has me download one last thing and right when we are about to finish up he asks me another normal question.)

    Customer: “So, can you show me how to delete files and emails? It has been a long time and this computer is different from my other one.”

    Me: “Sure, not a problem. Do you know where your files are located in the computer?”

    Coworker: *standing next to me* “Here, they might be located in this section.”

    (She looks through the computer, but can’t seem to find anything so I resume my search.)

    Customer: “Well, they are more so movies than files….”

    (I see where this is going and I sort of freeze up.)

    Customer: “Yeah, I was watching a lot of porn last night and I can’t seem to get it off of my computer.”

    (I am now slowly removing my hands from the keyboard and suddenly realizing that it didn’t look like he had cleaned the computer before he brought it in. My coworker’s face has gone pale and she slowly walks away from the department to wash her hands. I stand there wishing I could do the same.)

    Customer: “Yeah, I was watching a lot of stuff last night and I came across some things that I don’t know if I really wanted to see and now I want you to delete them for me.”

    Me: “…”

    Customer: “So can you do that, too?”

    Me: “No… sir. I can’t attempt to access anything of that… er… nature. If something were to pop up unexpectedly I could be fired… or we could be sued.”

    (My coworker has come back and that point and reiterates to the customer what I just said about things of that nature.)

    Customer: “Oh… okay. I really wish you could do that for me….”

    (He proceeds to ask me to do more and more things as I just sit there stunned that he allowed me to touch his computer knowing what he had done. He refused to type in anything after that. He finally ran out of questions to ask me and started putting his computer away. As he walked away I immediately booked it to the bathroom and scoured my hands with soap and water and then proceeded to empty a bottle of hand sanitizer on them. I then walk to tell my manager what happened, so that I could ask him what I should do if that situation ever occurred again.)

    Manager: “The next time that happens, tell him you can’t help him because his computer is now classified as a biohazard.”

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