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  • September Theme Of The Month: Overheard!

    Category: Technology

    The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

    Jon Snow Ordering Online

    , | NY, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (The customer has ordered incorrectly. It is an item he cannot return because it’s final sale and it’s marked down.  All policies are in the FAQ.)

    Me: *after explaining the policy* “You’re supposed to choose the color and size you need.”

    Customer: “I didn’t know that!”

    Me: “We have the steps on how to place an order in our FAQs.”

    Customer: “I didn’t know that!”

    Me: “With all due respect sir, but we hold you responsible in placing your orders correctly. You’re aware that you placed an order ONLINE, right?”

    Customer: “I didn’t know that! Someone’s supposed to assist me, like in a real store!”

    Me: “We’re an online store sir. Like in every website, we have the policies in the FAQ and the chat room if you have questions. It is never advisable that you avail of something you have no idea of.”

    Customer: “I didn’t know that!”

    Consuming People

    | Scotland, UK | Technology

    (I work in a call centre, taking printer consumable orders. Note, the technical support line is on the same phone number as me, so sometimes people come through to the wrong line.)

    Me: “[Company] consumables. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “Yeah, my printer is acting up. I need an engineer sent out.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, you’ve come through to the consumables line. You need to call again in order to get a hold of Tech Support.”

    Customer: “Even when I’m just ordering an engineer?”

    Me: “Yes. The engineer is not a consumable, so he cannot be ordered through here.”

    Customer: *huff* “Fine, then.”

    No Re-Write Access

    | NY, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Technology

    Me: “Hi and welcome to [Company] online sales chat! My name is [My Name]. May I have your name?”

    Customer: “The password on my broadband router is rubbing off and getting hard to read.”

    Me: “You can re-write the password.”

    Customer: “How do I re-write?”

    Me: *face palm* “…Get a piece of paper, write the password on it, and tape it to your broadband router?”

    Their Stupidity Does Not Compute

    | BC, Canada | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (A customer was having some issues logging into her account on our website.)

    Me: “First, click on the ‘sign in’ link.”

    Customer: “I don’t see it!”

    Me: “There’s a white ‘sign in’ button on the top right corner of our website.”

    Customer: “I’m looking, I don’t see it!” *getting very frustrated*

    Me: “It’s above our logo.”

    Customer: “I know. It’s not there. I don’t see it!”

    Me: “Are you on [OurWebsite].com?”

    Customer: “…No.”

    Me: “Are you at your computer right now?”

    Customer: “…No.”

    Wish You Could Wash Your Hands Of This Customer

    | Finland | Extra Stupid, Technology, Transportation

    (It’s late in the evening. It’s quite busy, so we have both registers open. A middle-aged lady is next in my line.)

    Customer #1: “I’d like to wash my car.”

    Me: “What kind of wash would you need today?”

    Customer #1: “I don’t know… What would you recommend?”

    (I recommend her the basic carwash with wax, and she pays for it. I hand her the receipt with a code you need to enter in order to get into the carwash.)

    Customer #1: “So, who is going to take my car to the carwash? I’ve never done it; my husband has always done it for me.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but at this moment there is no-one to take your car. You need to do it yourself.”

    Customer #1: “But I’ve never done it before! What do I have to do?! Why can’t you do it?”

    (There is a line for my register, and even a longer one for my coworker.)

    Me: “I’m really sorry but there is no-one who could do it at the moment. But it’s not hard at all! You just drive to the other side of the building. There are two washing units. Just choose which ever you like. Before you drive inside, you need to turn your side mirrors and take the radio antenna off. Then just enter this code right here on the keypad, drive in, stop when the light is red and just wait until the wash is over.”

    Customer #1: “But… but… Is there really no-one to do this? Oh, this is all so hard! My husband has always done this!”

    Me: *giving up* “How about this? You drive to the other side of the building and I’ll come over there and show you how it’s done? I’ll just serve these customers quickly.”

    Customer #1: “Oh, yes, please!”

    (She leaves. I serve the other customers waiting in the line. The man who was right after the lady shouts to me from the door:)

    Customer #2: “Oh, boy! The lady who you just served? She’s trying to get into the carwash from the wrong side of the building!”

    (I go outside, and there she is, looking really confused.)

    Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, but you need to drive to the other side of the building. Just let me first take care of those mirrors and the antenna.”

    (The customer is looking even more confused as I hand her the antenna. She drives to the other side of the building and parks in front of the washing unit.)

    Me: “Okay. So, could you please hand me the receipt with the code? You just enter this code on the keypad. Then you drive inside—”

    Customer #1: *cuts me off* “How do I know when to stop? Oh, this is so hard!”

    Me: “You stop when the light over there turns red. Then you stop your engine, put on the handbrake, and just wait. When the wash is over, the other door will open. When the light turns back to green, you can drive out. Remember to turn your mirrors back to normal position when you are done.”

    Customer #1: “Oh, thank you! I’ve never done this! I hope I do everything right!”

    (I watch as the customer drives in and make sure the wash starts correctly. I return to the register. About ten minutes passes, long enough for the wash to end.)

    Customer #1: “Oh, I don’t know what happened to my car! I came out of the wash and now all the turn signals on my car are flashing! What did the wash do to my car!”

    Me: “You must have pressed the button for emergency signal by accident. Just press the button again and it’ll be fine.”

    Customer #1: “NO! I have not pressed anything! It’s the wash! It did something to my car!”

    Me: “Let me come and take a look.”

    (We go outside, and to no surprise, she has pressed the button. I press it again and the flashing stops.)

    Customer #1: “I don’t understand! Why did it do like that?! I have not pressed any buttons!”

    Me: “I don’t know. Strange. Well, it’s fixed now. Have a nice evening!”

    (I went back inside and told my coworker what just happened. She was just as confused as I was.)

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