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    Category: Technology

    The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

    Directionless Wireless

    | Sheffield, England, UK | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I work in technical support for an ISP. During a call with a customer the following conversation transpired.)

    Customer: “Your router isn’t very good is it? I can only get wireless signal downstairs.”

    Me: “Well, it is a very basic router. Is your house fairly old, as in having rather thick walls and ceilings?”

    Customer: “That’s right.”

    Me: “That would be why. The signal is struggling to get through. You can always look into a more powerful router or a booster, maybe?”

    Customer: “But… I don’t understand. I leave the door open so it can get upstairs.”

    Following Blind Orders

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA | Bizarre, Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I work in internal computer support. One afternoon I get a call from an older gentleman.)

    Me: “[Company] help desk. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “Make the information available. Do it.”

    Me: “What information do you need?”

    Caller: “Just do it!”

    Me: “I’m sorry; I need a little more context here. What are you calling about?”

    Caller: “The email said to call you and make the information available so I am calling you!”

    Me: “The information about what? What email are you referring to? What is the topic?”

    Caller: “I have no idea. I was just following orders!” *hangs up*

    Grand Theft Innocence, Part 11

    | UK | Family & Kids, Technology

    (I get a job at a video game store not long before ‘Grand Theft Auto V’ came out, and before and after its release many parents came into the store to buy their kids the game.)

    Customer: “Hello, do you have this GTA game?”

    Me: “Grand Theft Auto V”? Sure, we have them right here. Is this for yourself?

    Customer: “No, it’s for my son.”

    Me: “Is he under the age of eighteen? I just need to tell you the content of the game.”

    Customer: “He’s 10.”

    Me: “Okay, it’s of course completely up to you whether or not he plays this game but as it’s rated 18, I’ll have to tell you that it contains extreme violence in it and sexual content.”

    Customer: “That’s fine.”

    Me: “It really is quite bad. There’s a really horrific torture scene in it, and it contains a strip club that the characters can go to, and it has prostitutes, etc.”

    Customer: “Yes, yes, that’s fine. This is the game he wanted.”

    Me: “It also contains swearing.”

    Customer: “What?! What kind of game is that?! I can’t believe he wants this! Well, he’s not getting it!”

    Related:
    Grand Theft Innocence, Part 10
    Grand Theft Innocence, Part 9
    Grand Theft Innocence, Part 8

    Not The Most Gifted

    | ON, Canada | Extra Stupid, Money, Technology

    Me: “Yes, the iPads are on sale right now, and you get a $40 gift card with them as well.”

    Customer: “What do I do with that?”

    Me: “Um, you buy things with it.”

    Customer: “Oh, ya?”

    Ahead Of The Game

    | St. John's, NL, Canada | Crazy Requests, Liars & Scammers, Technology

    (We sell console games in addition to groceries in a more-or-less rough part of town, and our policy is unopened games can be returned with a receipt within 14 days from purchase.)

    Customer: “I’d like to return this game.”

    Me: *checks seal on game* “Seal is in check, so I just need your receipt.”

    Customer: “I’ve got no receipt. But I just want to exchange this for some groceries now.”

    Me: “Sorry. Without a receipt I have to get authorization on these big ticket items from a manager.”

    Customer: “It’s only a game. It’s not even that big.”

    Me: “No, but the price tag is. It comes to almost $90, so I need a manager authorization.”

    (My manager and I check the UPC in our system, and he sees that we received six copies of the game, and there is six on the shelf right now, and the system shows no sales since it arrived.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but that game wasn’t bought at this store. Perhaps it was a different store you bought it at?”

    Customer: “No, it was right here. I bet you it was the cashier just took my money and put it in her pocket when I left. Didn’t even scan it.”

    Me: “Did you get a receipt?”

    Customer: “Yeah, but I lost it.”

    Me: “If you got a receipt, the cashier couldn’t have stolen your money. We received in six copies of this game, and there is six in our case. And we haven’t sold any at this location since it arrived.”

    Customer: “Well, I don’t want my money back. I just want groceries.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but without a receipt showing purchase from this location, I cannot give you any sort of refund or exchange.”

    Customer: “I’ll be back later to get a refund on this, then. Bunch a thieves.”

    Manager: *to me after he leaves* “What was the game called he was trying to get off with?”

    Me: “You’ll get a kick out of this: ‘Thief.’

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