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  • Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 7
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    Category: Technology

    The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

    A Backwards Understanding Of Technology

    | Ottawa, ON, Canada | Bizarre, Technology

    Me: “Hi, thank you for calling [Company]. How can I help you today?”

    Caller: “Are you a real person?”

    Me: “Yes, sir, I am.”

    Caller: “Really?”

    Me: “Yes, sir.”

    Caller: “How do I know you’re not just programmed to respond like that?”

    Me: “Well, sir, I guess you’ll just have to take my word on it.”

    Caller: “No, that’s no good. Tell ya what. Tell me the name of the current Prime Minister, but say it backwards.”

    Me: “Harper, Stephen.”

    Caller: “I’m still not sure I’m convinced. I think I’ll just go talk to someone at one of your stores. Bye.”

    Online And Over The Line

    | USA | Crazy Requests, Money, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    (I work in a craft store with two entrances; each entrance has multiple registers. I am on the register called ‘side door.’ At the time of this transaction, I am a new hire and am highly concerned with not breaking company policy about coupons.)

    Me: “Hello, did you find everything all right?”

    Customer: “Yeah, thanks. Do you have any coupons right now?”

    Me: “Yes, there’s currently a 40% off of one regular priced item going on right now.”

    (At this point, I haven’t realized that she was asking me if I had any coupons with me at the register, which I don’t. Employees are required to throw them away if we don’t scan them from a phone.)

    Customer: “Okay, great, I want to use it on [item].”

    Me: *after scanning the item* “All righty, because this item is your highest priced, regular priced item, the coupon should work.”

    (The customer starts typing on her smartphone, and I finish ringing up the items she put on my counter. When she looks up, she stops me to examine the items.)

    Customer: “Oh. That one’s not on sale?”

    Me: “No, it’s not.”

    Customer: “Okay. Can I use a coupon on that one too?”

    Me: “Unfortunately, no. It’s only one of this kind of coupon per transaction, per customer, per day. I’m sorry.”

    Customer: *suddenly getting irate* “Okay, I don’t have the money to be spending on these both.” *she has trouble deciding on which item to keep, and a line starts to form behind her, making her even more irate* “Look, is there any way you can let it slide? Other cashiers have let it slide before…”

    Me: “I’m really sorry, but I can’t use two of this kind of coupon in the same transaction for the same customer.”

    Customer: *with an impatient sigh* “Fine, you know what? I’ll just take this one.” *she goes back to texting while I take the item off of the transaction*

    Me: “Okay, I can scan your coupon for you, ma’am.”

    Customer: *with an are-you-stupid look* “You said you had a coupon.”

    Me: “Oh, um… I can pull this week’s coupon up on your phone for you? Unfortunately, I don’t have any back here.”

    Customer: *now very annoyed, for no real reason that I understand; she also refuses to let me see the screen of her phone to navigate the badly designed store website* “Okay, so how do I do that?”

    Me: “In the browser, go to [site name].”

    (I radio in for backup, not because the line is long, but because I know that pulling the coupon up on the site takes a while. The customer shoots me an annoyed look when I do this.)

    Customer: “Okay, I’m on the site, now what?” *she’s taken an imperious tone with me by now*

    Me: “There should be a small icon in the corner of the screen you can tap that gives you a popup side-bar menu-thing.”

    (I watch as she struggles with this, again asking if I can help her navigate the site and again getting refused.)

    Customer: “Okay, so what do I tap on now? Weekly Ad?” *she sounds extremely irate, impatiently glaring at me when she has the chance*

    Me: “I’m not really sure, but that should be the right thing, unless you see a ‘coupons’ button?”

    Customer: “I don’t see a coupons button.”

    Me: “Oh, okay, it’s in the weekly ad, then. Sometimes the site acts differently on different phones, depending on whether or not you have the app—”

    (I get told over radio that there’s no backup for me, and the line continues to pile up and my customer gets more agitated.)

    Customer: “Look, I don’t need you to lecture me right now about this. Just tell me how to get the d*** coupon!”

    Me: *taking a slow breath of air to calm my nerves, as this is my first angry customer* “Okay, once the screen loads, tap on the right side that says coupons.”

    Customer: *irritated, taking offence to the deep breath* “I don’t like your tone. I want you to call your manager.”

    (I call my manager, who tells me that she’ll be a couple minutes because of the store being busy and so few of us employees to keep up with the rush.)

    Me: “Unfortunately, the store is a little busy and my manager won’t be here for a little bit. I’m sorry.”

    Customer: “Yeah, sure, whatever. Make excuses.”

    (The customer manages to pull up the coupon after I help her a little more, continuing to give me death glares.)

    Me: “Okay, that brings your total down. Your receipt is in your bag and a coupon for next week. Have a good rest of the day.”

    (The customer just glares at me, then seeing my manager who just walked up behind me and paling a little, gives me a half-a**ed threat to write me up online and literally flees the store.)

    Manager: *to me* “Okay, so, what just happened?”

    (I explain the situation, while my other customers patiently wait for me.)

    Manager: “All righty, then. Don’t worry, she won’t be writing anything. She was just having a bad day.”

    (My manager left, and the rest of my customers were very polite and sweet for the rest of the day. It’s been almost five months since that incident, and no, I never did get a bad online review from it.)

    Her Ranting Leaves You Breathless

    | VA, USA | Crazy Requests, Criminal/Illegal, Liars & Scammers, Technology

    (I work in a call center for a small cell phone company. I get a call from an elderly lady about her service.)

    Customer: “I need my information to go to a different company.”

    Me: “I’d be happy to help—”

    Customer: “My phone got stolen and I’m on breathing treatments and I need a phone so I’m getting a [Other Company] phone.”

    Me: “All right, I’d be happy to help. Now, I see here that your services are currently disconnected. I do apologize. You would need to pay this balance to reconnect your service before we will be able to take your number to [Other Company].”

    Customer: *starts crying* “My phone got stolen and I can’t afford to pay this. I got texting removed at [Store] in West Virginia and reported it stolen! I didn’t do any of those charges. I’m going to tell all of my friends and family to leave you!”

    Me: “I do apologize, ma’am. I’d be happy to help and see if there’s something we can work out with you.”

    Customer: *immediately stops crying on a dime* “I’m not paying it! My bill is only supposed to be $30 a month!”

    Me: “I do apologize; I’m seeing your bill is actually $50 a month. I do see overages on your account but I’d be happy to check with another department to work with you.”

    Customer: “You don’t understand! I couldn’t get to the store to report my phone stolen because there’s only one cab in [City] in West Virginia! I couldn’t get to [Store]! My phone was stolen!”

    (The customer continues to go on for several minutes in constant ranting and doesn’t let me speak at all.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I do apologize. I’m not seeing that phone was suspended or that it’s listed here that it was reported as stolen. I’m also seeing that you’re calling from the phone—”

    (The customer then hung up. But you know… For someone on breathing treatments she certainly was long winded! I hope she found her phone!)

    Promo Is Too Slow-Mo

    , | Port St Lucie, FL, USA | Money, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    (I work for a very large, well know fast food company. I am a manager, and coupons can only be taken off by a manager. Every single time there is a coupon I have to put in a code. Every. Single. Time.)

    Me: *in the front of the store filling orders*

    Crew Member #1: “PROMO!”

    Me: *runs to opposite end of the store to take it off*

    Me: *goes back up front to correct a customer complaint*

    Crew Member #1: “PROMO!”

    Me: *knows line can’t move until I take it off, but I can’t leave the customer*

    Me: *finally takes off the coupon in drive-thru*

    Crew Member #2: “I need a promo!”

    Me: *runs back to the front of the store*

    (The phone rings. It’s a customer inquiry.)

    Crew Member #1: “PROMO, PLEASE! AND I NEED A DISCOUNT!”

    Crew Member #2: “Can I get a promo?”

    (I talked on the phone while bagging orders while promo-ing off the front order, then ran to the back, still picking up the food items I needed on the way, promo-ing that off while still answering a customer’s question while having the headset on to make sure my drive-thru people are taking the correct orders. Needless to say, I left the coupon button on automatic for the rest of the day. Coupons are a lot more work than you think. F*** that s***!)

    Self-Helpless Against Stupidity

    | Middletown, NJ, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Extra Stupid, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    (One of the local supermarkets recently ‘upgraded’ their self-checkout systems. While nominally faster, the new systems are more complicated and far more prone to bugs. The first time I hit the ‘use a coupon’ button the whole screen is covered with a ‘please wait for attendant’ warning. One of the workers comes over.)

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry; I don’t know what happened.”

    Attendant: “Let me guess. You needed to use a coupon?”

    Me: “Um… yeah?”

    Attendant: “No problem. One second.”

    (She swipes her ID card, types in a code, swipes the coupon, hits ‘done,’ and puts it in the slot.)

    Attendant: “There you go.”

    Me: “I guess there’s a problem with the coupon part?”

    Attendant: “Yeah, we had a rash of people having issues with the sensor when putting the coupons in the slot who were just about ripping the machine apart instead of asking for any help at all.”

    Me: “There’s no way they’d be that—”

    (As if scripted, there’s suddenly a loud banging just behind us at the other machine; another shopper’s receipt jams in the printer because they tried to yank it out before it was done printing, and she is now PUNCHING the printer to try to get it to work.)

    Me: “…okay, thank you for the help. Have a nice day and God’s speed, brave warrior!”

    Attendant: “Once more into the breach!”

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