Category: Technology

The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

VHS No Longer Computes

| Sweden | Extra Stupid, Technology

Customer: “I’ve got a broken computer and I need it fixed.”

(The customer proceeds to open a bag and out comes a old VHS player.)

Me: “Sir, that is not a computer. That is a VHS tape player.”

Customer: “Well, my PC is broken and I was hoping that you could fix it.”

Me: “Sir, that is not a PC. That’s a VHS tape player and there is no repair shop for VHS players around anymore, as they are deemed outdated.”

Customer: “Well, where can I find one?”

Me: “You can’t. You will have to buy a new one.”

Customer: “So, you can’t repair it?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “I heard great service from my friends when they came here to fix their PC.”

Me: “That is not a PC. That is a VHS player that you are holding in your hands.”

Customer: “So, can you fix it?”

Internet Killed The Radio Store

| Leicester, England, UK | Bizarre, Technology

(I’m working on the till when a customer approaches me for an enquiry:)

Customer: “I’m looking for [Environmental Report] that was published at the beginning of the week. Can you check if you stock it?”

Me: “Of course I can. That sort of thing will probably be with the political or academic books but I’ll just look on the system to see if we’ve got it in.”

(Customer has the exact title but it isn’t showing up on our system. This sometimes happens as the system is quite old and requires correct syntax. I look it up on the Internet and find that it’s available to download for free as a pdf.)

Me: “I’ve managed to find a record of it online, but neither our system nor Amazon is recognising the title which suggests it’s not been published as a book. Were you aware you could read it for free from the organisation’s website? Or download a pdf of it?”

Customer: “Well, I want a print copy. I don’t have the Internet and I don’t like reading off screens.”

Me: “That’s fair enough but, unfortunately, it’s not something that we will ever be able to supply. I’d suggest going to your local library if you don’t have Internet access at home. You can view it just by typing the title you gave me into Google; a free online copy is the first link that comes up.”

Customer: “But I don’t like reading on screens.”

Me: “The only alternative I can think of is for you to access it at the library and print it out, but it’s 40 pages long so it might cost a bit.”

Customer: “Fine. There’s another one I want that was spoken about on Radio 4.”

Me: “That’s fine, book reviews on the radio are easy to find. Do you know the title?”

Customer: “No it was on [Show] on Radio 4.”

Me: “Okay, that’s fine. Can you remember on what day?”

Customer: “No, just that it was [Author] and it was in the last fortnight.”

(The author’s name doesn’t bring up any results and I can’t find anything similar in amongst the reviews on that show so far in a very long list.)

Customer: “You must have listened to [Show]. It’s one of the best things on the radio.”

Me: “Sorry, madam, I only listen to the radio in the car and my family has always listened to Radio 1 in the mornings.”

(The customer is very shocked by this and keeps lecturing me on why I should be listening to her show. Radio 1 is all current music, while as Radio 4 is aimed at older middle aged listeners. After having no success, and getting distracted by the customer’s rant, I decide to search the BBC’s website as a last resort and tell the customer as such.)

Customer: “No, don’t bother. I’ll look it up on the Internet at home.”

(The customer then left the store without so much as a thank you, leaving a queue of other customers speechless.)

Radiating With Stupidity

| Estonia | Extra Stupid, Family & Kids, Technology

(An English-speaking client is trying to get some information about a guitar festival that is supposed to take place that day. He says his wife had talked to someone earlier about it but I’m having trouble finding any information about a guitar festival at all.)

Me: “May I please call you back in a few minutes? I’ll try to find out who was talking to your wife earlier and where she found the information.”

Client: “No, that’s not an option. You see, I can’t use this phone around my children because of the radiation. I’m standing outside of the car right now.”

Has A Limited Streetview

| AZ, USA | Extra Stupid, Geography, Technology

(I work as a salesman selling billboards all over the state, and have both national and local clients. I get a phone call on my cell phone.)

Me: “Hello, you’ve reached [My Name]!    ”

Client: “Hello, [My Name]; it’s [Client] from [His Business]. I bought a board from you?”

Me: “Oh, yes! I believe it was installed last Monday and looks just great. I passed by it the other day. What’s going on?”

Client: “Well, I’m looking at the board right now and it doesn’t have my design on it!”

Me: *surprised, because I had just passed it the day before and it was there* “What do you mean? Is there another advertisement on there?”

Client: *getting more mad* “Yes! I thought I was paying to be up there for three months!”

Me: “Hold on, [Client]. I’ll go out there right now and take a look!”

(I proceed to drive an hour from the office to go to the billboard. It’s located on a strip of highway between two cities, so there is nothing but desert around it. When I get there, I see that the client’s ad is up. I give him a call.)

Me: “Hi, [Client], I’m standing here in front of the board and your advertisement is up!”

Client: “That’s b******t! I’m looking at it right now too, and it’s for [Other Advertiser]!”

Me: “…Where are you? Are you at the right board? I don’t see you here.”

Client: “Well, of course I’m not there! I’m at my store, looking at it on [Website commonly used to view streets]!”

Me: *trying hard not to be rude* “[Client], [Website] runs that service, not [My Company], and they don’t always update the images. What you’re seeing is an old advertiser. I promise you, I’m standing right here. I’ll take a picture with my phone and email it to you.”

Client: “You better not be lying, because I’ll sue you for wrongful advertisement!”

(I sent him a photo with his advertisement up, as well as a photo of me with the board in the background. He then renewed his contract with us for another year!)

Failed On The First Rung

| Sweden | Crazy Requests, Technology

(I’m working at a known computer games chain, and one day I get this call:)

Caller: “Hi, it’s me.”

Me: *not recognising the voice* “Hello? I’m not sure I kn—”

Caller: “Look, I bought a game from you yesterday and now I need help.”

Me: “Okay, what game wa—”

Caller: “The one you sold me. You know. Yesterday. I’m stuck now at the ladder. How do I get up?”

Me: “Ehm, I sell lots of games everyd—”

Caller: “Look, it’s just the ladder!”

Me: “I’m sure there are online guides. If not, we sell hint books for mos—”

Caller: “God, are you slow?! I don’t want a hint book, and I don’t have time checking things up online! Just tell me how to get up the d*** ladder!”

Me: “I’m sorry; I don’t even know what game you are playing, and—”

Caller: “How hard can it be! You sold me this game! Just tell me!”

Me: “Sir, I’m sorry but I don’t play every game there is and I wasn’t even here yesterday, but it’s—”

Caller: “Never mind!” *click*

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