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    Category: Technology

    The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

    Cancelling Out The Stupid

    | Online | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Technology

    (We are running a promotion with a discount code, so we always get a lot of calls when this occurs from people who are having difficulty redeeming the coupon.)

    Me: “Thanks for calling [Business]. This is [My Name] speaking. How can I assist you?”

    Customer: “You know, you guys, you send these discounts, and they just never work, and I, you know, I want to cancel my order.”

    Me: “Sorry you’re having some difficulty with that. Would you like me to see if I can help you place the order?”

    Customer: “No, I just want to cancel it. I’m tired of hearing from all of these places that it’s ‘user error.’”

    Me: “I understand. What was your order number?”

    Customer: “My what?”

    Me: “Your order number. I’d be happy to cancel it for you so you aren’t charged at all, since you couldn’t use the discount code.”

    Customer: “I don’t have an order number.”

    Me: “I can look it up by your last name, then.”

    (I can’t find an order from that last name. I try asking more and more obvious questions, like ‘are you sure you placed an order on this website?’ since literally hundreds of customers have used the code with no difficulty.)

    Customer: “I just got fed up because I couldn’t find a place to put the code, and then it wouldn’t accept it, so I just closed the window.”

    Me: “So you’re saying you never actually placed an order?”

    Customer: “No, I just closed your crappy website.”

    Me: “Sir… if you didn’t place an order, we don’t have anything to cancel.”

    Customer: “Why won’t you let me cancel my order?”

    Me: “If you haven’t placed an order, there’s nothing for us to cancel. You just… don’t place the order.”

    Customer: “So you’re saying you won’t cancel my order?”

    Me: “No, I’m saying that there’s no order to cancel.” *I’m reaching here* “Say you were in line at a sub shop, and then you decided you wanted McDonald’s instead. You don’t have to go to the register at the sub shop to tell them you’re leaving if they didn’t make a sandwich for you, right?”

    Customer: “I don’t want a d*** sandwich. I just want to cancel my order!”

    (I pause.)

    Me: “Okay, your order has been cancelled.”

    (Click.)

    Not The Brightest Question

    | Australia | Extra Stupid, Math & Science, Technology

    (I’ve been talking to this customer for about five minutes already, answering questions about telescopes that we sell, and some of the questions just end up getting a bit silly…)

    Customer: “So, with these telescopes would you be able to see meteors and other stars with them?”

    Me: “You would be able to see meteors though they’re going to pass through your field of view so quickly it’d be pointless trying to find them, as you’d need to be aiming at the exact spot they’re going to pass through. As for other stars, they’re so far away that they will still just look like dots of light in the night sky.”

    Customer: “What about our sun? Could you look at that?”

    Me: “If you wanted to suffer eye damage, you certainly could, though it’s not recommended.”

    Customer: “Doctors can fix blindness though, nowadays, can’t they?”

    Consoling Himself With Lies

    | MI, USA | Funny Names, Technology

    (An older man comes in, looking perplexed.)

    Me: “Sir, was there something I could help you find?”

    Customer: “Yes, I’d like to get a PS3 but don’t have enough money. How much would I get for my Xbox?”

    Me: “Is it an original Xbox, or an Xbox 360?”

    Customer: “It’s just an Xbox 2.”

    (I show him what the original Xbox and the Xbox 360 looks like.)

    Customer: “I’m telling you, it’s the Xbox 2!”

    Me: “I’m sorry but I don’t know what that is, so we cannot accept it on trade.”

    (At this point he is clearly getting frustrated.)

    Customer: “Well, do you take the PS2 or the Wii on trade?”

    Me: “Yes, right now the original PS2 goes for $15 and the newer, slim model goes for $20. The Wii’s currently go for around $70.”

    Customer: “Well good, ’cause you ain’t gettin’ mine!”

    (He snickered to himself and left, convinced he had an Xbox 2.)

    Thoughts Are Mega-lite

    | Augusta, GA, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I am working at a call center that handles cell phone services. One of our plans offers to let you add extra data for a certain amount of money.)

    Me: *confirming* “So, you wanted to pay five dollars for 500 megabytes, right?”

    Customer: “Right. And how many megabytes is that?”

    Surviving Their Snipes

    , | ACT, Australia | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Technology

    (My fiancé’s birthday is coming up. As game and console collectors we often browse game stores, but mostly we go to a particular second-hand game store where we find some real old treasures and odd things we don’t see very often, and have become regulars. A few days earlier he had spotted a sniper game for the Wii which comes with a full-sized fake sniper rifle that you mount the Wii remote on, but we didn’t buy it due to lack of funds during a billing period. While he goes to work a few days later I go to pick it up for him as a birthday surprise. As this is a second hand store, what people sell to the store is what the store has. There is no inventory of several of an item unless several were sold to them. Two rough looking men are outside the store as I walk in. I tell the lady working what I want to buy. The two men walk in and hover over the sniper game eagerly, just as the lady serving me takes it out of the display cabinet to pack up for me.)

    Rough Man #1: “Hey! What are you doing? We saw it first!”

    Rough Man #2: “Yeah! That’s ours! Don’t you dare sell that to HER!”

    Cashier: “Sorry, it’s being sold to this customer. We unfortunately don’t have any more in stock at the moment until someone else may sell us theirs. I’m terribly sorry.”

    Rough Man #1: “But we saw it first! We have a right to have it first!” *to me* “You can’t buy it. Give it up!”

    Rough Man #2: “Yeah! Give it up! The rules are the first who see it has a RIGHT to buy first! We override your rights!”

    Me: “Nope, sorry. This is for my fiancé’s birthday. I’m buying it regardless of if you saw it first or not. Whoever enquires first is the early bird. Maybe you can find one online.”

    Rough Man #1: “B****! You can’t do that!” *to the cashier* “You better not give it to her! It’s OURS! We have more of a right to it than her! Don’t you dare f****** sell it to her!”

    (At this point the cashier serving me looks a bit frightened. I don’t move from my post in front of her, being protective of both her and my fiancé’s gift as both of the men approach behind me very closely. I feel very wary as they both stand there trying to look as tall as possible, loudly swearing at me, muttering horrid names under their breaths at me. It doesn’t work and even though I feel scared, I stand my ground because I am not one to keel over to rude people, especially when I am buying gifts for loved ones and when they’re scaring others around me.)

    Rough Man #1: “You stupid s***, don’t be a f****** b**** and hand it over. It’s OURS and we’re buying it!”

    Me: “No way. It belongs to my fiancé. I’ll be walking out of here with it. My fiancé saw this days ago and I WILL be giving it to him for his birthday. Why don’t you find one elsewhere? This one is taken.”

    (I purchased it. All the while they were calling me every name in the book and trying to scare me as I stood tall, even though inside I was scared that they might get violent. The transaction went through, approved. I got my receipt, wished the lady serving me a good day, gave her a look that said to stay safe, and I left victoriously, tightly clutching the gift. I was still scared, though, as I was shopping alone, and made sure to quickly get on my bus home before they saw which direction I went. My fiancé was so happy with his gift, and thinks I’m tough as anything for standing up for myself.)

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