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    Category: Technology

    The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

    Didn’t Read The Signals

    | WA, USA | Books & Reading, Family & Kids, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    (I overhear a library patron talking to his small daughter.)

    Patron: “You’re turning five today; do you know what that means?”

    Daughter: “Uh…”

    Patron: “Do you know what you finally get today? It’s so exciting!”

    Daughter: “A pink Nintendo DS?!”

    Patron: “What? Uh, no. We’re getting you a library card.”

    Me: “…weeee! Happy birthday!”

    About To Get Charged With Battery, Part 3

    | Springfield, OH, USA | Bizarre, Criminal/Illegal, Technology

    (I have worked with a customer for about 10 or so minutes to find a pair of jeans. I hear a beeping from what sounds like a cell phone coming from the customer, but he is ignoring it.)

    Me: “We have some of these on clearance here—if you need to take that, it’s fine.”

    Customer: “Oh naw, that’s just my bracelet.”

    (The customer leans down to his ankle to reveal a huge black bracelet for house arrest.)

    Customer: “The battery is dying.”

    Me: “Oh, okay.”

    (We move to the register.)

    Me: “We have a [drugstore] close by if you need any sort of battery.”

    Customer: “Naw, I gotta go home and charge it. Can I go put these on?”

    Me: “Sure, let me take the tags off for you, and we can process it when you come back.”

    (He returns after this, and we process the exchange. He thanks me, and his bracelet begins to beep again…)

    Related:
    About To Get Charged With Battery, Part 2
    About To Get Charged With Battery

    Not Addressing The Problem

    | MN, USA | Crazy Requests, Technology

    (A customer calls in to report problems with their cell phone. I’ve determined it is a network issue.)

    Me: “So, I will just need to know the location where you are so that I can tell the technician.”

    Customer: “What? I’m not giving you the address! That’s not my job! I just need you to come out and fix it. It’s in Chicago.”

    Me: “Well, in order for our techs to know what tower to fix, they need to know where you are having the issues. Without an address, I can’t put in the ticket.”

    Customer: “No! I am not giving you the address! I am so sick and tired of this stuff! I had the same problem with [other provider]! You don’t need an address to fix it; you just don’t want to help!”

    Me: “I do want to help, which is why I need an address. Even if the system would let me put the ticket in without an address, you’d then be waiting for months for a resolution while we check every tower in Chicago. In order to help, I need to know where to send my techs.”

    Customer: “This is outrageous! I have a business to run! I don’t have time for this s***!”

    Me: “It looks like you have a water-sprinkler company. If one of your customers reported a problem with a pipe you laid, would you go around the entire city checking every pipe, or would you require that customer to give you an address to assist?”

    Customer: *huffs* “That is not the same thing, and you know it! Now get someone out here immediately!”

    Wasn’t Sold On What He Was Told

    | NC, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    Me: “Thank you for calling [company] technical support. What can I help you with today?”

    Customer: “I’m trying to send a report to [company], but when I try I’m getting this message about my account being expired. Hang on; let me read it to you. ‘Your account is expired. Please contact the sales department to renew.’ Is this something you can help me with, or do I need to call sales?”

    Me: *facepalm*

    Deaf To Reason

    | USA | Bizarre, Musical Mayhem, Technology

    (I am taking orders face to face with a tablet. There is live music and a ton of people, so it’s loud. Customers constantly cannot hear me, so I start out most interactions with a strong, loud voice.)

    Me: “Hi, ma’am, what can I get for you?”

    Customer: “Uh, a turkey sandwich?”

    Me: “All right! Did you want the large or original size?”

    Customer: *louder than me* “You don’t have to yell!”

    Me: *lowers down to a normal volume* “Sorry, ma’am, did you want the big or small size?”

    Customer: “Huh?” *leans down close to hear me*

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