Featured Story:
  • Always Time For A Rhyme
    (2,245 thumbs up)
  • Category: Technology

    The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

    Towering Ignorance

    | NY, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology, Transportation

    (I work in tech support for cell phones. A coworker is having a conversation with a customer whose phone isn’t working.)

    Agent: “Okay! Have you tried checking out the settings on your phone? You may have turned those services off.”

    Customer: “No, I didn’t. Definitely didn’t do that.”

    Agent: “Hmm, I see! Well, you could always give our customer service department a quick call to see if something is up! How’s that sound?”

    Customer: “I’m at my cousin’s house and the elevation is very high so I made sure to turn ‘airplane mode’ on. It’s pissing me off that this isn’t working.”

    Agent: “Oh! Airplane mode is actually going to disable your phone from using those features. Take that off for me, please, and try again.”

    Customer: “Wow! Do you think I’m going to be fooled like that? You’re lying. How do people talk to each other on airplanes? DUH! Sucks when I know more than an employee…”

    Agent: “I’m not entirely sure what you mean. Could you elaborate, please? ”

    Customer: “Uhm, wow. I can’t believe I’m doing this: Airplane mode is for when you need to call someone while up high in the air to connect to satellites and stuff rather than towers. How do you think pilots and astronauts contact ground control? You’re a complete idiot. Goodbye.”

    Phone Support Leads To Rapport

    | USA | Technology

    (We have a website people use to generate leads for their business. Recently, a competitor has come into the market, undercutting us severely on price, but they provide no tech support and have a confusing interface. A long-time client of ours who has left us for the competitor calls in. I’m listening in as a manager on the call.)

    Customer: “Hi there. I have some questions.”

    Coworker: “I’m sorry. I thought you’d switched to [Competitor]. I’m glad you’ve come back to us!”

    Customer: “Oh, no. We still have [Competitor]‘s service. I was hoping you could help me with it. It’s confusing!”

    Coworker: “Are you asking me to help you figure out how to use our competitor’s product?”

    Customer: “Yes! I’m so lost, and you guys have always been so helpful!”

    Coworker: “I’m sorry, but I can’t support our competitor’s product. You’ll have to call them.”

    Customer: “Well they don’t have tech support. No one ever answers there! I don’t understand the product! You have to help me!”

    Coworker: “I’m sorry; I don’t have access to their products. I wouldn’t be able to answer your questions.”

    Customer: “Well what the h*** am I paying for then?”

    Coworker: “You’re not paying us anything, ma’am. You switched to [Competitor].”

    Customer: “This is ridiculous! What kind of service is this?”

    Coworker: “Better service than you get at [Competitor], I guess, since they don’t pick up the phone.”

    Customer: “Er, I, er… d*** it!” *hangs up*

    Me: “I should be annoyed that you sassed her, but that was awesome.”

    (They came back to us two months later!)

    Dealing With A Whole New Animus

    | TX, USA | Bigotry, Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I’m working my shift on a particularly lazy Sunday night, when two guys come in. I’m the only one out on the floor, as my other two coworkers are in the back. I greet the guys as they come in.)

    Me: “Hey, guys. How are y’all doing?”

    Guy #1: “Um, good. You?”

    Me: “Doing great, actually. What brings you guys in here today?”

    Guy #2: “Y’know, games. Are there any employees we can talk to, or—”

    Me: “You are.”

    Guy #1: “Girls don’t play games. Don’t lie to me.”

    Guy #2: “And if you play games then list five characters from the same game.”

    Me: “Connor Kenway, Haytham Kenway, Achilles, Charles Lee, and Ziio.”

    Guy #1:Assassin’s Creed, huh? Who’s the main character in the first one?”

    Me: “Altaïr.”

    (This goes on for several minutes, and my coworker finally comes out of the back.)

    Coworker: “Hey, y’all need anything?”

    Guy #2: “Yeah, actually. You need to hire her or something!”

    Coworker: “We did.”

    Guy #1: “Oh God, I’m sorry. We were quizzing her on Assassin’s Creed. And she kinda won.”

    Coworker: “Yeah, gamer girls do exist. Guys just get mad when the girl knows more about the game than they do.”

    (After buying their games, the two customers leave, and my coworker and I start to close up.)

    Coworker: “So that happened. Why’d he say you won?”

    Me: “He thought Ezio’s close friend was Leonardo di Caprio.”

    Attempting To Mask Out Stupidity

    | Australia | Crazy Requests, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    (Our store does basic restoration services.)

    Customer: “I have these photos of a masquerade ball.” *holds up photos with people with full masks on* “I need you to photoshop the masks off.”

    Me: “Unfortunately, sir, it is impossible for me to remove a mask of the person.”

    Customer: “But I need to know who they are!”

    Me: “If you have a different photo of the peoples faces, I can photoshop their face on, but it is impossible to remove a mask on a still photograph.”

    Customer: “This is ridiculous. If CSI can do it why can’t you?”

    Artificial Unintelligence

    | Raleigh, NC, USA | Bizarre, Extra Stupid, Technology

    (It’s near closing. A coworker and I are doing some paperwork when a client comes in.)

    Client: “Do you use WordPress?”

    Coworker: “No.”

    Client: “Then what do you use?”

    Me: “For what exactly?”

    Client: “Web design.”

    Me: “Well, sir, none of us here do any web design.”

    Client: “Then what is the point of your job?”

    Coworker: “We fix computers.”

    Client: “Aw, man. Don’t you know you are gonna be replaced by robots?”

    Me: “What?”

    Client: “Yeah. They got these robots that look just like you or me. They can do everything. They even be secretaries. They can cross their legs and everything.”

    (The client attempts to cross his legs while standing and nearly falls down.)

    Me: “Sir, the robots currently available have very little AI and have mostly just mastered walking.”

    Client: “Man, don’t you know… THE ROBOTS ARE COMING!”

    Coworker: “When the robots break down, who will fix them?”

    Client: “Well, people, I guess.”

    Coworker: “That’s right! Adapt or die, baby!”

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