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    Category: Technology

    The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

    Can’t Pin Him Down To A Number

    | Colorado Springs, CO, USA | Bad Behavior, Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Technology

    (I work overnight at a prepaid phone call center. A customer calls in every night to change his pin, because he is paranoid. He is always abusive. His constant pin changes finally catch up with him.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling; my name is [name]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “I want to change the PIN on my account.”

    Me: “Absolutely, we just need your current PIN, please.”

    Customer: *gives wrong PIN*

    Me: “I’m sorry; that’s incorrect. I’ll need the PIN to access the account.”

    Customer: “Listen, I need to change my PIN because I don’t know it. I don’t remember what I used last. I want it to be 123456. Please change it now.”

    Me: “I’m so sorry, but we can’t change the PIN without verifying that this is your account. It would defeat the purpose.”

    Customer: “I’m going to find out where you are and I’m gonna come down there and cut your head off. Then I’m gonna burn the building down and kill all of your friends, and then you’re gonna go home and cry into your pillow because you’re so lonely. What do you think about that?”

    Me: “Well, I think if you cut my head off, I won’t get much crying done. I’m sorry that you don’t know your PIN. Unfortunately, I am done trying to help you. I’ve marked your account abusive, and you’ll need to hold for a supervisor.”

    (The customer hangs up. His account is forever marked as immediate transfer to a supervisor, and he switches carriers. Those poor people.)

    Modern TV’s Have A Solid State

    | USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I work at a call center that deals with warranties on different products. In order to file any complaints regarding the product, I first have to get all of the info about the product. I am speaking to a customer who is calling to make a complaint about her TV.)

    Me: “Alright, and would you mind telling me the size of your television?”

    Customer: “I’m not sure what size it is. Should I measure it?”

    Me: “No, no, that is fine. Could you tell me what brand it is?”

    Customer: “It is [name brand TV set].”

    Me: “Great, thank you! And now could you tell me if it is an LCD or LED TV?”

    Customer: “What do you mean?”

    Me: “Well, it is the type of screen. I can’t remember what LED stands for currently, but I know LCD stands for ‘Liquid Crystal Display’.”

    Customer: “Oh… okay. Just one second and I’ll find out for you.”

    Me: “Great, thanks!”

    (I hear silence over the phone for a moment, then some light tapping sounds in the background.)

    Customer: “Okay, I’m back, and it isn’t a Liquid Crystal Display. The screen is too hard!”

    Unable To Think Outside The Box

    | Ireland | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Technology

    Me: “Good morning, thank you for calling Tech Support.”

    Customer: “Hi, I bought a [brand name] laptop, and I want to get it set up. Can you talk me through it?”

    Me: “Sure, when you turn on the computer you’ll be asked to type in the user name you want to use—”

    Customer: “I haven’t gotten that far yet. How do I open the box?”

    Me: “Really, you want me to talk you through opening the box?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “Is this a prank call?”

    Customer: “No…”

    (The customer actually kept me on the line for 30 minutes asking me how to open the box her laptop came in!)

    The Fully-Insured Walking Dead

    | Draper, UT, USA | Geeks Rule, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    (My company sells music gear. We have a coverage plan that we are required to pitch to each customer on every item that qualifies. We are encouraged to get creative with our coverage pitches. I am talking to a woman about a keyboard.)

    Me: “So, we offer this extended plan which covers any kind of accidental damage, wear and tear, and shipping costs. The only things we don’t cover are theft, intentional abuse, and acts of God. So, set on fire, struck by lightning, floods, tornadoes, zombie attacks—”

    Customer: “What? You don’t cover zombies?!”

    Me: “We will cover if the zombie accidentally knocks your keyboard over, or if it bleeds all over it. But if you intentionally hit the zombie with your keyboard, you’re on your own. And if that’s your zombie-killing weapon, may God be with you.”

    Customer: “Do you watch The Walking Dead, by any chance?”

    Me: “Yes, I do! Although, I am actually terrified of zombies. The main reason I watch the show is because I am a huge Norman Reedus fan.”

    Customer:” Me, too! He’s my favorite character!”

    (What follows is a ten minute conversation about the show itself, how awesome Daryl Dixon is, and the pros and cons of various zombie weapons. The customer makes my day. She bought coverage, too!)

    Does Not Pass With Flying Colors

    | Augusta, GA, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (Working with a brand of wireless router and walking a customer through power cycling it, I am waiting to see if the status light comes on either green or red to determine its status.)

    Me: “All right, ma’am, could you please tell me what color the status light is?”

    Customer: “Orange.”

    Me: “Orange?”

    Customer: “Or blue. I can’t tell; I’m not computer literate!”


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