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    Category: Technology

    The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

    Little Console-ation In This Situation

    | Baltimore, MD, USA | Liars & Scammers, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    (Two customers stumble in the doors a bit drunk. They proceed to knock display cases off of a few shelves and even disrupt a display stand. It all seems to be accidental, so I let them be. My coworker just cleans up behind them. Finally, they come up to the counter.)

    Customer #1: “Hey, we were looking to buy a Playstation 3, an Xbox, and an extra controller for each, and all new.”

    Me: “Ooh, lots of games to catch up on, huh?”

    Customer #2: “No, we’re just gonna—”

    Customer #1: “DUDE! It’s a secret man; you can’t blow it!”

    Customer #2: “OH DUDE! Sorry, man!”

    (I’m a little confused, but I ring them up and see them off. An hour later, they come back in with the torn, destroyed boxes.)

    Customer #1: “Hey man, these don’t work. We want our money back.”

    Me: “Oh, that’s unfortunate. Let me open everything up and see if I can figure out why they didn’t work.”

    (The objects inside are CLEARLY not the systems I just sold them. They are older versions of each console, beaten up and broken. One is even missing the wires that come with it.)

    Me: “These are not the ones I sold you. I couldn’t even take these as trade-in; they’re in terrible condition.”

    Customer #2: “S***! AND WE ALREADY SOLD THE OTHER ONES TO—”

    Customer #1: “Uh… well our new ones were just stolen from our car, actually. So we’d like a refund or like, a free game.”

    Customer #2: “That’s not gonna WORK, man! We should just go, man. Before they call somebody!

    Customer #1: “UH… Well we’re gonna file a report with the police and we’ll be RIGHT back!”

    (They walk out the door, leaving me and my coworker stunned.)

    Coworker: “There is no way that just happened…”

    Me: “Is there a hidden camera here? This can’t be real life…”

    The End Is Nigh-Phone

    | TX, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Religion, Technology

    (An elderly customer calls our shop trying to find out if we have another location that is close enough to his address to deliver to him. I grab one of the menus with our locations and phone numbers on it to assist him, since we can’t access the internet in the store.)

    Caller: “I’m in [town an hour south of us].”

    Me: “Okay, well we have a shop in [town just north of him].”

    Caller: “No, no, I already called them! They said it was too far!”

    Me: “Oh, alright, sorry about that. The next location I’m showing here is in [big city even further south].”

    Caller: “I ain’t going into the city!”

    Me: “Okay. Well, the next thing we could try is if you have access to a computer; you can go on our website and it will be able calculate from your address—”

    Caller: “I ain’t got one of those d*** computers, and I have no desire for one either.”

    Me: “Um, okay, well—”

    Caller: “Because when the end comes, I’m gonna be sitting back in my house laughing and watching all the chaos while everyone else goes crazy because your iPhones don’t work no more!”

    Me: “Okay…”

    Caller: “Well thanks anyway for your help, and you think about what I said, missy.” *hangs up*

    Can’t Help Those Who Won’t Help Themselves

    | CA, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Technology

    (The entire network for my store and the stores in my district have gone down, preventing us from looking up customer accounts and values for electronic devices. A customer comes in to have an estimate for selling an iPhone.)

    Customer: “How much can I get for this?”

    Coworker: “Our system is down right now, so unfortunately we cannot look it up.”

    Customer: “You can’t even try?”

    Coworker: “Well, let’s give it a shot.”

    (My coworker starts loading the screen, and the system only loads about halfway before failing.)

    Coworker: “Since it’s still not working, I can give you the number of another store that does have their system functioning so they can give you an estimate.”

    Customer: “So you mean I have to call them, and you can’t tell me here?”

    Coworker: “We cannot.”

    Customer: “Why not?”

    (I have just clocked off, but decide to interject to help explain the situation.)

    Me: “Our system is down, preventing us from looking up the estimate. However, this store can give you an estimate. Additionally, you can go onto our store website and find an estimate there.”

    Customer: “So you’re telling me you can’t help me?”

    Me: “Through our system we cannot, but I have provided you two alternatives to help you out.”

    Customer: *starts leaving* “Dumb-a** b****, won’t even help me out and look it up for me.”

    Another Customer: “Their system is down lady! Gosh, what is her problem?”

    Bashing The Button Basher

    | TX, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (A 20-something calls in with the very common problem of their TV showing a blank screen. I’m second-level tech support, meaning they’ve already spoken to someone who either concluded their problem was serious, or simply gave up attempting to assist them.)

    Me: “Press the red button at the very top of your remote.”

    Caller: “Umm… uh… What’s a button?”

    Me: “Do you want to think about what you just asked for a moment?”

    Caller: “Umm, yeah, what’s a button?”

    Me: “Those little round things that make stuff happen when you push them.”

    Caller: “Oh, it worked! What was wrong?”

    Me: “Your TV was turned off.”

    On A Completely Different Wavelength

    | USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    Customer: “I am looking for a portable radio with headphones I can use while I walk or go to the gym.”

    Me: “Certainly! May I suggest this unit right here? It is actually an all-in-one unit; the radio is a part of the headphone assembly itself.”

    Customer: “I would rather have the headphones and radio be separate.”

    Me: “Well, we have multiple pocket radios with a headphone jack right over here. Do any of these look like what you are looking for?”

    Customer: “I would rather have a larger unit I can keep on the table, and plug into the wall.”

    Me: “Well, this unit right here is a little larger but can still be carried on you, and can plug into the wall as well as use headphones. It will charge while it’s plugged in, and you can take it with you when you walk or travel.”

    Customer: “But I don’t want it to use batteries.”

    Me: “So you want it to be a wall-socket only, non-battery powered, portable radio you can use while you walk and exercise?”

    Customer: “Yes, why is that so complicated?”

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