Category: Technology

The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

Pull The Plug On The Appointment

| WA, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(I work in a fireplace store. I take a call from a customer.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, the fan on my stove isn’t working.”

Me: “Oh, no. That’s not good!”

Customer: “Yeah. So what’s wrong with it?”

Me: “Well, hard to say over the phone. It could be a number of things. If you’d like I can set up a service appointment and have one of our techs check it out. Please be aware that we are booked out about two weeks.”

Customer: “Seriously!? What the h***! I’m cold!”

Me: “Well, you have to option to bring the fan into our shop; it’s cheaper and you can do that pretty much anytime.”

Customer: “No, I’m not really comfortable working on this thing.”

Me: “Is your stove working?”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Me: “So just your fan isn’t operating? ”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Me: “Does it make any noises or grinding sounds?”

Customer: “It’s not doing anything at all. I just got this fan two years ago, I’ll be very unhappy with you if it’s broken already.”

Me: “I hate to ask it, but just to make sure, have you checked to make sure that it’s plugged in?”

(The customer completely goes off on me, calling me all kinds of names. I have permission from my boss to hang up on people who are rude to me without cause but at this point I’m not sure what to do. I let him finish his rant and just change the subject.)

Me: “Do you want to schedule for [date two weeks from now]?”

Customer: “I guess. How much is a service call?”

Me: “$150.”

Customer: “That’s outrageous!”

Me: “Sir, we’re the cheapest around here and we’re booked out because when you’re good, you’re busy.”

Customer: “Fine. I’ll take it but this is ridiculous. You guys are con men, ripping off old people like me.”

(We hang up and less than an hour later, I get another call from him.)

Customer: “Hi. Um, not sure if I talked to you earlier, but um this is… and I, um, checked with my wife and it looks like she unplugged the fan to plug in the Christmas tree lights. So, uh, I’d like to cancel my appointment. Um, thank you.” *click*

Welcome To Hell 2.0

| NC, USA | Awesome Customers, Religion, Technology

(A customer calls in to fix a strange glitch with his software. After going through about fifteen minutes’ worth of all the usual troubleshooting steps, the issue still hasn’t been fixed. I’m baffled, until I remember I missed a somewhat obvious step.)

Me: “Oh! You know, there’s one other thing we can check. Have you run a software update recently? If the program’s a bit out of date, that might be what’s causing the glitch.”

Caller: “Oh, I’m pretty sure it’s all up-to-date, but let me check.”

(He checks. Sure enough, there’s an update waiting. It takes about two minutes to install, and then the software works fine.)

Caller: “I really should have checked that before I called, huh?”

Me: “Oh, no, I should have asked you about it first thing. That one was all on me!”

Caller: *laughs* “Ah, well, I guess we’re both going to Hell!”

Me: *laughing with him* “Hey, at least we’ll be in good company!”

Caller: “Oh, sure! I’ll see you across a lake of fire and go, ‘Oh, hey, it’s that tech support girl… Well, I know why she’s here!'”

Not Even Remotely Close, Part 3

| Columbus, OH, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(I work for a large cable company, and we leave our personal number after an install so customers can call us with questions. I get a call from a customer while on a lunch break.)

Me: “Hello. This is [Name] with [Company].”

Customer: “Yes! You installed my cable a few weeks ago, and something is going on! Your box is broken, and it broke my TV!”

Me: “Okay… So, what exactly is happening?”

Customer: “I push the power button on the remote, and nothing turns on!”

(This is a common problem that’s easily fixed by simply pushing a different button on the remote.)

Me: “Oh! All you have to do is push [cable] button and then hit your power button, and it should turn back on. You might have dropped your remote and un-programmed it. It’s an easy fix!”

Customer: “I tried that. It’s not working!”

(I am thinking I’ll have to drive out and help this customer push a different button on the remote, when suddenly, it hits me.)

Me: “Ma’am… when you hit the buttons on your remote, do they light up at all?”

Customer: “No! They don’t do anything! I push and push and nothing happens!”

Me: “Ma’am, your remote just needs new batteries.”

Customer: “Well, how was I supposed to know that? Don’t you just mail me a new one?”

Me: “Sorry, no. Enjoy your day, and thanks for choosing [Company].”

(Later, I found out she called my manager, and he had some poor soul run her out a new remote.)

Related:
Not Even Remotely Close, Part 2
Not Even Remotely Close

Love Is A Game

| Fresno, CA, USA | Love/Romance, Technology, Theme Of The Month

(I am the assistant manager at a local video game/electronics store. A customer comes into the store when it is empty. He is really nice and we are talking about what type of video games and music we enjoy. It was your typical sales conversation and that was all. The next day when it is swamped, my coworker tells me there is a customer on the phone that would like to speak to a manager. I pick it up and professionally introduce myself.)

Customer: “Hey, I am glad it is you that is there. Remember me? I am the guy you talked to yesterday about [Video Game].”

Me: “I am really sorry, sir, but I talk to a lot of people each day. Was there an issue with the game you purchased yesterday?”

Customer: “No, I just wanted to call and see if maybe you wanted to go out.”

(I stand there looking at a line to the door and see the customers’ faces start to get upset.)

Me: “I am sorry but I have a line to the door right now and cannot talk about this. Can I put you on hold and get back to you in a few minutes?”

Customer: “You are just going to hang up on me. You are just being a b****. If you didn’t want to go out with me, you shouldn’t have flirted with me.”

Me: “Sir, I am sorry you feel that way but I cannot talk about this right now. I am going to put you on hold and I’ll be with you as soon as I can.”

(I put the customer on hold and he hung up in a few minutes. The next day my manager let me know that I received a complaint from a customer who was upset that I turned him down for a date and recommended that I be let go for bad customer service!)

Their Service Is Undead

, | San Antonio, TX, USA | Awesome Customers, Geeks Rule, Technology, Zombies

(The customer is calling us to let her know her services are out.)

Me: “Aha. It looks like the network box for the house just lost contact with us. There isn’t anything in its logs showing us the power went out, so I think we should be all right.”

Caller: “Oh, okay. What causes that, anyway?”

Me: “It could be any number of things. Short-term loss of power, the box gets a quick enough surge of power to confuse it—”

Caller: “Aliens?”

Me: “I’m not ruling that out either. That reminds me. I need to pick up some foil on the way home. Thanks.”

(The caller and everyone on her end of the call burst out laughing at that. We continue on, and we’re setting the ticket up.)

Me: “Okay, I’ve got the green light to send the tech out tomorrow morning.”

Caller: “Hang on a second. I’ll put my friend on. She’ll be here tomorrow to meet the tech.”

(The caller puts her friend on the line. I get her contact info and add it to the ticket.)

Me: “Are there any access restrictions like dogs on the property, a locked fence, anything like that?”

Friend: “I think there might be zombies in the yard. Is that going to be a problem? I think she’s also got a vampire stalking her that might be in her yard.”

Me: “Don’t worry. Our techs have everything they need on their truck to handle anything. About the vampires: they should have some stakes and garlic on the truck, unless it’s a Twilight-type vampire in which case they have whiskey and a Motorhead CD just in case.”

(The caller and her friend start laughing even harder. I submit the appointment.)

Me: “Ma’am, I want to thank you both for choosing [Provider]. We look forward to seeing you tomorrow. On a side note, this call just made my night. Thanks, you two.”

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