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    Category: Technology

    The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

    Tivo Side Effects

    , , | UK | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Technology, Top

    Me: “Welcome to [restaurant]; can I take your order please?”

    (The customer asks for an item from the promotion that finished last week.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir; that promotion has finished.”

    Customer: “I want a [finished promotion item], like on the TV.”

    Me: “We do not have that item anymore I’m afraid.”

    (The customer once again demands the item, saying it slowly and separates the words like I don’t understand what he has asked for. Again, I tell him that the item is no longer on the menu, and he proceeds to ask me for it another three times.)

    Me: “Sir, the burger you’re requesting is no longer available. We now have [new promotional item] instead. Would you like one of those?”

    Customer: “No! Listen to me woman: I want a [ended promotion item]! If you can’t do your job, get someone who can on the line! Stupid f****** b****!”

    (My manager has walked in to see what the hold up is. He is also wearing a headset, and has heard everything. He waves his hand at me to turn my microphone off, and he takes over.)

    Manager: “Sir, the item you are requesting is no longer available; instead, we have [new promo item].”

    Customer: “Why is this so hard to f*****g understand!? I want a [ended promo item]! I want it as a large meal with a chocolate milkshake!”

    Manager: “That item is no longer available.”

    Customer: “Then why are you still f****** advertising it on the TV!?”

    Manager: “We’re not, sir.”

    (The customer huffs loudly after shouting several curse words at my manager, speeding past the drive thru window with his middle finger up. I’m shaking from stress, and on the verge of tears. I don’t deal with immense pressure very well, so my manager lets me go on a break. I return to the window after my break. After a few cars, the same customer from before drives up again. Reluctant to deal with him, I call over my manager, who takes the microphone.)

    Manager: “Welcome to [store name].”

    (The customer looks very shaken on the camera.)

    Customer: “Ey er… is that girl I was talking to still there?”

    Manager: “Yes she is here next to me; why do you ask?”

    Customer: “Can you put her on the microphone, please?”

    (My manager looks at me, and I nod a little, activating my microphone.)

    Me: “Yes, what would you like, sir?”

    Customer: “Listen, I’m so sorry about earlier. It turns out I was watching a pre-recorded TV show. Can I have [order], and add a large meal on top for yourself and your boss; I’ll pay for it!”

    Has No Train Of Thought

    | Edinburgh, Scotland, UK | Crazy Requests, Technology, Theme Of The Month, Tourists/Travel, Transportation

    (I work near a property of the Royal Family’s, which is open to the public unless a member of the Royal Family is in residence. Today, this happens to be the case, due to a homecoming procession for a returning regiment. Most tourists hoping to visit have been quite accepting of this, but one American tourist is not.)

    Tourist: “Why can’t I get into the castle?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, the Palace is closed to the public today because Princess Anne is in residence for the homecoming procession. It’ll be open tomorrow.”

    Tourist: “I’m not here tomorrow! I’m only here today! Why didn’t they hold it tomorrow, so I could go today?!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but in fairness they can’t have been aware of your travel plans.”

    Tourist: “Bull-s***! I booked all of my train and plane tickets online!”

    Me: “Good for you, sir, but I don’t understand.”

    Tourist: “On the internet! They should have checked whether or not people are only going to be here for one day! It’s on the internet, so they can check, obviously! Are you an idiot? Stupid little girls that don’t even speak real English!”

    (A soldier walking past the shop looks in, and hears the tourist ranting.)

    Soldier: “Sir, do you have a problem with the British military or royalty?”

    (The soldier is wearing a large knife on his belt, and carrying a rifle. The angry tourist quickly leaves.)

    Weighted Opinions

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada | At The Checkout, Bigotry, Technology

    (I am an early 20s, able-bodied male, with a fair bit of muscle, and I also happen to be the only employee in the store who fits such a description.)

    Me: “Hi, how are you today?”

    Customer: “Good, thank you. Can I get a 55-inch [brand] TV, please?”

    Me: “Why, certainly.”

    (I make a phone call to the back stockroom to request the customer’s TV. While I am processing the sale, the person bringing the rather large & heavy item is one of my young female coworkers.)

    Coworker: “Here’s your TV, ma’am! If you’re done shopping today, I will be glad to take this to your car!”

    Customer: *to me* “Shame on you, young man. Shame on you!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I don’t quite follow.”

    Customer: “How dare you make such a fragile young girl bring out something so big! She could’ve seriously injured herself! You should be ashamed!”

    Me: “Believe me, ma’am: I would prefer to have done this job myself, but I have no control over my position. They put me on cash because I happened to be a little better at it, and my coworker here does this all the time.”

    Customer: “This is not right! This is not right at all! A tall, bulky man like you should do the heavy lifting! Not this poor skin and bones over here!”

    Coworker: “Ma’am, I’m seriously okay with this. When women fought for equal rights long ago, they knew that this was going to happen. And I’m glad it did.”

    Customer: “But girls sh—”

    Coworker: “Girl power! That’s what it is!”

    Customer: “Alright fine, just load the d*** TV into the truck already.”

    (My coworker helps the customer with her TV. A few weeks later, the same customer is at my till once again, this time, to buy a couch.)

    Customer: “Alright, I know that a couple of weeks ago, that nice, young girl proved more than capable of doing this. But I still feel really bad for her, so can you get somebody else to help me?”

    Me: “Not a problem, ma’am, she isn’t even in today.”

    (This time, I call my manager to bring out the couch.)

    Manager: “Okay, ma’am, where are you parked?”

    (The customer takes a good look at my manager. Although my manager is a man, he very much looks like he is approaching his 70s.)

    Customer: “This whole store is backwards!” *stomps out*

    Manager: “What the h*** was her problem?”

    Me: “Equal opportunity employment, apparently.”

    Doing Right(click) By The Aged

    | Montreal, QC, Canada | Technology, Top

    (I work for a company that produces a word processing software, which I am supporting.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling technical support. Can I have your case number?”

    (The customer provides the information. Just by the voice, I know the customer is an older lady. Usually, this means a 45+ minutes call, just because of the technology challenges.)

    Me: “Could you right-click on the start button?”

    Customer: “Okay, I have programs, documents, settings—”

    Me: “That’s left-clicking. Could you please right-click on the start button?”

    Customer: “Okay, but I still get programs, documents, settings.”

    Me: “Could you describe to me, visually and step by step, what you are doing?”

    Customer: “I’m putting the mouse cursor over the right part of the word ‘start’, and I click.”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry; I was not clear. Is it possible for you to click using the right mouse button?”

    Customer: “What do you mean?”

    Me: “Okay, please pick up your mouse by the wire, and hold it up in the air.”

    Customer: “I feel stupid.”

    Me: “No, ma’am, you’re not. We’re all starting from different points. I’m a geek, so it’s normal if I’m a bit ahead of the curve, as far as this stuff goes. I just need to make sure that we’re on a level field, here.”

    Customer: “Okay, it’s in the air.”

    Me: “Great! Between your wire and your palm-resting are—”

    Customer: “What do you mean?”

    Me: “Okay, put it flat again, and put your hand on your mouse, as if to use it.”

    Customer: “Oh, I get it, the place where my palm is resting.”

    Me: “Exactly. Pick it up again. Between the wire and the palm-resting area, there is an area that is divided vertically. How many sections are there?”

    Customer: “Two”

    Me: “Great! Ma’am, I would like to formally introduce you to your left mouse button and your right mouse button. So when I ask you to right-click—”

    Customer: “You want me to use the right mouse button!”

    Me: “You’re a smart one!”

    (It turns out that the older lady is 96 years old. She was doing her shuffleboard association’s newsletter, and her software had become thoroughly corrupted and needed to be reinstalled. We spend over an hour and a half. This lady had seen the advent of movies, TV, color TV, had seen the Model T, saw the first planes, radio and all. When I will be 96 years old, I just hope I am as technologically savvy as she is!)

    Laptop Flop, Part 3

    | Sacramento, CA, USA | Crazy Requests, Money, Technology

    Me: “Hello, thank you for calling [store]! How may I help you?”

    Customer: “Yeah, my laptop that I bought from you guys a while ago got stolen. I need to get a copy of my receipt for insurance purposes.”

    Me: “Okay, no problem! What I need is the cred—”

    Customer: “What I’m going to give you is my name and phone number, and you see what you can find with that.”

    Me: “Ma’am, when we do receipt lookups, it’s processed at the register. I need you to bring in the card you paid with, and the UPC or item number of the laptop, if you happened to save those off the box.”

    Customer: “I don’t have any of that.”

    Me: “Well, do you have one of our rewards cards?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “Err… could you tell me what kind of laptop it was?”

    Customer: “I ALREADY SAID THAT!”

    Me: “If you did, I didn’t hear it ma’am. What was it?”

    Customer: “I already said it. But it was… tah-shibbia? Or… Toshi-bai-bah or something.”

    Me: “Toshiba.”

    (I wait for the customer to supply more information about the laptop, but she’s silent.)

    Me: “…and the model number?”

    Customer: “I DON’T HAVE THAT!”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, I really need at least that information so I could look up an item number. How about the month you purchased the laptop; do you have that?”

    Customer: “What month is this? Well, it isn’t April yet. So this month must be March. I bought it in November. Maybe it was around my birthday. Like if I bought myself a birthday present! Yeah, that must’ve been it.”

    (I wait for the customer to tell me when her birthday is.)

    Customer: “Anyway, you see what you can find with that, and call me back.”

    Me: “Ma’am, as I said before, I need to know what kind of lapt—”

    Customer: “No, look it up with my name. And if you can’t find it, you call me back and tell me exactly what you need, and I’ll get it for you.”

    Related:
    Laptop Flop, Part 2
    Laptop Flop


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