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    Category: Technology

    The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

    Don’t Throw Apples In A Room Full Of Windows

    | NY, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I work in a Cyber Cafe, where the workers are allowed to use their laptops when they are on break. I am notorious around the store to both the customers and my coworkers, because I prefer to use a Mac rather than another type of computer. One customer comes in holding her Mac laptop and a USB.)

    Customer: “Hey, you’re good with Macs, right?”

    Me: “I like to think so, why?”

    Customer: “I just recently got a Mac, and I’m transferring data over with a USB drive. This one doesn’t appear to be working.”

    Me: “How so?”

    Customer: “I plugged in this USB into the laptop, but it doesn’t recognize it.”

    Me: “That seems odd; let me try another USB.”

    (I try a spare USB lying around the workplace.)

    Me: “This one works fine; let me see your USB for a moment.”

    (The customer hands me her USB.)

    Customer: “It’s probably the stupid laptop. Now I see why everyone hates Macs. It’s a stupid brand of computer, for stupid people.”

    (The customer glares at me. I ignore it and flip over the USB, reading the bottom.)

    Me: “Ma’am?”

    Customer: “What?”

    Me: “This isn’t a USB.”

    Customer: “Uh…”

    Me: “It’s a Bluetooth transceiver.”

    (The customer freezes, snatches the transceiver, and runs out of the cafe with her laptop.)

    A Capital Offense

    | AL, USA | Extra Stupid, Language & Words, Math & Science, Technology

    (A customer calls in requesting a password reset for his account.)

    Me: “Okay, sir, I’ll go ahead and reset your password to the default. It will be the last four digits of your social security number, and the four digit year of your birth.”

    Customer: “Okay, those are all capitals, right?”

    Me: “Yes, sir, all the letters in your username are capitalized.”

    Customer: “And what did you say my password will be?”

    Me: “It will be the last four digits of your social security number, and the four digit year of your birth.”

    Customer: “And are those capitalized or lowercase?”

    Me: “Well, it will be the last four digits of your social—”

    Customer: “I know that! But are they going to be capitalized or lower case?”

    Me: *gives up* “They’re going to be capitalized numbers, sir.”

    Customer: “Great! Thanks!”

    A Whole New Meaning To Racing Games

    | Stillwater, OK, USA | Bigotry, Technology, Themed Giveaway, Top

    (I work for a Singapore-based business. We support computer equipment, that often includes a free PC game.)

    Customer: “Do y’all have any games that isn’t about [slur to describe Chinese people] or [slur describing black people]?”

    Coworker: “Um, I’m sorry, what?”

    Customer: “F****** c****’s and n*****’s! All the games I got from your company have those people in them.”

    Coworker: “I’m sorry you’re disappointed in the free games, but I’m going to have ask you to use more respectful language.”

    Customer: “Yeah, I know they make you say that kind of nonsense. You’re going to have to replace these games though. I can’t play a game about those people.”

    Coworker: “Like I said, sir, the games are free. If you’re offended, may I suggest not playing them?”

    (My coworker presses the mute button and talks to the supervisor on duty.)

    Coworker: “Can I disconnect someone for being racist?”

    (The supervisor looks at the picture of my coworker’s very racially diverse family, and then picks up the phone.)

    Supervisor: “Sir, I’m afraid that my c**** and n***** coworkers and I at our c**** company are going to have to ask you to take your racist game needs somewhere else. If you can find a single game anywhere that doesn’t have an Asian or Black person working on it, you are welcome to it. Please don’t call again.” *click*

    Pushing Sales Has Pushed His Luck

    | Reston, VA, USA | Religion, Technology

    (I work in the computing department. We’re pushed to always get protection plans. I have sold a customer a laptop.)

    Me: “Well, just so you know, we do offer [protection plan]. If anything bad happens to the laptop—”

    Customer: “What? What do you mean by something bad?

    Me: “Unfortunately, bad things can happen to computers. There are hundreds of computers in the back that have been destroyed in many different ways. If you get a protection plan, you can get the computer replaced if something bad happens to it on accident.”

    Customer: “What are you talking about? Why are you wishing bad luck on me?”

    Me: “Sir, I wasn’t wishing bad luck on you. I was just offering you an avenue to make sure your investment is protected.”

    Customer: “You shouldn’t be threatening me with bad luck! You should wish me good luck. This is bad; this is very bad right here.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I’m not trying to wish you bad luck; I’m just recommending something that many of our customers—”

    Customer: “No, no! This is very bad. You’re wishing bad things to happen to me. I tell you what; I am going to go home, and pray to God that he does bad things to you!”

    Too Fast, Too Furious

    | BC, Canada | One-Liners, Technology

    (A customer calls into our store, and my coworker answers the phone. I’m listening to the conversation.)

    Coworker: “How can I help you?”

    Customer: “I’m looking for a manual for my cordless phone. Do you sell them at your store?”

    Coworker: “We don’t sell the manuals, unfortunately. You could probably find it online though.”

    Customer: “That will be too much work. Just sell me one of yours!”

    Coworker: “What’s the model number?”

    (My coworker proceeds to look up the manual on a common internet search engine.)

    Coworker: “If you want us to print out a copy of the manual for you, it will be five cents a page. You can pick it up in the store.”

    Customer: “You don’t have the manual!”

    Coworker: “I do, ma’am. I just found it online.”

    Customer: “No, you didn’t. It didn’t take you long enough!”

    Coworker: “Ma’am, I’m looking right at it! Would you like us to print you off a copy?”

    Customer: “You don’t have the manual! That was too fast! I can’t believe your lack of customer service!”

    (The customer hangs up.)

    Me: “What just happened?”

    Coworker: “Stupid happened.”

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