Category: Technology

The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

(Men)swear It’s Not The Store

| UK | Extra Stupid, Technology

(Unfortunately I am the customer in this one. I call a well known electrical store, but dial the wrong number.)

Rep: “Good afternoon, [Menswear Store]. How can I help?”

Me: “Is that [Electrical Store]?”

Rep: “No. This is [Menswear Store].”

Me: “Are you sure?”

Rep: “Please hold.”

(After a pause…)

Rep: “Hello, sir. I’ve checked the sign outside. We are definitely [Menswear Store].”

Me: “Dumb question, huh?”

Rep: “Mm-hmm.”

Me: “Dumbest question today?”

Rep: “Not even close.”

Me: “Do you know much about digital TVs?”

Rep: “No, but I have looked up the number for [Electrical Store] on my PC. It’s [telephone number].”

(Now that’s what I call service!)

Needs More Data On Data

| Sydney, NSW, Australia | Extra Stupid, Family & Kids, Technology

Caller: “Why is my mobile bill $900?”

Me: “By the looks of it you’ve gone over your data by about 15GB.”

Caller: “HOW WOULD THAT HAPPEN? I DON’T USE THE INTERNET!”

Me: “Do you use any apps on your phone?”

Caller: “I let my son watch YouTube so he’s quiet.”

Me: “You do realise YouTube uses data?”

Caller: “No one told me that! I don’t want to pay for this bill!”

Directionless With Languages

| Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Language & Words, Technology, Transportation

(I’m working the electronics counter at a large retail store. A woman comes up to the counter and stares at the GPS systems. I ask if she needs help with anything.)

Customer: “My old GPS broke and I need a new one, but can you help me please find one that is in English?”

Me: “All the systems come pre-installed with English.”

Customer: “Really? My old system speaks a language I don’t understand and that’s why I need a new one.”

Me: “Ma’am, is your old GPS in the car? Can you bring it in?”

(She retrieved the GPS from her car and I took less than a minute to reset the language for her. She was nearly in tears because she was so grateful.)

Put A Freeze On PS3 Returns

| TX, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(I’m manning the cash register when a customer comes in with a PS3 box.)

Customer: “Hey, I bought this from you guys new a couple of weeks ago and it’s overheating. Could I get an exchange?”

Me: “Sure! Let me just test it out so I can give our refurb guys an exact account of what happens.”

(I take out the system out of the box to find that it’s pretty cold and a bit damp.)

Me: “Um, sir, is there a reason your PS3 is wet?”

Customer: “Oh yeah. I stuck it in the freezer for a little while to cool it down when it got hot.”

Me: “…You stuck your PS3, an electronic device… in the freezer?”

Customer: “Yeah, because it was hot.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but this system is now water damaged by your own actions. I can’t exchange it.”

Customer: “What?! Why the h*** not?!”

Me: “Even if it was faulty before, because you put in the freezer your warranty is void.”

Customer: “That’s stupid! What the h*** am I supposed to do now?!”

Me: “You could maybe try calling Sony tech support, but they’ll probably just tell you the same thing.”

Customer: “So you’re saying I just spent $200 dollars for nothing! Can’t you do anything?!”

Me: “The only thing I can do is to advise you to NOT put electronics in the freezer. Maybe put a fan on it next time.”

(I smiled sweetly and he glared at me and stormed out with his overheated and frozen PS3.)

If They Had An Ounce Of Sense

| Bangor, Wales, UK | Crazy Requests, Criminal/Illegal, Technology

(In the run up to Christmas, one of the popular items has been a small radio controlled quad-copter, and I have been enjoying myself flying these up and down the mall to demonstrate. A young man comes in and enquires about these:)

Customer: “So could it carry any weight, say, an eighth of an ounce?”

Me: *trying not to laugh, as the specific weight mentioned is a dead give away* “Well, no, not really.”

Customer: “Okay, but would it be able to carry any weight over a wall and come back?”

Me: “Nope.”

Customer: “So it wouldn’t, perhaps, be able to carry a sixteenth over a prison wall?”

Me: “Er, no…”

Customer: *leaving* “Okay, thanks anyway. If the police come in, don’t tell them I was asking, okay?”

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