October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

Category: Technology

The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

Unable To Remotely Fix The Problem

| TX, USA | Bizarre, Holidays, Technology

(I work in a call center that provides technical support for residential phone, tv, and Internet.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. My name is [Name]. How can I help you today?”

Caller: “I’m watching Spike and they have been playing the same program for over four days now.”

(I proceed to pull up customer’s account and verify basic information.)

Me: “I apologize sir. Programming is determined by the network. In order to view a different program, the channel needs to be changed on your set-top box.”

Caller: “I’m bedridden and I don’t have the remote by me.”

Me: “I’m sorry sir. I am not able to change the channel for you. I can only reboot your set-top box which would turn it off completely.”

Caller: *begins to vent about how I’m not fixing his issue*

Me: “I apologize that this is not something I can ‘fix’ sir. I can not make Spike show a different program. It is their prerogative to play a marathon of Cops for five days sir. This can be ‘corrected’ by changing the channel from your remote.”

Caller: “Thanks for nothing.” *click*

(I went home and saw that the ‘Cops’ marathon didn’t end until five pm that evening. This was January 5th and it started on New Years Day.)

She Can’t Get With The Program(mers)

| NY, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Technology

(I am browsing in a large, well known office supply store, in the computer section.)

Customer: “Do you like computers?”

Me: “Yeah. I actually want to start learning [Programming Language]. I like—”

Customer: “Oh, so you’re a coder?”

Me: “Not really—”

Customer: “Cool. I was looking for someone to code me a website!”

Me: “I can’t do that.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Me: “Because, A: The most complex thing I know is Scratch, and B: Even if I did know [Programming Language], it’s used for apps. So I can’t help you.”

Customer: “Can’t you just do it in, I dunno, 2-math?”

Me: “You mean base 2? Like, Binary Code?”

Customer: “NO! 2-MATH!”

Me: “Um, no. I can’t code a website for you in bi- um, ‘2-math.'”

Customer: “I’ll pay you twenty dollars…”

(She continues to follow me around the store, asking me to do various tasks for her. Keep in mind, I AM NOT A PROGRAMMER. And that wasn’t all; she wanted graphic design, too.)

Employee: “Oh great.”

Me: *still with the customer behind me* “What?”

Employee: “Her again?”

(He proceeded to kick the annoying customer out.)

Employee: “I have no idea why she thinks everyone in the computer section can design a website for her. Really, who looks for a programmer in [Store]?”

Brain Not Listed

| San Diego, CA, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Technology

(I run tech support for our web hosting system. When a user submits a ticket, the form asks which site they are referring to.)

Customer: “I am looking to gain admin rights. Please send me an update and a possible timeline of when it will be confirmed.”

Me: *checking form to see “Site Not Listed” for the site name* “Thank you for the information, but I need to know the site you are referring to before I can confirm with the authorities that you are to be the new admin.”

Customer: “I need admin rights for our account. The previous admin is no longer here.”

Me: “Again, I need to know which site you are referring to. What is the name of the site as it appears on our system? You indicated “Site Not Listed” on the form and your message does not state which site you are referring to. I need to know the name of the site in order to assist.”

Customer: “Why is this so hard? I just need admin rights!”

Me: “…”

Who You Gonna Call… Everybody

| TN, USA | Crazy Requests, Technology

(I work for a satellite TV company.)

Customer: “You should call each customer and let them know that you’re renewing this sports package automatically!”

Me: “I’m sorry you didn’t notice the auto renewal when you reviewed your June statement and I understand that this is an unexpected bill amount this month. Let’s see what we can do to resolve your concerns.”

Me: *thinking* “Let’s see, 20 million subscribers all getting a personal phone call … I think you may have just solved the unemployment problem in the U.S.”

Cancel My Previous Statement

| USA | At The Checkout, Technology

(I work at a well-known retail store. We work with pin-pads for debit and credit. I like to walk people through each step, because if you select the wrong thing you’ll have to slide the card again and this annoys customers.)

Customer: *swipes card*

Me: “Now if you could select debit or credit.”

Customer: *selects debit*

Me: “Now then—”

Customer: “EXCUSE ME! I’M NOT STUPID! I don’t need you to walk me through this. I know how to do it!”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry; I didn’t mean—”

Customer: “I use my card all the time. I think I KNOW HOW TO USE A PIN-PAD!”

(I decide to let it go. I don’t talk again until I look at the screen.)

Me: “Um, excuse me, ma’am—”

Customer: “WHAT!”

Me: “Did you find something wrong with the price?”

Customer: “No. Why?”

Me: “Because you just cancelled the entire transaction.”

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