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    Category: Technology

    The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

    De-Engineering Stereotypes

    | San Francisco, CA, USA | Bigotry, Technology, Top

    (I am an engineer working the tech support line. I should also add that I’m the only female engineer in a department of all male engineers. I answer a support call:)

    Me: “Thank you for calling the engineering support line. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “I need to talk to an engineer.”

    Me: “Sure, what’s your question?”

    Customer: “Well, I’d like to tell it to an engineer.”

    Me: “No problem, what can I help you with?”

    Customer: “No, you don’t understand. I want to speak directly to the engineer.”

    Me: “Sir, I’m an engineer.”

    Customer: “You are?!”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “But… you’re a girl!”

    Me:  *in a Valley Girl voice* “‘Ohmygosh, I know! Isn’t that amazing?”

    Should Keep Better Account Of His Account, Part 2

    | Seattle, WA, USA | Crazy Requests, Money, Technology

    Customer: “I need help. I’ve locked myself out of my Netflix account and I can’t remember my password.”

    Me: “Okay, well you should probably call Netflix and ask them for help.”

    Customer: “But how can I get them to stop charging my bank account?”

    Me: “Call them and cancel your service.”

    Customer: “How do I call them?”

    Me: “On a phone.”

    Customer: “How do I get their number?”

    Me: “Google.”

    Related:
    Should Keep Better Account Of His Account, Part 2
    Should Keep Better Account Of His Account

    (Trans)Late To Understanding

    | Virum, Denmark | Language & Words, Technology

    (We run a tech support channel. Unlike traditional channels, we allow anybody and everybody to ask and receive answers. The popularity of the channel forced us to bring in a bot which tells the user to speak English in their own language if they are speaking a non-English language. The user is from Colombia.)

    User: *in Spanish* “Hi, my game is broken. Can you help?”

    Bot: *in Spanish* “This is an English-only channel. Try Google Translate if you need translations to English.”

    User: *in German* “Hi, my game is broken. Can you help?”

    Bot: *in German* “This is an English-only channel. Try Google Translate if you need translations to English.”

    (The user disconnects.)

    Another User: “I wonder which part of “this channel is English only” doesn’t he get?”

    Email Fail

    | IN, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (The customer is the CEO of a graphics design company that has hosted email with us. He calls in late one night to report that he is unable to get any email, and that he has important business to attend to and must have his email. I’ve almost exhausted all troubleshooting with this customer. I verified settings on his email client, verified settings on our server and mail flow to his inbox. In a last resort, I have the customer attempt to set up the email account again as a new account.)

    Customer: “It says it can’t connect to the server. Are you having server issues?”

    Me: “No, sir. If we were, we’d have a lot more callers about this issue. Try [alternative incoming server address and port] and see if you get a different response.”

    (Typing and a pause…)

    Customer: “Nope, still says can’t connect to server.”

    Me: “Hmm…” *thinking there’s no way this can be possible* “Are you having any Internet issues? Are you able to load any web pages?”

    Customer: “No, our ISP is having an outage right now.”

    Me: “… Well, there’s your problem. Unfortunately without Internet you won’t be able to get email.”

    Customer: “Why? What does Internet have to do with email?”

    Wireless, Clueless And Hopeless, Part 15

    | Sweden | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (The ISP I work for recently made a drive about their new modem. It is marketed as being the easiest wireless system on the market. Unfortunately, the system isn’t that great and I have received 27 calls that day alone about malfunctioning modems.)

    Me: “Hi, and welcome to [Company]. My name is [My Name]. How may I be of service?”

    Caller: “The s*** you guys sold to me a while back isn’t working.”

    Me: “That is very unfortunate, but thankfully I am here to help you. Name and address, please?

    (She tells me her name and address and I check her history.)

    Me: “It seems you have had our system for at least a month. Did it stop working just now?”

    Caller: “That’s right. I’ve had it for a month, but I only started using it this morning and it doesn’t work at all.”

    Me: “Then could you please tell me which lights are shining on the front of your modem?”

    (The most common mistake is that the customer hasn’t switched on the wifi on the modem.)

    Caller: “None, of course.”

    Me: “Not even the power light at the top?”

    Caller: “Should it?”

    Me: “Yes. Please verify that the power cable is plugged into the modem.”

    Caller: “What cable? Isn’t this supposed to be wireless?”

    Me: *awkward silence* “Well…”

    Caller: “What the f***? Are you telling me that your ads are straight-up lying to me?”

    Me: “What is meant by wireless is that you don’t need to connect your computer to the modem. Can you please attach your modem to the wall socket by the cable provided?”

    Caller: “Are you a f****** idiot? I threw away all cables! I mean, I thought you sent them by mistake!”

    Me: *somewhat taken aback* “And it didn’t occur to you that electronics run on electricity?”

    Caller: “I WANT A REFUND! YOU PEOPLE LIED TO ME!”

    Me: “You are on a contract that will last for another three years and since more than two weeks has passed since it was bought, you can’t.”

    Caller: “YOU F****** LYING PIECE OF GODD*** C***-S***!”

    Me: “But since you obviously are quite upset I will transfer you to the cancellation department so you may sort it out with them. Have a nice day.”

    (I transfer her call to our cancellation department. The last thing I hear is the queue voice going: ‘You are on place… one-hundred and… eighty… seven. Estimated waiting time is… two-hundred and… fifty… five minutes…’)

    Related:
    Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 14
    Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 13
    Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 12

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