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    Category: Technology

    The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

    Grand Theft Innocence, Part 11

    | UK | Family & Kids, Technology

    (I get a job at a video game store not long before ‘Grand Theft Auto V’ came out, and before and after its release many parents came into the store to buy their kids the game.)

    Customer: “Hello, do you have this GTA game?”

    Me: “Grand Theft Auto V”? Sure, we have them right here. Is this for yourself?

    Customer: “No, it’s for my son.”

    Me: “Is he under the age of eighteen? I just need to tell you the content of the game.”

    Customer: “He’s 10.”

    Me: “Okay, it’s of course completely up to you whether or not he plays this game but as it’s rated 18, I’ll have to tell you that it contains extreme violence in it and sexual content.”

    Customer: “That’s fine.”

    Me: “It really is quite bad. There’s a really horrific torture scene in it, and it contains a strip club that the characters can go to, and it has prostitutes, etc.”

    Customer: “Yes, yes, that’s fine. This is the game he wanted.”

    Me: “It also contains swearing.”

    Customer: “What?! What kind of game is that?! I can’t believe he wants this! Well, he’s not getting it!”

    Related:
    Grand Theft Innocence, Part 10
    Grand Theft Innocence, Part 9
    Grand Theft Innocence, Part 8

    Not The Most Gifted

    | ON, Canada | Extra Stupid, Money, Technology

    Me: “Yes, the iPads are on sale right now, and you get a $40 gift card with them as well.”

    Customer: “What do I do with that?”

    Me: “Um, you buy things with it.”

    Customer: “Oh, ya?”

    Ahead Of The Game

    | St. John's, NL, Canada | Crazy Requests, Liars & Scammers, Technology

    (We sell console games in addition to groceries in a more-or-less rough part of town, and our policy is unopened games can be returned with a receipt within 14 days from purchase.)

    Customer: “I’d like to return this game.”

    Me: *checks seal on game* “Seal is in check, so I just need your receipt.”

    Customer: “I’ve got no receipt. But I just want to exchange this for some groceries now.”

    Me: “Sorry. Without a receipt I have to get authorization on these big ticket items from a manager.”

    Customer: “It’s only a game. It’s not even that big.”

    Me: “No, but the price tag is. It comes to almost $90, so I need a manager authorization.”

    (My manager and I check the UPC in our system, and he sees that we received six copies of the game, and there is six on the shelf right now, and the system shows no sales since it arrived.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but that game wasn’t bought at this store. Perhaps it was a different store you bought it at?”

    Customer: “No, it was right here. I bet you it was the cashier just took my money and put it in her pocket when I left. Didn’t even scan it.”

    Me: “Did you get a receipt?”

    Customer: “Yeah, but I lost it.”

    Me: “If you got a receipt, the cashier couldn’t have stolen your money. We received in six copies of this game, and there is six in our case. And we haven’t sold any at this location since it arrived.”

    Customer: “Well, I don’t want my money back. I just want groceries.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but without a receipt showing purchase from this location, I cannot give you any sort of refund or exchange.”

    Customer: “I’ll be back later to get a refund on this, then. Bunch a thieves.”

    Manager: *to me after he leaves* “What was the game called he was trying to get off with?”

    Me: “You’ll get a kick out of this: ‘Thief.’

    The Great Customer Disconnect

    | Mexico | Extra Stupid, Technology

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. My name is [Name]. How can I help you today?”

    Customer: “I’ve been with no TV since this morning. I want to know what the f*** is happening with your service!”

    Me: “I really apologize about this issue, sir. I will be more than happy to help you by troubleshooting your system. Would you please verify if your TV is connected to the source?”

    Customer: “Do you think I am stupid? I would not be calling if the TV is disconnected and— never mind.”

    (The customer hung up. No further explanations.)

    Unbelievable To Unrecieptable

    | Germany | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Technology

    (During a change of shifts we are required to count the till. Unfortunately, there is a major technical problem with it at the end of my shift. As my coworker and I try to resolve the issue, a customer walks in. In front of us is a huge mess of receipts and an empty register drawer, while we ruffle our hair and write calculations down on pieces of paper. I’d consider it obvious that something is wrong.)

    Me: “Hi, there. I’m terribly sorry, but the till is broken at the moment. Is there anything I can do for you that doesn’t require a transaction?”

    Customer: *smiling understandingly* “Oh, I just need to pay for gas.”

    (I look at the pump’s registry. The customer owes us €20 flat.)

    Me: “Oh, now that’s convenient. That’s 20 exactly, so tell you what: If you have the proper amount on you and don’t need a receipt, you can just pay and be on your merry way while we try to sort this out. How does that sound?”

    Customer: *still friendly* “Hmm, that’s a pity. I need a receipt.”

    Me: “Well, I wouldn’t want you to wait longer than you really need to, so how about I write one by hand?”

    Customer: “No, that won’t do. I don’t like those. I’d prefer one printed by a machine.”

    Me: “All right… I’m very sorry, but in that case I will have to ask you to wait. If you change your mind, please don’t hesitate to tell us.”

    (She nods and strolls around the store for a bit as my coworker and I finally try one last thing – successfully. At least I can log on again. At this point, the customer has been waiting for about 2-3 minutes, tops. I put in the empty drawer and flash the biggest smile I can muster.)

    Me: “Again, I apologize for the delay, but at least we can take care of you now. Okay, that’ll be €20 exactly, please.”

    (As I say this, the customer slams the money down on the counter and gives me a death glare.)

    Customer: “Ridiculous! You should be ashamed, keeping me waiting like this! This was the worst service I have ever gotten!”

    (She curses under her breath as she leaves. Without her receipt.)

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