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    Category: Technology

    The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

    Transaction Was Above (Mother)Board

    | Victorville, CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology, Wild & Unruly

    (A customer brings in a PC that has an obviously blown motherboard. I take the side off and see black scorch mark on the power supply, and know something had blow badly.)

    Me: “Well, I don’t know if the hard drive is good or not. A diagnostic is $50, but if we do repairs we take that off the labor.”

    Customer: “Nah, I’ll just replace the board.”

    Me: “Do you want us to do it?”

    Customer: “No, I have done all this stuff before.”

    (Confused then as to why he needed us to do a diagnostic, I sell him a new board. It takes a new CPU, and a new power supply. It happens to use his old RAM and as a freebie, I test it and the new board worked with his. Two days later:)

    Customer: “The motherboard you sold me does not work.”

    Me: “What? We tested it, with the new power supply. Is it your drive that is dead?”

    Customer: “No. It is the board! You sold me a bad board.”

    Me: “Well, you saw it work with your RAM. Are you sure it is not just the drives?”

    Customer: “No. I told you it is the board!”

    Me: “Well, let’s have a look.”

    (I open the machine. I disconnect the drives from power and data. I hit the power and smell smoke.)

    Me: “Woah! What the h***! Pull the power cord!”

    Customer: “See! It is a bad board.”

    (I look a little closer because the cards don’t seem to be fitting in very well.)

    Me: “Sir, did you mount this on the standoffs?”

    Customer: “Standoffs? What do you mean?”

    Me: “Well, this board has great pictures in the manual. Here they are.”

    (I point out the standoffs and how it shows placing them before mounting the board.)

    Customer: “Oh, those. They were in the way so I took them out. I don’t need a d*** book! I know what I am doing!”

    Me: “Well, you needed those standoffs. You destroyed this board.”

    Customer: “No, I didn’t!”

    Me: “Sir, the instructions are clear. You must put in the standoffs. Otherwise all the solder points on the back of the board can short out. This board has been mounted wrong and is probably dead.”

    Customer: “I want to talk to your manager!”

    (My manager  is already there because the customer is getting louder.)

    Manager: “Yes?”

    Customer: “This idiot says I mounted the board wrong! He won’t admit he sold me a bad board!”

    Manager: “Now, I heard he tested your old RAM when you were here yesterday.”

    Customer: “Yah.”

    Manager: “And it worked then?”

    Customer: “F*** you!”

    Manager: “You need to leave now, sir.”

    Customer: “I want my money back! You people are f****** crooks!”

    Manager: “No, a crook is someone that f**** up their own shit and then tries to blame others for it. Get the h*** out of my store!”

    (The customer stormed out and smashed his computer in the parking lot. After stomping on it a few times, he ran over it with his car. It was a shame. It was a nice case.)

    Email Fail

    | England, UK | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (A customer has called during our peak morning hours. As all our technicians are busy, he leaves a message saying he cannot log in to his computer. I phone the customer, who is out on the road.)

    Me: “Hi, [Customer]. It’s [My Name] from [Company]. I understand you can’t get into your computer?”

    Customer: “Yes. I go into my emails and it doesn’t work.”

    Me: “Okay so you can get into your computer but not your emails?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “Okay, so it prompts you for the password but won’t log in?”

    Customer: “That’s right.”

    Me: “Unfortunately you have to speak to [Email Provider] as they host your emails. I have no access to their systems.”

    Customer: “Ah, okay. Do you have a number for them?”

    Me: “Certainly, it’s—”

    Customer: “Can you email it to me?”

    Me: “…”

    Must Be New To The Game

    | San Diego, CA, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I am waiting in line to pay. The customer in front of me in line is an older woman.)

    Employee: “Hi, did you find everything okay?”

    Customer: “I’m actually here to return something.”

    Employee: “I’m sorry to hear that. What are you returning?”

    Customer: “This very violent video game.”

    (She places a copy of a popular first-person-shooter game on the counter.)

    Employee: “Thank you.”

    (The employee opens the case to check the disc.)

    Employee: “Ma’am, the game isn’t in here.”

    Customer: “Sure it is. You’re holding it.”

    Employee: “This is just the case. There’s no disc.”

    Customer: “What do you mean?”

    Employee: “You can’t return an empty game case.”

    Customer: “Why?”

    (I decide to step in.)

    Me: “It’s like buying a new coat and only getting the hanger.”

    Customer: “Oh…”

    (The employee hands over the box, and the customer leaves.)

    Employee: “It’s going to be a long day, isn’t it?”

    This Stuff Shouldn’t Phase(r) You Any More

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Extra Stupid, Technology

    (In our store we order our products by scanning the shelf labels with a device that shoots a laser to read the barcode. I’m in the refrigerated juice section of the store and have just scanned a label when a middle-aged customer walks up to me.)

    Customer: “Excuse me. Did you just do what I think you did?”

    Me: “I’m just ordering something.”

    Customer: *wide-eyed* “Did you just taser that orange juice?”

    (I look at the scanner in my hand.)

    Me: “Um, if you mean I scanned it, then, I guess so.”

    Customer: “Well, it looks like it’s not moving so it must have worked. Great job!”

    (After the customer happily wanders away my coworker, who saw the whole thing, comes up to me)

    Coworker: “Maybe you should set it to ‘stun’ next time.”

    Social Insecurity, Part 3

    | NV, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I’m one of the owners of a rental company. I had just finished setting up the unit, going over the rental agreement with the customer, and swiping his credit card on my phone.)

    Me: “Okay, sir, would you like us to email you a receipt?”

    Customer: “I really don’t like giving out my email address.”

    Me: “…I just ran your credit card on my phone.”

    Related:
    Social Insecurity, Part 2
    Social Insecurity

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