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    Category: Technology

    The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

    RPG = Really Pretentious Gamer

    | PA, USA | Bad Behavior, Technology

    (It’s a slow day, and there are only two customers in the store. One of the customers, a friend of mine who’s 21, but looks like a high-schooler, comes to the counter with a copy of ‘Halo 4′.)

    Friend: “I’d like to buy this, please.”

    (Suddenly, the other customer, a guy in his mid-20s, runs up and attempts to rip the game out of my friend’s hands. My friend manages to leap back in time.)

    Friend: “Hey, man! What is your problem?”

    Customer: “What the f*** are you doing buying that s***? Little whiny b***y kids like you shouldn’t even be touching this!”

    Friend: “I’m 21, and even then you could just say that, and not try to grab it from me!”

    Customer: “Yeah, well, you shouldn’t be supporting Microsoft anyway! They’re fascist f***s ruining the industry with their generic frat boy s***! It’s a**-holes like you who only encourage them!”

    Me: “Okay, that’s enough! If you’re going to continue insulting my friend or his gaming preferences, I’m going to ask you to leave the store.”

    Customer: “Hmph! That a**-hole is no gamer! Real gamers play RPGs, not shallow generic First Person Shooters! I would’ve smashed that s*** and laughed in his face!”

    (As he storms out, he gives one last parting shot.)

    Customer: “When the second crash occurs, it’ll be on your hands!”

    This Call Is Not Open And Shut

    | Nacka, Sweden | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I work in a large home electronics store. We don’t offer any kind of technical support, but you can call us and ask for prices, opening hours, etc. I answer a call.)

    Caller: “I bought a notebook, and a mobile broadband, and I was told I could always call if I had any problems.”

    Me: “Okay”.

    Caller: “Well, I was wondering: how do you open it?”

    Me: “Well, usually there’s a button on the front that you push to open it. Some models are closed by magnets, and in that case you just have to—you—know, open it.”

    Caller: “I don’t see any button. Is it on the side?”

    Me: “No, it’s probably on the front. Sometimes, it’s not a button, but a slider.”

    (This goes on for some time, before I figure out what the customer actually means.)

    Me: “So what you’re really wondering is how to start it?”

    Caller: “I don’t know; maybe that’s what it’s called? I just want to figure out how to get it open and going.”

    Me: “There will be a button somewhere above the keyboard that looks like a ring with a line through it.”

    Caller: “Oh, that’s great. Thanks. Next question: how do I close it?”

    Me: “You mean shut it down? When it’s on, you click on the start menu, and then click shut-down.”

    Caller: “Start menu? How do you mean?”

    Me: “You know, the main menu—the one where you always click to do things—the one where the applications and other things are.”

    Caller: “I don’t see any start menu.”

    Me: “Well, anyhow, there’s a button in the bottom left corner and if you click it, you’ll find the shut down button.”

    Caller: “Okay… I also have problems using this mobile broadband. I have connected it to the computer, and I can’t manage to get it connected to the internet.”

    (It has already been 10 minutes, and I have gone far above the kind of services we offer.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, but all of these are support questions. For further questions, I recommend you call the manufacturer.”

    Caller: “I have to call them? Why?”

    Me: “We’re only a store. I’m a salesman, and we only sell products here. The manufacturers provide support for their products.”

    Caller: “What? But, if you get a problem with a product, then you call the store!”

    Me: “Unfortunately, that’s not how you get support. We only sell products. Support is provided by the manufacturers. Their number is most certainly somewhere in the manual that came with your computer.”

    Caller: “I have this thing… a mouse. Can that have anything to do with my problems?”

    Me: “Ehm…”

    Modem Warfare

    | NY, USA | Technology

    (I’m a tier-one tech support rep for internet issues. I receive a call from a customer who is very angry, because his internet still isn’t working, despite multiple calls and field tech visits.)

    Me: “How may I help you?”

    (The customer begins a tirade of how inept my company is, including everything that’s been done so far. I begin basic troubleshooting as per policy, which doesn’t get the customer back online. I’m about to schedule another field tech to go out the customer.)

    Customer: “This is great! You’re too f****** stupid to fix anything, and now I have to waste another f****** day so you can send out another f****** tech! Everything’s already been replaced! They replaced all the lines; I replaced the router and the modem! Why can’t you do your f****** job and fix this?!”

    Me: “Did you say you have a new modem? I’m only seeing the one that was installed 10 years ago.”

    Customer: “Yes, why?”

    Me: “Did you call to have the new modem added to your account, sir?”

    Customer: “Why the h*** would I do that?”

    Me: “That’s why I’m not seeing the modem, sir. We need to add it to your account so that our system knows where to send the signal.”

    (I proceed to enter the new modem to the account, which results in my being able to see good signals. I have the customer try to access the internet, which is now working.)

    Me: “I just want to make sure the computer isn’t remembering a website from earlier. Could you try two random websites for me so we can be sure everything’s working?”

    Customer: *embarrassed* “I did; it’s fine now!” *click*

    Playing Gameboys

    | IL, USA | Family & Kids, Technology

    (I am in my local video game store, picking up a copy of ‘Devil May Cry’. I am the only female in the store, and since I can’t see well enough to get a driver’s license, my father has driven me here. The store is really busy, so after plucking a copy from the shelf, I browse for a bit. A little boy approaches me.)

    Boy: “Is that for your dad?”

    Me: “No, this is for me.”

    (The boy’s eyes widen in surprise.)

    Boy: “You play video games?”

    Me: “Yes, I do.”

    Boy: “But you’re a GIRL!”

    Me: “So? Girls play video games too, honey.”

    Boy: “But you like girly games, right?”

    Me: “Actually, no. I hate girly games. I prefer action games and action RPGs, like Devil May Cry, Castlevania, Final Fantasy, and Kingdom Hearts.”

    (The little guy’s eyes widen so much that I’m expecting them to pop out of his head. He turns to face his mother.)

    Boy: “Mom! Mom! There’s a girl that likes video games!”

    (The mom hurriedly grabs her son, checks out their games, and practically runs from the store. As soon as the door shuts behind them, everyone inside cracks up.)

    Store Clerk: *still laughing* “But you’re a GIRL!”

    Color Me Surprised

    | Hanover, MD, USA | Extra Stupid, Math & Science, Technology

    (I work in the copy center of a large chain store. A couple comes in and ask for a copy of an ID card, and social security card. I make the copy, and bring it over to the counter where they are standing.)

    Me: “Here you go. Does everything look alright?”

    Customer: “Oh wow, you can print in color? I didn’t even know you could print in color!”

    Me: “Yes, we can.”

    Customer: “Wow, so is it the paper?”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “Like, is it the paper that makes it print in color?”

    Me: *a little baffled* “No… it’s actually the ink.”

    Customer: That’s crazy! It looks just like the real thing!”


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