November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Category: Technology

The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

If Only You Could Listen To Yourself

| ON, Canada | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Technology

(I work on the drive-thru. It is in the winter and after we close. I pull my car up near the drive-thru window so I can run a cord out to the block heater while we close up. Most of the store lights are off, including the drive-thru menu and ‘open’ sign. Any cars that pull up after close hear an automated message: ‘thanks for your visit, but we are currently closed.’ As I’m cleaning, I can overhear the message on a headset that’s still on, but I ignore it; we usually get lots of customers showing up after close. About 20 minutes after, as we’re nearly finished, we suddenly hear banging and shouting at the window. The manager goes to the window and tries to tell her we’re closed, but she won’t have it, so he opens the window.)

Lady: “What the f*** is going on here?! I’ve been in line 20 minutes and there’s not even anyone in this car!”

Manager: “Ma’am, we’ve been closed for over 30 minutes now.”

Lady: “So why is the car just sitting here?!”

Manager: “That’s an employee’s car; we’re warming it up so it’ll be warm when we go.”

Lady: “That’s fine, but what about my order? The car is in the way you know! Your dumb-a** employee shouldn’t park in the drive-thru.”

Manager: “Well, I told you. We’re closed now.”

Lady: “Well, I ordered 20 minutes ago. What happened to that?”

(We all took off our headsets as soon as we closed, but my manager asked us if we took an order anyway.)

Manager: “No one here talked to you, ma’am.”

(The lady looks at me and the other guy standing behind the manager.)

Lady: “Well, some lady took my order. She shouldn’t have done that if you’re closed”

(At this point, we all figure out what has happened.)

Manager: “Ma’am, the only lady that worked tonight left four hours ago. Did you actually listen to what they said to you?”

Lady: “Yes. Well, no, not really. She answered and I placed my order. I was on the phone at the time.”

Manager: “Well, sorry, but that was an automated message informing you that we we’re closed.”

Lady: “…well, it should be more clear when you’re not open!”

(She walked away before we could point out the three different signs she would have passed that have our hours listed.)

Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 16

| Croatia | Extra Stupid, Technology

Me: “Good evening. My name is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: *shouting* “Your data USB stick is garbage!”

(She continues to rant: It doesn’t work! You ripped me off! I’m going to report you!)

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that; could you tell me what the problem is?”

Customer: “It doesn’t work! I am a well educated woman and know how to use the computer and your device is trash!”

(I proceed with a step by step troubleshooting with her, and she continues shouting the whole time, and keeps repeating how she is smart and stuff like that. Meanwhile, every check I ask her to do on her computer fails, and she yells even more. Finally, in all this noise coming from her, I hear something like, ‘stupid device, I’ll throw it off the table!’)

Me: “Miss, where is your USB stick right now?”

Customer: “What kind of question is that?! It’s on the table!”

Me: “Is it inserted in your computers USB port?”

Customer: “Of course not! You clearly don’t know how to use it! It says wireless on the box!”

Me: “Miss, do you see any wires coming from the device?”

Customer: “Um… no.”

Me: “Do you know what wireless means?”

Customer: *silence*

Me: “I’m gonna assume that’s a no, so pick up the device and plug it in your computer!”

(I heard the computer start to execute installation, as our software plays a melody while installing, and then the line disconnected.)

Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 15
Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 14
Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 13

All Smoke, No Mirrors

| Chicago, IL, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Hotels & Lodging, Technology

(A guest I checked in less than two hours ago is walking up to the front desk with all her luggage, ready to leave.)

Me: “How may I help you?”

Guest: “I want to check out!”

Me: “Is everything all right? I see you are checking out early.”

Guest: “I don’t want to talk about it; I want a receipt stating that I have a zero balance.”

Me: “All right, one moment. Let me get your receipt out of the back. My printer is down.”

(I come back a few seconds later with her receipt.)

Me: “Are you sure everything is all right? You seem upset and I don’t want you leaving upset.”

Guest: “Yes, actually, you can tell your people I do not appreciate them recording me while I am sleeping!”

Me: “I’m sorry, what do you mean?”

Guest: “There was a little red light flashing above my bed!”

Me: “Oh! You mean the smoke detector. That isn’t a recording device.”

Guest: “You don’t think I know the difference between a smoke detector and a recording device?! I know that if there is a blinking red that means the camera is on and recording! So please delete any footage you have of me.”

Me: “Ma’am, I am really sorry. I promise you we do not have recording devices in our guests rooms. It honestly was a smoke detector.”


To Hang Up Would Be Poetic Justice

| Indianapolis, IN, USA | Bad Behavior, Technology, Theme Of The Month

(I’m working the closing shift in the electronics department, which is in charge of video games and the photo lab in addition to the actual electronics section. We’re currently running an upgrade on our photo lab’s software, and I’m expecting a call from corporate to check up on the progress of the upgrade. An outside call comes in on my phone. It’s not corporate but a male customer who sounds perfectly normal. I am also male.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, what’s the price on your Call of Duty: Advanced Warfare?”

Me: “I can check on that for you. I think it’s $59.99, but I’ll be able to confirm that for you in just a second…”

(As I’m walking over to the video game section, the customer begins reading me some of the most bizarre, suggestive, awful love poetry you’ve ever heard and starts making advances. I assume he wrote the poetry himself. This freaks me out, and I end the call immediately and call my team leader to let her know what had just happened.)

Me: “Hey, if you hear that I just disconnected a call, I did. Some guy called and started reading me poetry.”

(My team leader hears this and starts cracking up.)

Team Leader: “What? You should’ve transferred that call to me! I would’ve had fun with the guy!”

(‘Poetry Guy’ became an inside joke around the store. Every time I got a call from another one of my coworkers that night, they ‘read’ me poetry!)

Data Can Be Fluid

| NJ, USA | Spouses & Partners, Technology, Theme Of The Month

(I work at an office supply store that also sells technology. I work in the supplies department, and get a call:)

Me: “Office supplies, how can I help you?”

Customer: “I was wondering, do you have hard drive fluid?”

Me: “…hard drive fluid? That’s… not a thing.”

Customer: “Yes, it is! Do you have any?!”

Me: “Let me transfer you to the technology department. They’ll be able to assist you.”

(I transfer him to a coworker who comes to talk to me after.)

Coworker: “Hard drive fluid?”

Me: “Yeah, I have no idea.”

Coworker: “You know that was your boyfriend, right?”

Me: “No…”

(That was not the first, or last, time my boyfriend called to prank the store, where he previously worked, although he never tried it on me again.)