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    Category: Technology

    The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

    John Hancocked And Ready To Fire

    | Naples, FL, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Technology

    (I’m working the register. The pin-pad/card reader is about two weeks old, but the screen has already started to give out. I have been telling customers to be gentle with it, and to tap only once, as there is a pause between verification and the ‘yes’ and ‘no’ buttons going away, leading to a lot of screen mashing.)

    Me: “Good evening! How are you?”

    (I start scanning, and the customer remains silent. I scan all the items and I notice the customer has pulled out a debit card, so I start the little speech.)

    Me: “Okay, please swipe your card, and tap gently and once per button on the screen, as the—”

    Customer: “You know, that’s incredibly rude!”

    Me: “I’m sorry; I wasn’t trying to—”

    Customer: “You were! You are being very rude talking to me like that! I heard when you said that to the other person; you don’t repeat yourself to me!”

    (Other customers in the line start shaking their heads.)

    Me: “I’m very sorry. Please verify—”

    Customer: “STOP TALKING AT ME! I can call a manager over if you keep talking at me!”

    Me: “Okay.”

    (I wait for customer to finish. The customer attacks the pin-pad’s screen during the half-second wait for approval. I don’t say another word, and hand her the receipt. She leaves in a huff. The other customers in the line talk about how rude she was being, and the manager on duty comes up.)

    Manager: “Who was beating up my new cashier?!”

    Say No To A CEO

    | Montreal, QC, Canada | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Technology

    (I am alone when an older man walks in from the cold.)

    Customer: “So, where is it!?”

    Me: “The new Blackberry? Right there on display!”

    Customer: “How much is it?”

    Me: “It is [price] on a three-year term.”

    Customer: “But without a plan?”

    Me: “Well, we only do term plans.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay.”

    (He starts to leave, and has one hand on the door and starts to push it open. Suddenly, he turns back to me.)

    Customer: “At what monthly rate?”

    Me: “Well, they start at [price].”

    Customer: “What does that give!? Seven-Bajillion minutes!? I am [name], the CEO of [Wholesale Warehouse]. You don’t know who walks through those doors! It’s your job to create interest in the product!”

    Me: “Sir, you were not interested in obtaining a plan, and were halfway out the door.”

    Customer: “You have to keep me in the store! You’re f****** terrible!”

    Me: “Excuse me!?”

    Customer: “What? Excuse me what!?”

    Me: “You swore at me. I don’t accept that.”

    Customer: “F***! F***! This is Canada! I can swear all the f*** I want! I stayed at Richard Branson’s private island! You are f****** incompetent! You can’t do your f****** job, and are f****** horrible at it too! I don’t know what the f*** you are doing here!”

    Me: “Leave. Now.”

    Customer: “Not like I was going to stay!”

    Thou Shall Find Lovecraft Online, Ramen

    | Philadelphia, PA, USA | Books & Reading, Extra Stupid, Geeks Rule, Religion, Technology, Themed Giveaway

    (I’m a waitress in a popular buffet chain restaurant. I am serving a middle aged customer who is wearing a shirt that has a picture of Cthulhu and the Flying Spaghetti Monster in a heart. Beneath it is the caption ‘we met on the internet’.)

    Me: “That’s a great shirt!”

    Woman: “Thanks. I think it says a lot about the kind of people you find on the internet.”

    Me: “How do you mean?”

    Woman: “You know, how there’s nothing but monsters online.”

    To see the t-shirt design mentioned in this story, visit the NotAlwaysRomantic Extras section, which can be found here!

    The ‘E’ Stands For Evil

    | USA | Books & Reading, Technology

    (I work for the USPS help line. It’s 6:30 am, and the Postmaster General has just announced that they are cutting delivery of regular mail to five days per week, and packages to six.)

    Me: “This is [post office]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “I was listening to the radio station in Cleveland. WHY ARE YOU MAKING ME USE EMAIL?!”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “The radio in Cleveland says that this Saturday, all mail is getting thrown out and you aren’t going to deliver mail no more!”

    Me: “Well, sir, that isn’t what—”

    Customer: “They said it’s because all us old folk have to use EMAIL! I’m 75 years old and I can’t use email! It’s not fair!”

    Me: “Sir, I assure you that mail WILL be delivered, so you don’t only have to use email.”

    Customer: “GOOD! The people who died for their country on the Pony Express want you to know how disappointed they are that you use email!”

    Me: “Thanks for the input, sir.”

    Not So Smart-Phone, Part 8

    | Holland, MI, USA | Crazy Requests, Technology

    (A customer walks in with his prepaid cell phone and a phone card, clearly used.)

    Me: “Hi! Something I can help you with?”

    Customer: “Yeah. I just bought this card, and now my phone isn’t working!”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. Can I take a look at it?”

    (He hands the phone over. After a few moments, I realize his SIM card is outdated and he’ll have to get a new phone.)

    Me: “How long have you had this phone?”

    Customer: “Probably about four years. I thought they made them to last longer than this!”

    Me: “Well unfortunately, you’ll need a new SIM card. It’s an easy enough fix, and you’ll keep your minutes and phone number. You just have to give them a call and they’ll send you a new one, free of charge.”

    Customer: “How long will that take?”

    Me: “Three to five business days.”

    Customer: “That’s ridiculous! That b**** who added this card screwed it up! I want a refund!”

    Me: “Give me just a minute.”

    (I call the phone company and confirm that the minutes that were added went through fine. It is simply the technology of the old SIM is outdated.)

    Me: “Sir, the minutes were added without a problem. It’s just a SIM card that’s causing an issue; that’s all.”

    Customer: “I can’t believe this! I demand a refund on these minutes, right now! Where’s your manager?”

    (I find a manager and explain the situation. She comes over with me.)

    Manager: “I heard you were having some issues with your phone. How can I help?”

    Customer: “By giving me a d*** refund on these minutes, that’s how!”

    Manager: “So you want the minutes refunded.”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Manager: “The minutes that are still clearly added to your phone.”

    Customer: “…yes.”

    Manager: “So the nice woman who helped you out did her job at the time.”

    Customer: “Yeah, well, I still want that b**** fired!”

    Manager: “That’s not going to happen, sir. In the meantime, please do as this young lady told you to get your phone fixed. That’s the most we can do at this time.”

    (He stares us both down for a minute before storming out.)

    Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 7
    Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 6
    Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 5
    Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 4

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