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    Category: Technology

    The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

    The Great Intelligence Disconnect

    | Austin, TX, USA | Bizarre, Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I work at a gaming company and provide tech support to all of our customers that call.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. My name is [My Name]. How can I help you today?”

    Customer: “I hope you can help me. I have been having connection issues all week with [Game]. I play for about 30 minutes and am disconnected. Can you fix it?”

    Me: “I can try. First let’s open up the website to pull up some info that may help us resolve this.”

    (About 30 seconds pass.)

    Me: “Are you there, sir?”

    Customer: “Sorry, the internet has been having issues all week. It is a bit slow right now…”

    Sadly It Isn’t Illegal To Be An Idiot

    | KY, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I work at a small, locally owned electronics store. 95 percent of my job is putting customer’s old home movies on DVD, but since we’re located downtown, I get a good deal of work from law firms as well. One day, a known customer comes in. He’s always slightly annoying to deal with, but he’s friends with the owner.)

    Me: “What can I do for you today, Mr. [Customer]?”

    Customer: “My lawyer gave me these videos but they won’t work in my DVD player.”

    Me: “Okay. Let me take a look at them real fast.”

    (I put the disc in my computer and notice it’s in an obscure format that needs a specific software that’s used exclusively in the legal system.)

    Me: “I see the issue. These won’t work in any DVD player. You need a specific computer software to view these.”

    Customer: “I don’t own a computer.”

    Me: “Well, that’s fine. I can easily convert these into a format your DVD player can read.”

    Customer: “Great. Can I get six copies of it?”

    Me: “Sure thing. I should have it ready for you tomorrow morning.”

    (I take the discs, make a DVD out of the video and the make the requested copies. The next day, the customer picks up his order along with the original discs his lawyer gave him. About a week later he returns.)

    Customer: “These discs don’t work.” *hands me the originals*

    Me: “These are the discs your lawyer gave you.”

    Customer: “Yeah, they won’t work in my DVD player.”

    Me: “Right. Remember I told you need a computer to view these discs?”

    Customer: “But I don’t have a computer! All the other discs you gave me work fine. Why won’t these work?”

    Me: “Sir, I can’t change the information on these discs. Once the disc is written, it can’t be altered. That’s why I gave you new discs that can be played on a DVD player.”

    Customer: “Well, these are no use to me. I need something that works on my player.”

    Me: “I can do it again if you want. But since there was nothing wrong with the other discs, I’ll have to charge you again.”

    Customer: “That’s fine. I need three copies this time.”

    Me: “Sure.”

    (Once again I complete his order and have it ready for him next day. This time, to avoid confusion, I put a post-it on the originals that says ‘Must Have Computer.’ Another week passes, and he returns again.)

    Customer: “These still won’t work in my player.”

    (He hands me the discs. Right on top is my post-it note.)
    Me: “Sir, we’ve already been through this! You must have a computer to use these discs!”

    Customer: “I don’t understand.”

    Me: “These discs are in a different format. Your player won’t recognize these. That’s why we made the other discs. Twice now.”

    Customer: “Yeah, those all worked fine.”

    Me: “So why don’t you just use one of those?”

    Customer: “I gave them all away. But I need these videos for a lawsuit I’m in.”

    Me: “So you want me to do this a third time?”

    Customer: “Yeah.”

    (This time, I don’t wait. I have the customer sit next to me as I go through the whole process step by step. Once the disc is finished burning, I put it into one of our DVD players to show him it does work. I once again hand him his new disc and the original, and once again charge him. Another week passes. I’m coming back in from my lunch break when my boss approaches me.)

    Boss: “Mr. [Customer] dropped by while you were out. He said there was a problem with these discs.”

    (He hands me the discs. My post-it note still sits on top. This time I don’t say a word. I simply take the discs, sit them on a shelf in my office, and there they sit to this day. The customer never asked about them again.)

    Some Background Is Required

    | SK, Canada | Family & Kids, Technology

    (I provide in-home servicing of computers. My client has reported that his computer doesn’t turn on. Once on site, I do a quick check to make sure it’s plugged in and the power bar is working.)

    Me: “Okay, I’m thinking it’s the power supply. If it is, the parts and labour is [cost] plus tax. If not, I’ll have to dig a little deeper to see what the problem is.”

    Client: “No problem. Do what you have to do.”

    (I open the computer’s case and see that the wires from the power supply to the motherboard have been cut, likely with scissors or a knife. My client sees it right away as well.)

    Me: “Well, this is new one for me. Any idea what happened here?”

    Client: *clearly angry, but certainly not at me* “No. Will a new power supply still fix it? I have work I need to do on this computer today.”

    Me: “Yes, assuming nothing else is damaged.”

    (I replace the power supply with a new one, and the computer turns on. After booting, my client’s desktop background turns out to be a picture of his son and his best [male] friend having sex.)

    Client: “Well, that explains it.”

    (Turns out, the kid accidentally set the desktop background to the picture in question, and didn’t know how to change it back. In a state of panic he cut the wires, thinking dad would just get a new computer rather than get it fixed!)

    This Time, It’s Personal

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA | Crazy Requests, Movies & TV, Rude & Risque, Technology

    (I work for a business management firm that deals primarily with people in the entertainment industry. My employer has decided to give out my personal cell phone number, without telling me, to one particular client who is incredibly needy. I receive a phone call on a weekend at about three am.)

    Me: *groggily answering the phone* “Hello?”

    Client: “There’s something wrong with my cable and I need you to fix it.”

    Me: “I… I’m sorry. I think you have the wrong number.”

    Client: “This is [My Name], right?”

    Me: “Um, yes? Who is this?”

    Client: “What? You mean you don’t recognize my voice? Seriously, how many times have I spoken to you on the phone? You should KNOW who this is.”

    Me: *I instantly figure out who it is* “Oh, hi. I’m sorry, I didn’t realize it was you. I also didn’t realize you had my personal number.”

    Client: “Yeah, [Boss] gave it to me and told me that you were on call for me whenever I needed something. I’m having a problem with my cable and I need you to fix it.”

    Me: “I’m sorry. It’s three am on Sunday. I’m not in the office and don’t have access to your information right now. What seems to be the problem, though? Have you tried calling them directly?”

    Client: “No, I haven’t called them! That’s what I pay you for! Look, I’m trying to order a movie and it’s not going through. I keep getting an error message and it tells me to call this number on the screen.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but I’m going to have to suggest you call the number provided and see if they can help. I don’t see how I will be of much use in the middle of the night on the weekend and out of the office.”

    Client: “Listen. I NEED to get this movie. I left my laptop in the studio and I need to watch porn, okay? Do you get it now? I NEED MY F****** PORN!”

    Me: “Look. I’m sorry, but as I mentioned before there isn’t anything I can do. Either call the cable company and have them try and help or it will have to wait until I’m in the office Monday morning.”

    Client: “Well, f*** you then! Just you wait until I call [Boss] and tell him about the HORRIBLE service you are providing. This is not what I pay you for!”

    Me: “I’m sorry. Have a good night.” *hangs up*

    (Sure enough, the client did call my boss. When I came in on Monday he tried to tear me a new one for not helping out the client. I, in turn, went off on him about how unprofessional and not okay it was to give out my personal contact information without my consent and he shut up. No apology. I resigned that week.)

    Not Being A Pawn In His Game

    | Halifax, NS, Canada | Liars & Scammers, Technology

    (A customer with a thick accent comes in and places a cell-phone on the counter, which immediately begins leaking water.)

    Customer: “I want new phone.”

    Me: “Oh?”

    Customer: “This one not working.”

    Me: “Why is it wet?”

    Customer: “I don’t know.”

    Me: “You don’t know?”

    Customer: “May have been dropped in toilet.”

    Me: “The warranty doesn’t cover water damage.”

    Customer: “I want new phone. This one not working.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I can’t replace your phone. If you look at the warranty details we gave you when you bought it, you’ll see that.”

    Customer: “I have large friend. Knows kickboxing!”

    Me: “Are you threatening me?”

    Customer: “No, no! I no threaten!”

    Me: “Well, I have a friend who plays chess. I don’t see how either is relevant to the conversation.”

    (The customer grabs his phone and storms out.)

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