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    Category: Technology

    The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

    Can’t Pin Him Down To A Number, Part 2

    | QC, Canada | At The Checkout, Money, Technology

    (It’s Friday afternoon, and I am a customer waiting for my prescriptions in the waiting area of my pharmacy. The customer ahead of me, a gruff older man, is getting upset with the cashier over a problem with the card reader.)

    Customer: “I’m telling you, it’s not my card. It’s your machine!”

    Cashier: “Sir, you have to enter your PIN correctly—”

    Customer: “I KNOW how to enter my PIN! Your machines are wrong! This doesn’t happen to me anywhere else.”

    Cashier: “I don’t know what to tell you, sir. My machine has been functioning properly all day. Your transaction failed after you entered your PIN. Would you like to try it again?”

    Customer: “If I try it again, you better MAKE it work right! [Financial Institution] is going to freeze my card if I keep trying. I’m going away for the weekend so I NEED my card to work!”

    Cashier: “Well, I can’t put in your PIN for you, sir. So I can’t guarantee you it will work.”

    Customer: “This has happened the last two times I’ve been in here! I’ve been a customer here for 30 years and you’re saying it’s MY fault? Your machines are wrong! And now my card is going to be frozen until Monday!”

    Cashier: “I don’t know what else to tell you, sir. Let me get my manager.”

    (The cashier pages the manager, who arrives promptly.)

    Manager: “I understand there’s some trouble with your card, sir?”

    Customer: “The machine is messing up. It’s NOT my PIN. My card is going to be frozen and I’m going away this weekend!”

    Manager: “I understand, sir. If you have time to wait, I’ll call [Financial Institution, which is also responsible for card reader] and try to find out what’s going on.”

    (My manager dials the phone and explains the situation to tech support.)

    Manager: *on phone* “Uh-huh. I see.”

    Customer: “Ask them if my card is frozen!”

    Manager: *on phone* “So there’s no problem with our system? Alright. Thank you.”

    Customer: “Oh, wait. My PIN on this card is five digits. I only entered four!”

    Related:
    Can’t Pin Him Down To A Number

    Why Skynet Annihilated Mankind, Vol. 2

    | Charleston, SC, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I work at a call center for a large car rental company, booking rentals and providing customer service. I’ve been told my voice is very robotic.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Business] Car Rentals. My name is [First Name]. How may I help you?”

    Caller #1: “I’d like to book a rental.”

    Me: “When and where would you like to pick up your rental?”

    Caller #1: “I’d like to speak to a person.”

    Me: “Sir, I am a person.”

    Caller #1: “No, you’re the answering machine. Connect me to a person.”

    Me: “No, sir. I am a real person. My name is [First Name].”

    Caller #1: “STOP LYING TO ME, ROBOT!”

    (The caller hangs up. Five minutes pass and my next call comes in.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Business] Car Rentals. My name is [First Name]. How may I help you?”

    Caller #2: “Speak to an agent.”

    Me: “I am an agent, sir. Would you like to schedule a booking?”

    Customer #2: “Oh, wow! You sound exactly like the voice on the menus!”

    Related:
    Why Skynet Annihilated Mankind, Vol 1

    There’s A Funny Upside (Down) To This

    | Santa Barbara, CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I work for a computer retailer. A customer brings in a system he bought about an hour before.)

    Customer: “Yeah. I want to return this computer. The CD-drive isn’t working.”

    Me: “Not working? How so, sir?”

    Customer: “Discs don’t fit inside it.”

    (I hook up the machine to a monitor setup we have, open the disc tray, and it reads the CD I put in just fine.)

    Customer: “Wait, the computer looks different now!”

    Me: “Different? Sir, this is an Apple. They look pretty much the same all the time.”

    Customer: “No. The symbol on the side there! It’s upside down.”

    Me: “It’s an Apple, a leaf and an apple with a bite out of it.”

    Customer: *embarrassed* “I… put it on the floor upside down, didn’t I?”

    Disk Driving The Credit Crunch

    | Elk Grove, CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Money, Technology

    (I am a brand new phone tech support agent for a well known computer company that prides itself in ‘ease of use’. This is my first call. As such, I have a trainer double jacked with me to listen and help.)

    Me: “Hello and thank you for calling Tech Support. My name is—”

    Customer: “You a**-holes! Gimme back my credit card now!”

    Me: “Excuse me? I’m sorry, ma’am. I don’t understand what you mean.”

    Customer: “You know exactly what I mean! You took my credit card and I want it back right f****** now!”

    Me: “I do apologize, but I’m still not exactly sure what you mean. How did we steal your credit card?”

    Customer: “Your stupid f****** computer asked for my credit card and now it won’t give it back!”

    Me: “Once again I do apologize, but I’m still not sure exactly how we took your credit card. What were you doing when we took it?”

    Customer: “I was setting up the internet and you f****** took it!?”

    Me: “Was someone helping you at the store and they took it while setting up the internet?”

    Customer: “No, you god-d*** moron! I was setting it up at home and when it asked for my credit card info I put it into the credit card slot on the computer. Now this piece of s*** won’t give it back!”

    Me: “Ma’am, our computers don’t come with credit card readers.”

    Customer: “Of course it does! It has a slot right on the front for it.”

    (At this point I realize the customer has put her card in the disk drive. After walking her through several steps I have to refer her to a service center to get the card removed.)

    Me: “So, once again, I do apologize for the inconvenience this has caused. You will need to take your computer to one of our service centers so that one of our techs may remove your card.”

    Customer: “I can’t f****** believe this! I’m reporting you and I’ll have you run out of business!”

    (The customer hangs up. I turn to my trainer.)

    Me: “Are all my calls gonna be that crazy?”

    Trainer: “Only if you’re lucky.”

    Looking For Some Consoling Advice

    | Oklahoma City, OK, USA | Bizarre, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    (I work the graveyard shift in the electronics department. It is the night of the PlayStation 4 midnight release, and throughout the night, I have been receiving a lot of phone calls from customers asking whether there are any more PS4s in stock.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling. This is electronics. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “Do you guys have any more PS4s in stock?”

    Me: “No, sir. We sold out of those about a half hour ago.”

    Customer: “Really? Okay. Well, do you know when the XBox One comes out?”

    Me: “I believe they come out on the 22nd.”

    Customer: “Oh, yeah? So next week… Well, which one do you prefer?”

    Me: “Ha! I’m an XBox person myself, really.”

    Customer: “Yeah? That’s cool. Hey, I have one more question. It may sound kind of weird.”

    Me: “Okay?”

    Customer: “Can you help me with my science homework?”

    Me: “…uh… Google, bro…”

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