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    Category: Technology

    The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

    Having A Multiple Light-Bulb Moment

    | Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Bigotry, Technology, Transportation

    (I am the manager at a very busy convenience store that also sells fuel. One particularly quiet afternoon, a customer pulls up and starts to remove every single light bulb from his car. I watch for a little while then go outside to see if I can be of any help.)

    Me: “G’day. A problem with your lights?”

    Customer: “Yeah, they all stopped working so I need new ones. You sell bulbs don’t you?”

    Me: “Yes, we do, but instead of removing them all may I make a suggestion?”

    Customer: “You? I doubt it, love. Girls don’t know anything about cars.”

    Me: *not the first time I have heard this* “No problem, I’ll be inside when you need the globes.”

    (The customer removes every light globe, indicator globe and even all the internal globes, puts them in a bag and comes inside to the counter.)

    Customer: “I’ll have one of each of these.”

    Me: “No problem.”

    (I proceed to get all of the globes he needed, including the not so cheap headlight globes. He pays for them, totaling approximately $45, and then goes back to his car and spends the next hour or so putting them in, with me watching from inside with a huge smile on my face. After he installs them all, he turns on the car, tries the lights, and none of them work. By this stage I have let it go far enough, so I grab a $0.45 blade fuse, go to his car, pop the bonnet, change the fuse, got him to try his lights, and wouldn’t you know it? They all now worked!)

    Customer: “…”

    Me: “Have a great day!*

    (Then I skipped back inside!)

    Tech Support’s Biggest Fan

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I work in IT, supporting other employees at my company. I have received a ticket from one user complaining that his computer fan has completely jammed, and has stopped working entirely. As this is a pretty serious problem, I hurry over. When I get to his desk I see that his computer is on and the fan is running, although noisily.)

    Me: “Oh, your computer’s fan isn’t jammed. It’s just running with a little more difficulty than usual. It probably needs to be cleaned.”

    User: “What? How can you know that? You haven’t even opened up the computer to look.”

    Me: “Well, if your computer’s fan had really stopped working entirely, your computer might be on fire.”

    This Is Spyro-ing Out Of Control

    | Australia | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Family & Kids, Technology

    (I am flicking through some pre-owned games, minding my own business when a late 20s age looking woman speaks to me:)

    Customer: “Do you know where the Skylanders discs are?”

    (As much as I would like to work there, I don’t work there. I don’t have a uniform or anything that says I work there. I was most likely in a shirt with a game reference on it.)

    Me: “What, Skylanders discs? I don’t know what you are talking about.”

    Customer: “You’re a boy. You should know what they are. My little [Son] wants me to get him some characters for his game.”

    Me: “Um, Skylanders characters aren’t discs but toy figures, and I don’t work here.”

    Customer: “You are lying. Prove that Skylanders are toys.”

    (I take this woman over to the ‘Skylanders’ toys and give a random one to her.)

    Customer: “This is just a toy, not a disc.”

    Me: “Okay, you must have seen your son play the game. These are what you put on a pad thing to play the character.”

    Customer: “But then how do you explain how the game saves then?”

    Me: “Have you ever used wireless internet?”

    Customer: “Yes, why?”

    Me: “It is like that on a small scale, and only works with the toys. Now are you going buy one of the toys?”

    (The customer’s eyes shoot open.)

    Customer: “I don’t remember what ones he wanted.”

    This Customer Is Phoney

    | Leeds, England, UK | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Liars & Scammers, Technology

    (It’s the early 2000s, and my dad and I are at my grandma’s house. We see a salesman making his way around the street, and my dad says he’ll deal with him when he gets to us.)

    Salesman: “Hello, sir! I’d just like to talk to you about your telephone service.”

    Dad: “Sorry, I don’t believe in phones.”

    Salesman: “You… don’t believe in phones?”

    Dad: “No, I don’t. I don’t think they’ll ever catch on.”

    (At this point, I’m not sure if the salesman is playing along or genuinely believes him.)

    Salesman: “Oh, but sir! Telephones are very popular now! Everybody uses them! Some people even have small ones they can carry around with them!”

    Dad: “That sounds ridiculous! Nope. Sorry, I’m not interested. Goodbye!”

    (He then returned inside, and picked up one of his three mobile phones to send a text message.)

    Just Got Servered

    | UK | Geeks Rule, Liars & Scammers, Technology

    (I am answering phones at a company which provides a free trial service of our main product, which we mostly sell to other businesses. Unfortunately, what many people who sign up for the trial want to do is to run ‘Minecraft’ servers, and rarely ever pay us at the end of the trial, so we institute a policy of not allowing game servers of any sort of our trial.)

    Me: “[Company]. This is [My Name]. Can I help you?”

    (The caller is pre-pubescent.)

    Caller: “Uh, I work for Mojang…?”

    Me: “No. No, you don’t.” *click*

    (My coworkers look over and stare at me for a bit. I explained, but am interrupted by the phone ringing again from the same number. I switch on the speakerphone.)

    Me: “[Company]. This is [My Name]. Can I help you?”

    Caller: “Hello, Uh, I work for Mojang. I’d like a free trial…?”

    Me: “Certainly. I’ll just need you to send us an email from your Mojang email address.”

    (I keep a straight face and voice while the rest of the office cracks up in the background.)

    Caller: *click*

    (He emailed and called in a few more times trying to get a trial, at first claiming to be from Mojang, then claiming to be from his dad’s company. We somehow saw through his cunning ploy each time. He finally fessed up that he was twelve and just wanted to play ‘Minecraft.’ We thanked him for his honesty, but did not give him a trial.)

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