November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Category: Technology

The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

Sanity Unplugged

| Detroit, MI, USA | Bizarre, Technology, Theme Of The Month

(A customer in what sounds to be her forties calls in for having trouble with her TV.)

Me: “So, let’s start by doing a reboot. Can you please unplug the furthest cord on the left for 10 seconds then plug it back in?”

Customer: “Okay, I don’t know why I HAVE to do this; you should come over and do this.”

Me: *jokingly* “Ha ha. Well, I would but you live in Texas and I am in Michigan.”

Customer: “So? I am the customer; you should do what I say!”

Me: “Ma’am, it would take me a week to get to you. Now, can I just get you to plug the cord back in to see if we can get it working?”

Customer: “Where do I plug it in?”

Me: *dumbfounded* “Where it was unplugged from: the far left slot. You can’t miss it.”

Customer: “Okay, but where is that?”

Me: *at this point I’m not in the mood for this level of dumb* “Oh, well, it looks like your line is damaged and will need a technician. This is why your TV wasn’t working. How about if I get a technician out there?”

Customer: “Must have been my dead husband. He’s been haunting me for years.”

Me: “So… 8-12 tomorrow morning?”

Customer: “That would be great. Thanks dear, and don’t forget, masturbation is a sin!”

(I got an extra break after that call because I couldn’t stop laughing.)

Won The Gold Medal For Most Stupid Customer

| Wales, UK | Extra Stupid, Math & Science, Technology

(I work on the shop floor of a DIY store. A customer comes up to me holding a torch and looking confused.)

Me: “Can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I’m not quite sure how this torch would work.”

Me: “You just put AA batteries in it and push the button on the side here.”

Customer: “But it says here on the label that this is a silver-coloured torch.”

(She points at the label on the silver torch and it does indeed say ‘Torch – Colour: Silver.’)

Me: “Yes, that’s right…”

Customer: “But how can light be silver?”

Me: “Oh, no, the light is white like a standard torch. The colour on the label refers to the colour of the metal.”

Customer: “But… it says it’s silver…”

(At this point I get a black torch off of the shelf to show her that the label says ‘Torch – Colour: Black’)

Me: “See, the label on this one says black and this metal is black.”

Customer: “But it says it’s a silver coloured torch!”

(After 10 full minutes of explaining, the woman handed me back the silver torch and walked off muttering about false advertising.)


| Crazy Requests, Criminal/Illegal, Technology

(A customer comes in carrying the box for an original Xbox.)

Customer: “My Xbox isn’t working.”

Coworker: “That’s no good. Pop it on the counter and we’ll have a look.”

(The customer places the box on the counter. I’m standing nearby when my coworker opens the box. From the box emerges the most putrid smell you could ever imagine. My coworker has to jump back from the smell, holding his nose. Having known some ‘interesting’ people in my life though, I recognise the smell. I lean a bit closer to the box and sniff a few times.)

Me: “Mate… did you spill your bong water on this?”

Customer: *incredibly long awkward silence* “Yeah.”

Me: “…”

Customer: “…not replacing it then?”

Me: “Not a chance.”

(The customer left and I got to try to explain to my coworker why I knew the smell of bong water so well.)

Time To Take A Screenshot In The Dark

| Europe | Extra Stupid, Technology

(Our tech support department has just sent out an email with instructions on how to configure something, complete with screenshots. I overhear the colleague next to me receiving a support call.)

Colleague: “Hello, this is tech support. How can I help you?”

Colleague: “Yes, you have to follow these instructions.”

Colleague: “You see that dialog box?”

Colleague: “Great, click the okay button!”

Colleague: “What do you mean, nothing happens?”

Colleague: “You should really see that other screen after clicking okay on that dialog box!”

Colleague: “You do see the dialog box, right?”

Colleague: “Good, and you do click okay on it, right?”

(After about 15 minutes of trying to figure it out, I see my colleague doing a double face-palm and trying hard not to laugh.)

Colleague: “Okay, so it works now?”

Colleague: “Great, thank you for calling! Have a nice day!”

Me: “So what was the problem?”

Colleague: “You’ll never guess… the person was clicking the screenshot!”

Adamant To The Watery Grave

| Reno, NV, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(I am a bystander in a well-known electronics store, waiting my turn to be helped by the repair counter. There is a couple ahead of me, having the woman’s phone examined.)

Tech: *showing them with a flashlight* “As you can see, the moisture indicator is dark red, which means there’s water damage and we can’t repair the phone.”

Customer: “What?! Water damage?! That’s ridiculous! I’ve never even taken it anywhere NEAR any water!”

Tech: “I’m sure that’s the case; however, we can’t fix the phone.”

(With much emphasis on how this wasn’t her fault, the woman begrudgingly decides to get a new phone.)

Customer: “And you have to transfer the pictures. There are SO MANY pictures on there.”

Tech: “Well, since I can’t connect it to the computer, I unfortunately can’t do that for you. Unless you have them backed up on your computer at home?”

Customer: “I don’t do that! Can’t you just wifi them over? Why can’t you do that?! I’m telling you, there’s no way there’s water damage! It’s never even come into the bathroom with me!”

(The very patient tech explains the situation, several times, and finally goes to the back to make the switch. The woman turns to her husband.)

Customer: “I can’t believe it! And that had all the pictures on it from our trip to the beach, too!”