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  • Bigotry Is Not On The Menu
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  • Category: Technology

    The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

    Email Fail

    | England, UK | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (A customer has called during our peak morning hours. As all our technicians are busy, he leaves a message saying he cannot log in to his computer. I phone the customer, who is out on the road.)

    Me: “Hi, [Customer]. It’s [My Name] from [Company]. I understand you can’t get into your computer?”

    Customer: “Yes. I go into my emails and it doesn’t work.”

    Me: “Okay so you can get into your computer but not your emails?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “Okay, so it prompts you for the password but won’t log in?”

    Customer: “That’s right.”

    Me: “Unfortunately you have to speak to [Email Provider] as they host your emails. I have no access to their systems.”

    Customer: “Ah, okay. Do you have a number for them?”

    Me: “Certainly, it’s—”

    Customer: “Can you email it to me?”

    Me: “…”

    Must Be New To The Game

    | San Diego, CA, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I am waiting in line to pay. The customer in front of me in line is an older woman.)

    Employee: “Hi, did you find everything okay?”

    Customer: “I’m actually here to return something.”

    Employee: “I’m sorry to hear that. What are you returning?”

    Customer: “This very violent video game.”

    (She places a copy of a popular first-person-shooter game on the counter.)

    Employee: “Thank you.”

    (The employee opens the case to check the disc.)

    Employee: “Ma’am, the game isn’t in here.”

    Customer: “Sure it is. You’re holding it.”

    Employee: “This is just the case. There’s no disc.”

    Customer: “What do you mean?”

    Employee: “You can’t return an empty game case.”

    Customer: “Why?”

    (I decide to step in.)

    Me: “It’s like buying a new coat and only getting the hanger.”

    Customer: “Oh…”

    (The employee hands over the box, and the customer leaves.)

    Employee: “It’s going to be a long day, isn’t it?”

    This Stuff Shouldn’t Phase(r) You Any More

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Extra Stupid, Technology

    (In our store we order our products by scanning the shelf labels with a device that shoots a laser to read the barcode. I’m in the refrigerated juice section of the store and have just scanned a label when a middle-aged customer walks up to me.)

    Customer: “Excuse me. Did you just do what I think you did?”

    Me: “I’m just ordering something.”

    Customer: *wide-eyed* “Did you just taser that orange juice?”

    (I look at the scanner in my hand.)

    Me: “Um, if you mean I scanned it, then, I guess so.”

    Customer: “Well, it looks like it’s not moving so it must have worked. Great job!”

    (After the customer happily wanders away my coworker, who saw the whole thing, comes up to me)

    Coworker: “Maybe you should set it to ‘stun’ next time.”

    Social Insecurity, Part 3

    | NV, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I’m one of the owners of a rental company. I had just finished setting up the unit, going over the rental agreement with the customer, and swiping his credit card on my phone.)

    Me: “Okay, sir, would you like us to email you a receipt?”

    Customer: “I really don’t like giving out my email address.”

    Me: “…I just ran your credit card on my phone.”

    Social Insecurity, Part 2
    Social Insecurity

    Common Sense Has Folded

    | Wilsonville, OR, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    Customer: “Where are all my old emails? I had them in the deleted items box so I could refer to them.”

    Me: “They were removed from the deleted items box because they were deleted and you no longer wanted them.”

    Customer: “I store them there so I only have to push a button to get them filed. Also so I can find out who contacted me previously about a construction contract I have in case I get sued.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. They were in the deleted items box and they were deleted to help ease the migration from POP to IMAP.”

    Customer: “Can you restore all my emails?”

    Me: “With your backup I can put them in a folder.”

    Customer: “What’s a folder?”

    Me: “It’s a place to put email you want to save, manually.”

    Customer: “That seems like a lot of extra work. Why can’t I just push a button?”

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