Featured Story:
  • A Caffeinated Christmas Miracle
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  • Category: Technology

    The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

    A Text In The Wrong Direction

    | Anaheim, CA, USA | Bad Behavior, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    Customer: “Could you tell me how to get to [attraction in another area of the park]?”

    Me: *gives detailed directions to the attraction*

    Customer: “I’m sorry. I got a text while you were talking. Could you repeat that?”

    Their Intelligence Is Capped

    | USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    Customer: “Your password isn’t working on this computer!”

    Me: “Really? That’s weird. Everyone else seems to have logged in just fine.”

    Customer: “Well, it’s not working for me and I need you to fix it.”

    Me: “All right. I’ll see what I can do.”

    (I walk over to my computer and double check to make sure I have the password right when it comes to me what the problem is.)

    Customer: “Well?”

    (I glance at his keyboard and sure enough, caps lock has been turned on. I press the caps lock key and start walking back to my desk.)

    Customer: “Oh…”

    Upend The Send

    | OH, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (Our branch has just got a new drive through carrier system. The old system had canisters that opened the long way by flipping open but this new system has canisters that open by twisting the ends. All of the employees have been talking customers through the difference all week.)

    Me: “Hello. How are you doing today?”

    Customer: “How do I open this canister?!”

    Me: “It is different than the old canisters. These canisters open by twisting the ends. Once you’re set, send it in and I can get that taken care of for you.”

    Customer: “Well, how do I send it in?”

    Me: “Press ‘send,’ sir.”

    Customer: *dinging call button* “What does this ‘call teller’ button do?”

    Me: “It calls a teller, sir.”

    Customer: *dinging call button* “I put it in there, why won’t it go?”

    Me: “Press ‘send,’ sir.”

    Customer: *dinging call button* “It won’t go!”

    Me: “You’re pushing call…”

    Customer: “Why?!”

    Me: “Uh…”

    Having A Multiple Light-Bulb Moment

    | Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Bigotry, Technology, Transportation

    (I am the manager at a very busy convenience store that also sells fuel. One particularly quiet afternoon, a customer pulls up and starts to remove every single light bulb from his car. I watch for a little while then go outside to see if I can be of any help.)

    Me: “G’day. A problem with your lights?”

    Customer: “Yeah, they all stopped working so I need new ones. You sell bulbs don’t you?”

    Me: “Yes, we do, but instead of removing them all may I make a suggestion?”

    Customer: “You? I doubt it, love. Girls don’t know anything about cars.”

    Me: *not the first time I have heard this* “No problem, I’ll be inside when you need the globes.”

    (The customer removes every light globe, indicator globe and even all the internal globes, puts them in a bag and comes inside to the counter.)

    Customer: “I’ll have one of each of these.”

    Me: “No problem.”

    (I proceed to get all of the globes he needed, including the not so cheap headlight globes. He pays for them, totaling approximately $45, and then goes back to his car and spends the next hour or so putting them in, with me watching from inside with a huge smile on my face. After he installs them all, he turns on the car, tries the lights, and none of them work. By this stage I have let it go far enough, so I grab a $0.45 blade fuse, go to his car, pop the bonnet, change the fuse, got him to try his lights, and wouldn’t you know it? They all now worked!)

    Customer: “…”

    Me: “Have a great day!*

    (Then I skipped back inside!)

    Tech Support’s Biggest Fan

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I work in IT, supporting other employees at my company. I have received a ticket from one user complaining that his computer fan has completely jammed, and has stopped working entirely. As this is a pretty serious problem, I hurry over. When I get to his desk I see that his computer is on and the fan is running, although noisily.)

    Me: “Oh, your computer’s fan isn’t jammed. It’s just running with a little more difficulty than usual. It probably needs to be cleaned.”

    User: “What? How can you know that? You haven’t even opened up the computer to look.”

    Me: “Well, if your computer’s fan had really stopped working entirely, your computer might be on fire.”

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