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    Category: Technology

    The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

    That’s Common Sense Out Of The Window

    | MD, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    (I am doing a new PC rollout for a very prominent technical engineering company. This conversation occurs one day after giving them a brand new PC.)

    Me: “I understand your new computer won’t boot up.”

    Client: “Yes. It worked fine yesterday, but this morning it won’t load.”

    (I look at the start up and find that the entire Windows Folder has been removed.)

    Me: “Did you edit anything yesterday before shutting down?”

    Client: “Yes, I went through and deleted everything that I didn’t recognize.”

    Not Even Remotely Close, Part 2

    | UK | Extra Stupid, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    (I work in a TV shop. We take calls for sales and tech support.)

    Caller: “No. It still won’t work”

    Me: “Okay. Try pressing menu.”

    Caller: “There is no menu button.”

    Me: “Try going to channel 123 and tell me what the screen looks like. You should see the numbers appear in the top right corner.”

    Caller: *beep* *beep* *beep*

    Caller: “No, still nothing.”

    Me: “Just try pressing ’1.’”

    Caller: *beep*

    Me: “Um… you’re pressing the numbers on your telephone. You need to press them on your TV remote.”

    Related:
    Not Even Remotely Close

    Now Has Self-Scanning Under Their Belt

    | PA, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    (I am working the self-scans when I see a customer put some grapes on the electronic scale and enter the produce number.)

    Self-Scan: “Place your item on the belt.”

    (The customer leaves the grapes on the scale.)

    Self Scan: “If you wish to purchase this item, please place it on the belt.”

    (The customer still keeps the grapes on the scale.)

    Self-Scan: “Please remove all items and try again.”

    (After the self-scan says this, the customer takes the grapes off the scale and places it on the belt. The customer then tries to scan another item but nothing happens.)

    Self-Scan: “Please remove all items from the front belt.”

    (The customer takes the grapes off the belt, places them on the scale and re-enters the produce. Once again, when the customer is told to move her item to the belt, she leaves it on the scale. She then takes the grapes from the scale and places it on the belt. Confused about what is happening, she calls me over.)

    Me: “Yes, ma’am. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “I keep trying to purchase these grapes but every time I put them on the belt, it tells me to take it off.”

    (I put the customer’s grapes on the scale, enter the produce number, and place them on the belt when I’m told.)

    Customer: “What did you do?”

    Me: “I entered your grapes, weighed them, and placed them on the belt when told to.”

    Customer: “But that’s what I did.”

    Me: “Actually, what you did was put them on the belt after the self-scan told you to remove them.”

    Customer: “So when do I put them on the belt?”

    Me: “The first time it tells you to.”

    Customer: “So when the self-scan tells me to put something on the belt, that’s when I do it?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

    Customer: “You learn something new every day!”

    Not Game For The Games

    | Canberra, ACT, Australia | Bizarre, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    (A lovely, little old lady is wandering around the game store where I work. She picks up a copy of ‘Empires’ and turns to me.)

    Customer: “What is this?”

    Me: “It is a turn based strategy game. You control an army, the opponent controls an army, and you take turns to—”

    Customer: “Yes, but what is it?”

    Me: “Well, it’s kind of like the game ‘Risk.’ There are some games that happen in ‘real time,’ where you and the opponent move at the same time, but this one—”

    Customer: “Yes, but is it a book, a CD, a board game?”

    Me: “It’s a computer game, madam. This is a computer game shop.”

    Customer: “Oh…”

    (She wanders off, picks up another game, and asks another sales associate.)

    Customer: “What is this?”

    Warning: IQ May Be Inversely Proportional To Wavelength, Part Two

    , | Australia | Extra Stupid, Funny Names, Technology

    (I work in the sporting department with another coworker. A customer comes up.)

    Customer: “Hey, uh, do you have that thing? Where you put stuff in the thing and the thing turns it?”

    (My coworker and I exchange confused glances.)

    Me: “Sorry. What do you mean?”

    Customer: *attempting to use confusing hand gestures* “You know, that thing where you put the stuff in the thing, and it turns and gets hot?”

    Coworker: “You mean a microwave?”

    Related:
    Warning: IQ May Be Inversely Proportional To Wavelength

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