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  • Had It Up To Their Neck With Bad Customers
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    Category: Technology

    The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

    Weighted Opinions

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada | At The Checkout, Bigotry, Technology

    (I am an early 20s, able-bodied male, with a fair bit of muscle, and I also happen to be the only employee in the store who fits such a description.)

    Me: “Hi, how are you today?”

    Customer: “Good, thank you. Can I get a 55-inch [brand] TV, please?”

    Me: “Why, certainly.”

    (I make a phone call to the back stockroom to request the customer’s TV. While I am processing the sale, the person bringing the rather large & heavy item is one of my young female coworkers.)

    Coworker: “Here’s your TV, ma’am! If you’re done shopping today, I will be glad to take this to your car!”

    Customer: *to me* “Shame on you, young man. Shame on you!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I don’t quite follow.”

    Customer: “How dare you make such a fragile young girl bring out something so big! She could’ve seriously injured herself! You should be ashamed!”

    Me: “Believe me, ma’am: I would prefer to have done this job myself, but I have no control over my position. They put me on cash because I happened to be a little better at it, and my coworker here does this all the time.”

    Customer: “This is not right! This is not right at all! A tall, bulky man like you should do the heavy lifting! Not this poor skin and bones over here!”

    Coworker: “Ma’am, I’m seriously okay with this. When women fought for equal rights long ago, they knew that this was going to happen. And I’m glad it did.”

    Customer: “But girls sh—”

    Coworker: “Girl power! That’s what it is!”

    Customer: “Alright fine, just load the d*** TV into the truck already.”

    (My coworker helps the customer with her TV. A few weeks later, the same customer is at my till once again, this time, to buy a couch.)

    Customer: “Alright, I know that a couple of weeks ago, that nice, young girl proved more than capable of doing this. But I still feel really bad for her, so can you get somebody else to help me?”

    Me: “Not a problem, ma’am, she isn’t even in today.”

    (This time, I call my manager to bring out the couch.)

    Manager: “Okay, ma’am, where are you parked?”

    (The customer takes a good look at my manager. Although my manager is a man, he very much looks like he is approaching his 70s.)

    Customer: “This whole store is backwards!” *stomps out*

    Manager: “What the h*** was her problem?”

    Me: “Equal opportunity employment, apparently.”

    Doing Right(click) By The Aged

    | Montreal, QC, Canada | Technology, Top

    (I work for a company that produces a word processing software, which I am supporting.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling technical support. Can I have your case number?”

    (The customer provides the information. Just by the voice, I know the customer is an older lady. Usually, this means a 45+ minutes call, just because of the technology challenges.)

    Me: “Could you right-click on the start button?”

    Customer: “Okay, I have programs, documents, settings—”

    Me: “That’s left-clicking. Could you please right-click on the start button?”

    Customer: “Okay, but I still get programs, documents, settings.”

    Me: “Could you describe to me, visually and step by step, what you are doing?”

    Customer: “I’m putting the mouse cursor over the right part of the word ‘start’, and I click.”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry; I was not clear. Is it possible for you to click using the right mouse button?”

    Customer: “What do you mean?”

    Me: “Okay, please pick up your mouse by the wire, and hold it up in the air.”

    Customer: “I feel stupid.”

    Me: “No, ma’am, you’re not. We’re all starting from different points. I’m a geek, so it’s normal if I’m a bit ahead of the curve, as far as this stuff goes. I just need to make sure that we’re on a level field, here.”

    Customer: “Okay, it’s in the air.”

    Me: “Great! Between your wire and your palm-resting are—”

    Customer: “What do you mean?”

    Me: “Okay, put it flat again, and put your hand on your mouse, as if to use it.”

    Customer: “Oh, I get it, the place where my palm is resting.”

    Me: “Exactly. Pick it up again. Between the wire and the palm-resting area, there is an area that is divided vertically. How many sections are there?”

    Customer: “Two”

    Me: “Great! Ma’am, I would like to formally introduce you to your left mouse button and your right mouse button. So when I ask you to right-click—”

    Customer: “You want me to use the right mouse button!”

    Me: “You’re a smart one!”

    (It turns out that the older lady is 96 years old. She was doing her shuffleboard association’s newsletter, and her software had become thoroughly corrupted and needed to be reinstalled. We spend over an hour and a half. This lady had seen the advent of movies, TV, color TV, had seen the Model T, saw the first planes, radio and all. When I will be 96 years old, I just hope I am as technologically savvy as she is!)

    Laptop Flop, Part 3

    | Sacramento, CA, USA | Crazy Requests, Money, Technology

    Me: “Hello, thank you for calling [store]! How may I help you?”

    Customer: “Yeah, my laptop that I bought from you guys a while ago got stolen. I need to get a copy of my receipt for insurance purposes.”

    Me: “Okay, no problem! What I need is the cred—”

    Customer: “What I’m going to give you is my name and phone number, and you see what you can find with that.”

    Me: “Ma’am, when we do receipt lookups, it’s processed at the register. I need you to bring in the card you paid with, and the UPC or item number of the laptop, if you happened to save those off the box.”

    Customer: “I don’t have any of that.”

    Me: “Well, do you have one of our rewards cards?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “Err… could you tell me what kind of laptop it was?”

    Customer: “I ALREADY SAID THAT!”

    Me: “If you did, I didn’t hear it ma’am. What was it?”

    Customer: “I already said it. But it was… tah-shibbia? Or… Toshi-bai-bah or something.”

    Me: “Toshiba.”

    (I wait for the customer to supply more information about the laptop, but she’s silent.)

    Me: “…and the model number?”

    Customer: “I DON’T HAVE THAT!”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, I really need at least that information so I could look up an item number. How about the month you purchased the laptop; do you have that?”

    Customer: “What month is this? Well, it isn’t April yet. So this month must be March. I bought it in November. Maybe it was around my birthday. Like if I bought myself a birthday present! Yeah, that must’ve been it.”

    (I wait for the customer to tell me when her birthday is.)

    Customer: “Anyway, you see what you can find with that, and call me back.”

    Me: “Ma’am, as I said before, I need to know what kind of lapt—”

    Customer: “No, look it up with my name. And if you can’t find it, you call me back and tell me exactly what you need, and I’ll get it for you.”

    Related:
    Laptop Flop, Part 2
    Laptop Flop

    Nothing You Can Say In Reply

    | Madison, WI, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    Caller: “Yes, I sent this request in to update the new rates weeks ago, and I still haven’t seen anything done about it!”

    Me: “Okay, how did you submit that information to us?”

    Caller: “I replied to the email from you people asking for the information of course!”

    Me: “You replied? Ma’am, we send emails from an unattended inbox called ‘Do Not Reply.’ Did you reply to donotreply@****.com?”

    Caller: “Yea, I suppose that was the email address. Why?”

    Me: “Well, first off, it’s from ‘Do Not Reply’ and in the email, it reiterates that this is an unattended inbox. It directs you to several other means of submitting that information with big bold letters that say ‘DO NOT REPLY.’”

    Caller: “Well how was I supposed to know that?!”

    Please Dial Down The Dumb

    | TN, USA | Extra Stupid, Money, Technology

    (I work customer service for a cell phone company.)

    Me: “How can I assist you today?”

    Customer: “Yeah, my friend bought me a tablet, but I keep getting this bill. Why?”

    Me: “I see that you’re using the Samsung Galaxy, right?”

    Customer: “I don’t know.”

    Me: “That’s okay; what you actually have is a smart phone. It’s like a touch screen computer you can make calls on, but it is a cell phone and comes with a monthly bill.”

    Customer: “You can’t make calls on this; it’s a computer! Stop billing me!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but do you see the green icon that looks like a phone on your screen? Tap that. What do you see?”

    Customer: “A keypad.”

    Me: “That’s how you make phone calls; you just dial the number.”

    Customer: “This proves nothing! I know a computer when I see one! This is a tablet, and I’m not paying anything!”


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