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    Category: Technology

    The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

    A Sign Of Things To Come

    | New Zealand | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I’m on my very first day of in-store training, going over the basics of what is done. My boss mentions that no matter how big or how close to your heads the signs are, customers will always ask us something that’s written on the signs.)

    Me: “They can’t really be that dense. Can they?”

    Boss: “You’d be surprised.”

    (A customer comes up to the counter just then and my boss takes over, as I don’t know my job well enough to serve yet.)

    Customer: “Hi. Can I put down a deposit for [game]?”

    Boss: “Sure thing!”

    Customer: “Great! When does it come out?”

    (There is a poster for this game literally ten centimeters to the right of his head hanging from the ceiling with the release date on it in emboldened letters, just like each of the ten posters for this game hung throughout the store.)

    Boss: “[Date].”

    Customer: “Oh, cool. Also, how much is [upcoming major console]?”

    (There is a very large wall poster for this console directly behind him, amidst a display of boxes for this console that also has the price in very large numbers.)

    Boss: “Console will be [price], though we’ve pre-sold out of the first two shipments.”

    Customer: “Okay, thanks a bunch!” *leaves*

    Me: “… That did not just happen.”

    Boss: “Get used to it. It happens.”

    Managed To Serve Them With No Charge

    | Hilleroed, Denmark | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I work at the service desk at a local electronics store. A customer walks up to the desk and lays his cellphone, complete with box, on the table.)

    Customer: “There’s a problem with this phone. I bought it yesterday and started charging it as soon as I got home.”

    Me: “Yes?”

    Customer: “Even after about four hours of charging, the phone still can’t switch on.”

    (I quickly grab the phone, plug in the charger and, sure enough, nothing happens. I remove the back of the phone and a light dawns on me. I open the box, grab the battery, place it in the phone and hands everything to the customer.)

    Me: “There you go. It should work now.”

    Customer: “Oh… uhm… Promise me you won’t tell anyone.”

    Me: “I honestly can’t promise that. You just made my entire week.”

    Putting The Ink Into Think

    | Edinburgh, Scotland, UK | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (We are the IT support for the British Army. Units not in our immediate area have to bring the equipment into our workshops for us to look at it. One day, we get a laptop printer brought in from a town quite a distance away. My workshop manager decides to look at it himself as it’s a slow day. The printer is picking paper up but not actually printing anything on it.)

    Manager: “Easiest job I think we’ve ever had. Would you contact the unit to send someone to pick it up?”

    Me: “What was the problem with it?”

    Manager: “The owner forgot to remove the plastic strip from the bottom of his new ink cartridge!”

    (The printer was returned with half a ream of test printouts which all read: ‘I must remove all packaging from the printer cartridges.’ The soldier who had to make two round trips of over 60 miles was not best pleased!)

    Towering Ignorance

    | NY, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology, Transportation

    (I work in tech support for cell phones. A coworker is having a conversation with a customer whose phone isn’t working.)

    Agent: “Okay! Have you tried checking out the settings on your phone? You may have turned those services off.”

    Customer: “No, I didn’t. Definitely didn’t do that.”

    Agent: “Hmm, I see! Well, you could always give our customer service department a quick call to see if something is up! How’s that sound?”

    Customer: “I’m at my cousin’s house and the elevation is very high so I made sure to turn ‘airplane mode’ on. It’s pissing me off that this isn’t working.”

    Agent: “Oh! Airplane mode is actually going to disable your phone from using those features. Take that off for me, please, and try again.”

    Customer: “Wow! Do you think I’m going to be fooled like that? You’re lying. How do people talk to each other on airplanes? DUH! Sucks when I know more than an employee…”

    Agent: “I’m not entirely sure what you mean. Could you elaborate, please? ”

    Customer: “Uhm, wow. I can’t believe I’m doing this: Airplane mode is for when you need to call someone while up high in the air to connect to satellites and stuff rather than towers. How do you think pilots and astronauts contact ground control? You’re a complete idiot. Goodbye.”

    Phone Support Leads To Rapport

    | USA | Technology

    (We have a website people use to generate leads for their business. Recently, a competitor has come into the market, undercutting us severely on price, but they provide no tech support and have a confusing interface. A long-time client of ours who has left us for the competitor calls in. I’m listening in as a manager on the call.)

    Customer: “Hi there. I have some questions.”

    Coworker: “I’m sorry. I thought you’d switched to [Competitor]. I’m glad you’ve come back to us!”

    Customer: “Oh, no. We still have [Competitor]‘s service. I was hoping you could help me with it. It’s confusing!”

    Coworker: “Are you asking me to help you figure out how to use our competitor’s product?”

    Customer: “Yes! I’m so lost, and you guys have always been so helpful!”

    Coworker: “I’m sorry, but I can’t support our competitor’s product. You’ll have to call them.”

    Customer: “Well they don’t have tech support. No one ever answers there! I don’t understand the product! You have to help me!”

    Coworker: “I’m sorry; I don’t have access to their products. I wouldn’t be able to answer your questions.”

    Customer: “Well what the h*** am I paying for then?”

    Coworker: “You’re not paying us anything, ma’am. You switched to [Competitor].”

    Customer: “This is ridiculous! What kind of service is this?”

    Coworker: “Better service than you get at [Competitor], I guess, since they don’t pick up the phone.”

    Customer: “Er, I, er… d*** it!” *hangs up*

    Me: “I should be annoyed that you sassed her, but that was awesome.”

    (They came back to us two months later!)

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