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    Category: Technology

    The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

    The Key(s) To Customer Service

    | Raleigh, NC, USA | Crazy Requests, Technology

    (I usually work the electronics department, but I’ve stepped into the main toy section to show a customer where an item is located. Another customer gets my attention.)

    Customer: “Can you tell me where [line of dolls] are?”

    Me: “I’m not familiar with those dolls, but if we do carry them, they’ll be in [aisle numbers].”

    Customer: “Well, the other girl said that you don’t have them!”

    Me: “We probably don’t, then. It’s been a very busy morning and we’re sold out of a lot of popular items.”

    Customer: “Can’t you look it up on that doodad of yours?”

    (The customer gestures at the set of keys in my hand, which have a large black magnetic key attached to them.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m afraid I don’t have my handheld scanner, but if you give me a moment I can go to the electronics department—”

    Customer: “No, that doodad in your hand!”

    Me: *as gently as possible* “Ma’am, these are my keys, not my handheld.”

    Customer: “I have had it with this store! This is the worst customer service! I will inform your manager that you refused to serve me!”

    (Later, my manager drops by.)

    Manager: “Did you try to help a very grumpy old woman?”

    Me: “Yeah, and she was mad that I couldn’t use my keys to look up an item.”

    Manager: “I’m not surprised. She complained about you, and then wanted me to help her find a doll in an ad. I pointed out that it was an ad for a competitor and that the doll was marked as that [Competitor]‘s exclusive item. She told me she’d just come from there and they didn’t have any more, so what was I going to do about it? I told her nothing, since we’re not [Competitor]. Last I saw she was leaving her cart and walking out of the store complaining about how employees these days have no sense of what customer service really means.”

    Being Careful With Words Is Now A Mute Point

    , | Tarpon Springs, FL, USA | Geography, Technology

    (I front the calls for an insurance call center. I’m on the phone with a customer, chit-chatting a little about the weather difference, since he is from California. I put my mic on mute while I try to see which agents are free to transfer the call to. In the meantime, I hear the customer talking to his friend in the background.)

    Friend: “What’s that about?”

    Customer: “Something about life insurance. But you should hear her. She sounds hot! I wish I had it on speaker. She sounded really hot! Like seriously, you should hear her! Too bad we’re on opposite ends of the country. She’s in Florida. I guess she just moved from Minnesota.”

    (The entire time I can feel myself turning red, and debate on letting him know I can hear him, but I decide it’s time.)

    Me: “Actually, from Michigan! But close!”

    Customer: “Oh, from Michigan!”

    (At this point you can hear the realization in his voice.)

    Customer: “Oh, crap! You can hear everything? Oh, jeez! You should warn people! Like ‘I’m going to put you on hold but I can still hear you’!”

    Me: “Yeah, but that would take out all the fun!”

    Customer: “Oh man, this is so embarrassing! Well, at least you know somebody thinks you sound hot!”

    (I could hear both him and his friend crack up. It made my day!)

    A Strange Site To Behold

    | GA, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]. How may I help you?”

    Caller: “Do you ship?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, off of our website.”

    Caller: “What is your website? I’ve been looking all over for it and I can’t find it.”

    Me: “May I ask how you got our number, ma’am?”

    Caller:  ”Off of your website.”

    Me: “But how could you get our number off of our website if you can’t find our website?”

    Caller:  *hangs up*

    (What a way to start the day…)

    Brain Unplugged

    | Canada | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (The caller is having a problem with his Internet connection that can be fixed by restarting the modem. He says he already did, and needs a tech to come out, but I can see the modem hasn’t been turned off in a very long time.)

    Me: “I’ll just have you unplug the modem for me right now, okay?”

    Caller: “Okay, it’s unplugged.”

    Me: “Okay, I can see the modem and it’s still online with us, so something else has been unplugged. It’s the skinny black wire coming out of the back of the modem. You can pull it right out of the back there; can you do that now for me please?”

    Caller: “Okay, it’s unplugged.”

    Me: “Are you sure? I can see it’s still online with us. Are there any lights lit up on the modem?”

    Caller: “Yeah, there’s a bunch and two of them are flashing.”

    Me: “Okay, well, the modem doesn’t have any batteries in there so it’s still getting power from somewhere. Can you please pull that skinny black cord right out of the back of the modem? It’ll pull right out.”

    Caller: “Yeah, it’s unplugged.”

    Me: “You pulled that skinny black cord out?”

    Caller: “Yeah, yeah, it’s unplugged.”

    Me: “And what are the lights doing?”

    Caller: “They’re the same. Still two flashing.”

    Me: “And you pulled out that cord, did you?”

    Caller: “Yeah, it’s unplugged!”

    Me: “That doesn’t seem possible for it to be getting electricity when it’s not plugged in.”

    (I can see perfectly well it’s still online and know he hasn’t unplugged it, but it’s not a type I can reboot from my end.)

    Caller: “Yeah, I told you. My Internet doesn’t work! Now can you please send me a tech?”

    Me: “Well, something certainly does seem to be wrong. The next appointment I have is in… three days.”

    Caller: “That’s fine. Thanks.”

    (I go ahead and book the tech, who will come out and get it online by unplugging it for a few seconds. For that, the caller has to wait for three days, when he could have just done what I told him to and been online again immediately!)

    Grand Theft Innocence, Part 10

    | France | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Technology, Underaged

    (I work in a video game store where you can give back old games to get a discount on other ones. It’s a slow day, and a somewhat older female customer comes to the counter.)

    Me: “Oh, hello, ma’am. What can we do for you?”

    Customer: “Well, I’ve found my son’s old educational games while dusting off shelves, and I’d like to buy him something new.”

    (I pass the games to a coworker, so she can check out prices and the disks’ states, while I help the customer with choosing a game.)

    Coworker: “Err, ma’am, there’s something wrong with the games.”

    Customer: “What?”

    (My coworker shows us the disks. It’s actually stuff like ‘GTA,’ ‘Call of Duty,’ ‘Saints Row’ and other 18-rated games.)

    Me: “How old is your son, ma’am?”

    Customer: “He’s 14… Why?”

    Coworker: “Well, those games are not for people under 18. Due to violence, nudi—”

    (The customer storms out, leaving the games on the counter. 15 minutes later, she comes back dragging her son by the arm and with the original boxes.)

    Customer: *to her son* “These. 18-rated games. Explain.”

    (The customer’s son explained that he asked a friend’s older brother to go and buy the games for him. His mother left us the 18-rated games and their boxes.)

    Related:
    Grand Theft Innocence, Part 9
    Grand Theft Innocence, Part 8
    Grand Theft Innocence, Part 7


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