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  • November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

    Category: Technology

    The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

    Accredited With Being Stupid

    | SC, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I work security and administrative actions at a government agency on Fort Jackson. Our agency, like most, has initials that are very similar to NCAA.)

    Me: *answering phone* “National Center for Credibility Assessment. My name is [My Name]. How can I help you today?”

    Caller: “Hi. This is probably going to be the stupidest question you answer all day.”

    Me: “Okay, go ahead.”

    (The caller then begins to go on about how she is in need of taking accredited classes for her physical trainer courses and she needed to know how to go about getting those classes.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I am not entirely sure you called the right place. This is a polygraph school.”

    Caller: “Right, so how would I go about being accredited? Can you direct me to another department?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, the only thing we do with any physical education is within the first two weeks of the polygraph course, when the students get college level anatomy.”

    Caller: “Well, your website brags about being NCCA accredited.”

    Me: “No, ma’am, I assure you it does not. I think you are tying to—”

    Caller: “You are NCCA right?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, but we don’t offer the courses you would need to physical therapy. I think you mean NCAA.”

    Caller: *legitimately confused* “I don’t understand.”

    Me: “This is the NCCA, the polygraph school. You may need to revisit the website and try a number within the site.”

    Caller: “But I was just on your site. YOU accredit people.”

    Me: “Ma’am, will you go back to the site you visited?”

    Caller: *heavy sigh* “Okay”

    Me: “Now will you read for me the letters at the top of the page?”

    Caller: “NCAA… Ooh.”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, the initials are very close but you do in fact have the wrong number.”

    Caller: “I am sorry I wasted your time; I will search another number.”

    Me: “Okay, thank you, have a great day.”


    (The lady calls back again and when I answer she begins to complain that I lied to her to get out of doing my job. I walk her through the NCAA website to find a number for the courses she is interested in. She then begins dialing the number with me still on the phone. When they answer this is all I hear…)

    Caller: “ACCREDIT ME, YOU A**-HOLE!”

    Taxing Faxing, Part 16

    | SC, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Law Firm]; this is [My Name].”

    Client: “I need to speak to [My Boss].”

    Me: “I’m sorry, she is on the phone. May I help you?”

    Client: “No, I really need her.”

    Me: “Okay. She may be a minute. Are you sure I can’t help you?”

    Client: “No, I need her fax number. I’ll hold for her.”

    Me: “Uh, I can give that to you.”

    Taxing Faxing, Part 15
    Taxing Faxing, Part 14
    Taxing Faxing, Part 13

    You’re Only Free To Leave

    | Bridgeport, CT, USA | Crazy Requests, Technology

    Me: “Hi there, welcome to [Store]. How can I help you today?”

    Customer: “I would like to return this. It works fine. Just don’t want it anymore.”

    Me: “Okay, let me just take a quick at the receipt see how you paid. Oh… I’m sorry, sir, this is three months outside of the return policy. I won’t be able to take it back. Is it defective?”

    Customer: “What? No. So? It works. Where does it say the return policy?”

    Me: “Here, there, there, and it was emailed to you. I can’t take it back being so outside the return policy and it being opened.”

    Customer: “I am never shopping here again!”

    Me: “Okay… sorry to hear that.”

    Customer: “I will accept a free store credit for the trouble so I can buy a charger.”

    Me: “No, I can’t give you a free store credit; I’m sorry.”

    Customer: “This is just ridiculous! I can’t believe I can’t get free stuff here!”

    Networking Not Working

    | Denver, CO, USA | Technology

    (I work in the electronics department of a store. Each of us there has some expertise in what we sell, but we aren’t required to be walking encyclopedias of the entire department. A woman and her husband walk up to me to ask a question.)

    Woman: “Excuse me.”

    Me: “Yes, how may I help you?”

    Woman: “I’d like to buy a wifi router.”

    Me: *gestures at aisle* “They’re right down that way, miss.”

    (Woman remains where she is, glaring at me.)

    Me: “Was there something else?”

    Woman: “Aren’t you going to give me any suggestions or help me set it up?”

    Me: *smiles sheepishly* “Well, I would, miss, but I don’t really know how to set up a wifi network.”

    Woman: *getting irritated* “You’ve never set up a wifi network before?”

    Me: “Nope.”

    Woman: “And you’re working in electronics?”

    Me: “Yup.”

    Woman: “How can you not know how to set up a wifi network?”

    Me: “Never done it before.”

    Woman: *not bothering to conceal her irritation at this point* “So how can you work in the electronics department if you don’t even know how to set up a wifi network?”

    Me: *shrugs* “I don’t know, but I also work over in fabrics. Would it surprise you to know that I can’t stitch a quilt?”

    (The woman was speechless, and her husband doubled over laughing.)

    Suffering From Bad Graphics

    | Conway, AR, USA | Crazy Requests, Technology

    Client: “I need a logo designed for a girl’s camp and would like it to be on fire with a dragon blowing the logo out of his mouth.”

    Me: “Okay, well, let’s start with the logo and get it designed, then work on the dragon after a logo has been picked. What colors would you like?”

    Client: “I don’t know. I will get back to you on that.”

    Me: “Okay. I will start some samples and wait on you to tell me what colors you want before I send you any samples.”

    Client: “Okay, thanks.”

    (Three hours later:)

    Client: “Where are my logos? If you don’t have anything ready I will go in another direction.”

    Me: “Did you decide on your colors?”

    Client: “No.”

    Me: “Well, I can not send you a logo to select from if you have not decided on colors, unless you want them in black and white?”

    Client: “No, I want them in purple and orange!”

    Me: “Ok, I will add those colors and send you five selections of what you described you wanted.”

    Client: “Okay.”

    (Ten minutes after sending samples:)

    Client: “What is this? I want a true designer not clip art pictures! I’m using someone else!”

    Me: “Sorry if I misinterpreted what we discussed. What were you expecting?”

    Client: “Not fake font and fake flames! I want the real thing, like a photograph, DUH!”

    Me: “Sorry… I am not a photographer. Everything I do is drawn on the computer.”

    Client: “YES, I KNOW! So draw a photograph of what I want!”

    Me: “Sir, I am not drawing you a photograph I agreed to do a logo for $120, not a photograph. If you want a photograph drawn that will be charged by the hour and will take a few days.”

    Client: “You are dismissed! I would like to formally fire you. Let me talk to your boss so they will fire you!”

    Me: “I own this company so I am the boss.”

    Client: “Then you BETTER give me what you promised for what I paid!”

    Me: “Sir, you never paid anything. We don’t accept payment until the job is complete.”

    Client: “This is ridiculous! I’m going another direction!”