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    Category: Technology

    The realm of Technical Support is there to provide expert assistance to those who are not so tech-savvy. Although they still expect you to know what a computer is, and how to turn it on, and to know that you can’t ‘fix the internet’ because it isn’t pretty enough. You have been warned…

    Unable To Channel The Caller

    | Canada | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I work tech support for the Internet part of a company that also provides cable TV and cell phones, so sometimes we get calls meant for other departments. When that happens, we just transfer them over. One day I get a call from an older, heavily-accented caller.)

    Me: “Thanks for choosing [Company] Internet tech support. What can I do for you today?”

    Customer: “My weather network, and the news, and, uh… it no work!”

    Me: “Your Internet isn’t working?”

    Customer: “No! Not Internet. TV! My weather channel isn’t working! And the news channel!”

    Me: “Oh, your cable TV isn’t working!”

    Customer: “”Right!”

    Me: “I’m sorry to hear that! Well, you’ve reached Internet tech support, so let me get you right over to cable TV repair, and they’ll be able to look into that for you. Before I get you to them, do you have any Internet questions for me while you have me here?”

    Customer: “Yes!”

    Me: “Yes?”

    Customer: “My weather channel isn’t working!”

    Me: “Okay, well, then, let me get you right over to cable TV repair then. This will just put you back into hold while I get you to them. There may be just a brief wait–”

    Customer: “Wait!”

    Me: “Yes?”

    Customer: “My news channel isn’t working!”

    Me: “Well, that’s still on your TV, so let’s get you right over to the right department–”

    Customer: “Wait!”

    Me: “Yes?”

    Customer: “My weather channel isn’t working either!”

    Me: “Okay, well-let-me-get-you-right-over-to-the-right-guys-they’ll-be-with-you-in-just-a-sec-bye!” *hits transfer button*

    It’s Better Than Just Using ‘Password’

    | Malvern, PA, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (Working on an internal IT help desk, we have a customer who calls once to twice a week because he has forgotten his password to the network or custom programs.)

    Customer: “My d*** computer is broken again!”

    Coworker: “Okay, [Customer], are you having trouble getting into the computer or into a program?”

    Customer: “I can’t do anything! I type in my password and the d*** thing won’t take it!”

    Coworker: “Okay, I’ll reset your password.”

    (I reset the password and leave it blank, as usual).

    Coworker: “All right, I’ve reset your password. Go ahead and try to log in now.”

    Customer: “What should I use for a password?”

    Coworker: “No password.”

    Customer: “Is there a space in that or is it all one word?”

    Time To Close The Door On This One

    | WA, Australia | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I work in the IT Department for another company. Most of the support we do is over the phone but we occasionally have people drop their computer in for repair. My desk is next to a window which gives a clear view of the office parking lot from the first floor.)

    Me: “IT Helpdesk. [My Name] speaking.”

    Customer: “Hi, I need to drop my laptop off to be fixed. Can you come down and get it? I’m in the parking lot.”

    Me: “Sure thing. I’m a bit busy right now but if you just leave it at reception, I’ll come down and grab it later.”

    Customer: “Okay. How do I get into the building?”

    (At this point I look out the window. I can see the customer on his phone standing in the parking lot. Directly behind him is the entrance to the building, with our company name on a sign above it.)

    Me: “Through the front door?”

    Upside Down Line

    | SC, USA | Bizarre, Technology

    (I work at an allergist’s office. This afternoon I got an unusual call.)

    Me: “[Doctor]’s office, can I help you?”

    Caller: “mmhmfffmfffmnmumblemumble”

    Me: “I’m having a hard time understanding you. I think there might be some kind of interference on the line.”

    Caller: “…I’m holding the phone the wrong side up again, aren’t I?”

    High On Siridipity

    | Belleville, ON, Canada | Bizarre, Technology

    (I am working as a tech support agent for a major tech company, enjoying the slow part of the day, when a call comes it. It starts off normal enough, but gets strange rather quickly.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Tech Company]. How can I help you today?”

    Customer: “Yeah, man, my device won’t stop talking to me.”

    Me: *can hear Siri talking in the background* “All right, I can certainly see what I can do to help you out with that.”

    (I pull up his device’s information and see that it has no extended warranty, just the complimentary 90-day time period that is about to run out.)

    Me: “All right, sir. Before we begin, would you be interested in purchasing our extended warranty?”

    Customer: “What’s that?”

    Me: *explain the details of the extended warranty*

    Customer: “Yeah, man, sounds good if I need it to stop her from talking.”

    Me: “Er… well, you don’t need it right now, but it’s a good idea to have it.”

    Customer: “If I need it for today, go ahead and set it up, man. I just… I just want to kill her so she’ll stop talking.”

    (It is at this point I realize that the customer is rather high.)

    Me: “Er… did you just say you want to kill Siri?”

    Customer: “Yeah, man. She won’t shut up. I want to kill her.”

    Me: “You mean turn her off?”

    Customer: “No, I want to kill her.”

    Me: “O-Okay, tell you what. You stay on the line. I’ll get my senior advisor on the line. He’s better suited to help you with this… situation.”

    Customer: “Okay, man. Whatever you say.”

    (I grabbed one of my senior advisors and explained the situation to him. He started laughing. I told him I was looking forward to reading the notes on the call and transferred the customer on over. I looked back at the notes later and they went as follows.)

    Notes:

    -Customer transferred over to me.

    -Customer states that he wants to kill Siri.

    -Suggest that we shut off Siri; attempt to guide customer through the steps.

    -Customer has trouble following my steps.

    -Customer proudly proclaims that Siri is now speaking Finnish.

    -Recommend to Customer that we change Siri’s language back to English.

    -Customer not willing to cooperate, wants to kill Siri.

    -Recommend that he sleep the rest of the night and give us a call back the next morning.

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